am i an unreasonable mommy?

72msfish

New member
my m.i.l. tends to think that i'm crazy and being unreasonable for not allowing her to drive my daughter around in a basic high back booster (i don't know the brand) with a seatbelt. i insist on putting dd's 5 pt nautilus car seat into her car whenever she asks to take dd out for an adventure. my dd is 5.5 yrs old, is 41 inches tall and weighs just 31 pounds.

she did this once when dd was 11 months old and i was very upset with her doing this. she now thinks that it's ridiculous that i go through the trouble of installing our car seat now that she's 5. i also have a 2.5 year old son who i still rear face and i'm sure she's going to ask about cruising town with him too.

am i :(? be honest please :eek:!
k
 
ADS

Minnesota

CPST Instructor
Your MIL got to make safety decisions for her own children, and now it's her turn to respect the decisions you've made for the safety of your own. Period.
 

cookie123

New member
At just 31 lbs, I'd be hesitant to put her in a booster, but at 5.5, she's old enough. If she can stay in position for the ride, it's an option. Maybe you could get a booster and train her to use it properly, and make sure she'd stay in place during rides with her gramma. A Graco Turbobooster would likely fit her well, and is easy enough to use. As always, make sure the screws are installed.
 

Kalinky

Senior Community Member
Stick to your guns and don't think twice about it. You are making the best decisions you can for YOUR kids. I know it's hard not to take it personally. Try to just prepare yourself for her comments and let the comments slide. Take some deep breaths. You could find some info to give to her as a hard copy, that way the info about why it's safer for your kids to ride that way isn't coming directly from your mouth. I give my MIL handouts a lot, but she never questions how I want my kids to ride in her car. It just helps me to help her understand. At the end of the day, you'll feel better knowing that they were riding how you wanted them to in her car. Horrible accidents can happen any time. That's why they're called accidents.

It's Momma's way, or no way. :twocents:
 

oxeye

New member
I think you are being completely reasonable! Why is it an issue with her that you take a few minutes to install the seat in her car? She should be happy that you are letting her go with her at all, who cares what kind of seat she is in.

I say stand your ground.
 

72msfish

New member
thanks gang. i'm sticking to my guns but feel horrible about it. a handout/safety report might do the trick.

not to mention, i have no idea how old the thing is. she used it with my nephew, who's now 8!
 

72msfish

New member
Wait...she put her in a booster at 11 months??

yes, she did. she took her out and about on a little yard sale-ing adventure while she was watching her for me. when she wasn't back at the time i went to pick her up, i was furious! she never told me she was taking her out while under her care. her thoughts... a car seat is a car seat. there's no difference. i think i made my point very clear that day! so you can see why my feathers get a little ruffled at the thought of my lovebugs being safely snug in their own seats!
 

BritMum-in-US

Active member
While I'd be adamant about my kids' safety anyway, the fact that she took your DD out 1) without your permission and 2) in a booster at 11mths, would be enough for me to stand my ground even more. I would be furious. Showing her some facts about CPS is a good idea, though she may not even get it. And don't feel bad, you would feel a million times worse if you compromised and then something happened to your children.

I am SO lucky that no family live near us. We like it that way.
 

Minnesota

CPST Instructor
yes, she did. she took her out and about on a little yard sale-ing adventure while she was watching her for me. when she wasn't back at the time i went to pick her up, i was furious! she never told me she was taking her out while under her care. her thoughts... a car seat is a car seat. there's no difference. i think i made my point very clear that day! so you can see why my feathers get a little ruffled at the thought of my lovebugs being safely snug in their own seats!

I would rage at anyone who dared to do something like that with my child. I mean no holds barred, and I'm not usually a confrontational person. I fully expect that the people who I entrust with my child's care will not take unnecessary risks with their safety. Right or wrong, that would have been the end of MIL watching the child alone for a long, long time.
 

72msfish

New member
and i'm sure i'll hear slack about needing to purchase a new infant seat for lovebug #3. our other one for lovebugs 1 & 2 was made in 10/04, to which they both outgrew at about 6 months old. so in her eyes, it barely got used. i'm not using that one but i'm sure she'll think that's unreasonable too :rolleyes:
 

gigi

New member
My in laws will literally never drive my son because I don't trust them to even put him in a seat belt never mind a booster lol (he's 3.5, and they've wanted to just out him in their backseat since he was a newborn).

Either she goes by your rules or your daughter doesn't go. That's it. You are not unreasonable.
 

momtoo3

Well-known member
Just a thought as I completely agree with you. Could you get a Evenflo Maestro for her car and leave it installed or atleast with her so it is her seat for the grandkids? Then your 5 yr old will be harnessed and it can be turned into a booster or used for your 2.5 yr old as well when you are ready to FF him. I would also buy her a Scenera with the 40 RF limit if possible for your son now. When #3 is born and ready to go with grandma your 5 yr old would probably be booster ready and you could pass seats down.
If money is an issue for the seats, BRU should be having their trade in event in the next 2 months. The last one was in Sept I think and they go a couple of times a year. If you trade in your old infant seat that is expired and her old booster you should get 25% off each of the new seats. The Maestro is about $80 regularly and the Scenera about $50 so both seats woould be about $100.
Then if you word it something like "I got these seats for you so you can take the kids when you want without having to go through the trouble of switching seats. I know you want to help keep them safe in your car too." It might help, not with my MIL but that is whole other story! Atleast then she is in more control and hopefully not fight you on it.
 

Baylor

New member
That is someone that would NEVER drive my kids.. My kids my rules. And I don't care if they don't like it or not..

Stick to your guns. Sounds like you are doing awesome!
 

mrswh

New member
my m.i.l. tends to think that i'm crazy and being unreasonable for not allowing her to drive my daughter around in a basic high back booster (i don't know the brand) with a seatbelt. i insist on putting dd's 5 pt nautilus car seat into her car whenever she asks to take dd out for an adventure. my dd is 5.5 yrs old, is 41 inches tall and weighs just 31 pounds.

she did this once when dd was 11 months old and i was very upset with her doing this. she now thinks that it's ridiculous that i go through the trouble of installing our car seat now that she's 5. i also have a 2.5 year old son who i still rear face and i'm sure she's going to ask about cruising town with him too.

am i :(? be honest please :eek:!
k

What state are you in? In many states it is not even legal to booster a 31 lb. child.

Regardless, I agree with the PPs that you are 100% in the right. You can tell your MIL she is entitled to her opinion but that if she is going to drive your DD around, your DD will sit in her car seat. Why does she care, anyway? It sounds like you're not even asking her to install it, so what's the difference? She should be happy that you are doing your best to keep her granddaughter safe. :)
 

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,655
Messages
2,196,895
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top