For those who say "keep it to yourself"

mrswh

New member
I have seen a lot of posts suggesting that people who notice poorly installed or used car seats (of their friends, family members, strangers etc.) should keep it to themselves. I agree with this on some level, but also find myself wondering, what if I say nothing and something bad happens? For example: The other day I was chatting with a friend waiting in the car line at school. (She was waiting for her 6 year old.) Her 4 year old DD is in a 5-point harness FF seat with headwings - maybe a Britax Blvd? She was buckled in but so loosely that she was practically hanging out the window talking to my DS. This wasn't just slack - it was as if the strap was pulled all the way loose.

My instinct is to say something to help this little girl, but my logic tells me to just zip it. Nobody wants to hear it, it's none of my business, maybe Mom was going to tighten her up when big brother got in the car, etc. But - what if I found out the next day she had been in an accident and thrown from the car? How would I live with myself?

How do you know when to speak up and when to shut up? With good friends, if I see a really loose harness, I'll just tighten the kid up myself and say something like, "oops, looks like she's trying to escape!" or something. But those kind of friends (who won't be defensive or insulted) are few.

If you always just keep it to yourself (unless asked), how do you justify it to yourself if something happens to the child?
 
ADS

Baylor

New member
I can not say nothing.. But I have just tried to start light and see how it is received... And then go from there. I think even if you just mention it casually, it may plant a seed.

It also depends on your relationship with that person. There are some I would never say a thing too and some I would say something.

I actually want to broach the subject with the principal about some car seat safety for the kids...
 

urchin_grey

New member
This is basically my philosophy... If someone looks as if they are making an effort and the error is relatively minor, then I will say something. Its likely they just have no idea and would appreciate the knowledge. Or if I just know that a particular person would want to know, like my sisters or a few particular friends. They would probably be more upset if I didn't say something (but they know I would). :p

On the other hand, if the person is posting pics of their 2 year old with her arms completely out of her harness while they're on the interstate, then its pretty obvious they aren't interested in using their seat properly. So why bother, ya know?
 

rodentranger

New member
This is basically my philosophy... If someone looks as if they are making an effort and the error is relatively minor, then I will say something. Its likely they just have no idea and would appreciate the knowledge. Or if I just know that a particular person would want to know, like my sisters or a few particular friends. They would probably be more upset if I didn't say something (but they know I would). :p

On the other hand, if the person is posting pics of their 2 year old with her arms completely out of her harness while they're on the interstate, then its pretty obvious they aren't interested in using their seat properly. So why bother, ya know?

I'm with Carly. Some people aren't going to care, no matter what I say.
 

babyherder

Well-known member
Its your job to keep your kids safe. If you can help other people's kids that's awesome. But that doesn't make it your responsibility to take care of other people's children. It sucks. But there's only so much we can do. I usually mention car seats once or twice to people. If they listen or ask questions awesome. If not, I won't bring it up again.
 

Evolily

New member
We have be a buckle buddy. I just take down the plates and then enter it at their website. The only other thing I could see myself doing would be handing out something like the USAA booklet or cards for the local Safe Kids organization. And that I would probably only do if I didn't actually see the person.

I wish more states had programs like that, it makes life SO much less stressful to be able to do something while avoiding conflict with strangers
 

An Aurora

Senior Community Member
I'm on the fence with this about our friends too. They are ERF, which is fabulous, but they buckle their kid in with her huge puffy coat on, and they dont always have the straps over the shoulder--a few times I have seen them off her shoulder. If I see it I always fix it as I kiss their baby goodbye, and she knows how to do it, but choses not to...
 

Mommy2Marcus

New member
It depends alot on where I am, what I am doing & how friendly that person seems at the time. If I am at work, I am extremely catious as to what I say & to whom I say it to.

If I am out in public & see mis-use, then I try to strike up a friendly conversation with them. If they seem friendly & willing to talk, after a moment I will bring it up. If they seem un-friendly or like they do not want to talk, then I walk away & pray that they're never in a wreck.

I have wound up helping many people out this way. I actually helped a lady at work the other day with ERF advice & car seat suggestions. She is a lady I have been talking to since I started working there, so I was okay saying something to her. However most people I keep my mouth shut to as I can not afford to loose my job! I do however feel bad later that I did not say anything to them though. I have had people be not receptive & it is enough to make me be really careful while at work.
 

dawnp15

New member
I'm a very shy person, so this is something i have a really hard time with. Of course my close friends and family know my feelings and opinions, and i have helped many of them. But with total strangers i have a really hard time.
 

