Do you let your kids watch videos or crash tests?

The reason I'm asking this is because last night I was reading a thread here and I walked away from the computer for a few minutes. Kaylie jumped in my spot and clicked on a link to the Kyle Miller video (just the page I happened to be on). I didn't realize she was watching it until about half way through. She was laughing and telling me to look at the cute little boy, just enjoying the pictures. She can't read, so I wasn't too concerned and didn't want to make a big deal out of her watching it, so I just let it go. I wasn't paying a lot of attention because that video tends to make me cry.

Then they showed the crash test scene and Kaylie figured out that it was car seat related. She asked about it and wanted to see that scene again. I allowed her to, not really seeing the harm in it. I think it's important for her to know WHY she needs to be safe in the car seat and I think crash test videos are an excellent example for kids that are mature enough to watch then since they show dummys, not real people.

She asked why that was in the video and I simply told her that the video was about a little boy who was in a car accident. She asked if he was in a car seat (that's my girl:thumbsup, and I said yes, he was in a booster seat. She asked if he was OK and I decided to be honest thumbsdown: maybe?) and I told that he got hurt real bad in the accident and had to go to heaven. She was really quiet and I'm looking at her watching tears fall silenty from her eyes. Now Kaylie is a very mature and sensitive child to begin with. She was very shaken and upset by this. She made me promise to keep her safe and said she was never using a booster seat EVER. I told her that boosters are very safe if they're used properly. I don't want her to have a complex about boosters in general.

Then it was my turn to let the tears flow. She looked at me again and said "that little girl doesn't have a brother anymore. Promise me you'll keep Teagan safe in the car, too". She's way too perceptive for a four and a half year old.

So, part of me is glad that we had the opportunity to talk about car seat safety. It's never been an issue with us. Kaylie knows car seats are not negotiable and is probably more outspoken about car seat safety than I am. She could probably teach a class on it.

On the other hand, I feel awful that she was so upset by the video and part of me feels like an awful parent for letting her watch it and having to have that conversation with her. I could have lied, but that's not my style and NOT how I raise my kids. I much prefer an open and honest approach where nothing is off-limits. But I am concerned that I crossed the line on this one.

I'm anxious to see how everyone feels about this.

Amy

Ok your post made me cry just reading about it! I voted at a certain age, because it really hasn't come up with us yet. I talk to Justin about safety and he knows everyone has to be buckled in the car. If he asked more about car safety or came across a video like that, I would have done the same as you did. I think kids need honesty when it comes to something this serious.

I think you handled it well for the situation you were in. I too do not lie to my children. I do, on rare occcasions, tell them I just can't tell them something right now but I will when they are older. I think I would have handled it as you have.

My oldest and youngest have watched some of the videos and we have talked about how some children have died when not protected properly in the car. They both handled it really well. My middle has no interest in watching anything that doesn't have animals so I don't think she has watched any.

It is a huge topic in my family because my cousins lost their 4 yr old in a car accident almost 4 yrs ago (he wasn't in a booster seat). We talk about Austin (my avatar is a picture of him) all the time, and about what happened to him, and we watch all the videos. We talk about how those kids died in a car accident, just like Austin did and how sad it is for their families. Because it is such a personal topic for us, there is no certain age at which we start talking about it, but kids don't really comprehend it until they're a certain age. My 5 yr old definitely knows what we're talking about, but my 2 1/2 yr old really doesn't get it yet.
In memory of Austin ~

My 7yo and 4.5yo have watched crash test videos, and they both know what happened to Kyle Miller. The 7yo is on the genius spectrum and functions on a 6th grade academic level, and the kid wants very detailed information on EVERYTHING; she wants to know why it's safer for her to be harnessed when all of her friends are either in backless boosters or just seat belt, and why her younger sister and brother ride rf, etc. "It's safer" just doesn't do it for her. And the 4.5yo is following in her sister's footsteps- she wants hard facts, too. Plus, I want it drilled into their heads that they MUST be in harnessed seats (for my 4.5yo) and AT LEAST a HBB for my 7yo, in case daddy ever makes a poor carseat choice, or grandma, etc. The more info they have, the more compliant they are, IME, AND my 7yo has been known to tell classmates that they are NOT safe in backless boosters or just the seatbelt and they're both much more serious about car safety since watching the videos.

our kids don't watch videos, period, except for home videos of themselves taken with the camera.

at some point, they will be old enough to watch videos... maybe 5? at this point, they can't comprehend crashes and they can't separate fantasy from reality. but for now, no videos, except for home videos.

I think that you did the right thing. She would have picked up on your lie, even if you tried. However, did you point out that Kyle was a little small for a booster and that she won't be riding in a booster until she's much, much older than Kyle. That may allay her fears about booster seats.
My dd is sensitive and very aware of car safety so, has not seen the videos yet. If car seat use becomes an "embarrasment", I will be showing her exactly why we use seats properly. And showing her the law. She turns seven in October and I'm hoping there isn't any teasing about car seats but, you know kids.

