need ideas for a friend

I'm really getting annoyed with my one friend, she has an 11month old daughter in a 10y/o ffing seat, and no matter what I tell her she has an excuse, I've tried the 'I'm concerned for your daughter's safety (nothing)' and the 'You're breaking the law' angles (even worse response) and am at the end of my rope, I'm not asking her to cure hunger, I'm asking her to put out $80 for her daughter's life (Scenera) hell I'd put the $$ forward if we had it, but she won't, we sacrificed so that we could get the best (in my opinion) seat for our son, and she won't sacrifice her shopping $$ one month to keep her daughter safe.
I'm seriously considering calling a mutual friend and bringing up my concerns, as I'm wondering if she's ignoreing me because I'm younger than her.
Do you think sneaking in a meeting with a tech might at least convince her to buy a new seat? I've got an idea of how that could happen if someone thought it might actually work. I'm on my last nerve with her, so I'm to the point I'm thinking nothing will work.

Man, it's tough when friends just aren't willing to listen to good advice.

As for if she'll listen to it from a tech, it's really hard to say. There are some people who want to do what they want to do regardless of what they're being told.

Others ignore things and do it their own way until an expert tells them otherwise. I have found that a lot of people I know ask more questions and trust the advice I give now that I'm a tech.

So I guess it depends on what her real reason is for resisting... Do you know her type of car seat? Maybe you could look at Transport Canada's recall list and see if her seat has been recalled? Being 10yrs old there's a pretty good possibility... then you could just email her the transport canada recall notice.

You're a good friend for talking to her and trying to help keep her kids safe. Unfortunately not everyone is willing to take good advice regardless of the source, and there's no way to change their minds. I definitely think it's worth having a tech talk to your friend. I would caution you to be prepared to have to drop the subject at some point. As much as it is worrisome and scary to see kids you care about being transported unsafely, individually we can't save the world and all you can do is provide the right information and set the circumstances for your friend to make the right decisions.

How heavy is your friend's dd? Unless she's under 20lbs, chances are even the police wouldn't ticket her unless the seat visually looks more than 10yrs old. Seat manufacture dates aren't routinely checked when somebody is pulled over her in the province, and unless the car seat itself specifices a minimum age of 1yr old to ff, legally a 20lber can be ff'ing in our province. :thumbsdown: Thankfully, it's not what's recommended by even most dr.'s, and official provincial recommendation is 1yr, 20lbs and pulling to a stand.

(I know you didn't mention calling the police, but I'm just thinking that there's nothing down that avenue that could be done, unless her dd is a peanut or the seat is old enough that the officer would recognize it's age.)

As hard as it is to hear, sometimes there is nothing you can do to protect the child, and you have to just protect yourself from the emotional reprecissions.

That's when you have to sit your friend down and say, Hey, you know I love you and your kids and all. but when I see a child in a situation I KNOW is extremely dangerous I worry until I just can't sleep at night. I know that you don't think the car seat you are using is unsafe, but I know something you do not. I understand that you do not want me to share that information with you, and I understand. You are not a bad parent, I don't think you are in any way. But I think you just don't see that your on the edge of the cliff here. I can't make you see it either. If you ever need me, you know I'll be there for you, call me if you want to talk.

And then walk away. If she really cares about your friendship, she will do her own research once she calms down. If she doesn't, you may want to limit your contact with her.

I know it's really hard to do this, but you have to weigh whether the benefits of this friendship are worth the pain. I had to do something really similiar with my Grandmother to get her to stop smoking around the kids in the family ( not just mine). I had to tell her I wouldn't be coming to Christmas dinner, or bringing my kids to see her at her house ( she would have to come to mine) if I had to watch all the kids breathing second hand smoke. After a couple of hour of being really mad at me, she decided that the kids were more inportant to her than her stuborn stance that she should be able to do whatever she wanted in her own house.

((((((HUGS)))))

Kimberly