at what point am I just wasting my breathe?

I babysit my 2 month old niece, her parents got her an embrace 35, which I hate, but that's another story. They insist on her wearing this big huge bulky snowsuit in her CR, and because of it the harness is insanely loose. I've explained to them how dangerous it is and even tried to demonstrate. I put my niece in the snowsuit, snapped her in the harness as tight as I could make it, then simply held onto the shoulders of the snowsuit and lifted her right out of the harness without unbuckling it, it was that loose around her body. I then took the snow suit off of her, put her in the harness without making tighter than it was set to fit with the snow suit, and buckled it up. The harness was serving no point, it hung off her. They said "oh, but the snow suit holds her in" I did take it upon my self to move the harness up to a higher slot once she was even with it, and that at least seemed to keep the harness above her shoulder rather than down at her elbows, but at least that opened the conversation about "AT or below" while RF. I've also told them many times that the carry handle for that seat needs to be all the way front ( and explained that in the front position it even kind of acts like anti-rebound, and the potential benefits of that) or moved to the back of the seat. They still put the seat in with the handle in the carry position. I've been telling them several times a week since she was born how dangerous it is to use a CR improperly, they just shrug it off and say "but it's cold" or , "if it wasn't safe to have the handle they wouldn't make them with handles". I've told them that when I take her out in my car she will not be wearing the snowsuit, that a hat, a cotton outfit, and a folded receiving blanket on her lap is adequate and safe. That if it's windy or raining I will drape a heavier blanket over the bucket while she is outside to block the elements. And that I will always put the handle into a safe position. They said that I can do what I feel is best, and they will do as they feel is best. At what point am I just to stop repeating myself? I hate to think that if I stop nagging them and she gets hurt I will feel terrible, but if I continue to bring it up they may just stop listening to my advice at all. My brother is more receptive to advice than my SIL, so I talk to him more than her, and say "this is not safe because _____maybe you could mention it your wife too" And he says he will, but neither of them do anything different. I don't know what to do.

If it were my brother, I would ask him if he would like his daughter to survive a crash or die in a crash. I'm pretty blunt with him though, and that works. I would tell him I wasn't criticizing his parenting skills or his wife's, just that I love my niece and want to see her survive a crash should she ever be in one.

I know you are very concerned for your niece, as anyone would be, but it seems like you've done enough. They have the right information from you, but you can't force them to execute it. Continuing to nag them every time you see them will just cause them to ignore you now and in the future. You may need them to listen to you come convertible seat time, booster time, etc. so don't wear out their ears now by repeating yourself over and over. It's frustrating, but I really think you'll just make it worse if you keep correcting them constantly. Give them some space, and then who knows, maybe they will decide to change their tune in time. I hope they will take your advice to heart.

thanks for the advice. Wed. I told him while he was putting her snowsuit that I was genuinely concerned about, but he's her dad, so I"m not going to mention it anymore, but I'm available for any advice on anything they may want. I noticed when he left he moved the handle to the proper position (I guess I got through) but my SIL still doesn't, but it's an improvement. Then yesterday she wouldn't stop screaming (she's cutting teeth), so I put her in her seat, and started swinging her in it (I hate to have her in her seat outside of the car but my brother was going to be picking her up in 10 minutes), she fell right asleep. So when my brother showed up he said "she does look much more comfortable in her seat with out the snow suit" and he left her in her seat with out it Maybe I got through, poor guy,he's been listening to my nagging since the day he was born

What if you got them a shower cap cover, tell them a friend gave it to you if they would be annoyed you bought it.

emandbri said:

What if you got them a shower cap cover, tell them a friend gave it to you if they would be annoyed you bought it.

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I suggested that (and planned to tell them "oh, I found this is my closet" lol) SIL said it would get in the way of the canopy

I would just leave it alone, unfortunately some people never listen, and the only way they learn is the hard way. Which I really hope they don't have to in this case

Phineasmama said:

I would just leave it alone, unfortunately some people never listen, and the only way they learn is the hard way. Which I really hope they don't have to in this case

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this is pretty much where I'm at. My brother seems to have "heard" what I've said. I kind of thought I've done what I can, but it nice to hear others say the same. Some times it helps to have a fresh perspective

Some people just follow the leader and do what others do. By you using the seat when you have your niece properly ans them seeing that one can hope it will rub off on them just a little

Yeah...I'd probably just let it go, but do everything properly when she was in my care.
Even if you convinced them now that she doesn't need to wear the snow suit in her carrier type seat, once she's in a seat that stays in the car all the time, it will probably be the same battle all over again.

