When spouses do not agree...

smackeen · Jan 16, 2011

How do you manage when your SO does not agree with you about carseats?

My DH is not too bad, still have 3yr RF in my van. FF in DH car.

I took the time to see if I could get 3 seats in his car (ford focus) and all he did was complain. That really bothered me.

I told him I would like to have the three set up just in case it was ever needed as I know he would never attempt it or get it correct.

His response was that he could install them. I then asked him what the sense is having them installed if they are not installed correctly?!

He knows the logistics of why I stress the no bulky coats (hence why I bought lands end fleece) and why the straps should be on properly on the shoulders, but he does not always follow along with the 'rules'.

How do you guys manage?

canadiangie · Jan 16, 2011

I read your thread title and before taking an extra breath I finished it with "the wife always wins".

(at least that's how we roll around here when it comes to car seats)

smackeen · Jan 16, 2011

I usually win, but it is frustrating some times.

The comments he makes make me wonder how he does it when I am not around.

Chely7425 · Jan 16, 2011

Me and DH rarely agree on carseats... mostly because he doesn't do the research. He just defers to me at this point. He rarely (read, never) takes the kids anywhere in the car by himself. I am a SAHM and he works a TON so if we are ever in the car we are in the car together. On the VERY rare occassion he has taken our oldest somewhere he leaves while I am home so I just make sure the straps are adjusted and everything so all he has to do is buckle him back in on their way home.

Defrost · Jan 16, 2011

I am more than happy to back up my point with research. If dh has a different opinion, he should be willing to do the same.

The one with the best research wins.

(Actually, in my house, it's usually "the one who takes the time to research wins when she requires dh to prove his point with his own research."

)

Notaclue · Jan 16, 2011

I flat out told dh that if he wanted to pour hours into the research, then I would be glad to listen to his input, but since he hadn't then I was going to make the car seat rules. Of course the kids only ride in my van, and never in his car, so I install them, and they stay installed. He does use them properly though. He was never too bad about it, other than making the occasional joking comment about dd still rf for so long.

BabyKaykes · Jan 16, 2011

Notaclue said:
I flat out told dh that if he wanted to pour hours into the research, then I would be glad to listen to his input, but since he hadn't then I was going to make the car seat rules.

:yeahthat:

Kids and the house are generally my domain. And what Mom says, goes.

Baylor · Jan 16, 2011

Dh defers to me. He gets annoyed when I just tell him something but if I explain it to him and he understands why he is better about it.

He cares about the kids being safe in the car. What he hates is lugging the seats or moving them from car to car.. That is all me...

luckyclov · Jan 16, 2011

My DH just doesn't get a say...period. If he was willing to spend as much time as I did/do researching, then maybe I'd let him have a say. But since he doesn't...well, he doesn't. End of story.

urchin_grey · Jan 16, 2011

BabyKaykes said:
Kids and the house are generally my domain. And what Mom says, goes.

Yup.

I don't have to worry though, because he agrees with me. He hasn't done a tenth of the research I have, but if I tell him XYZ is safer he takes my word for it. He doesn't install seats simply because he's never needed to (DS doesn't ride in his car) but he's perfectly capable of strapping DS into his seat properly.

bertasbelly · Jan 16, 2011

We have an unspoken rule of whomever is the primary driver of a vehicle gets to decide carseat configuration (within reason of course). That said, my almost 3yr old is FF'ing in DH's truck, she's had her SS S2 installed in his truck since she was 14mos or so. However she didn't ride in his truck until I was "comfortable" with her being FF'ing the 10x/year she rides in his truck (at 2yrs old).

He refuses to do research to try and prove me wrong, he won't listen to my research because "well, it came from the internet" or "Do you trust everything the government says?" He'd rather follow his brother's example and his brother and SIL and I do not see eye to eye on 90% of parenting decisions.

It's a good thing I SAH and the kids ride in my van 98% of the time.

Kobain's Mommy · Jan 16, 2011

DH usually doesn't care what seats I get if we have the money. He actually picked out the CA in his truck. Our only big fight is when to FF LO. DH wants to when he's "big enough." My stance is he's big for his age so that can cause more damage.

wvmommy007 · Jan 17, 2011

I just ramble about car seats and my research to my DH. I point out bad examples of usage. He gets it now. He even points out examples to me.

Although he never really disagreed or complained.

DD never rides in any vehicle but mine, so he doesn't have to install seats. I think he could if he had to. When he straps her in, it's pretty fail proof. I don't adjust the straps ever, so his only margin of error is the chest clip. He does a good job.

