Question WWYD?

LoveMyBoyOB · Jan 31, 2013

Ok here's the situation...

My DS is turning 3 next Friday (ah!!!) and is still RFing (yay!!!). We want to take him to cosmic adventures (play gym kinda thing) for his birthday. I was thinking of taking my niece too so he had a friend to play with, they get along so well. She turned 4 in sept. is 40 lbs. is in a LBB. I wouldn't ever put a 4yo in a LBB, and to top it all off she isn't booster ready.

My question is: do I just take her in her LBB since she's not my kid? I can't ask for a harnessed seat cuz I feel like I'd be over stepping my boundaries and sayin my sis (step sis, relationship is okay) and her DH aren't doing a good job. But if we get in an accident, isn't the way shes strapped in my responsibility since sea in my van? Then what if something were to happen to her... It'd be my butt on the line when I never would have boostered her to begin with. I don't know what to do....

newyorkDOC · Jan 31, 2013

My car, my rules.

Do you have an extra seat she can use?

MamaErin · Jan 31, 2013

firemomof3 · Jan 31, 2013

If it were me, I would go and pick up a Graco TB. Your going to need it eventually (especially when your ds has friends over and you need an extra booster).

MamaErin · Jan 31, 2013

I do like the idea of getting a HBB though...seems like it would be a little less overstepping to just use a HBB than to completely put her back in a harness against her parents wishes.

HappyHoo · Jan 31, 2013

This is why when my DH and I started helping with preschool carpooling and the other 3 yo parents wanted to give me a nbb for one of the kids and possibly a hbb for the other one I just told DH we would supply all the seats.

If you have a second seat for your DS, I'd take it and flip it FF and use it for your niece - just telling your step-sis that you've got an extra seat to use so you don't have to worry about borrowing theirs.

Mom2Connor · Jan 31, 2013

My nephew still rides harnessed in my car and he is 5.

My brother knows I think his carseat use sucks so it's not an issue and my nephew doesn't care about the harness.

LoveMyBoyOB · Jan 31, 2013

I have an Eddie Bauer 3in1... I forget what kind. Non re thread harness. It's brown plaid if anyone knows what kind it is lol. Can she use it? Or for ff does the child's head still need to be 1 in below the shell?

Athena · Jan 31, 2013

I think I'd ask myself if I feel comfortable with it and how I'd feel if something happened. Would you blame yourself? Not that you would be to blame, but would you feel that way?

MamaErin said:
but think how you would feel if you had say a 2 year old (which I just realized you actually do! lol) who was going somewhere with a family member or friend and they took the "my car my rules" approach too and decided it was easier in their car for them to FF your child....wouldn't you be upset?

I see the point you're trying to make, but this isn't the same thing. Deciding to follow your own rule when watching someone else's kid is only okay if you're choosing the safer of the two. If I am watching a 2 year old and their parents let them run around the neighborhood unsupervised, that isn't happening on my watch. However, if it's an 8 year old and their parents don't let them run around unsupervised, then even if I do, I still respect their wishes.

MamaErin said:
I do like the idea of getting a HBB though...seems like it would be a little less overstepping to just use a HBB than to completely put her back in a harness against her parents wishes.

Is it actually against her parents' wishes? The HBTB is a good idea/compromise, but I was just wondering if it's actually against their wishes.

LoveMyBoyOB said:
I have an Eddie Bauer 3in1... I forget what kind. Non re thread harness. It's brown plaid if anyone knows what kind it is lol. Can she use it? Or for ff does the child's head still need to be 1 in below the shell?

I think I remember that those seats are fairly short. At 40 pounds, I'm assuming she's got some height on her too. I'd check on that.

FYI: HBTB is on sale this week at Target.

HTH! Good luck! Happy B-Day to your DS!

jjordan · Jan 31, 2013

We have 2 extra seats (which makes for 5 in our van, which is all the kids we can take anyway), so if I'm transporting extra kids I just put the seats in and tell the parents that I have seats they can use. In your case, OP, I'm guessing that your EB seat has a 40 pound weight limit (though some are 50#), plus your niece is likely to be over the height limit, so it won't work for her. Though if your ds still fits, your niece might fit in ds's seat (both turned FF). If I were in your shoes that is probably what I would do - install both seats FF, put ds in the EB (assuming the harness is above his shoulders at its highest allowable level), and leave the bigger one for your niece.

If ds doesn't fit in the EB seat, then I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe ask if your niece's parents can bring her and meet you at the place?

rachelandtyke · Jan 31, 2013

If she can't sit properly in her nbb, then it's not only not safe for her, but also not safe for you and DS. I would put in the 2 convertibles if she'll fit in one or have them meet you there.

