bff wants me to turn her 20month old, what to do?

my bff wants me to turn her 20month old's MR ff today. I gave her all the info, told her why it's best to rf, told her about Joel, and that I will rf my niece til her 4gth bday she said "poor kid", and I said I wish someone had told me how important rfing is, that I don't want what's best for her dd. and I told her that I don't feel comfortable doing the install. she said she understands, and will "try to figure it out" on her own. She said she "needs" to turn her because her knees now are bent and she puts up a huge fight getting her in her seat, and of course she said "20 months is kinda close to 2 years". I told her it's ok for her knees to be bent, and that she probably will still fight her ff. DH says I should refuse to do it. I thought that maybe it's better to have a proper ff install, then her try to do it herself. This is the same woman who installed her dd's back up scenera ff with the vehicle belt strapped over the seat because she couldn't figure out how to install it. If is was your bff what would you do?

I would absolutely help my friend.

As long as it was legal, I'd help her.

You've done all you can do to educate her. It is ultimately her decision and if she is still choosing to FF I would absolutely want to ensure the child is at least in a properly installed seat. From the sounds of it, without your help, it would likely not be installed correctly.

thank you! I of course am concerned about her being ff, but I had also thought "at least she'll have a good install" DH said *maybe* if I refuse to turn her seat then she'll just leave it rf, but she said she's positive she's turning her. Best of 2 evils, I guess. thank you!

If you are not a tech, make sure you don't do the install FOR her. Explain it to her, show her how to, yes absolutely. But make her do it herself so she knows for one thing and so it won't be a liability for you.

And yes, even though I don't agree with her choice, if she's going to FF no matter what you say, better for her to be doing it correctly.

The parent gets to make the choice. I will help anyone as long as what they're doing is not illegal (I don't want that liability). My best friend has HORRID car seat usage. She knows what I do, she knows where I work, yet chooses to make decisions that are not necessarily in line with "best practice". It used to bother me a lot, but at the end of the day, that's her right as a parent even if I don't agree with it.

I did some of it (she just had a baby, and is still sore), she hooked the latch clips and tt, I tightened the belt (she had a hard time getting into a good position to pull on the latch belt to get it tight enough) but I explained everything to her, and she asked a lot of questions, which I thought was a good thing. She also asked how to use a locking clip because she did research and found out that she needs one in her DH's car, I was impressed that she took the time to find that out. So I showed her how to do an install with a locking clip. I also showed her how to move the harness up to higher slots and told her how to know when her dd outgrows this seat, and we talked about suggestions for which seat for dd1 to use when dd2 needs the mr. So, in the end, it ended up being pretty productive. I know she's not disregarding her dd's safety, just trying to make life easier, and she was rfed longer than a lot of kids. The only thing I wasn't sure about as far as the install was the vehicle head rest. she has an 05 santa fe, and it sticks out forwards and left a big gap between the ff mr and the vehicle seat back so I took the head rest off, and the mr fit much better. the top of the mr is about 1/4" over the top of the vehicle seat back. Is that ok?

You don't need the head rest on for a FFing harnessed seat, only with some boosters. I'm glad she asked for help at least!

Phineasmama said:

You don't need the head rest on for a FFing harnessed seat, only with some boosters. I'm glad she asked for help at least!

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thanks for confirming that, I was 99% sure, just wanted to check. I was very excited that she had so many questions, I'm not a CPST (though hope to be able to find time to once DD starts school) but my bff knows I do a lot of research so I'm glad she was interested in learning more
I also installed her snugride base, which I'm glad I realized it was in the back and offered to install it, especially after she told me that she hasn't had it installed (because she *knew* she would do it wrong,I told her you don't need the base) and one day she forgot to secure the bucket in with the belt, and driving down the street dd1 told her the baby was sliding around . new mom brain I guess. She said she feels much better now about taking the girls out of the house!

Phineasmama said:

You don't need the head rest on for a FFing harnessed seat, only with some boosters. I'm glad she asked for help at least!

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Sometimes you do - if the vehicle manufacturer instructs you to keep the head rest on, or raise it and then route the tether and then lower it, then you need to keep it on. If the manual is silent on the issue then I am fine with taking them off, or if the manual gives the option to remove for better fit then of course also fine with that. Make sure to stow it somewhere so it's not a projectile.

I don't know specifically what Hyundai's rules are, what did the manual say?