Need to learn to keep my mouth shut

chloespurple

Senior Community Member
Okay, so I learned tonight not to tell an ex-state-trooper his car seat needs to be installed tighter & preferably rf-ing.

I went to a fund raiser tonight with a friend and her brother-n-law drove us (the ex-state-trooper). He has a little girl a month younger than Karli (14 months). I sat in the back seat & I couldn't resist seeing how tight the ff-ing latch install was with thier MA. To my surprise it moved a little (I am sure it was less than an inch, but I am so paranoid I don't want my seats to budge). However I didn't have a tape measure so I couldn't tell you the exact amount it moved:D .

I made the BIG mistake of telling him it should be tighter (to my preference that is) & how rear-facing would be so much safer. To which he told me I can't believe everything I read.

Well, I told him about all the research I have done and all the people (including techs) I have talked to on this board and about the tech I met in town to check my install. I told him about the research/crash tests & how his seat was made to rf to 33lbs. (or max. height). He came back with the fact that "he has had as much training as any tech does and his seat is just fine the way it was (period)!!!!!

At this point I realized I overstepped my boundary & apologized to him, explained how passionate I was, and I how I would love to take the class to become certified.

I was shocked to find how "matter of fact" he was about ff-ing and not willing to listen to what I had to say. I now realize I should not have approached it the way I did, but I just couldn't help it.

I told my husband, and he told me I am way toooooooo overbearing when it comes to carseats, and I need to back off because I am not an expert. I know I am not , but........ I do feel like I know more than the average person knows from all the research I have done :)

Should I back off from now on, when it comes to carseats?

I am not saying I know everthing, because I don't , all I am trying to do is tell people what I do know & what I have learned.

:confused:
Michelle
 
ADS

Laurenc0101

New member
I know how hard it can be to keep your mouth shut:eek: I have to remind myself sometimes to back down a bit. I try to keep in mind that if the law is not being broke that they are well within their rights to restrain their child how they see fit. Now, with that being said, I do not think that you should always keep your mouth closed. A lot of information can be shared with parents who may otherwise not know the benefits of rear-facing and extended harnessing. If I am asked or initiated, they can hear a lot more than some are in for;) I wish sometimes I had a sticker for my windows that said something like...My toddler is still rear-facing, ask me why. Oh the people we could share information with then:thumbsup:

I hope you feel better soon. Who knows, he may have gone home and done a little more research and next time you see that toddler, she may be rear-facing:thumbsup:

Lauren:)
 

AdventureMom

Senior Community Member
It's hard not to say something, but I've decided that I'll only give unsolicited advice to family/friends. And even then I learned to say it once then drop it. Otherwise, it may damage relationships. So unless it's a dire emergency and the child's life is in imminent danger (child not restrained at all or toddler in booster), then I try to keep my mouth shut if they're within the law. I think there is "safe" and I think there are "best practices". A child who is 14 months and FF'ing doesn't bother me as much as an improperly installed/used seat, an expired/over-the-weight-limit seat, one that's loose, etc.

I know you meant well, but you told him two things he was doing "wrong" pretty quickly. If it were me, I would be offended b/c I think all parents (well, almost all) have their child's best interest in mind. And they do the very best that they think they could be doing. So when we decide to say something to someone - no matter if it's carseat related or not - choosing words carefully and not putting the other person on the offensive is an important step if we're wanting them to listen. I learned that really well when I assisted with my first seatcheck after my CPST class. The officer who holds the checks - on his own unpaid time - always compliments the parents first. "Wow, I see you've spent alot of time trying to get this in here. And the center of the backseat - great location. You must have done some research on this - great job. There are two things, however, that could be improved a little..., etc, etc." And parents love him!
 

chloespurple

Senior Community Member
I know you meant well, but you told him two things he was doing "wrong" pretty quickly. If it were me, I would be offended b/c I think all parents (well, almost all) have their child's best interest in mind. And they do the very best that they think they could be doing. So when we decide to say something to someone - no matter if it's carseat related or not - choosing words carefully and not putting the other person on the offensive is an important step if we're wanting them to listen.

You are SOOOO RIGHT! I wish I would have thought before I spoke:eek:
I honestly think I approached it the way I did because of his background as a trooper.

Which now looking back was totally wrong; I know, I would never had said that to someone else:confused:

I do have a question though. Do most law enforcement agencies have trained CPS technicians? He said he had the same training the Techs do, but yet he didn't say he was certified.

Anyways, I just hope he doesn't think I am a self proclaimed "know-it-all", I am now emabarresed about telling a man of the law he should be more safe:eek:
 

AdventureMom

Senior Community Member
Not all of them have the same training as CPSTs - some go through a 4-hr class, or a one day seminar or something. But in my class, I was one of few "civilians" - LOL! It was mostly made up of firefighters (the county that was providing it has all of their firefighter cadets go through the training and it's part of their score for their cadet school), then a couple of state troopers, one or two sheriff deputies, two NICU nurses, some driver training folks (ex-Marines), and a NHTSA contractor who does crash reconstruction. So, yes, some of them are trained...
 

JaRylan

New member
Michelle,
I am not saying I know everthing, because I don't , all I am trying to do is tell people what I do know & what I have learned.

...and that is all the other person is trying to do too. They only know what they know and what they have learned. It's so difficult to find a receptive audience.

It's hard when you care so much and have done research, I know the feeling (I think everyone here does, lol). Last week a parent on my regional board asked questions about flying with her 11 week old daughter. I mentioned that having her in a carseat and in her own seat on the plane would be best. The thread went really well and the mom thanked me and expressed her anger that it isn't mandatory to use a carseat on the plane (maybe I have a future carseat compassionate friend in training)...but I feel bad that I caused her stress about travelling especially since she is a first time mom. :( She asked about using a snugli to hold the baby on the plane and when several people said it wouldn't be allowed and then she asked why I searched long and hard on here to find something besides "your baby would be your airbag". Instead I ended up quoting someone on here that said "the same reason that you can't use a snugli in a vehicle" (or something like that).

It's hard not to say something, but I've decided that I'll only give unsolicited advice to family/friends. And even then I learned to say it once then drop it. Otherwise, it may damage relationships. So unless it's a dire emergency and the child's life is in imminent danger (child not restrained at all or toddler in booster), then I try to keep my mouth shut if they're within the law. I think there is "safe" and I think there are "best practices". A child who is 14 months and FF'ing doesn't bother me as much as an improperly installed/used seat, an expired/over-the-weight-limit seat, one that's loose, etc.

I know you meant well, but you told him two things he was doing "wrong" pretty quickly. If it were me, I would be offended b/c I think all parents (well, almost all) have their child's best interest in mind. And they do the very best that they think they could be doing. So when we decide to say something to someone - no matter if it's carseat related or not - choosing words carefully and not putting the other person on the offensive is an important step if we're wanting them to listen. I learned that really well when I assisted with my first seatcheck after my CPST class. The officer who holds the checks - on his own unpaid time - always compliments the parents first. "Wow, I see you've spent alot of time trying to get this in here. And the center of the backseat - great location. You must have done some research on this - great job. There are two things, however, that could be improved a little..., etc, etc." And parents love him!

Good advice. I think once I become certified I am going to put something in my signature on my other message board (the one where I have lots of friends that I have met face to face and our kids play together) that says I am certified and if you have questions click here. I don't want people thinking that I am judging their parenting skills or that I don't think that they are keeping their kids as safe as possible.

I really like how the officer compliments the parents first, that is a great approach.
 

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