Battling a toddler to sit in his car seat!

msg221

Well-known member
My stepdaughter called and we were chatting about her 2 year-old, Ethan, who has recently been battling her every time he has to get into his seat. He is rear facing and fights her every time she goes to put him in. He straightens his legs out and braces them against the vehicle seat back and fights her as she tries to wrestle him in. She said it is a five minute battle every single time. Her husband and friends thinks she should try forward facing him, but that is not an option for her. She wants to keep him rear facing a while longer. Besides, he has never been forward facing, so it's not like he knows what it's like vs. rear facing.

Anyone who has been there, done that and has some suggestions, could I please hear them?

We are going over there in about an hour to babysit Ethan and Chase. I almost want to take the kids out and see if he tries that with me!

I suggested that maybe she try to make it fun for him, telling him that for every time he is good about getting into his seat for mommy, he can have a sticker or something and then maybe when he gets enough, he can pick out something special? Or would this amount to bribery and not a good idea? She is at her wit's end over this daily battle, so she's open to any suggestions!
 
ADS

Pixels

New member
It's a 2 year old thing, not a FF/RF thing.

Sometimes I can convince DD to sit in her seat by asking her to do her chest clip. She likes to do it herself, so while she's working on that, I work on the rest of getting her buckled.

Sometimes, she just doesn't want to sit in the seat. I loosen the harness (ridiculously loose, as far as it will go), put it around the child, and buckle. Then, force her body into position and yank the harness snug so quick she can't get back out of position. It sounds violent, but really it's not. DD thinks it's a game usually. I've even done this with her standing completely up in the seat. I don't have to get the harness completely tight with that first pull, just tight enough that she can't get grossly out of position. Then, I can snug up the harness properly once she's seated.
 

CrunchyMaineMama

Senior Community Member
My DD has been doing this as well. She's in a very "I want to do it" stage right now so I let her climb up into her seat by herself and ask her to "help" by buckling the chest clip. This usually works, but sometimes not. In that case I just tell her we can go anywhere without her being buckled and pretend I'm going back into the house.
 
That is Nolan, since as long as I can remember he battled just like you described, as soon as he was mobile, he fought, he would stiffen up straight against the back of the seat and refuse to bend or sit.. and scream and fight the whole time..

I have taken craddling him in my arms as I put him in his car seat, he really cant straighten and I can get him in even if he is furious about it.. I think most people think he it is rediculous that I force him to rear face even though he battles, and I think there are even people that think I am abusing him the way he fights and screams..but he has to sit, and forward facing is also not an option for us at only 2 years and like 6 weeks. esp since he is only not even 24 lbs yet
 

SavsMom

New member
This is going to sound stupid and way too easy but it worked for me....

I would tell my daughter when we were getting ready, right before we were walking out the door, that she had to get in her car seat and she had to be strapped in and that if she didn't do it we wouldn't go anywhere, then I would ask her if she understood. After a few days of doing that she would happily climb in her seat and let me buckle her in - she had never fought me on it since. Also found it to work when riding in her stroller, shopping cart, etc....sounds crazy, but just talking to her calmly and telling her what we were going to do helped to resolve a lot of issues.
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
I tickle at the knees and tummy to get them to bend in the right places. It's hard to giggle and scream at the same time, too.
 

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
When my youngest was two, she was crazy about Blue's Clues, one day I was playing "clues" with her. She was supposed to follow the clues to find something I loved. One of the clues was on her belly (I had drawn it with a washable marker when she was sleeping). She LOVED finding the clue and started constantly asking for me to draw them on her. Being one to never pass up a good opportunity, this became a tool for getting her to do what I wanted her to do. Go pee on the potty, get buckled up, etc, and get a clue.

Once and a while I would get a dirty look from someone because my kid had blue marker all over her, but I just laughed as I drove away with my safely buckled kid while they were still fighting with theirs.
 

andre149

New member
Rf vs ff isn't going to help any. It's a 2 year old thing. P has been ff in her moms car since a year old (yes, we've tried :() and she fought both ways for a while. I have found that letting her get in the seat by herself helps rather than putting her in it, or at least giving her the option to do it herself. Also, we allow her to buckle her own chest clip because she likes feeling like she's doing something too. We also took a tough love approach when she started fighting it, because let's face it... it's not an option lol. Every time she fought the seat when we were going to do something fun we just went for a car ride and no fun stop... if we weren't going somewhere fun for her we just kept on with our plans, but when we could we reinforced that you have to ride in the car nicely to get the rewards. Also, I found that letting her have a stuffed animal in the car helped a lot... she knew that she didn't get it until she was buckled in... and she wanted her frog lol.

