How do I respond to these statements?

LuciaBella · Oct 8, 2010

During a check recently, I explained to parents that they need to keep their child rear facing to the limits of their seat (in this case it was a 14 month, 23lb-er). I also explained why in terms of physics and crash forces...etc

After all this, the mom said "well, I didn't even ride in a car seat when I was 2 and I turned out ok." How do I respond to this?! I wanted to be rude, but instead said "Well you were one of the lucky ones." Then moved on.

Sometimes I feel like parents are insensitive and like their kids are invincible. How do I make an impact that they will get their childhood experiences out?

Thanks!

mom2juliarose · Oct 8, 2010

I know others will chime in with rebuttals, but I'd be careful how you phrase that they NEED to keep their child rear facing to the limits of their seat... They don't NEED to, but they SHOULD... I find that sometimes just in the wording it sets the person up to be defensive.

mamakc · Oct 8, 2010

I would feel inclined to ask how many car accidents they survived that way?

Mae · Oct 8, 2010

mom2juliarose said:
I know others will chime in with rebuttals, but I'd be careful how you phrase that they NEED to keep their child rear facing to the limits of their seat... They don't NEED to, but they SHOULD... I find that sometimes just in the wording it sets the person up to be defensive.

:yeahthat:

It's not *required* for a child to be rear facing to the limits of their seats. Highly recommended? You betcha' bottom. But required? No.

As for how to respond ... Well, that's a good question. I'll see what others say, as I'm curious as well.

I just tell parents that if you were ever in a crash, would you feel comfortable saying to yourself that you did *everything* possible in your control to keep your child safe?

ketchupqueen · Oct 8, 2010

I usually say something like, "When my grandma was little, they didn't have penicillin, and she almost died of scarlet fever-- strep. If my child got strep today, I'd make sure she got appropriate antibiotics to treat it so she wasn't at risk of dying from it. Medicine has come a long way, and so has the science of protecting occupants, especially kids, in cars. Shouldn't we take advantage of it to keep our kids safer than we were, our parents were, our grandparents were?"

carseatcoach · Oct 8, 2010

mom2juliarose said:
I know others will chime in with rebuttals, but I'd be careful how you phrase that they NEED to keep their child rear facing to the limits of their seat... They don't NEED to, but they SHOULD... I find that sometimes just in the wording it sets the person up to be defensive.

I agree. It makes parents defensive and it makes us lose credibility. According to the state laws and the carseat manuals, children do not NEED to be rear-facing to the limits of the seat. Parents know this. Presenting as fact information that they know is incorrect calls into question everything else you say and lessens the impact of your advocacy.

SafeST rear-facing as long as possible? Absolutely. NEED to be rear-facing past 1y/20#? No.

jess71903 · Oct 8, 2010

Actually "you are one of the lucky ones" is kind of what I thought. It's simple, gets your point across, and you don't go into a long tirade about it.

Angela · Oct 8, 2010

I actually had this conversation with some parents this morning. Their son turned 1 today and they wanted to turn his seat. I presented the facts to them as to why it's safer to keep him rear facing. They brought up all the excuses of his legs being cramped, he's uncomfortable, he WANTS to turn, etc. I came back with the facts that I know about these topics, calmly without being defensive. I ended with saying 'It is the parent's choice and I just wanted to make you aware of the facts'. I also said that if they decide to switch him back to rear facing after trying it out for awhile that I'd be happy to teach them how to install them correctly rear facing again. We only do the best we can to educate the parents. It's ultimately their decision, even if we believe it's not the safEST. I feel my check was a success because I informed the parents of the best practice (even if they choose not to follow it) and made sure their child was the safEST they could be with the parents decision.

ketchupqueen · Oct 8, 2010

jess71903 said:
Actually "you are one of the lucky ones" is kind of what I thought. It's simple, gets your point across, and you don't go into a long tirade about it.

I've said that before too. But, sometimes that turns people off or comes across as snide (even if you don't mean it that way.) So, I've found that laying out a little more reason sometimes helps. (Especially because some people are very "lucky" and really have never been in a crash; they get in a mindset that they're "lucky" and so don't take precautions because "it'll never happen to them.")

lovinwaves · Oct 8, 2010

Sometimes I will ask for their email address and then send then a few links and a few short and to the point videos

NebraskaMom · Oct 8, 2010

I agree with eliminating the word "need".

