Best way to get a resistant 2 year old in a car seat?

Brianna · Nov 7, 2011

J hates being made to get dressed and go in his car seat. It takes two people to get him dressed because of the mega tantrums he throws and usually two people to get him in his car seat, forcibly holding him down. He doesn't want toys, he doesn't want a reward. He throws anything you give him. Is there anything that will make this easier

lovemybabies924 · Nov 7, 2011

Are there any special needs involved? Or just a strong will

Sent from my iPod touch, sorry for any auto-correct typos!

Brianna · Nov 7, 2011

He's not verbally where a 2 year old should be... his 2 year check up is next month but there's no official SN. I wouldn't be surprised though, this doesn't seem like typical "terrible twos" to me.

Pixels · Nov 7, 2011

If you only make him get dressed right before he gets in his seat, I would start making him get dressed daily, just because. His resistance to getting dressed could be just because he associates that with getting in his seat. If you can de-associate it, then that's at least one less battle to fight.

Brianna · Nov 7, 2011

When I babysit him, he's still in his PJ's from the night before. I drive him to my house, feed him and then get him dressed. Mom only dresses him when she's going in public with him, because he rips all his clothes off as soon as he can.

gigi · Nov 7, 2011

If it were my kid, I'd have him just sleep in comfy clothes and wear them all day. Why bother changing in the morning if it is causing a tantrum? Otherwise, I'd just let him wear his PJs because it seems silly to fight over clothes (other than for warmth reasons). My son wears some crazy outfits, but as long as he's seasonally appropriate or we are going somewhere special, I let him.

As for the carseat, can you bribe him? Like give a sticker or some post-its if he sits and allows you to buckle him? Or do a drawing on his hand with a marker? If he doesn't want toys, how about food? An M&M or similar goes a long way with some kids.

Brianna · Nov 7, 2011

Any sort of clothing is a fight, even PJs or loose comfy clothes. I would let him walk around in a diaper all day but it's too cold for that now.

mom of six · Nov 7, 2011

Children this age are striving to be independent. They see that adults have power and they want it. Right now I would say that he has quite a bit of power but since his is 2 he does not know how to use it. (and he probably should not have that much). It is all about choices, you need to offer him choices that are acceptable to you.

For example...
Would you like to wear the blue pants or the brown ones?
What would you like to put on first, your pants or your shirt?"
Would you like to climb into your car seat or should I lift you in?
Would you like to buckle the chest clip of your car seat or should I do it?

If he doesn't choose right away, ask him again, if he still won't choose then choose for him and tell him that you are choosing because he did not.

The key to this is to offer him choices about EVERYTHING (color of cup for juice at lunch, pick up toys while acting like a robot or a puppy) but make sure that the choices are for things that, in the long run, really don't matter. That sounds funny but who cares if he wears blue or brown pants or if he climbed in the car seat or you lifted him in. The point is that you control that he is getting dressed and that he is getting buckled up (the desired behavior) he just feels like he has the control because of the "options" you are giving him.

From reading the other posts it sounds like you are the caregiver, not his parent. It may be more challenging because I am sure you have a different style than his parent does. Chat and see if you can make an action plan for the little guy. Kids want limits at this age. They want to know how they fit into their world but they will test them all. There are a couple of great books How to Make your Children Mind Without Loosing Yours by Kevin Leman and Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Both of these books talk about giving choices and how it works.

LeeLi · Nov 7, 2011

I agree with trying to work with him rather than against him as the PP suggested.

Still for those times when you do have to buckle him in you can overcome his physical resistance by scooping him up quickly and holding him in a V shape with his legs as high as his head. Then plop him in the carseat still in the V and continue holding his legs up as you buckle. Holding his feet up removes his ability to push with his legs and makes it much harder to fight you. It works best if you catch him by surprise and move quickly.

ketchupqueen · Nov 7, 2011

Tickling the tummy so they curl up can also help for some toddlers.

Brianna · Nov 7, 2011

He doesn't choose yet when offered 2 choices, but I'll mention to mom to keep giving options.

Putting him in a V doesn't work well with my car, the doors seem shorter than most cars and his MyRide is behind the driver door so it's hard to get him in without hitting his head when he's not folded in half.

Tickling works sometimes, but when he knows I'm dropping his mom off I don't think that helps his mood.

I'm hoping a combo of everything mentioned will help at least some, and I really hope this is a phase that's going to end very soon! I can only imagine trying to hold him in FF with him trying to slide down...

carseatcoach · Nov 8, 2011

ketchupqueen said:
Tickling the tummy so they curl up can also help for some toddlers.

