Sensitive situation with neighbors???

mominabigtruck

New member
So everyone knows that we recently moved, we moved into a gated mobile home community and we really love it but I have a problem with the neighbors. Today when I was getting ready to leave so were they and we ended up leaving together and when we got to the light I was in the turn lane and they were going to go straight. I look over and there is their little baby who they said just turned one in a lap only belt with NO carseat. I couldn't follow them because the traffic was heavy so I've been debating what to do all day.

A little background: The trailer park we live in is pretty fancy and pretty expensive too and the only reason they can afford to live there is because her mom died and left her the trailer and the lot is paid for. So, not to be mean or offend anyone but they really don't fit it, they come off really redneck. I've talked to them a couple times and they seem nice and ds1 really likes their dd1, he wants to play with her all the time.

So I guess my question is, do I talk to them and see if I can get them to use something or do I just wait for them to leave and call the cops. If it was anyone else I would just call the cops but I know if I try to talk to them first and nothing happens and then I call the cops they'll know it was me and that could create a whole bunch of other problems.
 
ADS

TheRealMacGyver

New member
I would say something to them ("like a good neighbor"):D I guess it's all in the approach though, so it doesn't come across in the wrong tone. It doesn't really sound like you want to become buddies, so I'm guessing inviting them over and showing them one of the crash videos on the PC is probably not a good option for you. Maybe they really can't afford a seat? Do you know where they can get a freebie in your area? I mean basically it can really only be 2 reasons: 1. can't afford it or 2. just ignorant ( I mean that in a nice way) of course I suppose you could add a 3. Just plain stupid, but let's hope that's not the case! Not sure what else you could do, aside from getting the police involved.
 

Morganthe

New member
Hmmm, I'd be sneaky. Just 'arrange' to be out there at the same time as they are by taking out the garbage, have to get something from the vehicle, checking mail -- ya know, Nosy neighbor practice.
After the usual greetings, head nods, etc..

"I couldn't help but notice the other day that your adorable baby is only in a lap belt. I know you're new here and I'd thought I'd let you know that the cops are really hard _____s around here about babies in car seats. They'll stop you in a heartbeat, cite you, and won't let you be on your way unless you have her properly secured in a carseat. They might even get social services on your back and you know what a pain stupid government bureacracies are, right? Once you're in the system, they'll never leave you alone."

Then somehow segue into how/why the baby isn't in a carseat and gently suggest something 'to protect her from all the crazy drivers in the neighborhood and keep the lawman off the parents.'

Hopefully, that kind of approach will help jumpstart a conversation without putting the bulleye on you. :)

good luck however you do it. :thumbsup:
 

oxeye

New member
I'm very non-confrontational. What I'd do is probably call the police and see if they can just send someone out to talk to them about it. They'd never have to know it was you, it could have been any random person driving by them who saw.
 

hsjwmom

New member
"I couldn't help but notice the other day that your adorable baby is only in a lap belt. I know you're new here and I'd thought I'd let you know that the cops are really hard _____s around here about babies in car seats. They'll stop you in a heartbeat, cite you, and won't let you be on your way unless you have her properly secured in a carseat. They might even get social services on your back and you know what a pain stupid government bureacracies are, right? Once you're in the system, they'll never leave you alone."

I love this suggestion. Since you would have already "set the stage", if they don't get the baby in a carseat, you can call the cops on them and they won't be surprised that they get pulled over. (and won't think to blame you!)
 

JaRylan

New member
"I couldn't help but notice the other day that your adorable baby is only in a lap belt. I know you're new here and I'd thought I'd let you know that the cops are really hard _____s around here about babies in car seats. They'll stop you in a heartbeat, cite you, and won't let you be on your way unless you have her properly secured in a carseat. They might even get social services on your back and you know what a pain stupid government bureacracies are, right? Once you're in the system, they'll never leave you alone."

I like it. :thumbsup:

Hopefully then the parents will ask if you (meaning Amy) know anything about carseats and can help them out.
 

vonfirmath

New member
I guess, I'd do what I would want done to me.

If they saw you doing something dangerous with your kid that was also illegal, would you rather they come over and talk to you or call the police to come talk to you?
 

MsFacetious

New member
I'd talk to them myself but that is because in my area even if you have your newborn in your lap in the front seat they might give you a ticket but they let you drive away anyway. They don't actually do anything. And they don't make you prove you got the child a carseat and usually the ticket gets thrown out.

So... I would talk to them myself and include the part about the police being hard on them and if that didn't work I'd call the cops but I'd try to arrange to talk to the cop and explain some carseat things first!

With my luck I would call the cops and they would get in trouble for not having her in a booster seat or something... so I have a hard time trusting most of the cops with carseat issues. Unless I've already talked to them.
 

Loves2sing

New member
Maybe you should try to find out if there is a car seat check happening soon locally, and invite her to go with you to it. Then it may get the ball rolling along. If she doesn't have a carseat, you could educated her on how important it is, and let her know where she can get one for a good price. If she does have a carseat, maybe she would go to the check and learn a little more about why it is so important to have her child restrained everytime they are in a vehicle. I would talk to her, and try to come across as someone who is just a good caring neighbor. Because, that is what you obviously are!
 

TheRealMacGyver

New member
Since this one just got bumped up again I was thinking, is there anything on general information that we can access and print. Maybe a PDF that is like a little brochure on child-safety? If so, you could print one and just accidentally leave it on their door mat or something. I would also like to be able to print something like this as a handout for people. It could also come in handy for those of you that are always stalking people in parking lots looking for violators!:D You could just slip one under their windshield wipers and never have to confront anyone about it. If we don't have anything like this, it wouldn't be that hard to put together and make it look professional. We would just need some endorsements to make it an official document.
 

