No longer being friends because of car seat use

TyAndCheyMommy · Apr 26, 2012

It sounds crazy, but I can't stand it when friends aren't taking their children's safety seriously.
For example: one friend and I decided to go out to lunch together. She put her 9 month old son in her car forward facing, and only buckled the chest clip. I commented on it and she said she doesn't need to buckle him in because he will stay where she puts him.
Another friend put her 2 year old in a backless booster. I didn't even say anything, but she started making comments to my kids about riding in a baby seat when her child rode in a big kid seat.

So- am I weird for no longer being friends with these people? Should I suck it up and ignore it? If I mention even the laws to either one they always get pissed off at me and don't speak to me for weeks...

firemomof3 · Apr 26, 2012

I have similar problems

Brianna · Apr 26, 2012

In your shoes, I probably wouldn't put too much effort into maintaining the friendship, but I would try not to be hostile. It makes me sick to my stomach to see little ones not restrained even close to properly, so I can't really be around people that make me sick to my stomach.

mommyfrog · Apr 26, 2012

I wouldn't be able to resist reaching in and buckling him. Or not going. That is just wrong and I wouldn't be able to ride in a car with a baby riding like that. If they get mad and don't talk to you because you are concerned about their kids' safety.......maybe it's better they don't talk to you!!

katymyers · Apr 26, 2012

You're not nuts! My brother in law has a baby five months older than my six month old, when my baby was born is when I saw his baby for the first time. They had her in a rear-adjusting graco snugride. The straps were so loose you could pull the baby out without even unbuckling and they had the chest clip on her stomach! I also know they drive an older car without automatic locking seat belts and I know they aren't using a locking clip. Combine all that with the fact that they turned her forward facing at seven months! It makes me bonkers but I'm not allowed to say a word to them. I even tightened the straps on her infant seat once, they got put back

.

jeminijad · Apr 26, 2012

If it is a friendship that you can't continue anyway, why not end things with something that will make her think?

"You have to buckle him because he will be a smear on the windshield the first time you get rear ended. Will you enjoy that?"

or

"My kid is restrained so that they've got a good chance of surviving a collision. Your 2 year old's abdomen will be hamburger from that seatbelt, if they don't fly out of it altogether and end up under the wheels of another vehicle."

Outrage and anger will ensue, but possibly some adjustment in behavior when you aren't around.

zactayaus · Apr 26, 2012

I have the same issue. I have a very very hard time being friends with people who don't properly restrain their kids.

koda&phiasmama · Apr 26, 2012

I just don't pursue the relationship my in-laws are intelligent people I've told them about car seat safety before they still turned my niece at 1 and her older brother just turned 4 and is in a turbo he has NO MATURITY what so ever! He couldn't sit still in the harness let alone a booster! They could care less what I think we seriously see them 5x a year they live 5 mins away I just can't stand to see it so if I don't put up with them I'm certainly not having friends who can't at least follow the minimums and common sense things like loose straps and secure installs!

HeatherMo745 · Apr 26, 2012

Oh noo, that drives me NUTS! I have a friend who had a 3 month old and when I saw her buckle him in his seat I just about died! She buckled everything up and just left it there. I could have pulled the little 11lb guy out without unbuckling anything! I, as politely as possible, showed her how to keep her baby safe. She felt stupid and angry at the time, but if she wrecked it would have been a miricale if that little guy would have stayed in that seat

tam_shops · Apr 26, 2012

TyAndCheyMommy said:
If I mention even the laws to either one they always get pissed off at me and don't speak to me for weeks...

Um, are these really your friends? You mention the *law* and they won't speak to you for weeks? If you were nagging them about best practice I might hold a different opinion, but when they're not following the law and being adversarial to you b/c you mention it.

I couldn't be friends w/ them. I don't mean all my friends have to follow the law or even best practice, they're free to do what they want, but if they're going to be hostile towards me for following the law and/or best practice AND mock my kids for sitting in the age/weight appropriate seat. I'd just stop phoning them personally. I wouldn't be mean or rude, I may or may not join them for an activity if invited, but I wouldn't seek them out and make plans...

I have a range of friends as far as car seats go, some are better than others, but the all know I'm the person to ask if they have a question...

Best of luck!

tam

skitle1802 · Apr 26, 2012

I'd firmly state that you don't appreciate her telling your kids they are in "baby seats". And then let the pieces fall where they may.

