what do you say to people when they comment about your older kids rfing?

java

New member
DD is 19 mths. We have a few friends who have babies right around her age and younger all ffing. They always comment on DD and say that we will be able to turn her soon. For now, I have been using the excuse that she is not heavy enough because she is very petite at 19lbs. So once she hits 20, what do I say to keep them from making stupid comments? We have already had some of them kinda make fun of us.

We tell them that it is safer, but they say they have done their research, get very defensive, and tell us why rfing DD is dangerous.

So, what can I say to where I don't come off sounding like a know it all or like I am protecting my child better then they are? I have already tried to tell them why it's safer, offer proof, ect but they are not willing to think any different. It's like a right of passage that their kids are ffing and my DD is still a 'baby' because she is rfing.

I just want a nice, non defensive way to why she is rfing....now that she is getting very close to the legal weight to turn.
 
ADS

VoodooChile

New member
"Turn her? Into what????" (Pat pockets like you're looking for a magic wand).
Or point out that the recommendation went to "at least age 2" last April (so they've obviously not done their research).
Or simply refuse to explain yourself any further--if they won't listen, no sense in talking to a human brick wall, right? And you don't need to justify your (correct) parenting decisions!
 

bella_1818

New member
DS rear-faced for 4.5 years and I had VERY few people ever comment on it.

When they did I just said that I always thought kids were supposed to forward face at 1 year old or 20 lbs, but when I was shopping for DS's last seat I found out that the NHTSA recommends that children rear-face until at least 3. They had data to show why and so that's what we were going to do.

If they seemed interested in more then I might go on, but most people were not receptive. Most of DS's friends are in backless boosters.

http://www.nhtsa.gov/ChildSafety/step1
 

jjordan

Moderator
We've had very few people ask. On the rare occasion that someone has brought it up, I'll just say, "well, it's safer, and he still fits and is comfortable, so we're just leaving him like that." I don't take the opportunity to preach about ERF, but I do mention that it is safer. If they want to know more, I'm happy to tell them.
 

zactayaus

Well-known member
My response is "Kids that RF are 75% less likely to die or be seriously injured in an accident and that is huge!". "So we are keeping him RF till he outgrows his seat".:) (I know the actual quote says kids up to 24 month, but I always purposely leave that part out).;)
 

bubbaray

New member
To the inevitable "broken legs" argument: I'd rather a broken leg than a broken neck. That usually shuts people up.

The only person who had the guts to keep at me after the broken neck comment is DH and I just rolled my eyeballs and walked away. DD#2 RFd to the limits of her seat (which wasn't all that old by c-s.org standards, but I was OK with it).
 
I've never had anyone say anything to me about my kids RF past 1 as far as I know I'm the only one in town whose kids RF past 10-12 months
 

Brianna

New member
Occasionally I've been asked when J will turn forward, I just say when he reaches the limits of his seat. I did FF him once about a month ago for one trip because the only seat he was with a 40 RF limit was out of town- he did nothing but kick my front seat the whole time. Now I use that too- I don't want him kicking my seat!
 

love-pink

Well-known member
I have had comments in parking lots where people must think Im deaf :rolleyes: Ummm... hello all of your windows are down, I can hear your every word :rolleyes:

I also very frequently ride in friends vehicles and just about every time I get "that wont fit like that", "she wants to see us", "shes squished", "just turn her so she can see the world already", "she wants to sit like so and so". Its beyond frustrating!! :mad::mad: I have let DD2 ride ffing a few times (less than 5 probably) since turning 2. But I never do in others vehicles just to prove shes not going to spontaneously combust rear facing at 2 :p

I honestly want to punch people when they comment on my parental decisions. I just say "shes safer" though :eek: I keep my mouth shut (unless asked for help) on others carseat choices, why cant they do the same??!?!
 

BananaBoat

Well-known member
We also rarely get asked. Mostly because my friends & family know I'm a safety geek.

When people do ask I use the "because it's safer" line mostly. If they continue to ask, I'll mention that the newest recommendations are to RF to the limits of the seat & hers goes to 45lbs. Most of my Mom-friends RF to at least 18 months if not 2 years because I got to them early :evil grin: No one has made fun if me or gotten defensive about their own choices or pushed me on turning her, so I haven't had to make it an issue. Luckily, I have friends & family who know enough to keep their mouths shut if they disagree with my parenting choices regarding safety.

