WWYD: Sibling Jealousy with Doll caught in the crossfire

southpawboston

New member
our 12 month old DD has become *obsessed* with our 32 month old's favorite doll (her first doll-- named "coco", which she's had since she was 12 months old). this is the doll that DD1 needs to go to bed with each night, the doll she needs for comfort when she's stressed. but now DD2 is totally obsessed with coco. she smiles a mile-wide smile when she sees coco. she will play with it, hug it, try to stuff it in her mouth, lol, for 1/2 hour at a time. and if you try to take her away from coco, or worse-- if DD2 catches her with coco, all hell brakes loose. DD2 will kick, buck, scream, you name it... until she gets coco back. understandably, it's DD1's doll, and DD1's the victim when DD2 takes it. we feel we have to be sympathetic towards DD1 and we can't expect her to want to share the one thing that is so much a part of her at this time. we've tried giving DD2 her own doll(s), but she just casts them aside... she wants coco and nothing else. what else can we do? i'm sure many of you have BTDT... so i'm eager to hear what your solutions were!
 
ADS

Auntie2Avi

New member
Just some ideas but not sure if you have tried any/all of them.

Maybe Coco needs to stay in DD1's bedroom/bed. If the girls share a room maybe the doll needs to stay on the bed.

Would you be able to find another one of the dolls? I know some dolls are only made for a limited time but maybe you could find one on ebay/craigslist?

Practice taking turns with other toys- balls, rolling back and forth; pass the teddy bear around the circle. Things that are not as special, then have each girl hold the doll for a minute and then pass it back. You can practice with a timer so that each can hear when it is time to share. Your younger dd is a baby but if your older dd knows that if coco is out of her bedroom she must share she might be more inclined to keep it "safe"

HTH,
 

solmama

Active member
Maybe take dd2 shopping for her own special doll (and make a big deal out of it) at her favorite toy store, just the 2 of you. I think you'll just have to put your foot down and not let her play with dd1's doll at all. Allowing her to play with it some of the time is unfair to both of them-teasing for the little one, and unkindness for the older. Have dd1 find a place to put the doll where only she can get it and try to make sure it is put there consistently (oh, I know how hard that is at this age). I hope I haven't offended you. Good luck with this issue!
 

jen_nah

CPST Instructor
If your ever find out the solution I would love to know myself. We have the same situation but with a stuffed pig. I have even gone to the lengths of hunting down another one but little sister knows it's not big sister's "Oscar".
 

solmama

Active member
Another thought...dd2 KNOWS this is dd1's absolute favorite toy. She likes it only because it is dd1's favorite. My sister would do the same thing with me, until whatever was mine finally became hers. No fun for the oldest. Ever. I would not let them EVER share the doll. It is dd1's and should remain so. Golly, I'm opinionated. Again, I hope I have not offended you.
 

southpawboston

New member
Maybe Coco needs to stay in DD1's bedroom/bed. If the girls share a room maybe the doll needs to stay on the bed.

that's not a problem, as they have their own rooms and DD1 always has coco in bed for the night. the problem is during the day.

Would you be able to find another one of the dolls? I know some dolls are only made for a limited time but maybe you could find one on ebay/craigslist?

wouldn't that cause some bizarre confusion of some sort, over which doll belongs to whom?

Practice taking turns with other toys- balls, rolling back and forth; pass the teddy bear around the circle. Things that are not as special, then have each girl hold the doll for a minute and then pass it back. You can practice with a timer so that each can hear when it is time to share. Your younger dd is a baby but if your older dd knows that if coco is out of her bedroom she must share she might be more inclined to keep it "safe"

it's getting to the point where there is *no* toy that DD2 wants except for coco. i do like the idea of the "conditional sharing", i.e., if coco is out of the bedroom, you have to share it. the downside to that is that DD1 won't get to parade safely around the house with coco, and coco will have to be on "lockdown" in the bedroom in order to remain "safe" from DD2. but interesting idea...

in fact, come to think of it, i think DD1 actually came up with a similar solution all herself... she puts coco up high on her changing table (where DD1 can't reach), and she even says "i'm puttingn coco on my changing table where DD2 (not real name, lol) can't get to her". hmm..... so basically DD1 already takes your advice, lol.
 

southpawboston

New member
Another thought...dd2 KNOWS this is dd1's absolute favorite toy. She likes it only because it is dd1's favorite. My sister would do the same thing with me, until whatever was mine finally became hers. No fun for the oldest. Ever. I would not let them EVER share the doll. It is dd1's and should remain so. Golly, I'm opinionated. Again, I hope I have not offended you.

not at all. :) i asked for opinions. :)

yes, DD2 loves it because it belongs to and is coveted by DD1. interesting idea of yours. militant, but interesting...

Maybe take dd2 shopping for her own special doll (and make a big deal out of it) at her favorite toy store, just the 2 of you.

we can try making it a big deal... but i worry that since any new doll, even one introduced with much fanfare, won't be DD1's special doll, DD2 will simply lose interest in it. so far, she's lost interest in every other doll we've given her (dolls of DD1 that DD1 never cared for).
 

