Upset about family and friends not using child restraints correctly

lovemybabybug

New member
I was out with my good friend today and I was telling her how much a dislike switching my car seat between cars when I car pool. She tells me that her daughter ( who is also my friend) has been shopping for a booster seat for daddy's truck because she doesn't want to take her Evenflo ( Triumph I think) out of her car and put it in his truck anymore. The son is 27 months, 38" , 35 lbs ( has been FF since he was 14 months). I was like "WHHHHAAAAATTTT?" He isn't big enough for a booster yet". She says "Yes he is, he is very tall", I say "but he is no near mature enough for a booster ( I know the boy, he as is active as a 2 year old can possibly be) AND by law he has to be 40" AND 4 years old before he can be in a booster". She tells me that he behaves very well in daddy's truck and sits very still ( however he falls asleep in the car all the time). Then she tells me " his daddy works for NASCAR, he knows all about safety in cars and he said it's perfectly fine". I just about had a heart attack.

SIL put her very small niece in a high back booster at 2 1/2 years old, and removed the back when she turned 3. Her 9 and 11 year share a seatbelt when the whole family is in the car (7 people in the family, car only seats 6). The 3 month old rides in her Baby Trend in a snowsuit, harness untightened and handle up with a toy bar attached to it, even though it says right on the seat to put the handle down.

The kids I babysit for are 8 and 4. The 8 year old has been riding with a seat belt only since 6 and the 4 year old is in a backless booster. I went out on a day trip with them on friday (mom drove their car) and wanted to scream. Four year old still falls asleep in the car which means he slumps down, both arms over the seat bealt. The 8 year old also fell asleep, pretty much laying on the seat, with her butt pushed all the way to the end on the seat ( her head was leveled with my DD MR, that's how far down she was laying). I told them mom if the ever ride in my car I want a HHB for the 4 year old, and AT LEAST a low back for the 8 yo. The 8 yo said she will not get into a booster, and mom said she doesn't have to ride in one if she doesn't want to. If I could, I would stick both in a harness.

What do you do in situations like this? I have expressed to all the parties involved my feelings and have mentioned this forum and car seat laws, but neither really cared. It upsets me sooo much that they are putting their kids in danger, and the kids can't speak up for themselves, and it's not like they are strangers, they are people I see everyday.
 
ADS

Baylor

New member
Not much you can do. Offer the information and LAWS so they know it is not just you, but what else can you do? Not everyone cares that their kids are as safe as they can be in the car. I get told all the time I am too nitpicky by people if I stop to check the install or untwist a belt or harness.

People thought it was overkill for me to get a GN for My then 4 yr old to reharness. Said I was taking him backwards.

Just do the best for your kids, Offer and know that some just don't care.
Scary isn't it?
 

afdani1984

New member
I think the only thing you can do is voice your concerns, hope that they listen, and pray that they are never in a serious accident or it could end up tragic.

As far as how the kids ride in your car, if it were me, I would tell the mother that when they are with you..in your vehicle, they will ride however you feel is safe for them, or they don't ride with you.
 

lorismurph

Senior Community Member
My car, my rules. I can't change what people do in their own cars but I can make sure that all passengers in my car are safe. This means I have to provide seats for any kids I may transport but it's worth it to keep everyone in my car safe.

Often, if you explain to an 8yo the 5-step test and then see if they fit without a booster, they will decide that the booster is much more comfortable and want one for everyday use. My kids have seen crash-test videos, even the gory type videos (not my 3yo). They know they have to sit in boosters and they know exactly why and what can happen if they don't.
 

amp

New member
I understand how you feel, I bet we all do! Unfortunately, like pp's said, you can voice your concerns, but then it's in their hands.
My own sister might as well be rolling her eyes at me when I talk about it.
Her nephew (6 yrs) died in Nov, he was partially ejected from a truck and was not in a booster. My sis still does not make her ds (7 yr) sit in a booster. :mad: She's asked me to stop talking about it, b/c it makes her think of her nephew :confused:
I then gave her my BLVD, so my niece (2yr) wasn't using an expired seat. I had her watch a video on RF'ing, she tried it for a day, then snapped at me and said she has no leg room, yes, I understand Britax isn't the roomiest, but my 3 yr old manages! At least she's in a better seat though.
Just stick to your rules in your car and good luck passing on the good info!
 

afdani1984

New member
I really don't know how people could NOT be scared after all of the stories on the news about children being killed in accidents, all the videos posted on youtube from parents who lost children or who's children are permanantly disabled, ect.

My DH just kind of goes along with what I say, but sometimes I'm not sure he really gets it. Not to say he doesn't have Joey's safety at the forefront, but to him..a carseat goes in the car, ok the seat is stable, ok baby in the seat, harness is good and tight, baby is safe.

Maybe it's a mom thing?
 

Baylor

New member
My car, my rules. I can't change what people do in their own cars but I can make sure that all passengers in my car are safe. This means I have to provide seats for any kids I may transport but it's worth it to keep everyone in my car safe.

