I Feel Silly...

Chely7425 · Jul 22, 2010

I feel silly having my 2 year old RF. I mean, I know it is safer.. and he will stay RF probably another 6 months to a year (till he hits the weight limit, he is my chunky monkey) but everyone down here seems to think its stupid. And comments on how his legs are bent. And how the "tech" at the hospital said bent legs are more dangerous than FF a child even at 1 or almost 1. And the Drs on post hand out the statement from the AAP but roll their eyes at it. Sucks!

momto3girls · Jul 22, 2010

Take peace in your decision. You're doing good and I'm proud of you for getting the 3 across.

I come back with there's been no incidents of broken legs in rear facing children, but there has been with children ff. Leave it at and walk away or change the subject. My ped also thinks erf is crazy.

Chely7425 · Jul 22, 2010

momto3girls said:
Take peace in your decision. You're doing good and I'm proud of you for getting the 3 across.

I come back with there's been no incidents of broken legs in rear facing children, but there has been with children ff. Leave it at and walk away or change the subject. My ped also thinks erf is crazy.

It is just so annoying... and I hate constantly having to defend myself! My husband thinks I am insane too, which doesn't help much.

birdflippin' · Jul 22, 2010

I think my DH feels silly about it and that's why he keeps bugging me to turn DS1 ff already.

I feel proud knowing that I am doing what I feel is the best for my boys and no one is going to make me feel silly about it. They can try, but it ain't going to happen. Sadly no one has asked me why DS1 is still rf, they ask DH instead and all he tells them just because I say so

Chely7425 · Jul 22, 2010

I don't know how much longer DS1 will be RF just because of his weight... he is 34-36 pounds right now and his seat only goes to 40 RF, but I would like to keep him RF till he outgrows it, ya know? DH hasn't seen the new RF arrangement because he is in the field, we will see what he says when he gets back Saturday. If he has a huge issue with it we will probably just turn him back around, I am pretty comfortable with him being FF in a harness in the middle seat at this point... though I prefer RF as long as it doesn't cause WW3.

Carrie_R · Jul 22, 2010

You need to do what's right for your family, and I know RF vs FF for your son and the situation with your husband has been talked to death, so I'm not going to go there.

But, do not ever, EVER feel silly for being proactive and doing what's best for your kids. To be the best parent you possibly can is to fight these fights, the ones that nobody cares enough to fight for their kids, to stand up for what you feel is important. For most of us here on the board it's ERF; for some people it's nutrition, for some cloth diapering, for some the right to send their kids to daycare and go to work.

If you merely do what everyone else does, because everyone else does it, then that's what your kids learn. There are many, many fights we have to have in life and if you're going to fight them, you have to know what's important. I'm sure people think I'm insane EVERY DAY (my mom and dad certainly do) because I do what I do for the kids I watch -- spend $$ on seats, spend $$ on semi-healthy (ha) food, take six kids to the zoo or science museum or whatever -- but to be honest, I don't find there to be another option. I'm not going to do less for "my" kids because other people do less for theirs, kwim? And I want them to learn that there are some things that are worth going against the grain for.

Take pride in the fact that unlike everyone else, you're not willing to settle for "what everyone else does." You've taken the time to do your research and make an educated decision that you feel is best for your child. Don't let anyone else talk you out of what you KNOW. If your husband has concerns, he gets a say -- he's the other parent -- but don't let ANYONE else tell you what's right for YOUR kids.

Okay, off my bandwagon now. I don't mean this as a beratement... my intention is a pep talk... I hope it comes off that way. You are in the right, Mama, you are making the choice that you feel is best for your child.

(And BTW, 4-6lbs on a 2yo can take quite a while. My J was 38lbs at 2 and now, at 3.5, is just 41. He crossed both the weight and height limits for his MR RFing together, right around his third birthday.)

Chely7425 · Jul 22, 2010

Carrie_R said:
You need to do what's right for your family, and I know RF vs FF for your son and the situation with your husband has been talked to death, so I'm not going to go there.

