Mother won't install seat or use harness...

I know someone who has main custody of his 4-year-old son, but the (mentally unstable) mom still gets the boy a lot. She never installs his car seat or buckles his harness. I'm not even sure why the car seat ends up uninstalled, but it seems like she doesn't keep it in her car.

Is there anything the dad can do? It's a small town, and the mother's parents are wealthy and can pay anyone off, and have been doing so since the birth. It's amazing the dad has gotten any kind of custody. Apparently notifying the police will do nothing. What else can be done?

He could try to amend his custody agreement, or maybe start working on a booster to use with her. Or just not let her drive with him if thats possiable. If they can "pay anyone off" then i would l, being thr grouchy person that i am, work on making it public, use facebook and twitter to his advantage.

When they pick up / drop off the child can they meet at the police station? Then, there would be no calling the police, they would be right there. Unfortunately my brother is in a similar situation, and he will cause a full blown scene at the police station about the lack of a properly used car seat during pick up or drop off. I suppose he complained enough that they started paying attention.

Poor kiddo. I hope it doesn't take a tragedy for someone to start listening.

He should call the police. He should also call Child Protective Services. When mom takes the child, is he doing the "handoff?" If so, he could refuse to hand him over until the carseat is installed.

Also, if he knows she is driving him out of their town, call the police in that *other* town and report mom driving child unrestrained...

Sorry... no brilliant insights, but some thoughts...

Michelle

I would do two things. First, I would impress upon the child the importance of being buckled up, and having the seat "not moving." Maybe the mom would be more likely to buckle the kid if he throws a fit when she doesn't buckle him. :shrug-shoulders:

Second, I'd work on getting the child booster trained ASAP, and then give mom a booster to use instead. A properly used booster is way safer than an improperly used harnessed seat, even for a 4yo. Hopefully, with practice, the child might even be able to buckle himself in the right booster.

Obviously, it's not ideal or "fair" to put the safety of a 4yo in his own hands, but in a case like this, I think that might be the best option in a really lousy situation. Of course, it also totally depends on the child, weather or not this is even remotely possible. But I've known several kids that age who were capable of at least taking part in buckling themselves, and knowing the "rules" for being in the car.

Calling the cops and CPST might work, but I think it's more likely that it'll only make the mom angrier and more likely to rebel even more. If her parents really will pay off anyone/everyone, then it might not do anything at all.

I'm not a fan of a 4yo in a booster, but that's what I'd do. I'd get the booster myself and when child went w/ mom, I'd just put child and booster in the car (correctly). At 4yo, he's old enough to be doing most of it himself so if you've trained him w/ you, then by the time he's with her, he'll know how to use it. If you're lucky and it's no trouble to her and it's just *there*, it'll stay there and not become a big fight...

It's unfortunate b/e he's better off harnessed still, but in a HBB is better than nothing or a LBB, if that is what she's doing...

So sorry you're going through this!

tam

tam_shops said:

I'm not a fan of a 4yo in a booster, but that's what I'd do. I'd get the booster myself and when child went w/ mom, I'd just put child and booster in the car (correctly). At 4yo, he's old enough to be doing most of it himself so if you've trained him w/ you, then by the time he's with her, he'll know how to use it. If you're lucky and it's no trouble to her and it's just *there*, it'll stay there and not become a big fight...

It's unfortunate b/e he's better off harnessed still, but in a HBB is better than nothing or a LBB, if that is what she's doing...

So sorry you're going through this!

tam

Click to expand...

She's putting the Nautilus in the car, just setting it on the vehicle seat, and he's sitting in it. No LATCH, no seatbelt, no harness, no nothing. She's not mentally "with it" enough to understand the danger. There has been endangerment all along, which I think is how he got main custody. Unfortunately, the car seat thing happens after drop off, into/out of the grandparents' car back to the mom's car. They are described as having raised their kids "feral." No rules, no limits, no car seats, no nothing. No wonder the mom is mentally unstable. She is raising her son (or rather, leaving others to raise her son) the same way, and the dad is doing his best to undo all of that.

Sigh, I'm so sorry...I find it even more irritating when people misuse their seats when they have/fit into good ones!

Since he has a GN, could you get the dad on his days to teach him how to buckle himself up? You can use latch for the GN when in booster mode, but don't have to, so even if the child buckles up (poorly) it's better than nothing, than sitting in a seat hoping not to get into an accident.

As for the unstable mom, in my experience, the more you push something, the worse s/he can get about it...So, as best I could I'd go w/ the gentle, oh you forgot to buckle, or let's buckle you before you go...

If dad has the money, he could go after the legal end and/or have it written in the custody agreement, but if there is a powerful family involved, it'll only take you so far. The 4yo buckling himself will take you the farthest...

tam

Ummm, follow them around and call the police every time they go in the car?

Does the mom have court ordered visitation? I believe you can actually get proper car seat usage put in the legal agreement and she could have her visitation rights taken away.

And in the mean time I'd probably get the kid a low back booster and teach him how to buckle the seat belt himself. There's no way they're going to route the shoulder belt in a HBB every time they move it. Better than nothing

I'd even just use the Nautilus in NBB mode (if it gives him a reasonable belt fit) since he wouldn't have to route the belt under any armrests.