Talking to the ex...

How do I talk to my youngest childs father and his wife about proper car seat usage? Ds3 is coming up on 4, I'm so afraid they are going to booster him. I'm in tears right now thinking about it. He is only 32#, so he isnt at our states 4&40 law. They ff him at 1, they use screneas (i suggested those, cheap and thought they woul a rf him longer) and in both cars they arent in well and straps are horrible. I cant refuse him a transport, they will get me on contempt. Help, please :'(

Sent from my LS670 using Car-Seat.Org

It sounds like a really tough situation all around and I'm sorry you have to go through this. If they aren't using a harnessed seat correctly and you can't get them to understand how important it is a booster might be a better option, if (and only if) you think your son will sit correctly in it 100% of the time. I would much rather a properly used booster than an improperly used harnessed seat. It's also likely he's outgrown the scenera for height (if his shoulders are above the top slots or the tops of his ears are above the top of the shell the seat is to small for him), which is another reason a booster might be preferable to convincing them to keep him harnessed unless they would get another seat.

I agree that having him ride in a booster at 32 lbs is less than ideal, but if it's used properly (fitted to him, and a seat that is rated down to 30 lbs, and he sits correctly 100% of the time) it is safer for a 4 year old to be boostered than to use an outgrown and improperly installed harness seat.

You could try to amend your custody agreement to include proper carseat usage.

Kaitsmom said:

You could try to amend your custody agreement to include proper carseat usage.

Click to expand...

While I like this idea I'm pretty sure most states have a "proper usage" clause that would mean using a booster at 3y/30lbs would be allowable provided the manufacturer permits it.

What state are you in?

Does he still fit in the scerena (shoulders under top slots)?

If you think they will booster him, then I would start training him yourself. Sounds like they don't use a 5-point correctly so a booster might be safer.

Thanks ladies. He is tiny, I have a back up screna and use one in my moms. He still fits. He is all legs. I live in ohio. I know car seat usuage is in my fiances papers, but we made it a claus. I lost my papers in my house fire last year. I could get another copy. This topic makes me ill.

Sent from my LS670 using Car-Seat.Org

Btw, I know he would never booster train. He has pdd-nos and can't understand all that. I could put him, on a reward system, but if it isnt being used, he won't do it.

Sent from my LS670 using Car-Seat.Org

if there is a clause that specifically says he must be safely seated in a car seat etc etc than politely remind him of this. If not is there a go between or advocate that might have more pull and would be listened too?

Having read your follow up with his diagnosis you're right that he's likely nowhere ready to booster train. Since you say there is a clause in the divorce agreement I would hold your exes fingers to the fire on this. Insist he take the seat and kid to a CPST and make sure he is using a correctly fitted seat (the scenera is almost definitely outgrown and certainly won't last to booster age in your son's case) and that it's installed properly.

When I went to carseat inspection I had an awesome CPST who was also a paramedic. He told me he became a CPST to understand carseats better after seeing tragedies on the job and told me every single thing to look for in installation and use and what failures he had seen to tell me WHY it needed to be how it was. He was awesome and left me confident in my own installation and use (my seat was 100% perfect when I got there too!). He wasn't alarmist, very matter of fact, but really helped me understand the importance, so maybe your ex needs to see someone like that who can pound into him how important this really is.

If there's a way you can hold him to the fire on the issue, ITA that it should be done. I have a similar situation. My girls are 4 & 5, very tiny, still harnessed in Maestros in my vehicle. Bio dad has been letting them ride without a car seat since they were infants. No joke. His mother has been written tickets for not having them properly restrained in their car. They only see them a few times a year (holidays) but it's usually for 1 week at a time and he has them for a full 6 weeks during the summer. When they got back from their summer visitation this year, they told me that bio dad allowed them so it in the front seat with just a seatbelt. I want to vomit just thinking about it. We have no clause talking about car seats but we're in the process of going back to court and that will most definitely be brought up. Since we're so far away, the only way I can make sure it's enforced is by hiring a PI. :/ I sent bio dad a text message with the Texas state laws and asked him what he would do if they were in an accident and were seriously injured or killed. He was totally defensive and just had a negative response (we don't get along, ever). I provide him with car seats and up to date safety information so he has NO excuses. It's so stressful and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the issue, too. I'm planning on booster training my girls and buying some HBB for them so that when they're with bio dad, they at least have those. GL mama, sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way! Maybe you can request that he be made to provide some sort of letter (or something..?) from a CPST stating that he had the seats inspected? It's what I'm going to *attempt* to do when we go to court.

My son with autism and global developmental delay will be 4 at the end of this month and I know he is nowhere NEAR being ready to booster train. We have him in a Graco Nautilus.

I wonder if you could get something in writing from his specialist (whoever diagnosed the pdd-nos) saying that he needs to be in a 5 pt harness. Maybe that would help with paperwork for court.

Get another copy of your court papers and stand by those.

Thank you ladies for your care! Its such a difficult situation. Ill check him in mom's van this week to see if he's still fitting in his screnea. I checked about a month ago and he was ok. I'm going to send his dads wife a msg and try with her.

mama_katz said:

My son with autism and global developmental delay will be 4 at the end of this month and I know he is nowhere NEAR being ready to booster train. We have him in a Graco Nautilus.

I wonder if you could get something in writing from his specialist (whoever diagnosed the pdd-nos) saying that he needs to be in a 5 pt harness. Maybe that would help with paperwork for court.

Click to expand...

That's a fantastic idea!