ETA: I'm all for bribery... P loves stickers :)
 

finn

New member
ds did the exact same thing at the same age, its much easier to wrangle them into a rf seat when they're protesting than a ff seat!! ff they can slide all the way out of the seat and you have to start all over again.

I used to tickle him and we kept special only for in the car toys, so I would pull out a new one and give it to him, so yes i love bribery :)
 

lorismurph

Senior Community Member
How about a small treat? Every time you get in your seat and get buckled without a fight, you get a skittle. Just one tiny treat to reward the good behavior. Skittles are so small, you can keep a bowl of them in the car and use them every time you get in the car.
 

Mom2FiveGirls

Active member
I rewarded (okay, bribed...) my girls :) If they got in their car seats without screaming/fighting it, they got a skittle or two. If not, they didn't get any and I still buckled them. With Ella it only took a couple times (and seeing her sisters getting candy since they didn't fight getting buckled in before she stopped. DD#3 is my stubborn/head strong child and I swear her fighting the car seat phase lasted a few months. She was ffing because it was before I knew any better and she still went through it.
 
I rewarded (okay, bribed...) my girls :) If they got in their car seats without screaming/fighting it, they got a skittle or two. If not, they didn't get any and I still buckled them. With Ella it only took a couple times (and seeing her sisters getting candy since they didn't fight getting buckled in before she stopped. DD#3 is my stubborn/head strong child and I swear her fighting the car seat phase lasted a few months. She was ffing because it was before I knew any better and she still went through it.

I have used bribery too many times.. lol not above it.. I can't do the "we cant go anywhere thing" cause I have no choice but to go places, like bringing his older siblings to school, plus he is the type of kid who could care less if we go places lol. (call him a live in the moment type of kid)
 

glockchick

New member
CJ still fights. I can't tell you how to avoid the fights, but I can tell you how to get them in that seat while they are.

Set kid in seat and as soon as their butt hits the seat, put your elbow in front of their crotch so they can't push it out. Then use your other hand and get their arms in, buckle chest clip and at least one crotch buckle before you move your elbow.

It sucks, but it works.
 

Yoshi

New member
When my two year old did that she was forward facing- so I think it's an age thing not a directional thing;)
 

skylinphoto

New member
My ds fought me at that age about his seat.

For us, it was best to just ignore the struggling. We just dealt with the battles without speaking and moved on. No attention for it. Once he realized he was going to sit and be buckled in no matter what and his fighting/whining didnt phase me, it ended. Fast. :)

With my dd, she didnt really fight me bad..but, to keep her from doing her dramatic little girl sobbing (lol) she got to climb up into her seat all by herself. Then she was so happy for being a big girl and getting up herself that she didnt even notice me buckling her.
(my ds wasn't able to climb in at that age..he has some issues with cooridination and muscle tone).
 

simplychels

New member
Yep it's definitely a 2 year old thing. My DD hasn't fought me in a long time...

Basically what I did is say fine, ok, you don't want to get in, we don't go anywhere. Sometimes that worked. Sometimes it did not (like when I HAD to be somewhere on time). So on those time crunch moments I'd hop into the front seat and start the car. BOOM child in seat making a mad scramble to be safe and buckled. Worked like a charm. She would even change her scream to say "No mommy wait I'm not safe yet, WAIIIIT!"


For awhile I thought only my DD did this, and then I read on here that it was common. But then I had the whole "only internet randoms' children do this" mentality since I still had never seen another child fight that hard to not go into a seat. Until I was in a parking lot and heard a child screaming, so I looked and saw him "pulling the noodle" to avoid being strapped into his FF'ing seat. He was the same age as my DD when she was doing the fighting (between 2-3)
 

icnee

New member
:)When emma was about 2 she tryed fighting but it dint last long I would just push where she would bend and hold her there with one hand and buckle with the other, she got over it pretty quick.

Now Elijah wow wee that kidcan really make you work. ever since he was very small maybe around 5mo he would scream getting and I would do the same as with Emma to get him in the bigger he got the harder it was and some times is.

As he got older it is somtimes easier he really likes to leave it is when we are leaving the store or where ever we that he throws a fit now, but usually I can get him to help, I stick my hand under the harness for the first pull so their shirts dont get bunched up then I take my hand out and tighten it up so he likes to put his hand under I pull then say ok and he takes his hand out and says "thank you mommy". If that dont work then I try a toy or a drink and if that dont work then he will just have to be mad cause hes going in. and if he is fighting screamming mad when I put him in I will tighten the harness even tighter thatn normal cause if not then when he does relax it will be too loose.