Generally my "speech" is something to the effect of: "It is now recommended by xxx and xxx to keep a child rear-facing to the upper weight or height limits of a convertible car seat due since rear-facing crash tests have concluded that..." I usually throw in the "think of it like a catchers mitt" analogy as well. Seems to bring it to terms parents understand. If I still have a parent who is being insistent that FF is better for their kid due to leg room or whatever, I bring out the "internal decapitation" speech. Generally seals the deal for many parents. I only use that as a last resort though, and I make sure they understand that is the WORST possible case scenario.

This past weekend I had a Dad who refused to turn the boy around AND he refused to understand that the car seat couldn't be considered safe when installed AGAINST manufacturers instructions AND Honda's instructions.

Some parents just don't get it.

MarathonMama · Oct 8, 2010

Not a tech, but I've had this conversation with my DH about how much I hate it when people pull out the old "I turned out ok" argument for anything and everything!

"unfortunately, the ones that didn't turn out ok aren't here to tell us their side of the story"

"when we know better, we do better. I'm just giving you the facts, it's your choice to make"

LuciaBella · Oct 8, 2010

I have their email on the form, and I usually follow up with families just in case they have questions that didn't come up during the check.

I also don't usually say "need". I always give facts first and keep it objective. Throw out statistics and whatnot. If that doesn't get through, then I spill out what could happen if the child was FF. Most of the time parents are receptive to the facts and just plain physics.

The family did mention that she was "complaining that RF was uncomfortable". During the whole hour or so, she didn't say one word. So, who knows. Not many 14 month olds can say "mommy, I'd like my seat turned around. My legs hurt." Plus, 14 month olds don't even know car seats cant be FF. Anyways, it was frustrating but I pushed through. She left RF, so who knows.

NebraskaMom · Oct 8, 2010

If you wanted to follow up, you could always just send a few links to the information. I use these articles a lot when discussing this with friends.

http://www.carseat.org/Resources/633.pdf

http://aapnews.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/30/4/12-a

DahliaRW · Oct 8, 2010

I will say a 14mo who can sign can tell you if they are in pain. My tall 15mo used to sign pain in his rfing britax, until I turned him. Fortunately since then seats with a whole lot more leg room have come out and it has not been an issue, thus far, with subsequent children!

But, as for the mom's comment, I always say "those who were "not ok" are not here to tell their side of the story anymore" or something along those lines. Because it's true. Those who used to not have car seats and were "ok" are the only ones here to talk about it. Those who weren't are not on earth anymore.

mommy-medic · Oct 8, 2010

:yeahthat: When I get "nothing happened to me" I usually try to reply those that DID have something happen to them aren't here to talk about it!

wendytthomas · Oct 9, 2010

mommy-medic said:
:yeahthat: When I get "nothing happened to me" I usually try to reply those that DID have something happen to them aren't here to talk about it!

This is what I say.

Wendy

MonkeysMom615 · Oct 9, 2010

I haven't come across this (yet) but my plan is to nicely explain that when they were kids there were fewer cars on the road than there are today, speed limits were lower and (most importantly) people weren't talking/texting on their phones (ala distractred driving).

I'll remember the phrase about "those who did have something happen aren't here to talk about it" as that's a good one to remember!

ownedbyhorses · Oct 9, 2010

I did not read every reply.
I always resond to those comments with... We have learned from our mistakes. We did not "know" then. We do now. That is why we have seatbelt laws and carseats these days.
hth

joolsplus3 · Oct 9, 2010

I usually agree with them... "Yup, I didn't ride in a seat, either, thank goodness I was never in a crash!" Same message, but nothing for them to be defensive about, really, as they are forced to imagine MY toddler body being mangled against the dashboard, rather than their own.

How do I respond to these statements?

LuciaBella

Guest

New member

Active member

Well-known member

CPST and ketchup snob

Carseat Crankypants

Ambassador

New member

CPST and ketchup snob

New member

New member

New member

LuciaBella

Guest

New member

New member

New member

Admin - CPST Instructor

New member

New member

Admin - CPS Technician

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Sponsors

Forum statistics