I've had a few double-takes in the preschool drop-off/pick-up lot, but no one's actually said anything to me. And I don't say anything to the moms who have their 3 year olds in boosters...unless I know them ;)
 

EmmaGrace'sMom

New member
I haven't had anyone but DH ask when I will turn DD2. But my stock response is that I will turn her when she outgrows rfing, per the current AAP recommendation.
 

CrazyBoysMamma

New member
First of all, when they nag you about it take a deep breath and remind yourself that they *know* they are in the wrong and you doing the right thing is a glaring reminder of that to them. Next, just let it be known that RF is the safest way to ride and you will be following the AAP and NHTSA recommendations to RF to the limits of your seat, and if they are interested you'd be happy to show them the info. They will stop asking, quickly. Just be nice about it, but make it clear you are quite firm and confident in your decision. No one nags me about it ever anymore. Some of my friends who are new moms ask me about it, but that's more of a research thing.
 

Keeanh

Well-known member
I just say "Rear-facing is safer for everyone, even us (haha), so I wouldn't feel right turning her when she still fits in her seat. She'll outgrow it eventually -- I just don't want to rush it."

I've never had anyone argue why I should turn *my* child. They always rationalize why their child HAD to turn and I just nod and change the subject. If you say something about them outgrowing the seat at some point, it kinda defeats the "you just want to keep them babies forever / you're overprotective / don't want her to grow up/ etc" arguments.
 

Brigala

CPST Instructor
I haven't had any comments yet. I think I have a reputation for being pig-headed enough that it pretty much keeps people from trying.

What I intend to say if it's brought up is that I've chosen to follow NHTSA's guidelines which are to rear-face until four as long as the child still fits within the rear-facing limits of her seat. If the person doesn't already know I'm a CPST I might bring that up as well.
 

momtotwogirls

New member
One time I stopped at Smiths and I had opened my door a little then stopped to grab something out of my purse and i hear the girl next to me "OMG you should see this car that just pulled up next to me, her kids are way to big to be rear facing their knees are practically in their face. doesnt she know you have to turn them at 1(mind you my youngest was around 10 months)" and opened my door a little more and said "While your add it tell your friend that its 75% safer for them to rear face and I dont want to add them to the death toll of car accidents"
 

Syllieann

New member
When I'm in a parking lot I make a point to put my large rf 3yo in first and then leave the sliding door on the van wide open while i put dd in so that anyone walking by will hopefully notice that they can rf and if they have questions, they can ask, or if not at the very least, it won't seem such a foreign idea to someone that just never heard of erf. I've never been asked though. If someone questioned it, I would point out that I am following nhtsa and aap guidelines instead of just meeting the bare minimum legal requirements.
 

SeattleRain

New member
I honestly want to punch people when they comment on my parental decisions. I just say "shes safer" though :eek: I keep my mouth shut (unless asked for help) on others carseat choices, why cant they do the same??!?!

I feel like this a lot, and I have to get it in check. Whenever someone comments on how Daniel is still RF, I get this rush of anger/irritation at their ignorance and arrogance. If someone said to me that they FF their kid because it's just so much more convenient, I would get that. I mean, on some levels it might be true (not that it justifies turning them around, but at least it's honest). But whenever someone asks about Daniel RF, they always follow it up with some sort of "Isn't he too old for that?" or "He's going to break his legs!" comment and I have to fight back to urge to say "Aren't you too old to be an a-hole who comments on people's parenting choices without doing any research of your own?" I guess I'd feel better if it was curiousity, but it usually seems to be mockery.

What I usually say is that we'd all be safer RF and that the AAP recommends that children RF until they're at least 2 now. Since Daniel is under 2, I can get away with that still. When people say that if FF at 1 and 20 was really dangerous then it wouldn't be legal, I usually say there are a lot of things that the law doesn't cover when it comes to keeping your kids safe and healthy. The law doesn't tell you that you have to take your kids to the dentist, but imagine what would happen if you just didn't? The law sets a lowest common denominator so that some moron doesn't put their 2 month old propped up in the passenger seat with the seatbelt across her.
 

love-pink

Well-known member
I absolutely feel like it's mockery. Or sometimes it's like people try to make me feel guilty for not "letting DD see the world". :(
 

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