So sad for my mom's foster baby

mominabigtruck

New member
My mom is doing a respite this weekend for a two month old baby. He's in foster care because his mom wasn't feeding him and was less than his birth weight when the county took him 2 weeks ago.

Anywhoo, yesterday when my mom was going to get him I told her I would throw my avenue in for him to use. She said don't bother, the other fp said she would send a seat with him. So last night I went over to drop something off and OMG!!

It was a winnie the pooh snugride, the old one with the green plaid. The cover was positively filthy and it had a smell. The worst part was the straps, they were covered in mold. I don't know if it was originally the mom's but I could not believe the fp was using it for a underfed, sick baby. It also had a giant headrest and the straps were so loose I could have put dd in it and she's 18 months.

I called up a friend who I knew had an old snugride, front adjust and good for another year and a half and bougt it off her. We have to go up for a wedding shower tommorrow, an hour and a half away and he will be riding in it and I'm just going to tell my mom that the other fp can keep it. Maybe I can manage to keep the pooh snugride? Idk, it was just sooo gross, I wouldn't have let my dog sit on it.
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Phineasmama

New member
I would "accidentally" throw it away and oops look but I got you a new one! And deal with the repercussions if any.

Mold can KILL PEOPLE. And a tiny baby that was being starved would be especially susceptible to it :mad:
 

An Aurora

Senior Community Member
Yuck.

If it came with the baby into foster care, the original FPs will have to keep it, but they sure don't have to use it. I'd for sure give them the new seat (very nice of you by the way) and hopefully they will use it.
 

Brigala

CPST Instructor
I would tell the other FPs that the mold on the seat they dropped off was making everyone in the house sick (no, I don't have a problem fudging the truth in certain circumstances) and so the decision was made to throw it away and replace it with a good condition gently used seat from a trusted friend.

If the winnie the pooh cover will fit the new Snugride, then I'd throw it in the wash machine with a touch of bleach and give it back as spare cover.
 

Phineasmama

New member
I would tell the other FPs that the mold on the seat they dropped off was making everyone in the house sick (no, I don't have a problem fudging the truth in certain circumstances) and so the decision was made to throw it away and replace it with a good condition gently used seat from a trusted friend.

If the winnie the pooh cover will fit the new Snugride, then I'd throw it in the wash machine with a touch of bleach and give it back as spare cover.

That's a good idea too!
 

mominabigtruck

New member
The only problem is I have to get my mom on board and she does not like to rock the boat. I'm just wondering about the other fp. She's only had him 2 weeks and she's already having to have a respite.

Last night he was just crying and crying so I took him and was walking around the house in the "colic hold". You know, really close and bouncing up and down while you shush. He finally settled down and mom said he slept all night but I just felt so bad for him. Things like this are why I think people should need a license to breed:(
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An Aurora

Senior Community Member
Foster kids with SN qualify for respite; I doubt it's that the mom "needs" it but rather the kid qualifies, so why not take a weekend off.
 

Brigala

CPST Instructor
If you can't talk your mom into throwing the car seat away, how about this:
Put the car seat in a black plastic garbage bag and seal it with tape. Set it on the front porch. Then tell the FPs that it was making someone (or everyone) in the house sick due to the mold. Give it back to them to dispose of, but also offer the "new" seat too. Maybe they won't bother opening the garbage bag.
 

Joyofbirth

New member
My friends are foster parents. They aren't allowed to take foster kids out of the county without special permission. They get respite care if they go out of town. So it might be that they had plans. They also have to get especially approved babysitters.
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
:Cough Cough: I'm pretty sure the cat pee'd in the car seat and it HAD to be trashed and replaced. ;)

And this breaks my heart. My dd was in foster care for the same reason. She was 4.5mo old when they took her...an only weighed 6oz more than she did at birth. :(
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
Foster kids with SN qualify for respite; I doubt it's that the mom "needs" it but rather the kid qualifies, so why not take a weekend off.

Here, all kids in foster care qualify for respite. In all my years as a foster parent, I never once used it. Once they came into our home, they were 'ours' while with us. Treated no differently. They went where our other children went and that's all there was to it. The one time I was told no, I did not go. And I understood as I was asking to take the child half way cross the country and he was having weekly visits. I made the decision to stay home vs use respite.
 

mominabigtruck

New member
Here, all kids in foster care qualify for respite. In all my years as a foster parent, I never once used it. Once they came into our home, they were 'ours' while with us. Treated no differently. They went where our other children went and that's all there was to it. The one time I was told no, I did not go. And I understood as I was asking to take the child half way cross the country and he was having weekly visits. I made the decision to stay home vs use respite.

