Does it get easier?

PunkyMonkey

New member
So... I have been struggling with a severe amount of anxiety about other people driving my baby anywhere. We just got a new nanny and she looked at me funny when I said No driving around... unless there is an emergency, in which case just call 911 and then me because I can get home before you can properly install a carseat. =/


When do you feel LESS worried about other people driving your baby around? I literally have a mental panic attack when I think of it. What if they don't install the seat right? What if they don't strap her in correctly? What if.. what if.....

I can't always be there, I work full time... I don't even like DH driving her anywhere. I worry so much.

Perhaps I need a psychologist.
 
ADS

Louisa

CPST Instructor
honestly, that sounds like maybe there is more there than typical safety concious mom anxiety, have you thought of talking to someone?
are you anxious about other things?

hugs
 

Dorothy

New member
Here's a big HUG for you. I will do almost anything to avoid someone other than DH or myself driving with the kiddos. I've seriously considered the need for some anxiety management, too. ;-)

Sent from my Eris using Car-Seat.Org
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
honestly, that sounds like maybe there is more there than typical safety concious mom anxiety, have you thought of talking to someone?

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with this. You should be able to trust your husband with your child. You should be able to trust the nanny. If you need to, buy two Sceneras for $80 and keep them permanently installed in husband's and nanny's vehicles. But yes, if you don't trust your husband to drive your child, it might be appropriate to explore that a little further.
 

mlohry

New member
I feel that way sometimes too, but I only allow my children to ride with people I completely trust and I have installed the seat properly. My DH even has me check seats before leaving with our kids, but he is way stronger than me, so I know he is a huge help with seats. You need to properly show anyone who is driving your child around how to use the seat, what's safe, what's not. If you trust the person driving, the seat and your directions then they are really just as safe with them as they are with you.

Now that my oldest is 8 and will sometimes ride with other parents, I tell him what the rules are, always use your booster, always sit properly, always behave in their car, same rules as in our car. I also tell him, even if the other child does something that is wrong in their seat, that doesn't mean that you can. My kids are as big of car seat freaks as I am, so I am positive that they will be safe with others. I also say a prayer over them whether they are with me or someone else.
 

Mysweethoneybee

New member
((Hugs)) to the OP. It should get easier until they get their drivers license and then it is hard again. I don't have any answers but I agree about buying a cheaper seat to install for other cars if that would make you feel better.
 

zactayaus

Well-known member
I feel very much the same way you do. It does get easier as they move onto boosters and you know they know how to properly buckle themselves.
 

scoutingbear

New member
If I was trusting someone (other than dh or my dad) to install a seat and drive my child around, yes, I would be very anxious. We have a full time nanny and I want the kids to get out and about and there are plenty of times when my kids stay with a friend of mine or whatever. For the kids in harnessed seats, I make sure I install the seats. Our nanny has seats permenantly installed in her car for the kids and she knows that if she needs to take them out for any reason, to let me know so I can put them back in properly. I even check the installs that dh and my dad do although both of them are pretty good. My older two know what a properly tightened belt/harness feels like and A knows where his headrest should be on his booster and how the belt should be routed for both his booster and RSTV. I am nervous with my mom putting M in her seat if she has to do anything other than buckle...so I make sure the harness is properly adjusted ahead of time.
 

PunkyMonkey

New member
I do freak out about a lot of things... people holding her, germs, etc. I know its bad... I should probably go talk to someone... I was reserving this for car seat matters not all the anxiety I have lol.

But as for our Nanny... she has a pickup truck and she was arguing that she can turn the front airbag off and its fine. I have seen other people do this but It's not OK with me... It just doesn't seem safe at all. Anyone here done this?

And DH... well yes I should trust him but last 3 times he strapped her in the car seat when we were going somewhere together her straps were all loose and chest clip down low and when I said something his reply was "she's fine... your going to make her mad if you tighten it too much!"
and I say "well, a mad baby is much better than a hurt baby!" Soooo... I always always check when he puts her in the seat.

Luckily in her 4.5 months of life so far I've been there for all of our trips with DH... but there will come a day that I won't and I don't want to have to worry! Maybe I will have to show him some youtube materials to get him more serious about it. I should buy some extra seats and install them myself to make sure they're ok... good idea.

Any who was just looking for some moral support on first time mom anxiety with other people driving around your baby... I live in a county where there's a million horrible drivers and its really scary out there.
 

luckyclov

New member
It doesn't get easier. In fact, *I* think it gets harder as the kids get older and less child seat stuff is used...or used properly. Frankly, I'm more of a wreck when my 8-year old rides with someone else then I am with my 1-year old.
 

mommy2env

Active member
ETA: I took way too long to post, and now the following doesn't apply. lol

How old is your baby?