But, do not ever, EVER feel silly for being proactive and doing what's best for your kids. To be the best parent you possibly can is to fight these fights, the ones that nobody cares enough to fight for their kids, to stand up for what you feel is important. For most of us here on the board it's ERF; for some people it's nutrition, for some cloth diapering, for some the right to send their kids to daycare and go to work.

If you merely do what everyone else does, because everyone else does it, then that's what your kids learn. There are many, many fights we have to have in life and if you're going to fight them, you have to know what's important. I'm sure people think I'm insane EVERY DAY (my mom and dad certainly do) because I do what I do for the kids I watch -- spend $$ on seats, spend $$ on semi-healthy (ha) food, take six kids to the zoo or science museum or whatever -- but to be honest, I don't find there to be another option. I'm not going to do less for "my" kids because other people do less for theirs, kwim? And I want them to learn that there are some things that are worth going against the grain for.

Take pride in the fact that unlike everyone else, you're not willing to settle for "what everyone else does." You've taken the time to do your research and make an educated decision that you feel is best for your child. Don't let anyone else talk you out of what you KNOW. If your husband has concerns, he gets a say -- he's the other parent -- but don't let ANYONE else tell you what's right for YOUR kids.

Okay, off my bandwagon now. I don't mean this as a beratement... my intention is a pep talk... I hope it comes off that way. You are in the right, Mama, you are making the choice that you feel is best for your child.

(And BTW, 4-6lbs on a 2yo can take quite a while. My J was 38lbs at 2 and now, at 3.5, is just 41. He crossed both the weight and height limits for his MR RFing together, right around his third birthday.)

Thank you SO much Carrie!! I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of that out, and it definitely came off as a pep talk

DH said we can talk bout the RF when he gets home from the field on Saturday, so we will see how that one goes. A lot of things he has been resistant to with parenting as we come from VERY different families... like, we cloth diaper because I wasn't willing to compromise on that one and he has no issue with it now, same with breast feeding and co sleeping for the first 6 months and a bunch of other random things

I know he loves his kids but he just doesn't think outside the box very well, if that makes sense!! I am hoping we can get to 3 years with my oldest RF as long as DH doesn't flip at the mention of it. And you are right that besides him nobody else's opinion should really matter!

Athena · Jul 22, 2010

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you deserve. You've done a great thing for your child! You deserve to feel good about it! :thumbsup:

It's weird because I have been in the position lately to have friends and family see us getting in and out of our car with my rear facing 2 yo and not a single person has asked or said a thing. Is that unusual? With everything I've read on here, I was nervous about someone saying something bad and I hate confrontation, but then sometimes I wish someone would ask about it because then I could pass along some of what I've learned here. Our pediatrician (who I am otherwise really happy with) has never brought up car seats, something that also seems strange to me.

If you don't mind my asking, why does your DH object to RF? Is there a reason why it's causing a problem for him? I hope that's not too personal and please don't feel like you have to answer, but I am just unclear on why he objects to it. ETA-Okay I see the other post that came up while I was typing so definitely don't feel like you have to answer this.

momto3girls said:
I come back with there's been no incidents of broken legs in rear facing children, but there has been with children ff.

Is that true? No broken legs RF? I had no idea. I just figured, if it's bad enough to break her leg RF, it's probably going to be far worse FF, but that is a much better response.

Chely7425 · Jul 22, 2010

He has issues with our oldest RF for a couple reasons... one, we have a ridiculously small back seat, esepcially in terms of the space between the back seat and the front seat, and having our oldest RF messes with where DH likes to have his seat to comfortable drive. Also, he thinks DS prefers to FF (which is probably true) and figures he is 27 months and 35 pounds so why is it a big deal if he FF. Plus... he doesn't see ANYBODY else doing it so I think he feels weird?

ETA: I don't mind talking about it

a_js · Jul 22, 2010

I think when we look at "what everyone else does," that sets the standard not very high. So good for you for knowing better and doing better.

My brain is jello lately, but I don't think anyone ever said anything to me when DS rf'd after a year old. We were only able to go to 20 months, but I don't recall any snippy comments or anything, even from people who I expected it from

And no, no confirmed cases of broken legs RF. Lots of confirmed cases of broken necks FF, sadly

scariestone · Jul 22, 2010

Chely7425 said:
It is just so annoying... and I hate constantly having to defend myself! My husband thinks I am insane too, which doesn't help much.

