Jacket in carseat/MIL/I hate confrontations!

2BunniesMommy

Well-known member
MIL likes to have my girls for a few hours on Sundays. It took awhile but she did get to where I felt I could trust her with car seats. She used to say that we were hurting DD because it was too tight etc. She has come along way and I am ususally even good with her install.

Anyway, onto today.

Both DDs have a puffy jacket and it was cold enough to need them today. DD2 was not feeling well and was really sleepy all day and DH had to carry her in from MILs car when she brought them home.

I noticed she was in her puffy jacket but didn't want to say anything right then (hate confrontation). After MIL left I asked DH if she was wearing it in the car seat or if she put in on after He had no idea. I asked DD1 and she said " I told Grammy it wasn't safe but she wouldn't listen to me and said it was safer because it had more padding."

UGH!!!

So, I have to bring this up to her and I am stressing about it.
 
ADS

Athena

Well-known member
[HUGS] I have lots of sympathy for you. I hate being in that situation too.

Glad nothing happened and that she's safe. Good for her for speaking up!
 

canadiangie

New member
Do you live in California? How cold was it today? I'm confused. And maybe a little dumb. Isn't CA fairly warm even when it's cold?

My point being, could your kids have layered up a bit and gone without a coat? Or layered up and wore fleece?
 

jujumum

Well-known member
I would skip the confrontation and just not send them with their puffy coats.

Me, too. I've never been able to convince my parents or IL of anything, ever.

If it is cold enough for a puffy coat, perhaps two thinner jackets and some hearty layers would keep them as warm.
 

BananaBoat

Well-known member
Me, too. I've never been able to convince my parents or IL of anything, ever.

If it is cold enough for a puffy coat, perhaps two thinner jackets and some hearty layers would keep them as warm.

That. We're in eternal winter up here in Boston & my kids don't own puffy coats. We layer. And usually they complain of being hot.
 

jacqui276

New member
I would skip the confrontation and just not send them with their puffy coats.

That would probably be what I would do as well. I could sit there for hours explaining to my mom why a puffy coat is a bad idea and I still don't think that she would get it.
 

Athena

Well-known member
Sounds like MIL needs to go on probation for a while. If she can't respect your rules, no visits. Sorry, that sucks.

I was thinking this, but not sure whether to say it. It's your decision, but you'd certainly be justified. If it were me, I'd be really upset that she didn't listen when your DD spoke up.

I would skip the confrontation and just not send them with their puffy coats.

Or this. Either way, I'd try to avoid sending puffy coats if she doesn't get it. Do you live in a colder part of CA. I think some people who live in the dinky little states don't get how big and varied some states are, but even in the cold, you can usually layer enough, especially if they aren't having any serious outdoor activities (e.g. sledding) while in her care.

I hope it works out.
 

Stelvis

New member
The thing is, Grandma doesn't have to understand why puffy coats are an issue. It's irrelevant. All she has to understand is that they're your children and it's your rule. The why is unimportant. If she's willfully disregarding your rules with this, I'm guessing its not the only issue you have with her. Even worse in my mind is that she directly contradicted your daughter, who was trying to speak up for herself and your rules, and made your daughter feel bad about it. That would be my hill to die on. It's not even about the car seats.
 

LISmama810

Admin - CPS Technician
If it had been previously stated that the kids shouldn't wear coats in the car, then yes, I'd agree that grandma should have a "probation." Unless I missed it, though, I didn't see where that was stated.

The kid saying she wasn't safe...well, for someone who doesn't get the "no coats in car seat" thing, it could just sound like a kid being silly and spouting nonsense.

I agree that you either send the kids without puffy coats, or tell her to buckle them in without the coats and give them to them to use as blankets. I don't see a need for reprimands from this past incident. Just address it on a case-by-case basis going forward.
 

Baylor

New member
I would not confront her. I would take the blame for not having them in the right coats for the car. While she may be learning, I would not expect her to understand the whole concept. Also in me sending the coats, it is almost like telling her it is okay.

My kids have many coats. Big puffy coats for outside, fleece coats, and also a winter coat that seems puffy but it not. I don't have to change the harness to go from fleece to that coat.

So in this account, I would take the blame and make sure to have the kids appropriately dressed for car seats and weather from now on. You said her usage has gotten better so she is trying.
Don't punish the kids with time from granny. Make it easier for her to follow the rules.
 

gigi

New member
I would explain the issue to grandma in a non confrontational way and then NEVER send inappropriate carseat clothing again. If it isn't safe to wear in the harness, it doesn't go with them to grandma's.
 

hedgefun

New member
I would explain the issue to grandma in a non confrontational way and then NEVER send inappropriate carseat clothing again. If it isn't safe to wear in the harness, it doesn't go with them to grandma's.

This is what I'd do as well, unless we already explained it to her and she disregarded what we asked her to do.
 

2BunniesMommy

Well-known member
I had typed up a long post and the computer ate it. Hadn't felt like doing it again until now.

I do live in California and not even in a cold part, but it does get super windy and it was colder than usual last week. It is nearly 80 today, go figure.

Anyway, they have never had puffy jackets before, they both wanted them this year so when Kmart marked them down pretty cheap, I went ahead and got them. On that note, I don't think it has ever been discussed that they are not ok in seats, since all previous jackets were not an issue.

I am peeved that she dismissed DD's concerns though, she knows DD1 would likely know what she was talking about rather than just crazy kid talk.
 

2BunniesMommy

Well-known member
Forgot to say that I am at work when she takes the kids and they are not awake when I leave for work, so I actually didn't send the jackets.

Probably a non issue now until next winter anyway. LOL. Don't expect them to need any tomorrow.
 

bakinlove

New member
I can't even get my DH to understand that puffy coats in the seats are a no-no! Thankfully, he is a pretty good listener though and if I remind him he listens. Maybe you could make a little card of car seat rules for Grammie and she could keep it in the car. Like "no puffy coats in our seats, straps always at or above our shoulders, and make sure you can't pinch an inch in our harness!" It sounds like she wants to do what is right just does not always know what that is. Good luck!
 

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