Another issue with snow suits or heavy winter coats in car seats is overheating, so maybe you could take them on from that angle. It is a lot less frustrating to be cold for the 5 minute run to the car, than it is to be stifling for a 30 minute drive when the heat is on full blast.

Ultimately, they're going to do what they want to do. I have a friend who flipped her kid around at about 10 months (he was only probably 18 lbs at the time) because her husband decided that he "needed to face forward."
I mentioned it to her and to him, but it didn't matter. I still proceeded to install my kiddos car seat in her car rear-facing when I rode with her for a long time after (he's 3 months older and significantly heavier). I do hope that they never get into a serious accident with him in the car, because I can only imagine how devastating it would be for them to realize they could have kept their child from serious harm just by facing his car seat in a different direction.

He's still happily rear-facing at 30 months and 30 lbs. In fact, he gets a kick out of waving at people in their cars on the highway.

Maybe indirectly correcting them? Like listening for the car and getting her in the seat when you hear them pulling up, I know doing that with my cousin made his mom see what she was doing wrong.

Maybe once she gets older having something you repeat with her as you buckle her. Since my sister is very lax about tight straps and pushing up the chest clip, I ask my neice "your straps need to be..." And she tells me "snug as a bug in a rug" and I ask her where her chest clip goes and she points and says "up up up" and she now tells everyone "straps are snug as a bug in a rug and that needs to go up up up""

TeenaMarie said:

and she now tells everyone "straps are snug as a bug in a rug and that needs to go up up up""

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danceintherain said:

Another issue with snow suits or heavy winter coats in car seats is overheating, so maybe you could take them on from that angle. It is a lot less frustrating to be cold for the 5 minute run to the car, than it is to be stifling for a 30 minute drive when the heat is on full blast.

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she does sweat like crazy in her snow suit, my brother has mentioned that he notices it too. I may casually comment one day "she was so sweaty when I took her out of her seat, maybe now that's getting bigger she's doing a better job regulating her heat"

TeenaMarie said:

Maybe indirectly correcting them? Like listening for the car and getting her in the seat when you hear them pulling up, I know doing that with my cousin made his mom see what she was doing wrong.

Maybe once she gets older having something you repeat with her as you buckle her. Since my sister is very lax about tight straps and pushing up the chest clip, I ask my neice "your straps need to be..." And she tells me "snug as a bug in a rug" and I ask her where her chest clip goes and she points and says "up up up" and she now tells everyone "straps are snug as a bug in a rug and that needs to go up up up""

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I have trained my kids on how they should properly be adjusted in their seats, because I know that no one pays as much attention as I do (and MIL thinks I"m overprotective) so they will point out to other adults if they're not adjusted properly. that's a great idea, and if you make a game or song out of it they don't even really think about it as a safety issue, just something fun to do when getting in the car

I've been in the same position with my brother and SIL. Their 9mo old is 19 lbs and they HAD to get a new car seat because my nephew's feet were at the end of the seat. I told my brother his head was what mattered, and that RF as long as possible was safest. He said "well he's almost 20lbs. It's a baby's weight that determines when they need to be turned FF and they wouldn't make laws that say to turn your baby FF at 20 lbs if it wasn't safe." I just stopped arguing there, as it makes no difference to him what I say!

mommytoA said:

I've been in the same position with my brother and SIL. Their 9mo old is 19 lbs and they HAD to get a new car seat because my nephew's feet were at the end of the seat. I told my brother his head was what mattered, and that RF as long as possible was safest. He said "well he's almost 20lbs. It's a baby's weight that determines when they need to be turned FF and they wouldn't make laws that say to turn your baby FF at 20 lbs if it wasn't safe." I just stopped arguing there, as it makes no difference to him what I say!

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I used to think that a seat was outgrown rf when their feet went past the edge of the seat, but I didn't have anyone telling me differently. I would understand if they asked to see studies or reports that support what I'm saying, that would actually thrill me! But to just brush off someone who's trying to help you keep your baby safe, I just don't get it. Even if you don't agree with the advice you're receiving you would think it would at least plant a seed, and make you think that maybe you should look into it. but some people just don't listen. I'm grateful that they're following some of what I've said, and am hopeful that they will listen to future suggestions I make.