Two children--2.5 and 14mths.

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 4, 2011

• #1

This is not my week, first had a friend come to my house with a tiny 10mth old FF in Combi Zeus. Now, today, I have encountered a distant cousin of mine who won't even fully harness his two boys in their car seats.

I don't know what to do with this one...he will ONLY harness ONE SIDE into the harness clip AND leaves (no exaggeration) enough slack to pull the harness 8 inches away from their bodies. The kids then put their arms out of the harness leaving them buckled in on one-side...basically secured by one leg barely being buckled in.

Speechless, absolutely speechless. Any ideas how to start this conversation? I have said little so far, because, like I said, I was speechless.

 

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #2

Considering that no one has replied, does that mean this is not big deal and I should just keep my mouth shut?

I don't want to be "that person," it is just that they are only little defenseless babies and I feel like I should at least have some sense of a social responsibility or ethical obligation...am I wrong?

 

Ducky5306

New member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #3

Eh I'm "that person" I would rather risk upsetting someone then feel horrible if they were hurt in a crash after I didn't say something..

I always bring it up something like "Oh did you see the thing on the news last week about that awful car accident? (Hey chances are there was one) I'm paranoid about my kids being safe now! So I always make sure to buckle them in properly. I can not imagine how guilty I would feel if my child died after being thrown out of the car after me not buckling them properly!" It might stick with them and maybe they will think twice when buckling their kiddo in next time..

Others may have better ideas!

Sent from my HTC using Car-Seat.Org

 

monica-m

CPST Instructor

• Jun 5, 2011

• #4

The board does not get as much traffic on the weekend. I am on the phone app right now but when I get home I will give you my thoughts on this.

 

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #5

Great thank you!

Any thoughts would be great

 

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician

• Jun 5, 2011

• #6

When you say you've said "little," what have you said, and how has Dad responded? I think that would make a difference in how I would proceed.

It IS a big deal, definitely. Crash forces on those poor babies... it would not be good.

I think I would start by telling Dad you've been doing some research on carseats lately because of xyz, and does he know that the 5pt harness is important to distribute crash loads and prevent ejection? Kids not strapped in correctly could be thrown from their seats -- and the vehicle -- in a crash and that's terrifying to think about. Maybe ask if he needs a hand adjusting the kids' straps to the correct height and tightness, if you think that's part of the issue.

This is definitely a tough subject. There's no good or easy way to approach it without essentially saying, "Yo, you're doing something wrong as a parent!" and that puts virtually every parent on the defensive. The more you can combat that reaction by approaching it gently, the more likely you are to have a receptive parent.

 

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #7

I didn't say anything but "that is a little lose, and you have to buckle in both sides of the harness." To which they said "Oh, they don't like it when we do that." I didn't say anything further because I was too shocked.

Isn't it illegal to put children at such an obvious risk like that. Wouldn't this be considered reckless endangerment?? The children would certainly be ejected from their seats upon impact, our even having to stop short. A simple fender bender could throw them from their seats.

 

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician

• Jun 5, 2011

• #8

Next time you see them buckle the child in the seats, then, I would gently mention that the seat can't protect them if it's not used properly. If they still opt to disregard you, as difficult as it is, I would let it drop. (That's the hard part of being a CPS advocate, or technician.)

I don't think it is illegal like that; in fact there is a clause at least in certain states that specifically exempt CPS matters from being neglect. The only thing you could do is call the police and let them know that there is a *vehicle description* headed *direction* with improperly restrained kids inside. You need to be aware though, that a) the officer stopping may not be able to identify a problem, or know about a proper use clause, and b) you should expect that to be the end of the relationship you have with this friend, as they will almost certainly know it's you who called.

 

hrice

New member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #9

I had a friend that was doing something similar and I basically told her that her kids would be killed in a crash if she continued what she was doing. They are now always properly harnessed.

 

monica-m

CPST Instructor

• Jun 5, 2011

• #10

When approaching a friend/family member about a CPS matter you have to tread very lightly to keep from upsetting or offending them because it will cause them to shut down completely and not listen to a thing you have to say. What the police could do about it depends entirely on how your state law is written.

Sometimes the best approach is one that makes you look like you thought x and just found out that y was the right way to do it. If you make it sound like this was hard and complicated for you and you just found out you were doing it wrong it can be easier for them to accept. The other method that is sometimes successful is letting them know that they would be ticketed for it and that is only good if you are in a proper use state. It's sad but sometimes the threat of having to pay a ticket is a more effective scare tactic than the possibility that their child could die.

 

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 5, 2011

• #11

I like that approach. They live in Georgia, I am not sure what the laws are there. I would have to do any communication via email, because, like I said he is a distant cousin, I don't talk to him on the phone, and I will not be seeing him for quite a long time.

I was thinking sending him a video via email, saying "this is interesting, check it out." I wouldn't have to say anything at all.

But, there are no videos that I can find that cover the basic, most elementary stuff like simply securing your child in the seat. I have a ton of ERF videos, but nothing like harness 101. I need a visual of how a harness unsecured = child ejecting from seat. I don't think I should even bother with the ERF speech because it would be amazing just to have him buckle his children in at all. I feel a video is the only way to go, it takes the pressure off me..."Hey, I am just the messenger ."

Any video ideas? That would be a HUGE help

 

monica-m

CPST Instructor

• Jun 5, 2011

• #12

I don't have a video, but this blog post is pretty informative.

http://dailymomtra.com/2011/03/30/the-picture-guide-to-car-seat-safety/

The blog post about KQ's crash could be convincing as well.

http://carseatnanny.blogspot.com/2011/03/why-i-do-what-i-do.html

 

EssentialClarity

Member

• Jun 6, 2011

• #13

I like dailymomtra.com. I like it because it is quick to read, has pictures, and is cut and dry to the point.

When trying to talk to parents that do not have car safety at the top of their priority list, time and clarity is essential!

This situation and the lack of a really good site or video to provide a quick and easy illustration has inspired me to try to create one.