Loves2sing

New member
I think to make a flyer like that is a fantastic idea!! It would be a way to educated others without having to worry about being confrontational! Maybe you could also have a spot where we could add a local number for a car seat check station?
 
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Victorious4

Senior Community Member
Thing is -- calling the police does not involve child protective services or the like unlike the police sees obvious reason for it: if this gross misuse/nonuse is the only child welfare issue then the worst they'll get is a traffic ticket.... The worst that could happen from talking to them directly is that they charge YOU with harrassment. I'm not the only CPST who knows how this goes. People can get crazy defensive! When it's not family, you could could be the one to whom the cops visit when you try to address the issue head on. Stay anonymous & just be nice. You can only call the police at the moment you see the child/ren in the vehicle while illegaly restrained; they cannot visit the home for this issue. You might not want someone to call the police on you, but would you honestly want someone you don't know but whom you have to see on an almost daily basis basically accuse you of being a bad parent? (because that's how they almost always see it)
 

skipspin

New member
I have a flier/brochure all made up and I printed 100 for me. I'd be glad to share if someone knows how to get it from a Print Shop file to a pdf/adobe file.

nak
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
SafetyBeltSafe has a bunch of printables, too > www.carseat.org (minus the hyphen or you'll end up right back here) + www.cpsafety.org

CHOP & NHTSA are also good sources

Still ... I suggest staying anonymous unless THEY instigate a conversation about it.
 

vonfirmath

New member
You might not want someone to call the police on you, but would you honestly want someone you don't know but whom you have to see on an almost daily basis basically accuse you of being a bad parent? (because that's how they almost always see it)


I'd much rather someone say something to me that I don't want to hear than get the police on my back. I might get embarassed, and respond defensively at first, sure.

But I also might jump on the Internet/start looking elsewhere for more information. Even from someone I don't know well (and hey if it is someone I have more of a relationship with, then I might listen even more -- maybe more of a reason to form a relationship with a person so they believe you actually have their best interest in mind)

I just think there is really bad precedent in handing it over to the police and depending on them for all the enforcement instead of just talking things out with neighbors.

and if they want to call the police on ME because I talked to them about it -- harassment I guess would be the reason? I'd just use that talk with the police to explain what I was telling them, why and hope that they are reasonable and see it isn't harassment at all. (But I wouldn't think their actions reasonable in calling out the police as a revenge thing and I doubt the police would see it that way. Unless, of course, I was harassing them)
 

TheRealMacGyver

New member
SafetyBeltSafe has a bunch of printables, too > www.carseat.org (minus the hyphen or you'll end up right back here) + www.cpsafety.org

CHOP & NHTSA are also good sources

Still ... I suggest staying anonymous unless THEY instigate a conversation about it.

Mominabigtruck, I was just looking at the links above from Tiffany and there are some decent reproducibles you could use. I just had another brainstorm though. What if you had a good friend that was doing some college research about parents and carseats (pretend), and this friend happened to be over and asked your neighbor if they could interview them. During the interview, the "student" could sum up their findingsa after the fake interview. Of course, you would need to find someone educated with carseats and talented enough to do a little acting. You would remain the neutral party and could just brush it off like "oh, I don't know what she is doing, she interviewed me too".

I agree with previous and would not call cops on them. To me, this just makes you a trouble maker, and I would not do it until a last resort. I think it is better to give everyone the benefit of the doubt first. Just my :twocents:
 

mominabigtruck

New member
I am officially stalking the neighbors.:eek: This morning when I went out to get in the car I noticed that the mil's car was parked behind mine (she lives there too). She had a cheapy cosco combo booster in the back of her car that was missing the straps and leaning precariously towards the middle. UGGHH So I was thinking that maybe I could find something this weekend while I'm out garage saleing, yes I know not ideal, but better then nothing or a booster. And then when I see them out ask if they are needing an extra seat because I have an extra that I need to get rid of. I would recommend the health dept or something like that because I know they get assistance but I don't know how it is around here, they might just end up with another booster.
 

chloespurple

Senior Community Member
So I was thinking that maybe I could find something this weekend while I'm out garage saleing, yes I know not ideal, but better then nothing or a booster. And then when I see them out ask if they are needing an extra seat because I have an extra that I need to get rid of. I would recommend the health dept or something like that because I know they get assistance but I don't know how it is around here, they might just end up with another booster.

I think that is a good idea & you could even offer to help install it. If it is something you are "getting rid of" & offer it to them, I don't think they will feel insulted or that you are accusing them of being bad parents.

I made the mistake of pointing out some things to a friend's brother-in-law recently about his daughter's seat & it was a disaster (the way I went about it was totally wrong & put him on the defense) so I definately think it is better to be nonchalant about the situation:twocents: .

Michelle
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
If you have a good solid relationship already, then fine ... if not, good luck -- a seemingly "nice" family followed me & Leila (we were on foot, they were in a car) for quite a few blocks, shouting obscenities: people can get CRAZY! When they know where you live, it's a potentially dangerous situation. This might seem uncommon, but numerous more experienced techs have impressed upon me time & again not to give unsolicited advice & especially not when the person knows where you live (hence the fact that my website & business cards only show a PO Box + unlisted cell phone number from a shared business account)

If we don't call the police for gross misuse/nonuse how will they ever support improving the laws :confused: It is a matter of life & death, but not one which should put your own family at risk. As such 911 takes these calls.
 
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