He is on board with ERF and EH, if need be. He is on board with my actual plan to RF to booster. However, I told him DD couldn't ride up front until about 14ish or puberty (if she 5 steps). He was appalled. I told him the reasons why, but he was still in shock at my protectiveness, 13 years too early.

I think he is so easily swayed with car seats because he remembers being about 3, riding in a single cab truck with no car seat (and probably no seat belt) during a wreck. He ended up on the floor, and it was just a fender bender. I, too, am amazed at the fact that I survived without a car seat and seat belt. It gives me chills to think of the way I rode in a car.

Sorry that got so long.

Kat_Momof3 · Jan 17, 2011

my dh has always deferred to me and the manuals

basically, I do the research and that, and he trusts me to know what is best... and then he has read enough manuals to know what to do (but I still installed better and faster, so he just let me do it myself) and I never had to worry about him not using it properly because (again) he read the manuals and he put up with me checking behind him at first.

Kat_Momof3 · Jan 17, 2011

Kobain's Mommy said:
DH usually doesn't care what seats I get if we have the money. He actually picked out the CA in his truck. Our only big fight is when to FF LO. DH wants to when he's "big enough." My stance is he's big for his age so that can cause more damage.

just tell him... OK.. here's the research that says that "big enough" is about 2-3yrs old... aka... show him the carseat lady on good morning america, the old msnbc article, all the research. Most people just kind of glaze over after a bit and realize that you know best cause you managed to read all this stuff.

msg221 · Jan 17, 2011

My DH has always deferred everything with car seats to me. He never once cared that I bought car seats for my vehicle to use for the godchidren and grandchildren, didn't care (and most of the time never even noticed) when I bought new seats and now that I am officially a tech, he really prefers to leave it up to me! At least he knows how to properly strap the kids in and knows why I am leaving them RF for as long as possible.

sparkyd · Jan 17, 2011

I was very grateful that DH didn't give me a hard time about keeping our older son RF until he was three, but as he was approaching three he would start making annoying comments about wanting to turn him around. It's really frustrating when you start hearing the bad arguements people make about RF coming from your own DHs mouth. He knows better than to argue with me about most car seat things, but I did concede to turning our son around a little past three even though I would have preferred to have kept him RF in the Radian XT. I didn't want to fight about it. I was secretly hoping my son would ask to be turned back around. As it turns out I don't think he cares either way. I had no qualms about turning him FF when he hit the RF weight limit for the True Fit. I stalled as long as I could but eventually DH got cranky about it and I turned him in the Radian.

We have ALWAYS fought about how tight the harness needs to be. And now this winter we are having arguments about the winter coat in the car. I finally conceded that he could wear it as long as he did the "coat trick", but I know DH doesn't do it properly all the time (doesn't pull the coat all the way out of the harness) and I have my doubts that he does it at all on the ride to/from daycare since it is only a 2 minute ride. DH thinks that a short ride justifies not being as safe as possible.

What was the question?

Oh yeah, how do I manage a stubborn DH? As best I can. Argue or put my foot down when absolutely necessary. Consider myself lucky that he mostly goes along with me when pretty much everyone we know with kids does things differently than the way I want them done. Wonder whether I should be harping on him more sometimes. Bah. Day by day.

lorismurph · Jan 17, 2011

My dh doesn't like seats in his car either. I keep a backless booster in there that either of my older 2 can ride in (I much prefer my 6yo to be in a HBB but it's very rare that she'd be in his car). If I need to put seats in his car for some reason, he has no problem with them as a temporary thing but if I tried to keep them installed "just in case" He'd throw a fit! I just like to know what works in a 3 across in there if I need to use it.

smackeen · Jan 17, 2011

lorismurph said:
I just like to know what works in a 3 across in there if I need to use it.

I managed to get a TB behind driver, a RF AOE in middle and a Maestro on the passenger side. For the booster to work though DS will need to slip under the belt. Not much of a chance of buckling it (hard even before 3 seats)

Here is my post on the three across: http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.php?t=155401

twin momma · Jan 17, 2011

My husband doesn't want to hear any carseat talk from me. He doesn't care. He thinks I am paranoid. He never rode in a carseat (nor did I). He doesn't care to learn how to loosen a harness. He's never installed a seat.

That being said, they ride with me most of the time. I installed the seats in his car. They never come out. When they do ride with him it is from home to daycare. In which case, I buckle the kids into their seats before dad leaves.

He would like the kids to be FF, but I won't do it until they are 3. We got into an argument over it and he just let it go. Since he doesn't want to mess with the carseats, I pretty much get to buy the seats and install them to my satfisfaction.

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