That's what I do -- tickle or blow, they sit back, and I strap up super quick.

honeydew · Nov 8, 2011

Madi is almost 2 1/2 and is all about doing it herself. Her seat is in the middle and she climbs into the car and walks over to her seat. I give her to the count of 3 (s l o w counts) to get in and sit on her bottom or else I put her in. It's working!

Is it possible for you to move his seat into the middle?

Brianna · Nov 8, 2011

He loves doing it up himself- but only in the house. His mom doesn't have a car so the seat is brought in the house every night and he clips everything together once it's in the house.

Center LATCH install leaves it tipped to the side because it's off-center of the middle seat bump, and he over-reclines it when installed with the seat belt by kicking the seat back.

Jennee · Nov 8, 2011

mom of six said:
Children this age are striving to be independent. They see that adults have power and they want it. Right now I would say that he has quite a bit of power but since his is 2 he does not know how to use it. (and he probably should not have that much). It is all about choices, you need to offer him choices that are acceptable to you.

For example...
Would you like to wear the blue pants or the brown ones?
What would you like to put on first, your pants or your shirt?"
Would you like to climb into your car seat or should I lift you in?
Would you like to buckle the chest clip of your car seat or should I do it?

If he doesn't choose right away, ask him again, if he still won't choose then choose for him and tell him that you are choosing because he did not.

The key to this is to offer him choices about EVERYTHING (color of cup for juice at lunch, pick up toys while acting like a robot or a puppy) but make sure that the choices are for things that, in the long run, really don't matter. That sounds funny but who cares if he wears blue or brown pants or if he climbed in the car seat or you lifted him in. The point is that you control that he is getting dressed and that he is getting buckled up (the desired behavior) he just feels like he has the control because of the "options" you are giving him.

From reading the other posts it sounds like you are the caregiver, not his parent. It may be more challenging because I am sure you have a different style than his parent does. Chat and see if you can make an action plan for the little guy. Kids want limits at this age. They want to know how they fit into their world but they will test them all. There are a couple of great books How to Make your Children Mind Without Loosing Yours by Kevin Leman and Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Both of these books talk about giving choices and how it works.

haha I was confused when I couldnt find the like button, but I agree with offering options for everything. also give him warnings before things happen. "in 5 minutes it will be time to get dressed (get in the carseat, clean up...)"

Jennee · Nov 8, 2011

I posted that before reading the other answers

vangelder03 · Nov 8, 2011

start rewarding him for getting dressed or getting in the car
with my son Holland who is delayed in speech we started giving him a snack
after he got dressed a couple of grapes a handful of goldfish a cheese stick
in the car we bought some soft toys and he got to play with them only in the car i would also suggest just having a daily routine of getting dressed
and doing something fun then he will start to associate getting dressed as being fun

SeattleRain · Nov 8, 2011

Brianna said:
He's not verbally where a 2 year old should be... his 2 year check up is next month but there's no official SN. I wouldn't be surprised though, this doesn't seem like typical "terrible twos" to me.

I don't know, my son is verbally delayed but is totally neurotypical (they did a lot of tests when we had EI come). Boys are sometimes slower to come around to speech, and not being able to express themselves can make them quick to tantrum. Anyways, my son can be EXACTLY like this and the only way I seem to be able to get him in there is by force. Also, there are some seats that he definitely seems to accept more readily than others. He's in a Coccoro and that has to be his least favorite seat of all time. He likes his Chicco KF30 and likes the SS1 we have as his back up seat. In short, maybe try a different seat. The novelty alone might do the trick.

Brianna · Nov 8, 2011

SeattleRain said:
I don't know, my son is verbally delayed but is totally neurotypical (they did a lot of tests when we had EI come). Boys are sometimes slower to come around to speech, and not being able to express themselves can make them quick to tantrum. Anyways, my son can be EXACTLY like this and the only way I seem to be able to get him in there is by force. Also, there are some seats that he definitely seems to accept more readily than others. He's in a Coccoro and that has to be his least favorite seat of all time. He likes his Chicco KF30 and likes the SS1 we have as his back up seat. In short, maybe try a different seat. The novelty alone might do the trick.

It just doesn't seem like typical stuborn-ness to me. I hope it is though.

His mom can't afford to buy him a seat and I'm not buying him another RF seat at 36 pounds. The next seat I'm buying him will be a FF combo seat.

Best way to get a resistant 2 year old in a car seat?

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