Question parents not strapping 2yr old into car seat

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duckie522

Guest
I can't believe I'm even here writing this, but I don't know what to do. A mother in our playgroup just admitted she doesn't buckle her 2yr old into his car seat. She said he does the top part himself (usually) and that's it. She doesn't connect the lap belts for him. She said he once didn't buckle the top part and she didn't know until she stopped short and heard the "thud" of him hitting the seat in front of him (she also thought this was funny). She also has an infant who is very loosely strapped into his seat. She doesn't listen when we tell her how wrong it us. She said all this while adding "I know you'll think this is terrible, but". I'm so horrified and scared for her kids. I can't believe both she and her husband don't care about their safety. I can't stop thinking about it and feel I should do something, but what? Does anyone know what I can do? She even said she was pulled over once and was so nervous, but the cop didn't notice.
 
ADS

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
So she's knows it's wrong, knows what you guys have told her, know you all don't approve, and were scared the cops were going to notice and she still does nothing? I don't know what more you can do.

Wendy
 

Stelvis

New member
Call the cops the next time she drives off with him unrestrained? That's about all you can do. I probably wouldn't be able to socialize with someone like that anymore.
 

DMS721

New member
I'd call child protective services. That has to fall under child endangerment.

At my son's daycare there is a mom who brings her tiny, just turned 3yr old daughter in a backless booster. I mentioned it to the daycare director, as it really bothered me. I believe our law is 4 and 40lbs to be in a booster. She said she old talk to her. I even offered one of my extra car seats if money was an issue.

Dawn
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
I'd call child protective services. That has to fall under child endangerment.
In many states, that's specifically excluded, actually. It's treated as a traffic violation and nothing more in most places.
]

At my son's daycare there is a mom who brings her tiny, just turned 3yr old daughter in a backless booster. I mentioned it to the daycare director, as it really bothered me. I believe our law is 4 and 40lbs to be in a booster. She said she old talk to her. I even offered one of my extra car seats if money was an issue.

Dawn
Very few states specify 4 and 40. Are you in New York State? Otherwise that is probably not your law.


I'd call the cops if she drove off with him unrestrained and they were likely to do anything; sounds like that's the only thing that's going to get her to change, is a ticket. Which sucks.
 
Maybe you could have a local tech come in and do a check/ brief talk at the playgroup? Treat it like a special event? It could be a great learning experience for the others in the group also, so that mom doesn't feel too singled out.

Sometimes it takes someone outside the social group to communicate the seriousness of an issue like this.
 

DMS721

New member
In many states, that's specifically excluded, actually. It's treated as a traffic violation and nothing more in most places.
Very few states specify 4 and 40. Are you in New York State? Otherwise that is probably not your law.


I'd call the cops if she drove off with him unrestrained and they were likely to do anything; sounds like that's the only thing that's going to get her to change, is a ticket. Which sucks.

That is a bummer that it is only a traffic violation. To me it screams endangerment, but they probably have too many other issues to deal with. I'm in California. I know they changed a law to 8 yrs or 4'9" to stay in a booster. Somehow I had it in my head that there was also a 4 and 40 law to be in a booster. My mistake.

Dawn
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
Nope, we're proper use, which means, the child must meet the stated manufacturer's minimums and be using it properly (no belt behind the back or anything.) We also have a proper fit seatbelt law which means children need a booster until they fit the belt properly.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
no clue. it sounds like she's going to do what she's going to do, regardless. I mean, she thought it was funny when her kid flew out of his seat... if that didn't register with her, I doubt anything will.
 
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guest1

Guest
Sadly, I agree. If the child flying out of his seat didn't wake her up ... not sure that anything will. I'd want to do something about it too, but it sounds like you've done all that you can. :( I pray they don't get into an accident.
 

4boysmom

New member
"she didn't know until she stopped short and heard the "thud" of him hitting the seat in front of him (she also thought this was funny)."

Eeeps the first time I read your post I saw the part about the child falling out of the seat but I thought he had like fell asleep and sort of "melted"/fallen out of his seat not that she had a very very low speed example of "what could have happened" and still did not give a crap :(:mad::thumbsdown:
 

InternationalMama

New member
It sounds from your description like he buckles the chest clip, but she does not buckle the harness? Has someone explained to her that the chest clip is designed to break apart in a crash and will not hold him in the seat? It is not part of the system that restrains the child so essentially she is driving around with him completely unrestrained.