That's how my parents are. Whoever is living with them goes wherever they go, even if it's on vacation. I am their approved babysitter, I had to have a background check and take cpr and first aid classes. All of their kids are sn, they don't work for the county, they contract through an agency that takes kids the county is not able to place.
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mominabigtruck

New member
I take advantage of free babysitting whenever I get it, which is not that often. I don't see any difference.

It's not really the same thing. At least with their agency anyways. Respites are usually for if the fp need to step back and evaluate the situation, like if they're considering having the child moved. Or if it's a really high needs kid. My mom did a respite a while back for a girl that purposely injured herself and others and only slept like 4 hours a night. The caseworker said they were the last on the list, that no one else would take her and they were probably going to have to put her in a group home.

It's not supposed to be treated as just down time for the fp. You are supposed to have an approved babysitter for situations like dates and work functions.
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An Aurora

Senior Community Member
We did respite care for a little guy that we were supposed to be able to adopt, but didn't for various reasons. The adoptive family qualified for respite care for two weekends a month, so we had him those weekends. He was in full time day care all week. We used respite care for times we would hire a sitter for our own kids--we had to jump through huge hoops to get a sitter approved, and of course pay for it. Respite was easier as the people were already approved and it was free.
 

Starlight

Senior Community Member
When we fostered, arranging respite went like this:
1. Call the agency, give them the dates, times and ages of the foster kids - bio kids were not eligible for respite, so they had to go elsewhere.
2. In 24-48 hours, they'd call you and tell you who was next on the list, and what part of town they lived in and that they were expecting you at their door at x time on x date.
3. Drop foster children off.

There was no conversating with the respite providers, no meet and greet beforehand. You were essentially leaving your child with a stranger, even if it was a stranger that you knew had passed the background check and was CPR trained. I bypassed the system to arrange respite for one of our kiddos while I was in the hospital to birth ds4, and I get reprimanded for it, even though the respite provider knew my child (so kiddo would feel comfortable with her and in her house), knew our routine, and was experienced and medically capable of dealing with our childs medical needs and allergies. How messed up is that?! No wonder so many foster kids have attachment issues with such policies. We wound up bypassing the respite requirement altogether by taking dd to our regular babysitters house, but dh picked her up and took her and the other kids to the hospital to visit with me every afternoon, so they weren't in the babysitters care for more than 23 hours a day. :rolleyes: It cost us more, but we wanted her to be with her siblings and with people she knew. (Our regular sitter had gone through the background check and was CPR certified, but she didn't have to attend any classes through the foster agency, so it was pretty easy to get her approved for short term (less than 23 hours per day), and at this point, she had been watching our kids for 2+ years.)

I'd likely ditch the carseat, citing the mold, but it might just be best to clean it as best as possible and give it back, just in case. :/
 

kam1011

New member
If you cleaned the Winnie the Pooh cover and put it on the new seat, would she be able to tell the difference? (other than just think it's cleaner?)
 

steph_s

New member
She can't just throw the seat away! If it came with the baby or was given by the bio parents they have to keep it even if it is nasty. I am shocked they are using it though! I too would clean the cover, put it on my old seat, and throw their seat in a trash bag and explain that mold on the harness is dangerous and you had a spare seat laying around so figured he could have a new one.

Respite in my county works different and foster parents have to find their own. This works out better since then the person who is watching your fk is likely someone the kids already know since your likely friends with them already. I've had to get respite for a few kids soon after placement since I can't take any kids out of state and already had plans I couldn't break. I know in the next county over they simply call and 9 times out of 10 the case worker will come and get the baby and take them to respite and the foster parents have no way of knowing where the child is. I see this as a huge issue since as we know even with normal kids the sitter needs instructions.
 

mominabigtruck

New member
I think she would notice because the new seat is front adjust and has a different color handle and harness.

Here the caseworker sets up the respite but the fps meet a mutually convienent place and do the hand off. I know if my mom had just gotten a baby she wouldn't have sent it on a respite, she would have taken it with her or stay home. Even if it's some trustworthy I think it's still traumatizing for a 2 mo baby that's already spent the majority of his life neglected.
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