Another thread about AAP recs...but with DHs reaction!

Mom2three · Mar 21, 2011

So, today I was texting DH about the new guidlines. Now, he has never really been all gung-ho about RF. DD just turned FF on her 4th birthday in January and the last year of that was honestly hell with him. All he did was complain, try to bait me, make snide comments to me, and mock the decision to keep her RF. Once she turned FF his whole outlook changed. He said it was scary to see her FF and that she looked too small and vunerable. He hasn't been giving me crap about DS still RF at 21m.

Our text conversation went like this;
Me: Hot damn, the American Academy of Pediatrics have officially changed their guidlines for carseat usage.

Him: To what now, we all need to drive rearfacing

Me: A min of 2yrs old or the limit of the carseat, in most cases at least 35lbs. They also stated rec usage for forward facing 5pt harness and booster use. Boosters rec until 9-12 or when the adult belt fits properly. No worries, Kate is 9, she has plenty of time to grow into the adult belt.

Him: let me guess, you have to update the car seats now

Me: Nope, I'm good. Our seats RF to 35 to 45lbs. We r set.

Him: So now Kip has to be rearfacing til how long?

Me: Just as with Syd, if he hasn't outgrown seats at 4 I will turn him. I will not turn him before 3 even if that means buying a new seat.

Him: Ok

Him: We have the safest kids in _______ county. And I have cool seats for my pickup so whatever you say.

I know a lot of your spouses are SO supportive in this aspect. Mine hasn't really been. He grew up in the bed of his dad's pickup or bouncing around in between his parents in the front. Our community is WAY behind on carseat usage and it really shows. It means a lot to me that he is at least going along with it now, even if he still isn't super supportive.

Mae · Mar 21, 2011

Yay! Love to hear it!

Kac · Mar 21, 2011

Aw so happy to hear it. :thumbsup:

AnnaC · Mar 21, 2011

Yay!!! :thumbsup:

icnee · Mar 21, 2011

awesome!

bobandjess99 · Mar 22, 2011

lol! We got a new second vehicle today, and of course my first words were "I'll need new seats!" lol. dh just laughed.

Kat_Momof3 · Mar 22, 2011

hey, supportive doesn't mean they necessarily LIKE it... they just support it by going along and not undermining.

and he did say his kids were safest... I think he's just frustrated that it's all so complicated, which it can be.

Mommy0608 · Mar 22, 2011

Awesome! :thumbsup:

My DH is pro-ERF too. He saw that one of his friends posted something skeptical about the new recommendations on Facebook, and he jumped in and commented about how RF really is safer, and went into the reasons WHY it's safer and mentioned how long DD RF'ed and that DS is still RF. He reposted one of my links as well as a link to the RF album on cpsafety's website. I am so proud of him!

Stacy · Mar 22, 2011

I told my DH about it, like "see, I told you she should be backwards till at LEAST 2", and he rolled his eyes. He dosen't really care. He's tired of the subject. I think that when your spouse isn't on board for ERF/EH etc, it's best to just insist on it and do it, then let the subject go, and not bring up car seat stuff as conversation. I realized he just isn't "into" it and bringing it up just causes unnecessary arguments.

jess71903 · Mar 22, 2011

My DH sounds a lot like yours. His whole deal is that nobody else does it and so it makes us stick out like a sore thumb. He likes to lay low and not be noticed.

luckyclov · Mar 22, 2011

I know a lot of your spouses are SO supportive in this aspect. Mine hasn't really been

You're not alone. Mine isn't, either. As it stands right now, he's dead set on turning DS2 FF'ing at 2 years old. I just say, "we'll see" (which really means...I don't think so). Ultimately, he defers to me, but he grumbles and groans about nearly every CPS aspect there is (and refuses to wear a seatbelt in his vehicle because, "the government shouldn't be able to tell me what to do").

Mom2three · Mar 22, 2011

Thanks all. It was nice to have him not only just say ok, but to come back with his last comment. He has come a long way in this department and I am really happy.

Kat_Momof3 said:
hey, supportive doesn't mean they necessarily LIKE it... they just support it by going along and not undermining.

and he did say his kids were safest... I think he's just frustrated that it's all so complicated, which it can be.

He can be downright ignorant on the subject, but when it comes down to it, he does what I say.

Mommy0608 said:
Awesome! :thumbsup:

My DH is pro-ERF too. He saw that one of his friends posted something skeptical about the new recommendations on Facebook, and he jumped in and commented about how RF really is safer, and went into the reasons WHY it's safer and mentioned how long DD RF'ed and that DS is still RF. He reposted one of my links as well as a link to the RF album on cpsafety's website. I am so proud of him!

:thumbsup:

Stacy said:
I told my DH about it, like "see, I told you she should be backwards till at LEAST 2", and he rolled his eyes. He dosen't really care. He's tired of the subject. I think that when your spouse isn't on board for ERF/EH etc, it's best to just insist on it and do it, then let the subject go, and not bring up car seat stuff as conversation. I realized he just isn't "into" it and bringing it up just causes unnecessary arguments.

It's important to me, so he does listen. He might not like it, but we still discuss it. Same as we talk about his interests even if I don't like them. It's good for him to understand where I am coming from.

jess71903 said:
My DH sounds a lot like yours. His whole deal is that nobody else does it and so it makes us stick out like a sore thumb. He likes to lay low and not be noticed.

