I hope I'm doing the best for my son...

Hi everyone,

Just a quick off-carseat post here about my 5 year old son. We have been dealing with social and behavior issues with him for awhile now and while he has gotten better with age, he still isn't the same as his peers. We are seeing a clinical psychologist right now and she is looking at either ADHD or Asperger's with him. We have no dx right now. I'm also trying to get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician, but that will take a few months to get.

In any case, I just signed him up for Tae Kwon Do classes 1x per/week. I hope he likes them and it is a positive experience for him. He wasn't too sure about the uniform, but I'm hoping to convince him that it is cool. DH thinks we shouldn't sign him up for anything, that school is enough (he is in pre-K), but I think some activities are good for him--especially ones that reinforce discipline and proper behavior. We tried soccer and that didn't work at all for him--he just isn't ready for a team sport yet. Swimming lessons are pretty good as long as he can control his desire to splash and jump in and out of the water, and we want him to learn how to swim for safety reasons as well.

I love my son, it is just hard when he acts "different." Strangers don't know his history so always look at me with this expression of "what type of mom are you!" I just hope I'm doing the right things to help him now.

Hayley's got social and behavior issues, too. We suspect ADHD but haven't looked into it further yet mostly because we don't want to do medical treatment so we figure, what's the point? I have ADD and Mark has ADHD so we pretty much know what to do, lifestyle-wise, to manage it and help her learn some self control. It's hard, though. Sometimes I wish I had a diagnosis just so I could get people to shut up. Too many people assume we are bad parents or she is a bad kid.

I don't think Tae Kwon Do is a bad idea at all! I've considered similar ideas for Hayley because I don't think dance (her desire) would be a good fit because of how group-oriented it is.

That sweet little face. How can she ever be bad.
And i think it is a great idea. Just talk to him about how some of the things in class are to only be done in class or with you and not like on someone else. That is the only thing i would be worried about other than that i think it is great and i have seen it help many hyper children. I know your child is more than hyper but i still think it will really be a great thing.

DH has a black belt in Uechi-Ryu, a traditional form of Okinawan karate. He has actually been trying for years to get my brother and SIL to enroll my nephew who has Asperger's in a karate class. Since it's an individual sport and not a group/team effort, we think he'd do really well. So I think that's a great idea!

It's a great idea! Michael has attention/behavior issues as well. We got him into a starter soccer program last summer and he's going to do it again. I'm not sure how the program you tried was, but with this one the closest any of the kids got to acting like a team was being on the same field!! They slowly start teaching them the concept of team play, and it's divided by age so they have reasonable expectations! I think anything that gets children, but especially children with behavior or attention issues, involved in something is great. It doesn't matter if it's a team or individual thing. It will slowly build their attention span, and even in most individual things there's enough interaction with other children that they learn to work together.

Thanks for all your support. I'll post again next week to let you know how his first class goes. Hopefully he will accept the uniform...

I have thought about how he might think it is ok to hit or kick outside of class, but I think the instructors usually try to explain when it is ok and not ok to hit so hopefully it will sink in with my son. He has had some problems hitting at school (impulsive acts), but I think when he gains more social confidence, the hitting will lesson.

We are still struggling to find the right motivation/discipline tactic that will work with him consistently. His behavior is so variable it is difficult to pinpoint. One day he'll have trouble playing outside at school, then I'll talk to him about it that night and then the next day he'll be great outside, but will do something different during centers, where he didn't have a problem the day before. It is hard to reward him for doing better in the area he had trouble the day before when at the same time emphasizing that he shouldn't have pushed a kid during centers.

I love my son, it is just hard when he acts "different." Strangers don't know his history so always look at me with this expression of "what type of mom are you!" I just hope I'm doing the right things to help him now.

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I know how you feel. I think I've had more (not many) inappropriate comments about Rylan from adults than from any children. I think the Tae Kwon Do classes will be a great help for him. Keep us updated.