LuvBug

New member
I would find the same doll for DD2. If you have them each put different clothing, hair, stickers, ect- then it wouldnt get confusing. They would each have the same doll but it would be all their own.


BTW, did DD2 have her birthday. You need to update your sig ;)
 

SPJ&E

New member
Maybe take dd2 shopping for her own special doll (and make a big deal out of it) at her favorite toy store, just the 2 of you. I think you'll just have to put your foot down and not let her play with dd1's doll at all. Allowing her to play with it some of the time is unfair to both of them-teasing for the little one, and unkindness for the older. Have dd1 find a place to put the doll where only she can get it and try to make sure it is put there consistently (oh, I know how hard that is at this age). I hope I haven't offended you. Good luck with this issue!

I agree completely!
 

MsFacetious

New member
Since I have a child who is prone to violence in situations like this, 99% of the time I get two of everything. I swore I'd never do that. But, it's cheaper to buy two of everything than pay the medical bills if I don't!

We write their names on the tags of toys, if there is a fight over it we show them and have them read who's is who's...this won't work till DD2 is older obviously.

I would go get the same doll and either dress them differently or do something to distinguish them. If DD1 can handle it, put the different clothes on Coco so DD2 thinks she is getting Coco.

Name for the doll but not the kid... that feels so wrong. Lol.

We have chocolate for a doll. :) Their friend Jake named his that (he actually knows what chocolate is, my kids don't. Lol) So they stole the name from him. :)
 

Mom2nj

Member
I too would look into finding another one of the same dool, or let DD2 pick out her own. I am all for making kids share their toys, but when it comes to a comfort item that is the one thing they do not have to share. They need to know they have their own things separate from their siblings. When DD was around 2 1/2 and DS was 8 months and was crawling we had a huge war because DS was getting into all of DD's things and she was becoming very aggressive towards him. I consulted the Ped's ofc cuz I wasn't sure what to do and they said DD needed to have a space w/things that were just her own so she could go somewhere to be on her own with her own things and not be bugged. DD got a corner with her favorites and DS got his corner then there were community things and it worked out for the most part. Good luck, sibling rivalry is never fun...
 

jennsmile

New member
I had one small plastic Buzz light year action figure. Two boys, almost 5 and 2! There was a great war. Buzz had to take a trip to the top cabinet. Meanwhile I went on Ebay and bought another Buzz but this one is bigger and plush as it was for the younger brother. Now we have two Buzzes and happy boys. They know which one belongs to whom. It works out great.

Another idea would be to have DD1 give dd2 her doll and buy her the new doll. good luck to you. Toddler negotiations are tough. I know when I told DS1 that DS2 was going to get a new buzz he wanted the NEW one and was willing to trade.


Jenn
 

Yoshi

New member
Personally-I would never make DD1 share Coco- at all- it is her comfort object and it belongs to her alone. That is the one thing my daughter never has to share- her special Teddy- which she's had since 9 months old-although she willingly offers it to her friends as she has gotten older.:) My DD has no sibling close in age, though. Your DD2 needs a replica of Coco. Put a small mark on hers to differentiate the two. Let her put diapers on it, outfits, whatever she wants to make it hers. It isn't fair to leave DD1's doll in the bedroom- my DD is 4 and still takes Teddy everywhere- except the pool, LOL!
 

momof2kiddos

New member
I agree that she shouldn't have to share it,my ds has a blanket that has been is lovie since about 8 months old,so when my daycare kids try to take it he freaks and screams like someone just stabbed him,I always make them give it back because that is one thing that his is and his alone.

I like the idea of getting dd2 her own "coco" and putting something on dd1's like a band-aid(you can talk her into it by giving her her favorite charchter band-aid)that way you can tell them apart.
 

Morganthe

New member
I too would look into finding another one of the same dool, or let DD2 pick out her own. I am all for making kids share their toys, but when it comes to a comfort item that is the one thing they do not have to share. They need to know they have their own things separate from their siblings.
:yeahthat:
I am sooooo in agreement, especially since your daughters are still so young! Your almost 12 month old just won't understand permanently that it is NOT her toy. You can tell her until you're blue in the face. In one ear, out the other. The older one isn't quite there in age/development to share without a lot of reluctance and especially since it's her comfort item, she might never arrive at that point. There's a lot of trust with sharing and your younger one can't do it yet either.

LOL, my dd just brought out her morning stash of Cereal (Quaker Squares) all bundled in her arms to share with me at my desk. Funny coincidence and so sweet :love: Emphasis on the word was hers. :p

So I'd look for another doll and hope that it's not the loving & comfort that she's seeing with your other daughter toward her doll that she wants.
That's my best suggestion. When dd was 12 months old she didn't care about dolls or toys or blankies. She wallowed in her books and would hand them out to anyone :p She still doesn't have a favorite "MINE" toy. Probably a result of only child wanting to share with visitors to make them happy syndrome :p
 
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