Sounds about right. At least he does what I say, even if he doesn't like it.

clov878 said:
You're not alone. Mine isn't, either. As it stands right now, he's dead set on turning DS2 FF'ing at 2 years old. I just say, "we'll see" (which really means...I don't think so). Ultimately, he defers to me, but he grumbles and groans about nearly every CPS aspect there is (and refuses to wear a seatbelt in his vehicle because, "the government shouldn't be able to tell me what to do").

My DH goes along with it. I told him if he wanted to put in the time and effort to do the research and could prove that it is not better to RF longer, and everything else then he could be involved in the decisions. But he hasn't, he probably doesn't want to be proven wrong. And he wears his seatbelt now...big improvement. Although he hates when I adjust it on him.

Momof4Girls · Mar 22, 2011

clov878 said:
You're not alone. Mine isn't, either. As it stands right now, he's dead set on turning DS2 FF'ing at 2 years old. I just say, "we'll see" (which really means...I don't think so). Ultimately, he defers to me, but he grumbles and groans about nearly every CPS aspect there is (and refuses to wear a seatbelt in his vehicle because, "the government shouldn't be able to tell me what to do").

I agree...but I'm not going to risk my life to proe a point to a government that is unlikely ever to see me not wearing it. Lol!

opaque1997 · Mar 22, 2011

Do you know how re assuring it is to hear someone else's spouse be a pain in the a$$? WE don't have kids so he hasn't started fighting with me yet on that (we are getting married this summer) but I transport a lot of kids and already have a seat addiction. When my brother was searching for a seat for their daughter (they did get a britax - but I told them it wasn't going to do what they wanted for as long as they wanted with her (she is super tall) and btw - I was sooo right) My fiance said - why can't they get a used seat? This is ridiculous, etc. I'm hoping when it comes time and he realizes what I've already spent on seats it isn't a big fight (luckily in the last year I've bought a Recaro Como and a Radian so we should have those seats through our kids for a while at least as we are going to start trying in August after the wedding)

I too hope that once he sees the child rfing and then sees it ffing he'll realize how scary it is

jheimes · Mar 22, 2011

I wish my DH was more supportive. He basically let me keep DS (2yrs) RF because I do the installs (and put my foot down) and luckily the MA FF was incompatible with his pickup.
We were watching the news last night and the mentioned the new guidelines . . . and DH had an absolute fit about boostering until 8-12 yrs old. He said he absolutely did not agree. I guess that will be the next battle as the kids get older. I asked him if he even knew what a booster was and he did not respond.

luckyclov · Mar 22, 2011

Momof4Girls said:
I agree...but I'm not going to risk my life to proe a point to a government that is unlikely ever to see me not wearing it. Lol!

There's actually more history to my DH's refusal to wear a seatbelt. In addition to the "the gov't shouldn't tell me what to do" (which, on an entirely off-topic sidenote, totally throws me off because he's pro-life...) attitude, he was also in a relatively serious accident as a teenager (also not wearing a seatbelt), where he was told multiple times he would not have survived had he been wearing one. Situations like that exist, of course, but are nowhere near a common occurance...and I've never been able to convince him. He will wear a seatbelt if I get particularly antsy, which sometimes I do, especially on the highway. Sigh.

Guest · Mar 22, 2011

Kat_Momof3 said:
hey, supportive doesn't mean they necessarily LIKE it... they just support it by going along and not undermining.

and he did say his kids were safest... I think he's just frustrated that it's all so complicated, which it can be.

This. DW goes along and doesn't undermine, but I can tell it's an eye roll topic considering how gung ho I am about it. Someone posted the Yahoo article on Facebook (one of my friends actually) and I wrote a couple of brief comments about how it wasn't a big deal and people have been doing it for decades under her account. She remarked about it, but she doesn't fight me on it cuz she knows it is safer and I do all the work about it (pick the seats, order them, install them, check to make sure they're still secure, etc). But it's certainly not proactive support.

Little Ps Mama · Mar 22, 2011

That's great!

scariestone · Mar 22, 2011

Mom2three said:
All he did was complain, try to bait me, make snide comments to me, and mock the decision to keep her RF.

Hm that sounds familiar.

I'm sure if I could get DH to watch crash test videos or Joel's journey he would think way differently but I've never been able to. I was telling him my reasons for re-RFing DS last year and he wasn't really paying attention until I got into internal decapitation which is when he told me stop he had heard enough. The only thing he's mentioned since is asking when can w turn him every few months and leaves it at that.

ConnorsMommy · Mar 22, 2011

My husband had mixed feelings about ERF because he is deaf and it was hard for him to not be able to see or hear our son in the car (we couldn't use a mirror in his car because we couldn't get it to stay on tight enough to be safe). We ended up turning him FF at around 2 years old. When I re-RF'ed our son around 3 years old for a short time, my husband wasn't thrilled, but went along with it.
I showed my husband the new guidelines last night and he agrees with all of them. I asked him what he thought of them and he said that whatever keeps our son safe- he supports it.:thumbsup: Our son is almost 4, 36 lbs and is harnessed in a Frontier, Maestro and a Signo G2.

Another thread about AAP recs...but with DHs reaction!

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