Very large 3 year old niece using booster (no harness)

Our niece is clinically obese - she is 54 lbs (not sure of her height at the moment). She is very large and so my MIL went and bought a cheap booster seat at Zellers as this is all she fits in. Our niece has learning issues, emotional issues, etc. and so my MIL or my SIL (her mother) buckle her in, but each time we see her (and to be honest, she looks so huge in this cheapy booster seat) we worry about her safety. We have tried our best to educate them on child safety, but they just don't get it.

They now have our baby niece (8 months old) in her infant seat that she has outgrown as well. We just know that she will probably be put front facing very soon. They are not educated people with a lot of family issues - they think we are overprotective and just like to buy cool baby stuff because we have more money than they do - Um, no! It's because our daughter's safety is the number one priority! They saw our new Radian car seat and thought it was a booster seat, and I quickly reminded them that although our daughter is very tall, she is still only 37lbs, so no booster for her as we want her to remain in harness for as long as her long torso will allow us!

What do you all do with family like this? We admit that we are obsessive about child safety, but feel that our daughter (and soon to be new baby) are our most important gifts. We do tons of research on child gear, safety, etc. and have given them brochures, emails, offered to go to docs with them, to no avail. If something were to happen to our nieces in the way of a car accident we'd feel guilty, but we've tried everything. It's so frustrating! They'd rather spend money (that they don't have as they are unemployed) on manicures then decent baby stuff). These are the same people who used a U.S. car seat in Canada (illegal), use baby walkers (illegal in Canada) and sawed up the crib, and then put back together for 2nd baby as SIL hid pregnancy (as she did with first baby).

What do you all do in these situations? Tiger

Wow...this sounds familiar. My SIL (who is unemployed, and pregnant with her third child and "thinks" shes due in May, but has no clue because she hasnt seen a doctor since she had her last child, which was July 9th 2006) refuses to put her 3 year old 29 pound daughter in anything. My nephew is a day older than my DD (7 1/2 months)and he is in an expired Graco seat. I have tried everything I know (short of calling the police, only because I know that will make matter worse for the whole family) to get her to see what I see but it just doesnt work. I try to find comfort in knowing that I am doing my best as a parent and that it is out of my hands. I know that it is frustrating and irritating, but some people just dont get it.

I go so far as buying a seat that will keep their kid safe if I can afford to do so & try to push my way in to correctly install it, hopefully teaching the child & adult proper use ... but this is the best possible outcome -- I more often have to simply take a deep breath & walking away, puting my blinders up for my own sake

It honestly sounds like they may need some education/intervention from child protective services in your area, I'd call and report the obesity, sawed crib, lack of proper restraint, hiding pregnanies etc. It all sounds very unhealthy.

FWIW, my 6 year old is the same weight as your 3YO niece, but my dd is also 48 inches tall, lean and healthy.

I agree with Gypsy. I think that it is just an overall unhealthy situation. And the fact that she is so obese is also very unhealthy and that sounds an alarm to me. They obviously need help in more areas then a carseat at this point-like nutrition guidence and family intervention as a whole, which I guess consists of cps...then again they barely do anything unless the kid is visibly damaged, and then in that case they don't. But it is worth a try to wake them up. It is really hard to have family and even know people who are like this, and I really feel for you. You feel so helpless all the while watching these poor kids being strung along. I have friends who are the same in some respects and they just think I am stuck up about stuff like car safety and food, ect...but they don't get it isn't about that, it's about a child's welfare. But as we know some people just don't get that. there is just something missing. Just do what you can in your power, and try to keep your sanity and just keep being a great parent!!! That's all us good parents can do

Well, maybe you can tell her my story. My son is now 14. Laws were a lot different when he was little, so please try not to judge. I have learned a lot since then. I bought a fairly expensive car seat, for the time. It said on the side to foward face at 17 pounds, so I did. At about nine monthes old, we were rear ended so hard that it pushed us into the police car in front of us. The car was totaled. Now fast forward to potty training time. I was having a lot of problems teaching my son not to poop his pants. At about four years old, I took him to the doctor. They said he was basically full of poo. he had incopresis. They gave him mineral oil to clean him out. I did that every day. It didn't work. Then we tried prescription laxatives. That didn't work either. We went to a special hospital three different times, for 2 1/2 days each time. They put a tube up his nose, down into him stomach. He had nothing to eat, just the tube. They cleaned him out each time. They did x-rays, cat scans. They of the money, the time, my son. Early last year, when he was still 12, I started thinking of my car seat tech training. What could a crash do to a forward facing 9 month old? I took him to a chiropractor. I didn't tell the chiropractor about the accident, just said that his back was hurting. He had complained of back pain since he was about 5. The Dr. felt his back and said that the small of his back was not curved, like it was supposed to be, but straight. I asked what was controlled (nurves) through that part of the spine. He said, the bowels. That hit me. All these years. He is doing much better now. I spent the night at a freinds house for the first time at age 14.

When they act like it is such an inconvenience to use a car seat properly. Let them know what an inconvenience it is to have a childs childhood taken away.

Thanks for listening. I guess part of this was a vent, and part of it is genuine concern for our niece.

We have dealt with this for years (which is why we've tried to distance ourselves as much as possible from this). Everytime we try and talk about with MIL, she gets very defensive and attributes it to either: my sheltered upbringing, high education or the fact that we have money as does my family. None of which have anything to do with us being concerned about child safety - whether it's car, house or food safety.

My sis is a family therapist (she has tried as well) and has now told me there is nothing else we can do as we have: bought them baby stuff to use, offered to go to doc's, bought book, Internet websites, model good behaviour at all times with our own daughter, shown them how to properly work and install gear, etc. to no avail. There are a whole host of emotional, family, financial and safety issues at play here. They seem to forget though that as a certified teacher, I am bound by law to report any events or behaviours that put children in danger. My MIL and FIL (don't get me started on my SIL as she has a lot of emotional/mental issues that aren't acknowledged) aren't malicious at all - they are trying to raise their daughter and their daughter's babies all in the same house with no money, no education and lack of resources. We worry about our nieces and pray to God each day that he keeps them safe.

Even though I am not a car seat tech as most of you are, being a teacher and parent I am very obsessed with safety, knowledge, etc. I know that sometimes it's overwhelming for them, so we always go slowly (I am a Special Education teacher, so going slow is my specialty) and only address single issues at a time, so we will continue to do so for the sake of our niece's safety.

Thanks for listening, Tiger