:yeahthat:

My car my rules.. So that means that if I know a child does not have a proper seat in their car, I will have to get one for mine. I had a 5 min discussion with a 5 yr old last July when I was taking him to and from Vacation bible school and he said he does not need a booster. Really? Guess again. ;)
It is another reason I want to get a HBB, And another HWH seat.

It breaks your heart doesn't it? I see little kids all the time hopping around back seats. I just don't understand it. I can't understand it. :(
 

laudymama

New member
I completely and totally can relate. It absolutely kills me to think about my friends kids riding around the way some of them do, not to mention many of the people I dont even know that I see driving around whose kids are just free in the backseat not strapped in by anything at all! This forum and the safety of ERF are fairly new to me as I recently started doing research on getting a new carseat. I was astounded by what I saw and thankful I had left DS RF at 15mo due to the height requirement for FF on his old AOE. He will now be RF until he reaches the height and/or weight on his new Britax Advocate and harnessed FF accordingly as well! I have become so passionate about this so quickly and posted many things to my facebook hoping friends will take it more seriously. I am planning on becoming certified as soon as I can find a course in my area too.
One of my very best friends told me that they put their 4 yr old in a booster w/ seatbelt so her younger brother (13mo FF) could have her carseat. She proceeded to tell me they don't really like her in it because she wiggled all around and looks unsteady in it but will leave it that way because baby #3 is on the way and there will be no room for 3 across and the new baby will be in the front seat next to mom!!! I wanted to scream. Also, when I was telling her about how we were having trouble fitting carseats into our car RF she told me to flip DS around to FF since he's well over 1yr and 20lbs and when I told her his particular carseat stated that he could not go FF until he reached 34in and he was only 31 she said a few inches probaby didn't matter that much! I just for the life of me cannot comprehend how some people don't care more about not just the safety, but the LIFE, of their own children. It makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about all the kids out there who are riding around unsafely.
 

afdani1984

New member
And yet when you look at the standards in the US compared to some other countries, the US is way behind. NYS just changed their law in 2009 to add another year to the time a child must be in some kind of child restraint. It was 7 years, now it's 8. I don't remember the height/weight requirements. California I think was 6 years and 60 lbs. Here in Germany it's 12 years and 59". That's 3 inches shorter than I am! I haven't found much on how long Germany says a child must be in certain types of seats though.

This girl I worked with at my last base flipped her now 3 year old son when he was 14 months because she said he was driving her nuts and car rides were rediculous. I didn't ask for details..but I wondered to myself, just how "recidulous" a 14 month old can be about riding rearfacing? She flipped her now 1.5 year old DD before the 12 month/20 lb rule, and her kid was a preemie. She was WELL under 20 lbs until just a few months ago. My 9 month old weighs as much, if not slightly more than her.
 

lovemybabybug

New member
I really don't know how people could NOT be scared after all of the stories on the news about children being killed in accidents, all the videos posted on youtube from parents who lost children or who's children are permanantly disabled, ect.

My DH just kind of goes along with what I say, but sometimes I'm not sure he really gets it. Not to say he doesn't have Joey's safety at the forefront, but to him..a carseat goes in the car, ok the seat is stable, ok baby in the seat, harness is good and tight, baby is safe.

Maybe it's a mom thing?

Mine is the same way! I try to explain things to him and he says " Both you and I survived with no car seats at all, she will be fine :cool:
When I start telling him laws and rules and this and that he tells me I am reading here too much :whistle:

I too have become very passionate about this subject and have been thinking about becoming a tech. Just last week the hospital in the next County started offering car seat safety checks. :thumbsup::thumbsup:to them. When DD was born 15 months ago I could not find one single person to check her seat for me. No police stations, no fire stations, nothing. The website says I could go to the sheriff's office to get it checked but I got the run around everytime I called and was never able to get an appt.
 

afdani1984

New member
Mine is the same way! I try to explain things to him and he says " Both you and I survived with no car seats at all, she will be fine :cool:
When I start telling him laws and rules and this and that he tells me I am reading here too much
:whistle:

I too have become very passionate about this subject and have been thinking about becoming a tech. Just last week the hospital in the next County started offering car seat safety checks. :thumbsup::thumbsup:to them. When DD was born 15 months ago I could not find one single person to check her seat for me. No police stations, no fire stations, nothing. The website says I could go to the sheriff's office to get it checked but I got the run around everytime I called and was never able to get an appt.


Yeah, but cars are also made alot differently than they were back then too. I remember riding around in a seatbelt in my mom's giant Buick, and I probably should have been in a booster. I remember pulling the seatbelt behind me, and I remember my sister at almost 5 years younger than me riding in just a seatbelt too because she refused to ride in a booster. I don't really remember whether or not they had HBB back then, but I remember we tried to get her in a LBB and it didn't happen. All things that as a parent myself now would result in me pulling over to the side of the road and lighting someone up.

