RF kid kicking sibling

bnsnyde · Jun 5, 2013

Ever have the perfect seat set up, until you add the kids? What did you do for kicking sibs?

2-year-old was RF in a Radian, middle seat of 3rd row of Odyssey. Felt so safe!!
Well...
3-year-old was FF (43", 42 lbs.) next to him in Radian. 2-year-old (38", 32 lbs. and he just turned 2) would kick sib's face and eyes. They both screamed and hit the whole way. I could NOT do this anymore.

So I switched 3-year-old to a Securekid 300 (the Radian was below his shoulders due to headrest slippage; I'd had enough). And I moved 2-year-old outboard to an Advocate (he might not fit by height long but the front to back room was ideal over the Radian).

Newborn, plus boostered 5 and 6-year-olds remain in second row (easy access to school drop-off).

Not sure how I feel about the new set-up yet. Now NO other person can fit in the 3rd row, and the plan was an adult would ride back there on the upcoming 7 hour roadtrip to keep 2YO happy, and we'd always have an extra seat if needed for whatever. Now, nope.

Mom suggested turn 2YO FF. He could have stayed in the middle in the Radian and an adult would still fit...but for now we're able to keep RF. He is so tall I don't feel there are too many options. But for now, this is the new set-up. On a carseat high from the effort it took to do all this, lol. What a workout! And I'm not supposed to exercise until my 6 week checkup.

MommyShannon · Jun 5, 2013

My whole set up is completely based on who sits by whom too and being able to see the DVD screen. The kids rode the bus this year so that helped open possibilities. I have to keep my rf 3year old (2nd row seat moved center) away from my 5 year old (now 3rd row center). They still kick at each other and push the 2nd row armrests up and down, but its better. The 3 yo has to be in the 2nd row so she can look up backwards at the dvd screen. I had to separate my 5 and 7 year olds who were in the 3rd row since they practically killed each other getting in. I can't put them one behind the other either or its like one is vulnerable prey. So, the baby is now in the 3rd row outboard beside the 5 yo which actually helps a lot if the baby gets fussy on the drive. She likes to be able to see another kid and a good game of peek a boo. Its a bit of a pain but not too bad to load her back there and rides are much better. That put 7 year old (well 8 this month) in 2nd row where much to her delight, I will let her use her Olli full time. This has worked out well since she just broke her arm and needs help buckling. Oy

For you, I'd move a booster or the baby to the back just for the trip. It drives DH batty, but I almost always rearrange seats before a trip.

bnsnyde · Jun 5, 2013

Your kids are almost the same age as mine. So you understand how CRAZY it is going anywhere when they out to destroy each other! My set-up had to take so much into consideration it made my head spin.

I shoved an Advocate into the third row through the trunk. It must have looked pretty crazy. I was, once again, upside down.

Baby does well next to 5-year-old girl, who also plays peek a boo or puts in a paci.

And the kid who will be 7 fits in the 3-year-old's harnessed seat, so it's good to have options. And the baby will fit the Advocate soon, so not just the toddler.

fyrfightermomma · Jun 5, 2013

Yup. I feel your pain. When I got my new car Joey went forward facing for the exact same reason. Now they still fight but at least Joey isn't kicking them in the face and throwing crap at them :-/

Dorothy · Jun 5, 2013

Ugh! I have a ffer and rfer side-by-side, and the fighting has me pulling my hair out. I've rearranged seats, entertained the idea of getting my ffer a new seat with more SIP (a ProSport, perhaps), and thought about just having them both ffing. We're still toughing it out, but I honestly don't for how much longer.

cupcakepirate11 · Jun 5, 2013

I will say rf or ff they WILL find ways to torture each other it's not a which seat puzzled together prevents it.

I would:
2nd row- second oldest that gets along with baby driver outboard, newb middle. 2yo passenger rf outboard in britax, should hopefully not be able to touch newb if not put the 3yo there

3rd row- oldest kid drivers side for easy exit, 3yo or 2yo middle seat. Passenger outboard free for adult

jsta1005 · Jun 5, 2013

We rarely have kicking in the car but sometimes it does happen!

If someone will be riding in the back for your upcoming trip, wouldn't they be able to help control the kicking?

MommyShannon · Jun 5, 2013

Yep, totally get it. I can't imagine adding a 5th right now. Its a miracle we get anywhere. I went so far as to take the 7 year olds booster out and put a RA55 in the 2nd row for the baby whenever I went places during the day while the older kids were in school so I didn't have to load the 3rd row.

Athena · Jun 6, 2013

What do you do? If you really want to know, you teach them that hitting is unacceptable. If my kids hit each other even once, the car would be pulled over and there would be consequences (nonviolent consequences ... don't want you to get the wrong idea). For example, if we were going somewhere fun, we would no longer go.

stephpook · Jun 6, 2013

I feel your pain! I FF'ed my now 4-year old at just over 3.5 because he was kicking his baby sister when they were both RF'ing side by side in the middle row of my Ody.

mom of six · Jun 7, 2013

I've had this trouble too. My 2 yo son used to kick his 10 & 12 yo sisters in the chest (OUCH). I read about one mama who used to tie her kids shoes together so he couldn't kick very far. Might frustrate him more but it will take a while for him to get the shoes fixed...

bnsnyde · Jun 7, 2013

Well, I solved the kicking problem, but created another.
It's really hard for the kids to dive in headfirst to the 3rd row, lol.

