I guess I have to let this go, right?

amy919

New member
I don't even know exactly what I'm asking you guys for here. I guess I just need to vent.

My SIL is a great mom, and her car seat use would be considered acceptable (now, at least). She did turn both of her boys FF at around 9 months, because "they're big enough and I want to be able to see them". After many discussions, she asked me to please just agree to disagree with her because she had enough guilt about it. Then WHY did you do it? But whatever.

My nephew is 4, will be 5 in August. He's average size for his age, but he's a hyper kid and I can't believe he sits correctly in a booster seat. I've tried giving her options about extended harnessing, but she's not interested. Her car seats are never installed tight enough and rarely tethered. She just kind of throws them in the car, runs the seatbelt through and figures that's good enough.

She mentioned to me that he's using the Graco Ultra CarGo that my mom gave her and that she really likes it. I told her about my experience using it as a booster seat this past weekend and I had a tough time with it. I did suggest that she look into a different high back booster for him. This was her response:

I know you are a fanatic about carseats, Amy. I'm just not. I think if it meets the safety standards, it is OK for my kids. I did some reading and most carseats are designed to accommodate Dennis with a lap belt at this stage.

I don't want to cause trouble. I really do love her and she's a great mom. I know there's nothing I can say that will change her mind. So I guess it's just time to hang it up and not talk about car seats with her anymore:( .

Amy
 
ADS

lovinwaves

New member
IMO, I would just hang it up, BUT if the kids ever ride with you then you have the power to properly secure/install them.

My neighbor and friends sound JUST like her, but if their kids ride in my car "it's MY rules" they must obide by.

It's a sad, frustrating, and hopeless feeling, but "she" is the parent of her children and must live with those decisions she makes.

Hang in there, and Maybe just maybe she will some day see the "real" importance of CPS ;) :)
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
What kind of "reading" does she think she did :confused: Freakonomics? She's willing to put her chilren's lives in the hand of people only concerned with money? Sounds like she does feel guilty & is hanging on to the hope that it just won't happen to her -- it might not, but then again, it surely could.... I'm honestly amazed at how powerful denial can be.

Sometimes we do just have to let go after we've provided the research, but hold true to your conviction of making sure that the kids are properly restrained when they're in your vehicle. Otherwise the car just doesn't even start. My sister stopped using a booster for my 4 year old niece before the law allowed it. I sent information & was royally chewed out. Later they visited & my sister wouldn't let my niece use a booster in my vehicle so I left refused to give them a ride. I am not prepared to the face the legal or emotional repurcussions of knowing that I could have kept my niece safe & chose not to. On mother's day my mom threw it back in my face again because apparently my sister still hasn't gotten over her guilt on that & somehow it's my fault. Puhleez -- people just need to recognize that their feelings belong to them, that they're in control of how they feel, that if they feel guilt then it's probably because they're not doing what they know they're supposed to.

This might not help you resolve your issue, but you're not alone :eek:
 

MamiOf3

New member
Would buying him another car seat and give it as a birthday gift be a bad idea?

I totally understand your frustration. My sister was the same way. Thank goodness nothing ever happened to her kids and now they are old enough and tall enough to just wear seatbelts (they are 14 and almost 12). She used to drive her car while breastfeeding my nephew :eek: Yes, she is insane.
 

amy919

New member
What kind of "reading" does she think she did :confused:

My guess is the specs on the box. It says it's OK to use as a booster if the child is over 40 pounds. I've pointed out how our safety standards are so bad, but she truly believes that the standards are acceptible and they wouldn't published standards if they were't safe. She's never debated that he would be safer in a harnessed seat, she just doesn't agree that a booster is that much less safe, not enough to warrant buying a new seat, anyway.


Would buying him another car seat and give it as a birthday gift be a bad idea?

I've offered to do this, even though I can't afford it. I think I offended her that I even asked. She told me he's perfectly fine and it would be a complete waste of money. I ended up dropping it.

In my car, it's my rules and I won't bend on that.

Thanks for responding. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Amy
 

Loves2sing

New member
I understand where you are coming from, my SIL is the exact same way. And I still love her despite it all! If anything ever, and I pray it doesn't, happened to my niece or nephew, I swear I would want to kill her more than I am sure she would want to kill herself, because she does know better. I know that she does, because I have told her, Aidensmom02 has told her, and her local tech at the fire dept. has told her. But no matter what we all have said, she just won't listen.
 

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