Child Care - opinions please

Mama2J

Member
I have mentioned a couple of times on here that we had a woman who watched my son periodically, and then we had a little disagreement about carseats (she didn't want to use his carseat instead of the one she has). She was supposed to watch him in March, but wasn't able to, and then asked when in April did I want her to take him. I haven't answered yet, but figured if we could come to an agreement on the carseat issue, I'd have no problem with him over there.

Meanwhile, she's been making a point when in conversations about watching kids, of saying that if she's doing something for a favor then she should be able to do it the way she wants. For example, another friend was talking about how her 6yo son's caregiver had let him take a nap at 3:30pm (and he normally doesn't nap anymore), because she needed a rest, and the kid ended up being awake half the night. So right away she said how if was watching your child and put him for a nap, then she is doing you a favor and you are being picky. Needless to say, these two did not agree over this.

So I am just being too picky here, or should I be concerned about her not wanting to follow my wishes for my child's care, since I am not paying her to watch him. Anyone here who watches other people's children? How you do feel about this? She's always taken good care of Justin, but since the car seat conversation has been making these comments.
 
ADS

broken4u05

New member
I am a nanny so i do get paid to watch them but i have also watched other people's kids for free and yes we are doing something nice for you it is still your child and i will follow your rules. If somehow it does not work for me of there is a way to make things easyer for me i will talk to you about it like if i have 2 kids and one naps at 11 one at 12 but the first one will wake up when you put the 2nd one to bed so i would ask if i would change the nap by 30 mins each.. but if the parents said no than i would work something else out. It is your child if you want something done than it should be done. O and there is nothing more importnat than car safety so i would say try to find someone else but you might have to pay or do a swap thing with a friend she watch your son a few hours and you watch her child. good luck
 

Mama2J

Member
That is what I was thinking, that him being my child I would like things done a certain way. I have compromised on different issues that I didn't feel were important enough to argue over, so I don't think I'm being difficult. Just her attitude bothers me a bit, like I am being so picky when I don't think I am. I do think that she was offended by the suggestion he use his own carseat, when he has used hers for the past couple of years. I was thinking he was on the way to outgrowing it soon, that's why I mentioned it. I am only concerned for his safety, not trying to make anything more difficult for her.

On the payment issue, I have offered to pay her, but she refused. So we ended up buying her a gift card at Christmas as a thanks. I have no problem paying someone, but I don't want to hire someone that I don't know. He goes to school during the week, this is only for one Saturday a month to give us some time to ourselves. It is making me sad that it is turning into such a big deal, when it doesn't need to be. I would have happily paid her each time if that was what she wanted. None of my other friends are available to watch him, so I took her up on the offer to do it.
 

broken4u05

New member
If you were complaining about every little thing than i would say you are being a annoying but this is his safety you have every reason to be upset about it. You can calmly but firmly say that i would love to have you watch him but if you are going to take him out i want him to be in my seat or you can not drive him. If she said she wants to use her seat than say i am sorry he can not come here anymore. There is no family or any other person you trust to watch him once a month?
 

R&J'sMom

New member
I would say that if she's not willing to do things the way you want them done, then you need to hire someone. It doesn't seem like this is a good "fit". While I agree she is entitled to do things her way when she's in charge, if she's watching your child and not doing things how you would like them done then it's time to look for a new caregiver who shares your parenting philosophy.
If it was me, I would not leave my children with someone who I couldn't trust to follow my instuctions when I'm not around, KWIM?
 

Victorious4

Senior Community Member
I would steer clear of ANYONE who does not honor the *parents'* wishes!!!

Sure, it's a nice favor, but that gives no one the right to ignore the parents rules (only good if the child is in danger with the parents & then I'd assume the police/social services would be involved). There just isn't any middle ground unless the parent is apathetic over an issue -- some things are OK being apathetic about (such as what to wear to bed, which book to read, whatever) while some things are life & death. Even ignoring a parent's wish not to have a nap can (& apparenetly did) have quite a bothersome effect on their whole family.

I would not entrust my child's well being to such a person ... not if it meant losing my job or worse :eek:
 

Melizerd

New member
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. This is a safety issue as well. You know the history of your seat and not hers. Even if your son does fit in it well how do you know if it was ever in an accident or not.