Also, if you both were riding in the same car, who was driving? I would not be the driver of a vehicle where a child was unrestrainted/improperly, as the parent, your "friend" would probably try to sue you if their kid was injured in an accident in your car. (sorry for the run on)

Lenae · Apr 26, 2012

My sister lets her kids just climb all over the car when she's driving in town. A town of about 1,100 people. She thinks it's good enough that she buckles them up to drive to the larger town about 30 minutes away, but in her little hometown, they all just pile in and she drives away. My mom will put sisters kids in just the seatbelt for driving around town (ages 9-1). Everyone gets tired of me when I visit because I buckle my kids in every time they're in the car, and insist everyone else gets buckled too. And I'm moving home! :evil grin: *insert evil laugh here*

creideamh · Apr 26, 2012

To me, people who get defensive and angry at you for pointing out a safety issue means they're people who can't admit when they're wrong and putting their kids in danger. I, personally, don't mesh well with those types of personalities so no, I wouldn't pursue the friendship. Like others said, I wouldn't be outright mean/rude, but I wouldn't go out of my way for them, either.

agave · Apr 26, 2012

Lenae said:
My sister lets her kids just climb all over the car when she's driving in town. A town of about 1,100 people. She thinks it's good enough that she buckles them up to drive to the larger town about 30 minutes away

I have been in one accident in a town of 1,200 people and 3 in a town of 6,000. Small towns do not protect you. It amazes me how many people seem to think they are safe just because they are in a small town or not going far.

TyAndCheyMommy · Apr 26, 2012

The one drove her own car with her baby and I drove mine full of kids.
I have a very hard time making friends. I have not pursued either friendship anymore at this point because I can't keep my mouth shut about it.

Brigala · Apr 26, 2012

If my logical, calm explanations don't convince a parent to do at least the bare minimum (such as buckling the 9 month old instead of just fastening the chest clip) I would tell my friend honestly that she was either too stupid or too much of a ***** to be my friend and that I couldn't stand to watch her abuse and neglect her children any longer. I would tell her she has a right to hate her children and hope they end up dead in an accident but I have a right not to associate with sociopaths like that.

And I'd probably post it publicly on their facebook wall.

I haven't ended friendships over a 25 lb 11 month old FF (although I turned the convertible around when I was babysitting and told the mom that I wasn't willing to risk a ticket if I was the one driving). But when we're talking about not even bothering to buckle a child in, and gentler methods have not worked... yeah, I actually believe people like that do not honestly love their children.

jenfrogmom · Apr 26, 2012

I have a similar problem.

Dorothy · Apr 26, 2012

TyAndCheyMommy said:
The one drove her own car with her baby and I drove mine full of kids.
I have a very hard time making friends. I have not pursued either friendship anymore at this point because I can't keep my mouth shut about it.

This is my solution. I just don't carpool with others who won't be properly restrained. And my response to the "baby seat" comments are firm, calm, and always in front if my kids- They are not "baby" seats; they are child seats that are most appropriate for their ages. Safety first! (Said exuberantly with a big smile whilst indicating #1 with my index finger, bc that seems to make it exciting for my kiddos.)

Sent from my phone using the app

mominabigtruck · Apr 26, 2012

If someone is being like that it's because they know they're doing something incredibly stupid and they don't like being called on it. If that was me I would've turned to her and said "as soon as you leave this parking lot I'm calling the sherriff just like I would on anyone else I saw do something as dumb*** as that" And if you're my friend you would know that I'm not joking.

I'm also one of those people who would tell someone that I feel sorry for her kids that she obviously doesn't love them enough to take two seconds to buckle them in. but then when people want to describe me usually the nicest word than can think of is aggressive.
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jeminijad · Apr 26, 2012

mominabigtruck said:
I'm also one of those people who would tell someone that I feel sorry for her kids that she obviously doesn't love them enough to take two seconds to buckle them in. but then when people want to describe me usually the nicest word than can think of is aggressive.
Posted via Mobile Device

You live in the real world, where it ain't all fairy tales and unicorns and gentle, gentle hugs.

I've read a lot of your comments, including ones that others find upsetting, and generally I just think "pretty much," or "thank god someone else wants to tell them to snap out of it"

No longer being friends because of car seat use

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