I marked "At a certain age"....(I also took it to mean Maturity level also) which dd definitely has NOT reached yet. She has a tendency for obsessiveness either for curiousity or worry. I don't need to feed it. Right now, her make up games are involving 'killing' and 'dead' because our cat kills flies, she's seen dead bugs in the yard, and there's a whole bunch of fairy tales centered around beasties eating one another

Quite amusing, but I don't need her yet to leap to the conclusion at 3 3/4 years old that riding in mommy or daddy's car could kill HER! If she sees events and asks about them, I try to reply clearly but gently.
It's a balancing act.

keri1292 said:

However, did you point out that Kyle was a little small for a booster and that she won't be riding in a booster until she's much, much older than Kyle. That may allay her fears about booster seats.

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Yes, I did. I told her that he was too little to be in a booster seat, but that his mom and dad just didn't know that. She said they should have listened to my "car seat friends" (meaning you guys - she sees me on here at home sometimes and knows this is a car seat site. She just doesn't understand that not everyone in the world is here). When she stated that would never ride in a booster seat, I explained that they ARE safe, when used correctly and when kids are big enough to use one. I explained that she had nothing to worry about since she wouldn't be sitting in anything other than a race car seat (her term for a 5 pt harness) for a long time. She accepted that.

keri1292 said:

My dd is sensitive and very aware of car safety so, has not seen the videos yet. If car seat use becomes an "embarrasment", I will be showing her exactly why we use seats properly. And showing her the law. She turns seven in October and I'm hoping there isn't any teasing about car seats but, you know kids.

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Kaylie is the same way and I never would have chosen to show her a video. I think she accepts and understands car seat safety exceptionally well for a child anyway, as most of our kids do. I think they're excellent for showing an older child who is embarrassed by using a seat - that's a great point.

Amy

Leila's been watching crash test videos with me since she was 3 -- she now teaches other kids the importance of proper booster use as well as I can :thumbsup: It was obvious to her that it was not a real child in the seat & that it was not inside a real car on a real road ... but, she was also always capable of understanding that the result can + should be applied to real life.

At the Lifesavers conference, she sat in on various workshops/seminars & commented a couple times after some crash test videos "That's really good, mama" (sometimes adding "that's important!")

Ones that are applicable, yes. And with her (eta, oops, "her" being, SIL) knowledge, I showed my nephew tests of lap belt only, to try to motivate him to keep the shoulder belt on when in a booster, and ones of 5 pt harnesses to encourage him to want to stay harnessed. Same with my kids, I show them the 5 pt harness and the regular seatbelt ones, so they can see the difference that the harness makes.

Wow, that made ME cry! You have a really sweet and smart little girl there!

I do think you did the right thing in letting her see it and explaining it to her, even if it did upset her.

I started showing Hayley crash test videos (like the harnessed vs. booster ones, with dummies) at about 2.5 years old. I credit doing that with why she's never been an escape artist and never really fought her carseat. She loves it.

She's also seen the Kyle/Belle videos. She watches the news with us, we talk about car crashes that kill real people. She's an emotional kid, and she expresses sadness for the people and their families, but she hasn't cried over it. I do believe it helps her understand why I'm so cautious about car safety.

I haven't had a need to yet actually. I do worry my kids would be as paranoid as I am if they saw them. However if it became an issue of them not wanting to be in seats I would do it in order to stress the importance. I would just be careful which ones I showed them.

Amy, I think you handled Kaylie's reaction beautifully -- no parent can or should shelter their kids from everything & we learn a bit more about ourselves as well as our children every little step of the way ... you now know more about her & she knows more about you in turn: she might be very concerned, but that just means that you're doing a wonderful job raising an empathic human being who cares & it seems to me that she trusts you perhaps even more now because you were honest about something like this.

(((((HUGS)))))

Neither of the girls have seen the videos yet but I did mark at a certain age. I think Kaylee would understand it pretty well at her age. But, She has always been great about her carseat. I am pretty bult about carseats to them. Ex: "If you don't buckle up you will get hurt in a car accident."

She is also very aware of the accident Kinlee & I were in almost 2yrs ago. She knows that us being buckled up properly kept us safe. Kinlee doesn't remember the accident as she was just over 2yr at the time. She has only loosened her carseat once and she got the scare of her life and has since never done it again.

My kids have seen so many of these videos, it doesn't phase them any. They actually ask to watch them LOL. Hopefully someday they'll become CPST's!

papooses said:

Amy, I think you handled Kaylie's reaction beautifully -- no parent can or should shelter their kids from everything & we learn a bit more about ourselves as well as our children every little step of the way ... you now know more about her & she knows more about you in turn: she might be very concerned, but that just means that you're doing a wonderful job raising an empathic human being who cares & it seems to me that she trusts you perhaps even more now because you were honest about something like this.

(((((HUGS)))))

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Wow - thank you

You mean like letting them watch Accident Investigator? LOL! I voted I let them watch crash test video. I might actually let the older two watch the KDM video now that I think about it. My girls are actually pretty good. My almost 11y/o sits without a booster now, but my 9y/o complains and tries to get out of me making her sit in one But my younger two love their seats (my 5y/o wants to be rear facing again! LOL!).

DS just turned 2 so its not an issue yet but i probably will show them to him at some point so he understands

i think you handled it perfectly, and it sounds like you'll never have to worry about her not wanting to be in a seat