You've offered to pay her, she refused. That's not your fault. Stick to your guns if she won't comply with your wishes I think it's time to look for someone else.
 

Mama2J

Member
You are all making me feel better about this. I was really starting to question myself and wonder if I was just being silly. Yes the main thing is his safety. I am not picky about every little thing. The only other things I had general recommendations about are nutrition and naps. Please do not fill him up with candy or soda, and try to get him to take a nap, but not past 3pm. That is really about it. When he was a baby, I was more picky, but I also didn't let anyone beside daycare watch him until he was 16 months old. Imagine if I had known about extended rear-facing - I would have been really unreasonable! :eek:
 

broken4u05

New member
The nap and food are also both understandable a person that watches any child not there own has to do what the parents want. Unless it is unsafe what the parents want than you have to do it. Again if i think something needs to be done differently than i will talk to the parents but in the end it is the parents word that stays. you are not being silly
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
On the flip side...I'm a daycare provider. I do my best to accomadate the parents wishes, but the bottom line...I need to do what is best for the kids I care for as a GROUP. This means, they all nap at the same time...even if the parent doesn't think they need a nap. They nap.

As for the carseat issue...in my case, I wouldn't use a carseat the parent provided simply because you should see the carseats they have. :eek: I also don't want to have to be installing seats all the time. So I choose to provide seats for my daycare kids. I have spent thousands of dollars getting the seats I have so the kids are harnessed for as long as possible...I rf the kids up to age 2, even when the parents don't. I've never had one tell me not to...but quite frankly if one did, I'd refuse.

I realize this is different from a casual baby sitting arrangement, but there is something to be said for using common sense (on the part of the babysitter) in regards to naps/meals/safety etc. And in this situation, it's up the parent to outline what you expect. If there are any differences, work them out in advance. You need to be comfortable leaving your child w/them...and they don't want to feel like they are on pins & needless...if you both aren't comfortable w/the arrangement, you'll need to look elsewhere.
 

Mama2J

Member
Kay I think it is wonderful that you bought seats to use for your daycare kids. And I wouldn't mind if our sitter wanted to do that - if it fit my son correctly and was not expired. Definitely if she had the better/safer seat, I would have no problem with him in it, but that is not the case. I have a Regent, which is heavy to move, but I offered to install it in her van, and she refused. But I am willing to do it until I feel he is ready for a booster in other cars.

I know from having him in daycare and preschool that in a group setting, things are done at a certain time, and that is fine with me also. But to let a child nap at 3:30 is only going to cause trouble later for the parents (at least in some cases anyway). No one wants to be up late with a wide-awake child or baby. If I took a late nap, I'd have trouble going to sleep that night too!
 

mominabigtruck

New member
I don't think I'd feel comfortable leaving my child with somone who didn't agree with me on major issues. That being said, if I'm watching someone else's kid, I'm going to use my own seats, because I know how to use and install them and they're generally nicer then anything they're parents have. But if your sitter doesn't have a seat that's up to snuff and isn't using it correctly then I wouldn't feel comfortable because if she's not using her seat correctly or its expired then what's the chance that she's going to care to use or install your seat correctly.
 

broken4u05

New member
I don't think I'd feel comfortable leaving my child with somone who didn't agree with me on major issues. That being said, if I'm watching someone else's kid, I'm going to use my own seats, because I know how to use and install them and they're generally nicer then anything they're parents have. But if your sitter doesn't have a seat that's up to snuff and isn't using it correctly then I wouldn't feel comfortable because if she's not using her seat correctly or its expired then what's the chance that she's going to care to use or install your seat correctly.

I used to use seats that the parents gave me but i hated them so i got something better. I asked them first but i didnt think they would have a problem with it they are great seats
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
And I wouldn't mind if our sitter wanted to do that - if it fit my son correctly and was not expired. Definitely if she had the better/safer seat, I would have no problem with him in it, but that is not the case.

Absolutely not! There is no way I'd let a child ride in a seat that was expired, let alone didn't fit the child. This is definitely one of those situations where you have to put your foot down.