That's awful. It sounds like you've done everything you can. You mention that she has other kids. Is one of them old enough to buckle in the younger one or make a fuss if she doesn't do it?
 

Mommy!

Active member
You see her regularly right, at playgroup? You could bring this up with the other playgroup parents and see if they will all support you and talk to her together on this.

Otherwise I would make sure you check and notice he is not correctly restrained next time, then immediatly call police, with her license plate. Call it in as an emergency because it is.

If heaven forbid something horrible should happen to those children in a collision at least you will know you did everything you could to prevent it. Any discomfort you may feel in reporting her etc. is nothing compared to the physical discomfort the children will feel in a collision (or possibly even already felt when he hit the seat :eek:).
 

babyherder

Well-known member
If she really thought it was funny that her child got flung out of his carseat she needs some mental/emotional help. To me that's the most disturbing part of all this.
 

manitobamimi

New member
Quite honestly she dosen't seem to care about car seat safety. So my best advice to you would be to do what a police officer told me to do in a similar case. Call the police on her each and every time she drives away with her child improperly restrained like this. Basically I was told that if you annoy the cops enough with calls they will eventually do something just to get you to stop calling. Give them her the direction of travel, and her general route and they will pull her over and issue a ticket. You don't have to give your name when you make the complaint, so she won't know its you. She still may not give a crap about child restraint safety but she may start to at least buckle up the crotch strap if she is issued a ticket for having her child improperly restrained. Its a frustrating situation, I understand where your coming from.
 
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duckie522

Guest
Thanks for all the replies. I don't see her often (because she was always the mom doing the wrong thing) and it's not a regularly scheduled playgroup. I've always found it hard to be around her. We can't even figure out why she tells us these things and always starts by staying "you guys will think this is terrible" and then never sees the big deal about it when we explain how wrong it is. This time I just felt like she crossed a line. I mean, she said she was "terrified" the cop would notice when she got pulled over, but she's not terrified of her kids dying? Something is so wrong on so many levels. And I didn't even ask what she was pulled over for, because my guess would be speeding or something else that would make this all worse. I mean, her kid already flew out of the seat into the one in front of him and that didn't stop her. I feel like maybe if I tell her she could get arrested? I would think if something did happen, she would be arrested for neglect, right?
 

Kel

Well-known member
Some people will never get It. I have close family members who are crazy about their almost 2yr old, but...they don't ever use a seat correctly. Makes me very upset and worried. But, they just don't get it.

It started with the infant seat, arms out of the harness or so loose it does nothing.
When it was time for a convertible, they asked me to help pick it out. I picked the MR65. I really agonized over this because although it's a great seat, you do need to read the manual for switching the harness height {the loops on back}.

I shouldn't have worried myself over it, as they never use the harness at all anyway. The seat might be buckled in but I doubt it. They use the cars shoulder belt, put it around the front of her, under her arm pits. Looks kinda like a tube top, kwim? Then they don't buckle that either, the left over strap goes behind the carseat.

I have NEVER in my 13yrs of having 6 kids, EVER met anyone to use their car seat correctly, or even care.

Kelley
 

kam1011

New member
If she really thought it was funny that her child got flung out of his carseat she needs some mental/emotional help. To me that's the most disturbing part of all this.

Is she a good mom? Aside from this issue, is she a good mom? It sounds like "no" based on your last post about her always doing the wrong things. That comment is scary. Aside from car safety, it really does sound like a potential CPS issue if she is neglecting and/or endangering her children in various ways.
 

american_mommy

New member
This makes me think of my sister and how she has always been bad with carseats.
A long time ago I didn't know better because I was young and didn't have kids. Now I do and I try to teach her but she doesn't listen. I try to help her find good seats and use them longer.
The last time I saw her(we live far apart). She told me how her 2 yr old was too big for his carseat. He is overweight and she said that when she buckles the crotch strap he complains it hurts so she has resorted to buckling one side! at first I thought I heard her wrong then she said it again. WTF? I don't get how anyone could think that is safe.
I think this mom will only get it if something bad happens, sadly. She obviously doesn't care.
I would call the police dept and see if they can help you
 

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