I have always found it wierd that he would do this in the van caus the only way he would take a nap was in his bucket and I almost always buckled him in as if we were in the van so if I decided to leave I would forget that he wasnt buckled.

But there was times when he would climb in amd go to sleep all on his own.

For this LO I think he will grow out of it but I would suggest also that until then she just plan on walking out the door a few minuts sooner to have time for this behavior that way mom wont be stressed about being late wich will lesson the stress level witch willcalm him some bacause when they act up and we get stress even if we are not yelling they can sence it and it causes them to be more upset. So she may find that just allowing extra time and like a PP said taking to the LO lightening the moment with giggles really just finding some way to do it so it is fun for both of them can make a big difference and I really hope the best for them. I am also very glad to hear that FFing is not an option for them:)
 
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Mommy0608

New member
CJ still fights. I can't tell you how to avoid the fights, but I can tell you how to get them in that seat while they are.

Set kid in seat and as soon as their butt hits the seat, put your elbow in front of their crotch so they can't push it out. Then use your other hand and get their arms in, buckle chest clip and at least one crotch buckle before you move your elbow.

It sucks, but it works.

That's exactly what I do!

I don't use the "if you don't buckle, we aren't going anywhere" tactic because that gives him the choice, when in reality we usually HAVE to go somewhere (drop-off or pick-up DD from school, errands, etc.) I use the above trick without making a big issue out of it. Lately he has been into finding body parts (mine or his), which is quite a nice distraction ("Where's Tyler's tummy?" or "Where's Mommy's nose?") Oh, and I let him buckle the chest clip and climb into the seat himself (which takes a while, but at least it makes him happy).

I agree though, it's not a directional thing... it's a 2 year old thing. :rolleyes:
 

msg221

Well-known member
For this LO I think he will grow out of it but I would suggest also that until then she just plan on walking out the door a few minuts sooner to have time for this behavior that way mom wont be stressed about being late wich will lesson the stress level witch willcalm him some bacause when they act up and we get stress even if we are not yelling they can sence it and it causes them to be more upset. So she may find that just allowing extra time and like a PP said taking to the LO lightening the moment with giggles really just finding some way to do it so it is fun for both of them can make a big difference and I really hope the best for them. I am also very glad to hear that FFing is not an option for them:)

Well, I didn't get to see if Ethan would pull the same thing on me because we didn't end up going out after all. His baby brother decided to nap instead and there was no way I was waking him up to put him in the car! It took me long enough to get Baby Crankypants to sleep as it was and he actually didn't wake up going from asleep on my chest to being put in his crib. So I wasn't messing with that!

I will definitely tell my stepdaughter some of the suggestions here, mainly getting out of the house 5 minutes earlier in case she has to do battle with Ethan!

And yes, I am also happy that FF isn't an option for her. I have e-mailed her enough videos on rear facing vs. forward facing that she isn't willing to FF Ethan anytime soon. On the other hand, she warned me ahead of time that it might not be the case for her sister's twins. They are 14 months old and still RF, but she told me yesterday that when she went to her sister's house yesterday, her sister's DH saw Ethan RF and how his legs were bent, he went on about how she needs to turn him around. She told him no and why, but he's just not convinced. And he's an engineer, so I would think he has some knowledge of physics! Well, his wife (my older stepdaughter) already knows how I feel so hopefully she can convince him otherwise. At least I hope so.

That's exactly what I do!

I agree though, it's not a directional thing... it's a 2 year old thing. :rolleyes:

This is what I already told Kristy; it's just Ethan being 2. Unfortunately, Ethan is exhibiting a lot of 2 year-old behavior. Like when he gets upset about something and in his frustration and anger, hits his baby brother! He did that today when I told him he couldn't have something, he got mad, then turned around and hit baby Chase as my DH was holding him! DH reprimanded him and I said "Ethan, do you need a time out?" Next thing I know, Ethan has walked into the living room and put himself in the corner! :D
 

Melanie

New member
It's great that she's committed to keeping him RF.:thumbsup: DD2 went through a terrible car seat phase. It started RF and continued on when she was turned FF due to weight. I found it harder to get her in FF. When they are FF and they arch and squiggle they slide right out into the floor.

I'm all for bribery.
 

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