My mother things I am crazy for ERF!

So...I know this is probably more of a vent but I need some advice on how to talk to my mother. LO isn't even born yet but me and mom were looking at carseats the other day and I was talking about MR and MA's and how they rearface to 40Lbs and how I would like to keep LO rearfacing till 3 or 4. She got this god awful look on her face. And was talking about the legs of them and everything. So I got home and showed her a video and when she saw all of their legs really extended on the back seat it made her even more worried. I told her that I would rather have broken legs in an accident than a neck. And she just tuned me out and started yelling at me. She told me that I had never been a parent so I couldn't possibly know what is right and that she couldn't have imagined rearfacing me and my brother to 4. I just dont know what to tell her especially since she will be driving LO around alot. I plan on rearfacing atleast until shes 3 but how do I convince my mother that its the right thing to do. She wants proof that to 3 or 4 would actually be better.

Does the fact that it's been an AAP recommendation since 2002 help? Or the fact that the legs are safer rear facing help?

http://carseatblog.com/5168/why-rear-facing-is-better-your-rf-link-guide/

Wendy

It is your child not hers. It is up to you to make those decisions for your children. you are a parent who is preparing well. She should be happy about that.

All the ERFing related info. and links at http://carseatblog.com/5168/why-rear-facing-is-better-your-rf-link-guide/ are worth drawing upon, especially these if she's questioning about older ERFing children and legs:

After reviewing studies from the U.S. and Sweden, a study published in the highly regarded British Medical Journal advises keeping children rear-facing until age 4. (www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/338/jun11_2/b1994?view=long&pmid=19520728 )

Forward-facing children are more likely to sustain leg injuries in crashes than rear-facing children. (Jermakian, J.S., et al. “Lower Extremity Injuries in Children Seated in Forward Facing Child Restraint Systems.” Traffic Injury Prevention 8 (2007): 171-179.)

Infants and young toddlers have spines made of soft bone and cartilage that doesn’t begin to harden until around age 3. As a result, the spinal column can stretch up to 2 inches; however, the spinal cord will rupture after being stretched after only ¼ inch. This damage cannot be repaired. (http://www.carseat.org/Technical/tech_update.htm#rearfacFF)

Approximately 75% of kids in Sweden rear-face until at least age 4. From 1999-2006, only 4 rear-facing children under age 4 were killed in crashes and their deaths were due to circumstances unrelated to the direction the carseat was facing (fire, drowning, excessive intrusion). During that same timeframe, 6 kids under age 4 facing forward in booster seats were killed; 3 of these crashes were potentially survivable crashes had the children been in rear-facing carseats. (http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/338/jun11_2/b1994)

Click to expand...

Well, I'd first try to relax and breathe!

Honestly, you can't FF until a year, minimum, in any seat, so you've got at least 12 months to talk to her. Try not to mention 3 or 4; the mental picture just doesn't compute for most people. Does she do appeal-to-authority or visuals? If appeal-to-authority, send her the AAP recommendations. If she's better with visuals, send her video links.

Somewhat more underhanded...
You can also try to get a convertable early on and install it in her car RF. Most people prefer the staus quo and won't voluntarily change, particularly if they know they'll catch grief for it. She'll probably leave it for at least 3 months past a year, so now you've got 15 months to convert her. Talk about how far we've come with safety products in the last XX years (30 in my case!). Not just carseats, but everything. Talk and talk about how wonderful and safe baby products are today, and how your child is so lucky to be born today. Get her into looking for safety issues and recalls. Remind her how she searched and researched for the safest products on the market when you were young, and how important it was to her to keep you safe.

Oh, and good luck. My mom and MIL both came around by the time DS was about 6 months, so there is some hope!

Just turn around and show her a forward facing crash test video. You know, the ones that show the kids legs and arms slamming into the seatback in front of them.

I had to remind my mom when my daughter was 18 months old and still nursing, that she was my child. I am sorry you do not agree.

As far a car seats go she was not happy about her RFing until she was 4 either. We compromised and I told her she could be FFing at 2 as long as she did not take her out of town. If she were to take her out of town she had to be RFing again. Otherwise you may not drive her. I did not argue with her nor did I make it sound like it was up for debate.

I was born in the 60's. To be honest it was not the child safety decade..

No car seats really, High chairs that fell over, pretty dangerous looking port a cribs...

So when I do things to make sure I am buying safe things or implementing rules to keep my kids safe, I get comments from my 90 yr old Grandmom that I am a little nuts..

My mom is better because she is a Trauma nurse/emt and knows what can happen to kids in an accident, but will still roll her eyes or chuckle at certain parenting decisions.. However, She will support me in them ultimately.

AS a parent, you will learn that many people will voice their opinion about your choices.. Some will be related some not but all will have an opinion.

You need to make the best decision stand firm and turn a deaf ear. You know what is best for your child.
And your child will always know you have their back!

I didn't rearface until 3 or 4, but did until age 2 for both of my kids which was very unusual at the time. (They are 5 and 7 now.) My MIL bought a booster when DD was 1yr that said it was good for 1yr and 20lbs! I made her take it back. I think I was able to appeal to MIL by saying to her that I felt that I had to do what was safest for my kids, because if something did happen and I hadn't done everything I could, I couldn't live with myself. Then I asked her how she would feel.... She didn't say anything at the time, but after that she stopped bugging me about it. She still encouraged my BILs to FF my nieces at 1yr and 20lb, but that was a big improvement over the booster seat at 1 and 20!
Colleen

There should nothing to debate. She does not need proof. You are Mommy. If she refuses to let you install the child's seat in her vehicle the way you want, then baby doesn't go with her. That's simple, really.

My parents were very safety conscious for their time. ALWAYS made us wear seatbelts. But of course, that meant that the older kids (including myself, as I'm the oldest) were riding in seatbelts by the age of 3. But they would never dream of insisting that any of their grandchildren be restrained their way.

Well if my mom talked to me that way our conversation would be over. I'd tell her we're going it my way with my kid and then drop the subject.

My dad got confrontational about it. I told him all the research I had done, all the evidence, the recommendations, the crash physics. He wouldnt budge. So I left the burden of proof on him. I told him if he could categorically prove that RF wasnt safer than FFing, then we'd discuss turning her.
He grumbled a bit after that, but she stayed RF. Eventually, he did come around to realize she was more comfortable that way (especially on long trips) and last year he realized it was so important that he paid for me to become a tech.
Whether she agrees with you or not, this is your child and you have the ultimate say in where she goes and how she gets there. If your mom will not budge on her stance (or at least abide by your wishes), then mom does not get to drive baby anywhere. It's that simple.