Vent DH installs the car seat incorrectly, but I get griped at for checking it?

turtlemama

New member
So in Dh's truck we have a Maestro for the occasional times that he drops DD off to school. He periodically has to take it out to allow for picking up coworkers and such. So out of curiosity while we were outside the other day I decided to check the install. He knows I'm a freak about this, he knows I'm gonna check it at some point, so I do and find that there is A FOOT OF SLACK in the seatbelt. The lap portion had all been pulled out through the opposite side so it was just hanging there, but the other side where the latchplate was was still buckled and tight. I think he pulled on the lap belt instead of the shoulder belt, got it tight on one side and didn't bother to check and see if the whole car seat was tight. When I checked it, I easily pushed it over to the side by a good 6-8 inches. DD had just rode in that seat that day. So I told him he needed to make sure it didn't move more than one inch in any direction and that he needed to pull on the shoulder belt, not the lap belt, and to let me know when he does installs from now on.
Oh and I could pinch a good inch to inch and a half of slack in the harness too, so there was that. So I had to tell him AGAIN to do a pinch test and make sure there is not slack in the harness.
So the reason for this post is, he got mad at me! He got mad in the first place because I checked the car seat to begin with, and then got more mad because I told him it wasn't in right. He doesn't think 6 inches of slack is going to hurt anything and said if there was an accident, he would see it in time to put his arm in front of dd to slow her forward movement :eek:

I told him that his arm would be broken by her forward movement, if he even made it in the split second of time it would take for another car to hit. He makes me so frustrated with all of this. He doesn't care at all about keeping the kids safe and his whole justification is that he was safe as a kid riding around in nothing at 4 years old. That same stupid, idiotic argument that everyone who has never been in an accident uses and says they "survived."
He relies on me to do all of the installing and checking of harnesses and refuses to listen when I try and show him how to do any of it and says "I don't need to learn this stupid stuff if I have you to do it for me."
UGH!
I'm going home to Oklahoma for my sister's graduation from the 12th-16th. Who is going to check harnesses for him then?
 
ADS

lovemybabies924

New member
Dh knows how to get the belt tight.... He just forgets to lock it everytime! Oh and don't get me started on the harness slack... I will have a heart attack!

Sent from my iPod touch using Car-Seat.Org
 

Baylor

New member
I would be so pissed at him. That is not acceptable. My dh has just handed over all the cs installs to me. He knows how to do it in case of emergency but He knows I will feel better if I do it and check it. I even notice now that when we go out and he is putting the kids in the car, He checks to see if seat is installed tight..
 

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
Let him gripe. A little griping never killed anybody. Matter of fact, tell him exactly that...."Go ahead and gripe at me honey. Griping never killed anybody. Car crashes kill lots of people though, so don't expect your gripes to have much of an impact on my need to keep our kid safe."
 

KaiLing

New member
Let him gripe. A little griping never killed anybody. Matter of fact, tell him exactly that...."Go ahead and gripe at me honey. Griping never killed anybody. Car crashes kill lots of people though, so don't expect your gripes to have much of an impact on my need to keep our kid safe."
:yeahthatlove: So very well put.
 

hrice

New member
My DH knows how to properly install seats. I have made sure of that. He is also totally on board with me in the safety department. Though, not as passionate about it.

I think you need to have a sit down about it as well as a training session. That just isn't acceptable. Either that or tell him he absolutely cannot remove the seats while you are gone.
 

mlohry

New member
hrice said:
My DH knows how to properly install seats. I have made sure of that. He is also totally on board with me in the safety department. Though, not as passionate about it.

I think you need to have a sit down about it as well as a training session. That just isn't acceptable. Either that or tell him he absolutely cannot remove the seats while you are gone.