I think feeling that way is somewhat normal, but not trusting your DH is a little too much.

Is your dh supportive as far as car safety? Does he understand why your baby needs to be strapped in properly, and what can happen if she isn't? Or is he blowing you off?

If he is blowing you off, I can understand why you won't trust him.

If he's receptive, teach him how to install the seats. Whenever you're going out as a family, have him buckle her in and you can see if he's doing it right. If he isn't remind him of how it should be done, in a nice way. That's how I did it, and my dh is as capable of installing and buckling in my kids just as I am. They get to go out with daddy and spend time with him, and I feel they are safe.

You should teach your nanny how to properly install your dd's seat, and how she should be buckled. The ideal thing would be for her not to drive her around at all, but what if she really needs to get out of the house and you aren't reachable? Do you really want her to be in a situation where there isn't a seat, or if there is one she doesn't know how to use it?

Educate the nanny, and then have her join you one day and let her buckle in your dd while you load the car. You'll get an idea of how much attention she's put and let her know if she's making a mistake. If she doesn't get it, and you still feel uncomfortable then look for a new one. There are so many nannies here that are awesome with carseats, you could probably hire one here. lol
 

Genevieve

CPST Instructor
But as for our Nanny... she has a pickup truck and she was arguing that she can turn the front airbag off and its fine. I have seen other people do this but It's not OK with me... It just doesn't seem safe at all. Anyone here done this?

Yes, it is safe to put her there as long as the airbag is switched off (and she's RF, of course). I have to do that in DH's truck sometimes (he actually doesn't have an airbag at all) because there isn't room to RF in the very small backseat.

I do get anxious when other people have to drive my kids. But, I don't let that anxiety get in the way of our normal life. I've never had to trust someone else to install their seats (except DH, and he can do it), because I've always been able to. I've gone over, and over, how to properly restrain the kids to anyone who will be/needs to drive them. If you feel like your anxiety is getting out of control or affecting your daily life or relationships, then perhaps it would be beneficial to talk to someone about it.
 

creideamh

Well-known member
I get nervous when I'm in a car and I'm not the driver :p I don't refuse to go or anything, but it does make me a bit nervous... I've become a backseat driver ;) As for people driving your baby around though, my girl is the same age as yours and while it worries me a little, I still allow it. I made sure I installed the car seats (my own mother couldn't find the LATCH anchor in her car hah!) and lectured everyone on strapping her in correctly. Our babysitter is great and has her own son so she doesn't go places too often with M (but I don't mind if she does.) Accidents happen, but they can happen when I'm driving too, so I guess I've just realized there are things I can't control... but I CAN make sure she is safely restrained.
 

oddduck

Active member
My mom is out right now with my 2 girls.

It does get easier I think. I have some anxiety issues generally, but feel comfortable with my DH, my parents, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law driving my LOs. Once kiddos are a bit older they tend to advocate for themselves if something isn't right. My nearly 4 year old will move her chest clip to the right spot, let me know if her harness is too loose, etc.

Rather then dwell on all the things that they are doing wrong, tell them how happy you are that they are, doing x and y -- but z needs "whatever". Teach and explain why rather then criticize.
 
M

Mrs.Lee

Guest
I get super nervous when anyone but my mom or my cousin have them really. My mom knows how to properly strap the kids in now, and has a perm. scenera installed for dd and I always install ds' seat for her. My cousin is a total carseat nut like me.My best friend take the kids some times, and she has a small car, so when she wants to take all the kids together, I let her take the van and she will give me her car. Maybe perm. seats in nanny and dh's cars are a good idea:)Also, I see your local to me! Let me know if I can be of any help to you!
 

monica-m

CPST Instructor
We have seats for DS in my car, DH's car and my mom's car. I trust them driving around with DS. Both understand how important it is that DS is properly restrained at all times. Do you trust your DH to be alone with baby around the house? Sometimes hormones can do crazy things to us for months after having a baby. I had similar anxiety about all kinds of things when DS was little and I now see that I should have talked to someone. Talking to someone may help you tremendously.
 

jenfrogmom

New member
I trust 3 people other than myself. My dh, my friend Kelli, and my friend Christy. That is it. I don't trust my parents or in laws.
 

Ninetales

New member
I trust my husband to do it right in our car. I've explained how it needs to be and I've seen him do it right so I know he knows it.

She's never gone anywhere in a seat without me but I know she will someday. I would still want to install seats personally but my inlaws and mother would listen and do it right if I showed them first. My mom and mother in law are very concerned about seat safety. My sister too.

My dad I don't think I'd trust. He's too likely to think short trips are ok and things like that.

She'll never ride with my mother's family. They are dismissive of car safety and my grandmother has openly tried to defy my decisions regarding food so u don't trust her.
 

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