Vent I'm a little upset after a visit..

noahsmom24

Active member
So, I'm not really mad at anyone but today we went out to visit S/O's Parents and his aunt lives kind of across the way from his parents house.
Anyway, after visiting his parents, a trip through the woods on some trails (his parents live sort of out in the country and have a lot of land) we went to his aunts house. She was going on how much ds had grown and her grand daughter is 4 as well etc,.. and then it came out I bet your out of that baby car seat like a big boy now, aren't you!? She looked straight at me and I said No he's in a car seat then she looked at S/O a little puzzled.

I think what makes me the most upset about the whole situation is that someone is telling ds that a big boy seat is anything but a car seat! I hope to keep ds harnessed at least until he is 6+, the way he is growing I am hoping we will make it to six! Anyway, I know we have all been there and I've read so many stories on here about you guys going through this sort of things and now I am little by little. Even S/O's mom mentioned about her grandson "we never had D (who is 7 riding ONLY in a seat belt) in a car seat or Booster at that age! They are nice people, but like many are uninformed and aren't to worried about being informed.

Just a little frustrated I suppose and what better place to come vent about the problem then a car seat forum..:p ...I didn't have to say anything for S/O to know it bothered me, He sort of gets me with all of it I think, I don't think he 100% agrees but he says he's your son and I'll do and use whatever you think is best for him. There isn't anyone in my life that agrees or at least "gets" why I want to keep ds safe in the car! ugh it can be very frustrating and discouraging..I guess I could booster or just use a seat belt like all the other preschooler moms take my chance at luck with what happens...No Thank you.
 
ADS

mom2acrew

Moderator - CPST Instructor
It's stinks doesn't it. Best I can suggest is let it roll and be glad S/O is onboard with what you want for your DS.
 

aeormsby

New member
I would have just smiled and said 'of course he's in a big boy seat, he outgrew the 'baby' (meaning infant seat in my mind) seat a long time ago' :)
 

noahsmom24

Active member
I should have said that...And I always try to let things like that roll.
It's funny something so thoughtless to someone else can really Bother me, I didn't mean for it to bother me but fighting with his dad over this very thing, remarks from ds's grandparents on his dad's side, remarks from S/O's family and even remarks from a couple friends "one has no kids, another has 2"...It just becomes very discouraging, because no matter how well you explain things you still get that looks like I'm not really listening to you and I know better than you, or you are being to OVERPROTECTIVE.
 

aym4Him

New member
Hugs to you!

I feel your pain and my DS is only 3. He is the first grandchild for my in-laws and they haven't really ever had to worry about car seats (when DH and I were born in '74, not much was there in the way of child safety seats!). There have been a LOT of instances where I got that passive-aggressive, "Well, isn't it funny how things change?" or, "I guess we never had to worry about that when the kids were growing up." Anywhere from me pumping/him getting breast milk to how much juice I let him drink (we dilute it about 75% still ;-)).

The bottom line is, we have to remember that they are our kids. OURS. Not theirs. I let ppl get into my head too easily and it doesn't take long before what I think they think (lol) starts to take a foothold on how I feel about myself as a parent.

I bet you were frustrated about the whole "big boy" comment. I'm sure to get that as they have already made comments to DS about how squished he looks RF (Marathon 65). Sigh!

Hang in there!
 

henrietta

Well-known member
Hugs to you!

I feel your pain and my DS is only 3. He is the first grandchild for my in-laws and they haven't really ever had to worry about car seats (when DH and I were born in '74, not much was there in the way of child safety seats!). There have been a LOT of instances where I got that passive-aggressive, "Well, isn't it funny how things change?" or, "I guess we never had to worry about that when the kids were growing up." Anywhere from me pumping/him getting breast milk to how much juice I let him drink (we dilute it about 75% still ;-)).

The bottom line is, we have to remember that they are our kids. OURS. Not theirs. I let ppl get into my head too easily and it doesn't take long before what I think they think (lol) starts to take a foothold on how I feel about myself as a parent.

I bet you were frustrated about the whole "big boy" comment. I'm sure to get that as they have already made comments to DS about how squished he looks RF (Marathon 65). Sigh!

Hang in there!

You have to take into consideration, too, that as new parents we are often VERY sensitive about our decisions, even the ones we KNOW we're right about b/c we researched them to DEATH....and also that sometimes, those "questioning" folks really ARE just remarking how things have changed. They are confused by the changes, wondering what they are and how it works now....and sometimes are afraid to ask you b/c they do actually still remember the fragile ego of a new parent. ;) My mom has often remarked that she understands the carseat thing, but "darn it, they're hard for me! I'm not used to this!". She's not saying I'm wrong, she just isn't used to it. And that's okay.

While it's really, really frustrating, and I can sympathize (really I do!), it does help to remember that not everything is intended as criticism. Some of it really is just conversation starters and trying to connect over the kids.

henrietta
 

noahsmom24

Active member
Thank you both :)

Henrietta,
Believe me I know the ones who are being completely critical and the ones who are on the other side of the table and just nervous to ask. Any chance I can get to educate others I DO! :)
 

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