DON'T defend it! Tell them its your child and your decision and walk away. People that FF a 6 month old or give a toddler soda all day long in place of milk never have to defend what they do so you definitely shouldn't have to. BTW I'm with you on the DH issue. It started a huge fight every time we got in the car so we ended up turning him FF at 15 months.

When DS was 2.5 we got a second car so DS is in the car almost every day instead of once a week like he used to be and I was the one driving him so I bought a new carseat, installed it and when DH asked about it I told him that was how he was riding. I think he could tell by my demeanor that he shouldn't argue this time.

Genevieve · Jul 22, 2010

Athena said:
Is that true? No broken legs RF? I had no idea. I just figured, if it's bad enough to break her leg RF, it's probably going to be far worse FF, but that is a much better response.

I think what is meant by that statement is that broken bones don't happen BECAUSE they are rear-facing, but it could happen due to the nature/severity of the accident. If an accident is bad enough to give a RF child broken legs, you can be pretty sure they would also have broken legs if they were FF and much more likely, a broken neck.

Calleiah · Jul 23, 2010

<hug> I know how it feels to be the odd one with the RF kid. Nobody understood when I turned my DD2 back to RF at just short of 2 years. She stayed RF until the week after her 4th birthday because she was 39.5 lbs and I knew it wouldnt take much to bump her over the limit. You know you have done your research, you know the risks and benefits and you are doing what you know is safest. Dont be embarrassed, keep your chin up! My dad harassed me a bit about RFing her, and I looked him right in the face and told me if he could find good verifiable info that showed she was a)safer FF, and b) in danger from RF, then we'd talk, but I refuse to fight with someone who would not educate themselves on the subject. He was speechless and did not approach the subject (from that standpoint) again. It's taken a while (2 years!) but my whole family, core and extended, have come around to my incessant chatter about the benefits of RF, even my cousins who've all had babies in the last year. Those babies (who've just passed their first birthday) are both still rear facing!

PS. My dad paid for my tech class

joolsplus3 · Jul 23, 2010

I spent a lot of time staring at this page (and my own dd's, Sarah at 4 and Leah at 2

) to feel more 'normal' about RF'ing my kids so long, it really helped a lot! http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/RFAlbum.aspx
And reading the studies again and again helped, too... http://carseatblog.com/?p=5168

In retrospect, I'm a little heartbroken that it's not more normal to RF big kids, it's been 8 years since I bought a seat to RF my 3 yo, it should be so commonplace by now! It's getting better, but I think no one should feel said or weird for actually following the long, long accepted rule set forth by the AAP, that's never had any study put forth to contradict it.

CTPDMom · Jul 23, 2010

I encourage parents to look at it as 'trend setting'. It's not that you're weird, it's that you're so cool you 'get it' WAY ahead of any of your friends...years from now when it's commonplace you can smile and know that YOU were 'in the know' way before the rest of your group!

Think of ERF as the next Vera Bradley or <insert other trend setting thing here>.

Chely7425 · Jul 23, 2010

CTPDMom said:
I encourage parents to look at it as 'trend setting'. It's not that you're weird, it's that you're so cool you 'get it' WAY ahead of any of your friends...years from now when it's commonplace you can smile and know that YOU were 'in the know' way before the rest of your group!

Think of ERF as the next Vera Bradley or <insert other trend setting thing here>.

LOL this made me laugh

I think DH feels like a LOT of things we do set us outside the "norm" of the people we hang out with (cloth diapers, BFing, few processed foods, etc) so this is just one more thing we are being weird about... oh well, I like your take on it! I'm not weird, I'm cool

gsdguenter · Jul 23, 2010

At least we are all crazy together

keep doing what you think is right once you have made informed decisions!

gigi · Jul 23, 2010

For people that I love that FF their kids and ask why I don't, I told them I read it was 500% safer and I'm just too crazy to turn him knowing that

And for people who commented on leg breaking, I'd say better his legs than his neck.

And for my mom and husband that made fun of me constantly, I told them to zip it

I Feel Silly...

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