Hospitals used to just make sure you had a carseat to take your kid home in. Now they won't let you leave without buckling the baby in, and if the seat doesn't fit properly you can't take your kid home. The same person I mentioned above who flipped her kids too soon, her preemie dropped below 5 lbs..which is about the lowest weight limit on most seats, so they took the baby back and admitted her to the hospital until she gained the weight back and could fit in the guidelines of her seat.
 

lovemybabybug

New member
I am from Brazil and over there they just "officially" passed the car seat law ( as of september of last year). Thinking of how unsafe we were when riding vehicles for the years a lived there still makes me shudder.

Car seats are so ridicoulosly expensive over there and that's why most people don't buy one. A Graco Quattro travel system that I paid $260 here costs about $900 there. There are some Chicco seats, ff only, 20-40lbs and they range from $500 and up. There's really no budget seats like we have the option for the Scenera or Avenue here.

I went to visit 2 years ago while I was 5 months pregnant. Everytime I got in the car I put the seatbelt on and they kept saying " why are you putting the seatbelt on? Don't worry, it's only a 10 minute ride" :thumbsdown:

We are probably gonna visit this year and take DD with us. My mom keeps saying not to worry about a car seat, we will figure something out. Yeah, ok mom NOT! I am buying a Scenera and she is gonna ride RF every minute of our trip and I know I will be called the crazy lady with an almost 2 yo facing backwards. I remember only TWO children I know ever using car seats there BUt the car seats were only placed in the backseat, not strapped or anything and the baby would just sit in it ( it was one of those with the bar in the front) so the baby had a place to sit during the rides. They were FF from the minute they could sit up.
 

Athena

Well-known member
Good for you for trying so hard to help those children to be safer! Like others have said, although it is frustrating, there's really nothing more you can do. If you find it too upsetting, maybe you can avoid car situations with those people. But you have every right to put down your foot when it comes to what happens in your car or when you are driving.

As far as the "but we all survived" argument :rolleyes:, the people who didn't aren't here to speak up.


Hospitals used to just make sure you had a carseat to take your kid home in. Now they won't let you leave without buckling the baby in, and if the seat doesn't fit properly you can't take your kid home.

Not all hospitals. Ours didn't even check to see if we had a seat. :thumbsdown: Ideally they'd have a tech there because it's one thing to learn how to use your seat and another to put a real newborn in it for the first time after days without sleep trying to remember everything you learned a few weeks ago.
 

kalamos23

New member
When we took dd home, they didn't even check to see if we had a car seat...and this was in oregon, which has some of the better car seat laws out there...and ironically it is considered a baby friendly hospital. Go figure.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using Car-Seat.Org
 

afdani1984

New member
Not all hospitals. Ours didn't even check to see if we had a seat. :thumbsdown: Ideally they'd have a tech there because it's one thing to learn how to use your seat and another to put a real newborn in it for the first time after days without sleep trying to remember everything you learned a few weeks ago.

When we took dd home, they didn't even check to see if we had a car seat...and this was in oregon, which has some of the better car seat laws out there...and ironically it is considered a baby friendly hospital. Go figure.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using Car-Seat.Org

Wow that's pretty crazy. I thought most hospitals did this now days. It could be because I had my son in an Air Force hospital and they were super over anal retentive. I don't know how many times, by how many doctors came in and told me not to let my baby sleep on his back and if he developed a fever over 100.5 I needed to get him straight to the ER. And the same things got reiterated at every well baby check following.
 

mrs_teeee67

New member
. Her 9 and 11 year share a seatbelt when the whole family is in the car (7 people in the family, car only seats 6).

I actually lost a nephew due to this. The lady driving really thought 'sharing' was better than not BEING IN a seatbelt. Logan was killed by his and the other child's head. Last I knew, the other boy was in a coma,, don't know what ever became of him :(
 

lovemybabybug

New member
I actually lost a nephew due to this. The lady driving really thought 'sharing' was better than not BEING IN a seatbelt. Logan was killed by his and the other child's head. Last I knew, the other boy was in a coma,, don't know what ever became of him :(

How so very sad :(:(:( I am so sorry.

I am supposed to take a road trip with her and the kids and when I asked how we would all fit she told me they would share. I made me not want to go anymore, even though I really want take the trip to see family, but I hate putting her kids in danger.
 

Athena

Well-known member
I agree, so sad, so sorry for your loss. :(

But this got me thinking, statistically is it safer to not be in a belt than to be in one that does not fit properly or share one? Any studies on this?
 

hrice

New member
PollyWall said:
How so very sad :(:(:( I am so sorry.

I am supposed to take a road trip with her and the kids and when I asked how we would all fit she told me they would share. I made me not want to go anymore, even though I really want take the trip to see family, but I hate putting her kids in danger.

Yeah. I wouldn't go. I refuse to ride in a vehicle without all passengers being properly restrained.
 

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