That's the way it is here. DH always has me check, but he's strong he is a big help with installing.
 

turtlemama

New member
I do plan on telling him to drive as little as possible and under no circumstances is he to remove a seat unless something bad happens (ie EMT needs to remove it plus child in an emergency)
I told him the other day that I was gonna have to show him the technique I do so that I don't have to loosen and tighten straps each time. but his response was "No you wont, there's no point, I'm not gonna listen lalalalalala"
He thinks it's funny. :mad:
I will show him though because I'm not leaving until he knows how to make sure they are properly tightened. I just hope he stays home except for taking DD to school. I wish I could convince him to let her ride the bus, but that is a whole other can of worms.
 

mommycat

Well-known member
I would like to punch him in the face.... I wouldn't, but I would like to. I hope you find some way to get through to him that doesn't involve him learning by experience. :(

Can you teach DD to know how things should be and to kick up a fuss if he doesn't do it right? (Carseat use is one instance where I am happy my kid is detail-oriented and inflexible - I always show and explain how things must bne snd now he will insist, loudly and immovably, that things are not right and for whoever is driving him to fix it.)
 

Baylor

New member
Maybe you should show him some crash videos or pictures of Ketchup family vehicle...

That may help.. I showed my dh and he was silent.. He was overcome and so glad that I care so much about the kids car seats and safety in the car.
 

momtoo3

Well-known member
Can you teach dd how to tighten her own harness? My 5 yr old has been doing it since he was about 4 and I just check it after. I taught him about car seat safety and the importance of it. Now he is almost as nuts about it as I am. He knows what all of our seats are (name and type.) Maybe if she is very conscious of it dh will be forced to listen. My dh is the same way. He thinks I'm crazy for buying another seat to rf ds3 in his truck and that my almost 6 yr old is harnessed in his car and in a hbb in all others. he doesn't make my almost 11 yr old use his nbb when I am not around either :mad:.
 

turtlemama

New member
Videos etc don't affect him. I have tried that. He just always says he will leave it up to me. We are hardly ever in a situation where he is solely responsible for their car seat safety, this is actually the first time he is going to be responsible for all 4 of them instead of just DD. DD knows to keep her harness tight, knows where everything goes etc, but if he says it doesn't matter, then she goes along with him.

I will have to sit down with him and with her and my 4 year old and make sure they all know to do the things I say with car seats because it is for their own safety.
My kids have seen crash test videos, they have been told what will happen if they are out of place or not in tight enough. I know it may seem bad but I point blank told them that if something is not correctly done on their car seat and we get in an accident, they could be hurt really bad or die. I told them what kind of injuries and I gave my sister as an example. She was thrown from a truck and it rolled on top of her. She is lucky to be alive. They see her and know that her teeth are gone because of her accident and because she had no seatbelt. They know what all of her scars are from.
They know, but if DH says it doesn't matter, then they won't listen to me because they view him as the be all end all of everything. If daddy says no, what mom says doesn't matter.

The problem with DH is that it's not that he isn't aware of the dangers, it's that he just never thinks it will happen to him. He thinks he can avoid all accidents and that he would see it in time to do something.
He has seen KQ's van and all the pics. I told him what happened. He just thinks he can avoid it and leaves all the car seat safety up to me because he thinks it's stupid. He thinks as long as the car seat appears to be tight enough (apparently more than an inch of movement is fine to him) and the kid is reasonably tight then it is fine.

I think it's time I make another list for him. I will also teach DD to check the harnesses for the boys.
 

Hollyob

New member
He doesn't care at all about keeping the kids safe and his whole justification is that he was safe as a kid riding around in nothing at 4 years old. That same stupid, idiotic argument that everyone who has never been in an accident uses and says they "survived."

I have a friend who was in 2 accidents as a kid (without a carseat) and didn't get hurt - try arguing with that. She thinks carseats are "stupid." I have only bothered to talk to her about it once b/c it just makes me too angry.

Sorry about the situation with your DH. :thumbsdown:
 

TerisBoys

Well-known member
Try this...

"I know you're a very safe driver, and you'll do anything to protect the kids while you're driving them. What I don't know is whether or not the guy behind the wheel headed towards you is a safe driver, isn't impaired in any way, and isn't out to kill himself by playing chicken with your truck. You left the kids car seat choices up to me - please support my choices so we don't have to find out that the driver of that other car was 2x over the limit while texting when HE crossed the line and hit you, injuring our child or worse.

Accidents are called accidents, not on-purposes. You never know when they're going to happen, or how bad they'll be. What you do know is that you've done everything in your power to make sure everyone in the car is as safe as possible. Sure - you might think you can catch her, but what if you can't? "
 
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