My 10 month old niece is FF (long rant)

MsFacetious · Aug 8, 2007

I drove up last night to see the Boulevard I gave her FF, passenger side, not even tethered.

I gave them 3 Boulevards. I did this with the agreement that they would be used correctly. Meaning, to the limits of the seats. RF to 33lbs. Also with the understanding that before they turned her, they had to tell me because they had taken off the HUGS and lost them. They wanted to order them themselves but I was still going to do it.

I ALSO gave them 3 extra Boulevard covers, along with 15 large garbage bags of baby clothes up to 24 months.

This baby is the result of IVF after 7 years of trying, then borrowing the money for IVF from family.

I don't even know what to do. I could really use the money I could get from selling those seats. If they aren't going to use them safely they may as well put her in a Scenera.

I finally brought it up with my MIL. Her only concern was that it is illegal. My SIL is under a lot of stress so I'm not supposed to talk to her about it. (But I'm not under any stress... right, I won't even go there. Suffice it to say her stress was entirely preventable, mine is out of my control.)

Obviously there is also the fact that I am upset because she has a perfectly healthy kid and the ability to use the seat correctly. My kids have their health issues and I don't have the physical ability to use my seats correctly anymore. So I struggle just to install the seat or put my kids in it correctly... and she won't take the time to do it when it is so simple for her.

I have pretty much decided that they either need to pay me for the seats, give them back to me, use them correctly, or I'm out of their life. I walked away from a best friend because I couldn't handle getting close to her kids if they were unsafe. I'll do the same thing here.

I can NOT handle the stress. Not to mention the liability since I gave her the seats she could turn around and sue me if her kid gets hurt.

I don't know what to do. I drove 6 hours to get up here.... and I have to be here till Friday and all I want to do is leave and go home.

ThreeBeans · Aug 8, 2007

Man, that sucks. Can you just tell her, I'm going into your car to install your seats CORRECTLY AND SAFELY...and leave it at that? SIL may be under some stress, but hey, I'd say having your 10 month old die in a fender bender would be pretty damn stressful.

amyg530 · Aug 8, 2007

its so much harder when its the in laws, i know mine all think i'm nuts and there is no changing that, whereas if it was my sisters, i'd tell them, i'm fixing the seat, you'll use it correctly, or i'll beat you up (lovingly of course).
i would tell them that either she RF to 33# or you're taking the seats back. i think the fact that they obviously (at least i would think after 7 years) really wanted a baby, but cant do such a simple thing to keep her safe is crap. and you can only do so much to try and help others. why is your SIL under stress? and why does that give her the excuse to put her daughter in danger?

Melizerd · Aug 8, 2007

I would say something to her no matter what Mother said. If she chooses to not use the seats properly sell them to her for what you could sell them to someone else or take them back.

(hugs)

safeinthecar · Aug 8, 2007

Take a deep breath first. You won't get anywhere if you go in locked and loaded.

Then, once you have your feelings firmly in check, simple ASK her why the child is facing the front already. Maybe her ped scared her into turning her with broken lag stories or something. Maybe she misunderstood the weight limits of the seat somehow (may people think you have to turn a child ffing at 20 lbs).Perhaps the seat is not really installed for her dd at all but she used it to give a ride to a friend's child.

Try not to let your anger break through and give her the benefit of the doubt. She obviously loves a child that she went through so much to conceive. Don't assume she doesn't because she made a mistake with the car seat. Just approach her from the position of the person who cared enough to give her child over 600 dollars worth of safety equipiment.

As long as you don't yell and scream and pitch a fit, you can most likely find a way to talk to the woman without causing her undue stress or ruining your relationship with your inlaws.

Kimberly

((((HUGS))))

elle7715 · Aug 8, 2007

Maybe this is harsh, but it's what I think. You gave those seats to them because you believed they would be used in a certain way. If after talking to her she refuses to turn her RF then it's certainly your right to take them back. I would probably leave them with one BV and one extra cover, and take the other seats home with you. Are they are financially capable of buying 2 Sceneras? Do they even need 3 seats?

CRS · Aug 8, 2007

I don't know. A gift is a gift. A gift should be freely given without expectations, that's why it's called a gift. I can understand your frustration but it's not the little girls fault her parents aren't doing what they should and who's to say they would use a Scenera right if they had one of them too? At least a Britax seat has lock offs, which will help a little? That's kind of what happens when you give something to someone with too many expectations

Gypsy · Aug 8, 2007

I completely understand how you are feeling.

Is this the SIL who is in Idaho? want to make a private appt with a local tech

?

amyg530 · Aug 8, 2007

safeinthecar@mac.com said:
Take a deep breath first. You won't get anywhere if you go in locked and loaded.

this (all of it not just what i quoted) is really good advice, i would have given you rep for it but you have it disabled

MsFacetious · Aug 9, 2007

Gypsy I highly doubt I could get her to see anyone anyway. I've brought you up several times, but they've quit even letting me help with the seats.