MamaErin · Jan 31, 2013

I should have worded that differently...I'm not sure it's really against their wishes I just meant more it is against what they do with their own child. I guess it would depend on the person though I mean, you know the parents and know better how they would feel. Personally, I know my sister would be upset with me if I turned my niece RF in my car because she would feel like I am trying to butt in on her parenting choices...but if you don't think they would feel that way then the choice is yours.

Persimmon · Jan 31, 2013

newyorkDOC said:
My car, my rules.

This. Since you think that your niece is not booster ready, she is not booster ready. End of story in my car. I would not want to risk that on my conscience. I don't think you have to make a big deal about it though. Can you borrow a harnessed seat that would fit her from a friend? That way it is installed and ready to go when you pick her up. If she asks you can say "this is the type of seat we use in our car." A lot of parents use the "this is the way we do things in our family explanation" so it may not be unfamiliar to her. If her parents ask later you could just say that it was in the car already or something like that if you don't want a confrontation about it. If you can't borrow a harnessed seat for her, and you can't use DS's seat for her FF and your EB seat for DS FF, that would for me be a hard choice for me unless as PP also mentioned the parents could drop her off.

I have a spare seat that I use for DS's BFF when I pick him up for playdates since I am not crazy about the seats he uses in his parent's cars. The first time I used it I just texted them the name of car seat and asked if that was OK to use to pick him up. They didn't think a thing of it and assumed I was just trying to make things more convenient. Or if you didn't want to risk them asking you to use the booster just show up with it in your car and when they try to give you a booster just say that you already have a seat installed in the car for her and hightail it out of there.

BTW, great job ERF your son!

LoveMyBoyOB · Jan 31, 2013

The EB ffs to 65lbs harnessed, 100lbs booster. 52" for both. So given that she's within the 65lb and 52" limits we should be okay to use the EB. Am I right or am I missing something? Lol

Putting DS ff is not an option for me, I'd likely have a meltdown before we left the driveway Lol. He's in a Diono RXT, staying put!

I guess my initial concern was #1 that she's unsafe and it scares me #2 to go against what sis and her DH do but mainly #3 that if I were to get into an accident and she were to get hurt, which would be quite likely, that it would be my fault.

Going to check her height and weight. FX tht I can get her into the EB ff!

Thanks ladies!! You're all so great

MommyShannon · Jan 31, 2013

Her shoulders have to be below the top harness slot ff.

Athena · Jan 31, 2013

rachelandtyke said:
If she can't sit properly in her nbb, then it's not only not safe for her, but also not safe for you and DS.

Good point! Sometimes I forget about the fact that they become a projectile. Therefore, you have very right to object because you are protecting your child.

LoveMyBoyOB said:
Putting DS ff is not an option for me, I'd likely have a meltdown before we left the driveway Lol. He's in a Diono RXT, staying put!

I'd feel the same way.

LoveMyBoyOB said:
The EB ffs to 65lbs harnessed, 100lbs booster. 52" for both. So given that she's within the 65lb and 52" limits we should be okay to use the EB. Am I right or am I missing something? Lol

I've found my kids may outgrow a seat quite a while before they hit that supposed height. My 4yo isn't anywhere near 52", but she's outgrown all convertibles. My 6yo isn't even 52" and she's on the top Frontier slot, so I have no idea where they got their supposed height. Her shoulders have to be at or below the harness height with the line drawn parallel to the ground (not perpendicular to the seat like with RFing). Do you know how tall that harness goes and her overall height? Or what convertible she was in and if she'd outgrown it?

babyherder · Feb 1, 2013

I'd just tell your sis that you already have seats installed in your car that you'd rather not uninstall. Then she's helping you by letting you use your own seat instead of having to move it for your niece's booster.

Carrie_R · Feb 1, 2013

Does your DS fit the EB RF? The EB seats tend to be really short FF but may be ok for him to RF. if so, turn his Radian forward, on the top harness height, for your niece, and use the EB for your DS.

Otherwise... HBTB as suggested above or Maestro, which you can use a a spare and DS' backup seat in a year or so.

MommyShannon · Feb 1, 2013

It sounds like its a Guide 65 given the weight limits. If so it has 17" top slots which is tall enough for most 4 year olds.
ETA: wait, I forgot it boosters too. I know I saw that seat yesterday, but can't remember the name/names.

MommyShannon · Feb 1, 2013

I'm obviously loosing my mind. I'm only finding 65lb limit seats w/o a booster. Can you check what it is or take a pic?

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