The 2-year-old has fits about getting in his seat, and my trying to force him (I've got to help load 5 kids so we don't have time for battles in dangerous parking lots!) resulted in his sort of dropping headfirst into the trunk, then my physically putting him in his seat over the bench. It was quite difficult. The 3-year-old is no trouble but he got stuck climbing in. We must have looked like quite a sight! We also have sometimes 10 in and out trips a day between all the kids to activities in the summer, with no time to dawdle. So, easy loading is key. Though I realize those days are gone.

I am not above removing my son's captain's chair booster if he's not around for the day due to camp, etc. and sticking in a RF seat for 2-year-old there, so I can actually PUT him into the seat. But, at 38 inches with a long torso he won't fit most RF seats for long. And, he just turned 2! (Installing a Radian a few times a day would not be an option).

Well, we all made it back from a trip out today!

I should add the 2-year-old does not wear shoes. Every time he does in the car, he removes them and they get lost sometimes between seats. He's such a stinker in parking lots I've been putting him right into the stroller and just carrying the newborn in her carseat. We never go anywhere he actually has to walk. It's mainly just picking up kids, etc.

bnsnyde · Jun 7, 2013

OK, so I just tried this. Totally soft, inflatable pet stairs tightly wedged in there. They do actually work OK!

MommyShannon · Jun 7, 2013

Oh, the stairs are a good idea! Yeah, I can imagine loading an uncooperative 2 year old back there is nearly impossible. My daughter is in a Clek Olli in a captains chair now and it lets me flip the seat forward with it. That comes in handy too. Yeah, I'm just installing a Britax when I want the baby in the 2nd row, not a radian.

Athena said:
What do you do? If you really want to know, you teach them that hitting is unacceptable. If my kids hit each other even once, the car would be pulled over and there would be consequences (nonviolent consequences ... don't want you to get the wrong idea). For example, if we were going somewhere fun, we would no longer go.

Oh, if only it were that easy. The kickers are normally 2 or 3 years old rf. A difficult age and often they are being carted around from place to place for the older kids. Yes, if my big kids hit each other they get in trouble but the fighting isn't typically on the way somewhere fun. Its when we've already had a long day and they are likely grumpy b/c I didn't buy them something or other at the store I dragged them through. Then DS dares to climb in before DD and block her path and the world falls apart. My 3 year old can be down right mean to my 5 and 7 year olds. Now she is getting old enough for "consequences", but stopping the behavior outright is a process in the works. It just gets crazy when you cram all these kids in a small space and then drive to some boring place or drive to pick up tired kids from school. At least in my case, its just a matter of positioning everyone where they will be happiest. They all like their spots now and are sitting by their preferred sibling. It just means I load a baby through the back.

It is a sight loading that way. Some of my friends were laughing that it looked like I stuck her in the trunk. I'm just waiting for someone to call the police when they think that's what I did.

christineka · Jun 8, 2013

Interesting... When I had trouble with this years ago, I was chastised for not parenting my child properly... (Because apparently a bunch of strangers can see all I do through what I report in text via internet.) Anyway, I did the discipline thing and that combined with staggering seats worked for the most part. If kids were fighting close to home, I'd pull over and make them walk. (I'm talking around the corner and 1/4 of a block.) In the middle of no civilization, I'd pull over and refuse to move until the fighting ceased. Rearranging kids and staggering seats had the most effect. In my van I can stagger the second row seats so that rfing kid on outboard seat really can't get to middle kid. or vice versa.

brelza · Jun 8, 2013

Yup we went through it. It lasted about a month but no longer happens. I guess my 2y/o thought it was no longer fun. Good luck. My only advice is to just keep trying different ways to see what works best for you

leighi123 · Jun 8, 2013

I have issues with T kicking in the car, and I don't have the option of moving seats, as the set up I have when I have all 3 is the only thing that fits (Multi-tech, RF XTSL, FF RXT).

I take Levi and T's shoes off, and turn the radio up on a station they don't like (super loud classical music or something). T kicks both boys, they all scream and yell, and I ignore them all, and eventually they all get bored of that and start singing, repeating obnoxious phrases, or playing some sort of weird game. When they stop, I turn the radio to a normal volume on the kids station.

Without shoes, T can't do too much actual damage to the boys, and neither of them can reach to retaliate too badly, and they all figured out that I'm not going to do anything. I let them work it out, and its way faster than me telling them to stop (while someone is crying/yelling), or pulling over making the trip longer...

Its a headache, but I've learned to tune it out.

Dorothy · Jun 12, 2013

MommyShannon said:
Oh, if only it were that easy. The kickers are normally 2 or 3 years old rf. A difficult age and often they are being carted around from place to place for the older kids. Yes, if my big kids hit each other they get in trouble but the fighting isn't typically on the way somewhere fun. Its when we've already had a long day and they are likely grumpy...

Yes! I pull over when there's a safe place, but there's often no handy spot where we drive. I have tried telling them they'll lose a privilege at our destination, but this usually happens on our way home at the end of the day. Supper and bedtime aren't bargaining chips, ya know?

OP, those stairs are awesome!

RF kid kicking sibling

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