Minnesota

CPST Instructor
I've pissed a few people off, including a couple "de-friendings" (boo-hoo!) on Facebook about things I've very gently pointed out to people. But you know why I keep saying things? Because I'd rather lose a friend than watch a friend lose their child. I remind myself of that every time I hesitate.
 

henrietta

Well-known member
Well...it depends, but I do have two friends who are great friends, great people, and great parents. I LOVE them, and I LOVE their kids. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about anything ever happening to them. For them, I have spoken up, as strongly or harshly as I needed to get the message across. I do not want to offend them or hurt their feelings, and I have said that to them sometimes, BUT I am perfectly willing to risk losing their friendship if it means that their kids will be kept properly safe in the car. I can't live with myself if I don't speak up to them. I do not ever want to have to explain to my own two little boys why their best friends were injured or killed in an accident, if I can help prevent that from happening.

To others, I am much more cautious. True understanding takes time and effort, on everyone's part.
 

yetanotherjen

CPST Instructor
I've pissed a few people off, including a couple "de-friendings" (boo-hoo!) on Facebook about things I've very gently pointed out to people. But you know why I keep saying things? Because I'd rather lose a friend than watch a friend lose their child. I remind myself of that every time I hesitate.

Yeah I have lost one friend as well (she was even one of my bridesmaids) and all I did was send her a pm that her 18month old twin girls looked like they were about to outgrow their comfortsports, and then gave her two recommendations for new seats.

I still say something to some people, depends on the situation. The other day in my parent and tot gymnastics class I let a mom know that in Colorado children have to be 4 years old to ride in a booster, since she had her 2 year old in one. She seemed a bit put off. Oh well don't think I could be friends with someone that puts their 2 year old in a booster anyway
 

pandabearmomma07

New member
I have made too many people angry and lost privilege to a very large, fun moms group I was in because of my car seat views. I've learned since to keep my mouth shut, lead by example and demand nothing but the safest practices in my own vehicle. If anyone asks questions, I'll more than happy answer them but I try very, very hard to not start a fight about car seats.
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I don't always keep it to myself, but I see myself as an educator and not an evangelist. My job is to make information available to people who want it. I sometimes ask people if they would like information. But I don't think it's my job to make sure all parents follow my version of best practice carseat use, just like it isn't my job to pick what media their kids get exposed to or what their kids eat.

If my relationship with the parents is such that we'll comment on each other's parenting choices, I'll open my mouth. If the misuse seems to be life-threatening (not aftermarket strap covers on an otherwise properly used infant seat, or a 6yo in a backless when I'd rather see her in a highbacked booster), I might introduce myself (including my credentials) and ask the parent if she wants to talk about carseat use. If she says no, I'll back off.
 

Minnesota

CPST Instructor
We have be a buckle buddy. I just take down the plates and then enter it at their website. The only other thing I could see myself doing would be handing out something like the USAA booklet or cards for the local Safe Kids organization. And that I would probably only do if I didn't actually see the person.

I wish more states had programs like that, it makes life SO much less stressful to be able to do something while avoiding conflict with strangers

Wow, that's a great program! I wish that was nationwide.
 

karlatta

New member
I don't always keep it to myself, but I see myself as an educator and not an evangelist. My job is to make information available to people who want it. I sometimes ask people if they would like information. But I don't think it's my job to make sure all parents follow my version of best practice carseat use, just like it isn't my job to pick what media their kids get exposed to or what their kids eat.

If my relationship with the parents is such that we'll comment on each other's parenting choices, I'll open my mouth. If the misuse seems to be life-threatening (not aftermarket strap covers on an otherwise properly used infant seat, or a 6yo in a backless when I'd rather see her in a highbacked booster), I might introduce myself (including my credentials) and ask the parent if she wants to talk about carseat use. If she says no, I'll back off.
This, pretty much. I am an educator, not an evangelist. Believe me, I stay plenty busy just helping the parents that ASK for help!
 

mommyfrog

Active member
We have 1800bucklup, similar to buckle buddy. If I see serious misuse or nonuse, I use that. Even for people I know, since they will never know it was me!! I answer questions if someone asks. But I'm pretty shy by nature, so it's hard for me to approach people if they don't ask.
 
S

supermomof3

Guest
I will bring it up in conversation. One day a friend and I were chatting and her daughter's infant seat straps were loose, and I just mentioned to her that I love the seat but the straps need to be tighter and she asked me to show her how they should be. I have lost friends pointing things out to them but oh well..
 

MoonRocket

New member
I will always say something once to someone. I was really uncomfortable doing it at first. I had a conversation where I swear this mom was looking at me like I had two heads when I told her it was safer to keep her under 1 baby rear facing. Then two weeks later I ran into her in the parking lot at daycare and she told me she had read up on it and made her husband re-install the baby's seat RFing. Now, I will always say something b/c I know that adorable friend of my daughter is safer because I spoke up. If she had ignored me though, I would not have mentioned it again.
 

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