But to let a child nap at 3:30 is only going to cause trouble later for the parents (at least in some cases anyway). No

And while I wouldn't put a child down for a nap at 3:30 (except a baby), I also will not wake a sleeping child. If the kids go down at 1pm, and one still happens to be sleeping beyond 3pm, I won't wake them. They obviously need the sleep. There is nothing worse then waking a child...crabby! Though this rarely happens.

But again, this is more in the group setting....although I do firmly believe in not waking a sleeping child! But I do think they need to be put down at a reasonable hour, or just skip the nap all together! Though that's not pretty either! But this comes down to common sense, something a lot of people are lacking unfortunately!

I had a situation just the other day...3yr old came in and was unusually cranky...even for him. He was in/out of timeout for the first 30min throwing tantrums in between. I finally told him to lay down. He slept for 2 hours that morning, then napped as usual in the afternoon. I warned his mom I didn't know when he'd go to sleep that night since he'd slept so much that day. But we'd of all been miserable had he not taken the extra nap...and he obviously needed it.
 

SusanMae

Senior Community Member
I'm starting a day care this summer so that I can be a WAHM. That said, I will make decisions that are best for the group. But I will feed the children what is brought for them. Everyone will have a rest time(My Mom-Mom used to make everyone....including me at 7 lay down for an hour after lunch). I don't think we'll be traveling. I will follow carseat wishes, as long as they are safe for the child. Safest practice will come first whenever possible, as I can't afford my own set of seats yet. I will refuse to use an expired seat though.

I don't think you are being outlandish with your request to use what you feel is the safest seat for your child. Maybe put him in her seat and see how he fits. If he's obviously too big, then she's got to be willing to let you switch your seat into her van. Tell her you were fine with him using it in the past because he fit, but now that he's gotten bigger...he needs a bigger seat and you can't possibly ask her to make an investment like that for once a month. Try to make it seem like you are helping HER out.

Susan
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
But I will feed the children what is brought for them. Susan

May I make a suggestion??? Don't do this. You'll have such a nightmare on your hands. If you are going to be licensed, you should have access to a food program which reimburses you for meals. Having each child eat different things is going to be a major pain (for you, having to heat/prepare each individual lunch) and kids wanting what the other one has.
 

KaysKidz

Senior Community Member
I will follow carseat wishes, as long as they are safe for the child. Safest practice will come first whenever possible, as I can't afford my own set of seats yet. Susan

P.S. I started out my daycare seats with Cosco Sceneras, Evenflo Tributes and Graco TB. Switching out to Britax seats has been nearly a 2yr process.
 

Mama2J

Member
I don't know for sure that the seat is expired, however it is secondhand and no one knows the history of it. I never worried about that until I found this site! Basically, the situation is that it is a similar seat to the Evenflo we had, which he was outgrowing by height. He is at that in between stage right now, where he won't fit in most convertible seats, but isn't ready for a booster. So no one I know would have a seat that would fit him, because they would either leave him in the outgrown harness or switch to a booster.

The nap thing is a tough call for me too, especially with a cranky kid. There are certainly days when a child needs extra sleep. However, something like taking him out past naptime because of not wanting to come home at that time, and then putting him for a late nap would not make me happy. The situation I was talking about above was about a 6yo that didn't even nap anymore. In this case, I think a rest period (earlier) would have been fine.

With food, like I said, I was much more picky about that when he was a baby. Now I just request that MOST of what he eats is healthy. I've also had no problems with any of my requests regarding nap or food at his daycare, even when he was a baby. They were really great about working with me. This is the first time I've run into a car seat issue though, and honestly I didn't expect her to get so upset about it.
 

SusanMae

Senior Community Member
Kay---

Eventually I will do the food program, but I'm just doing it for a couple months in the summer for school age kids. I might watch a toddler or 2 part-time in the fall. I'll reopen after New Years. Maybe I'll have a no warming policy for lunches...and provide snacks. Besides---kids eat lunch in lunchrooms at school and don't all have the same thing.(I teach Kindergarten.)

I have a Malibu Maxx---which only seats 5 total. So there really is no way I could take a daycare of kids anywhere alone. I may buy a Scenera, a Cargo, and a turbo booster incase I need to go anywhere's. That should get me by with the vast majority of kids. Or maybe this will be my excuse to buy that Apex I've been wanting. Of course I have my KeyFit for my own baby too.

Susan
 

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