She is under stress because her marraige is failing (has been since the honeymoon but she is now deciding to leave him) along with a bunch of other things. All things that could have been seen coming (being a single mom... don't have IVF with a guy you are miserable with, ect)

She is FF because her friend was told they could turn them at 20lbs. So she ran out and turned them. Something about the baby being uncomfortable... hitting her head. I have no idea. Maybe hitting her head putting her in? I don't know.

I went over tonight to help her with her digital camera, and turn the seats. Her husband wouldn't let me. Insisted on doing it himself. He hooks them in with LATCH, doesn't tighten, ect.

That's the other thing. The seat was installed FF with LATCH, not tethered.

I think I'm more hurt because she KNOWS how much I know about the subject. Yet she takes a friends advice because it's convenient.

They flipped the seats around tonight, only because it's illegal. Ten bucks says on October 7th they flip them back around.

I can't handle the stress... so I've given up. I've cried and stressed over this all day. I've made myself feel horrible. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to that little girl. I got there tonight and she was smiling and laughing and I just wanted to cry. I don't want to care about a little girl that I can't protect. I've done that. It doesn't end well.

But the bottom line is, if I throw a fit they will just put the seat how I like it when they know I'll be here. They aren't going to actually listen to me. Plus if they get divorced he'll never use the seat correctly and she'll never make him. So, really I wasted a bunch of my time and energy.

So, I'm giving up.

I have so many other things to stress about. I'm already stressed to the max. This just can not add to it or I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

So, problem solved. They flipped it for now. I plan to show my MIL the crash test videos tomorrow. But I am not directly addressing it with my SIL anymore.

Gypsy · Aug 9, 2007

I'm so sorry

((((Big Hugs to You))))

EzzieMom · Aug 9, 2007

SingleMomTo2Girls said:
Gypsy I highly doubt I could get her to see anyone anyway. I've brought you up several times, but they've quit even letting me help with the seats.

She is under stress because her marraige is failing (has been since the honeymoon but she is now deciding to leave him) along with a bunch of other things. All things that could have been seen coming (being a single mom... don't have IVF with a guy you are miserable with, ect)

She is FF because her friend was told they could turn them at 20lbs. So she ran out and turned them. Something about the baby being uncomfortable... hitting her head. I have no idea. Maybe hitting her head putting her in? I don't know.

I went over tonight to help her with her digital camera, and turn the seats. Her husband wouldn't let me. Insisted on doing it himself. He hooks them in with LATCH, doesn't tighten, ect.

That's the other thing. The seat was installed FF with LATCH, not tethered.

I think I'm more hurt because she KNOWS how much I know about the subject. Yet she takes a friends advice because it's convenient.

They flipped the seats around tonight, only because it's illegal. Ten bucks says on October 7th they flip them back around.

I can't handle the stress... so I've given up. I've cried and stressed over this all day. I've made myself feel horrible. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to that little girl. I got there tonight and she was smiling and laughing and I just wanted to cry. I don't want to care about a little girl that I can't protect. I've done that. It doesn't end well.

But the bottom line is, if I throw a fit they will just put the seat how I like it when they know I'll be here. They aren't going to actually listen to me. Plus if they get divorced he'll never use the seat correctly and she'll never make him. So, really I wasted a bunch of my time and energy.

So, I'm giving up.

I have so many other things to stress about. I'm already stressed to the max. This just can not add to it or I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

So, problem solved. They flipped it for now. I plan to show my MIL the crash test videos tomorrow. But I am not directly addressing it with my SIL anymore.

I will pray about this...(((HUGS)))

Yoshi · Aug 9, 2007

Just thought I'd say that there is no way she can sue you if something happens while using your gift. Too bad she won't use the seats properly- but I am of the camp that a gift is a gift, and to take them away and give her a different seat, well seems even more selfish, since, IMO, the Boulevards will give those kids more safety FF in case of a side impact collision. I gave a dear friend my old seat and she has never tightened the harnesses tight on her kids, no matter what I say- but I wouldn't take the seat back. You tried hard to educate her and she failed to follow through. If you have so much stress in your life, maybe this is one of those times you need to let go. They are her kids and even if you don't agree with what she does, you can't take on all of that burden yourself.:twocents:

ThreeBeans · Aug 9, 2007

I'm so sorry

amy919 · Aug 9, 2007

I'm sorry. That's a really crappy situation. It's a horrible feeling when you're TRYING to be helpful and convince people to do the safest things possible, but they just don't get it.

IMO, you loaned them the seats. You didn't give them the seats. They're yours to do what you want with. Why do they need all three? Since they don't seem to mind uninstalling and reinstalling them, maybe you could leave them with one seat and sell the other 2.

I'm hoping things get better for you. You don't sound like you need the extra aggravation in your life.

Amy

My 10 month old niece is FF (long rant)

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