Vent Ugh, that was NOT the way to handle that...

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician
One of my families was on vacation last week, and mom took today off as a recovery day. I met them for breakfast this morning, to get a bite to eat and then hand off the kids.

She had parked next to me, and when we went out to the cars I noticed that they'd turned their youngest guy's seat. He's not quite 19mos, and last Thursday (before they left on vaca) the seat had still been RFing. I did one of these :eek:, more out of shock than anything else, almost a "something is different," and glanced at mom. "I know, I know, we turned it around..." Ok, I can handle not going off about that, but when I poked my head into her van I found (at a minimum) the seat in major recline mode, with the LATCH strap run through the RF belt path and the installation loose (not super loose, but more than 1" of movement.)

"Well, it's not even so much that you turned him, but you have the belt in the wrong place... and it's too reclined, and the straps are probably below his shoulders..."

My reaction wasn't intended to chastize her, it was more diarrhea of the mouth as I catalouged the misuses. I realized it as soon as I did it, regained my calm (it really was shock, not anger,) but of course at that point mom felt terrible because she realized she'd put her kid in danger. "I'm sorry, I really thought we had it in right!" The look on her face was not good. (She did say they'd turned it for more leg room while driving, and were going to turn it back.) I tried to soothe her with "listen, 9/10 seats are installed incorrectly, that's why we have techs," and I know she's not mad at me, but I'm still upset that I made her feel awful.

We talked for a couple more minutes, and in short I said to her that listen, if you want to turn him around, it's your choice; I don't agree with it, but I need it to be an informed decision. Up until this point, I don't think she's listened to WHY he needs to be RF, although I've told her, but that was pre techdom and her response has always been, "I don't want to look at the videos, I just want you to tell me what to do and when to do it." No more; I know that this decision came from lack of understanding. I also told mom to let me know in the future -- I have seats that would install differently and give them more room.

I have the baby now and told her that when she comes for lunch today (we're doing a pizza party) we're going to go out and I'm going to make sure she understands WHY I recommend RF, the risks of FF at his age, and how to install the seat FF. (They can install RF just fine.) I do think they'll turn it back around, but I want to make sure that if they opt to turn it at any time, they know how to.

Just... ugh. Vaca was a twelve-hour drive each way, he rode like that and I don't think the seat was tethered, either. Obviously he's just fine -- so no harm done in the long-run -- but I'm sick that he rode like that and even sicker about how I handled the situation. Clearly I did not educate these parents well, and my reaction was even worse. Ugh.

Sorry for the long ramble, I just needed to vent, and no one IRL wants to hear any more about carseats.
 
ADS

Maedze

New member
If you are close to the mom and there is trust and mutual respect there, I think your honest shock and 'diarrhea of the mouth' may have been more effective than a restrained and formal response :twocents:
 

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician
Thanks. I've had her kids for most of the last eight years, so I know she does trust me -- that's why her response has been "you tell me what's right." She told her son, "I'm in trouble with Carrie," lol.

I still feel poorly for shaming her... but thanks for understanding. :)
 

emtb79

New member
I totally understand I tend to have diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to carseat stuff with my parents.
 

Jennifer mom to my 7

Well-known member
You know, that new rear facing video actually even made my dh understand MORE about why rear facing is safer. He got the concept, but didn't grasp all of the force aspects until he saw that one. I like it because it is not a tear jerker one, but just the facts in a quick little video that isn't too long, and you don't have to read anything.
 

Jennifer mom to my 7

Well-known member
The one from the tryggTrafikkNorge.

This one.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssIsceKd6U"]YouTube- Rear facing vs forward facing position in the car[/ame]
 
Last edited:

autumnlily

New member
I hate when I let things slip out in a manner that I'm less than pleased with. Especially anything related to parenting. At least you two are close and can talk about it.

I find at Car Seat Clinics... when I get a sad face from a parent as I point out the changes we need to make - that if I follow up with, "as a parent, we only do what we know at the time... it's parents like you that come to learn more that are doing a great job to do it safer". It's the best cushion I've used so far... but I'd love to hear more ideas.
 

babyherder

Well-known member
Its ok! You did the best you could. And remind mom she did too. After all, she did not know that she was installing incorrectly.
 

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,656
Messages
2,196,898
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top