At what point do you just let it go?

pharmdmom

New member
Maybe this is more of a vent on my part than a question, but since most people on this forum know more about car seats than the average Joe, I was wondering how you handle these situations.

My neighbor has 3 kids, ages 9, 6 and 4. The 4 year old just turned 4 last week. As she did with her other kids, she "rewarded" the 4 year old by getting rid of her convertable seat and putting her in a backless booster. (I am not sure of her height and weight, but she is tiny) She got rid of the 9 year old's booster altogether, although given his height I am nearly positive to this day he would still not pass the 5 point test. The reason I know this is because we were talking outside the other day and she asked if I still had my kids in "those giant" car seats (one still is in a Regent, the other I just moved out). I am obviously not a CPST and I explained what I have learned on this forum (and other sites) and why I kept them in the seats I did. She kind of had this condescending laugh and described me as being "fanactical" about this and that I spend too much time reading about this stuff on the internet.

I understand she is an adult and is obviously capable of making her own decisions but I really think she is flat out wrong putting her 4 year old in a backless booster. It's not like she doesn't have the room in her car or the money. When I mentioned this conversation to a couple of my coworkers their responses were basically that I explained my position and just stay out of it.

I feel so bad for the little 4 year old especially. At what point do you just "stay out"? As techs do you feel because you have the credentials that you have duty to educate these type of people? I am curious. I am not trying to be nosy or a jerk to my neighbor but it is also kind of annoying hat some of my neighbors think I am fanactical just because I chose to keep my kids in a 5 point harness longer that most people around here.

TIA. As I said at the beginning, maybe I just needed to vent. :)
 
ADS

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
Even as a tech I wouldn't say anything beyond what you've said. I've had a friend say, "We parent differently." They were watching the scale, and as soon as their three year old hit 40 pounds they put him in a booster. But still with the back, because, you know, he likes to sleep now and then. I simply don't discuss it with them unless they ask.

Wendy
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I am a tech and have the credentials. In the situation above, I might mention that I am a tech and would be happy to answer any questions she might have. If the parent was doing something illegal, I would mention that -- ONCE -- if I could do so gracefully.

Otherwise, it's not your business. I would not want a neighbor who was a teacher criticizing my daughter's choice of reading material, even if she has the credentials to do so. I would not want a neighbor who was a dietitian criticizing my daughter's snack, even if she has the credentials to do so. (And so on...)
 

babygirlsmom1005

New member
I have to agree with Wendy on this one.

The only reason I said anything to a girlfriend of mine because they put their 2 year old in a backless booster because "he was 30 lbs". After discussing it with my girlfriend, she realized it wasn't a good idea, he kept getting out of the seat - but her DH wouldn't budge on buying a new seat for him since "he met the requirements" I gave them a harnessed seat for him and they use it to this day (he just turned 4). If they wouldn't of changed anything, there isn't much you can do. She did know when he went with us anywhere (in my truck) he had to sit in a 5 point harness, peorid. If he was 4 years old, I wouldn't of said anything to them about it.
 

jourdysmom

CPST Instructor
I had a teacher at my kid's school give me grief about my 10 year old 4th grader (54" 75lbs) being in a booster. She does not meet the 5 point rule, and will stay in the booster til she can (and probably the weight limit of the seat).

I was so disgusted by her comment...I told DH that I wanted to slap her!

This was the convo:
Me: Car seats were all inspected...Tech was super awesome, and told me he had never done an inspection where 1 car seat was installed properly, let alone 5. Made me feel SO good that I am keeping my kiddos safe. He asked me if I wanted a job... If only I could find a way to attend the week long class.. SIGH

Her: Why do you have 5 car seats? Surely J**** does not fit into one still, does she?

Me: J**** and E**** are in boosters... will be til they outgrow them by weight or height (neither have yet) and I prefer not to be a parent that buries a kid that could have been saved by that $50 piece of plastic :)

Her: M**'s been out of his since the day he turned seven....it was a pain getting him to fit in it, even though he wasn't beyond the weight/height limit. Then again, with your driving, I can see why you still use them!

Seriously??? My driving skills??? I am good for about 1 deer every year or so living out in the sticks, but have not been in an accident since 2001... This being a woman who drove her car thru the front of a hair salon, because she was reaching back to give her kid his happy meal... the woman who allows her 2 YEAR OLD to push down the chest clip and ride with her arms out of the 5 point harness "because she doesn't like it, and I don't want to listen to her cry if I yell at her for it". :eek:

Boy did that kid hate riding with me... I had that sucker so tight she had no chance of escape! :p

UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
 

ntrenary

Active member
I lead by example. And sometimes if know someone who has a kid too young to FF or too young for a booster I go out of my way to let them see me buckle my 2 1/2 year old RFing and my 7 year old in a Regent.:)
 

Carrie_R

Ambassador - CPS Technician
I'm not a tech, but I have to say that this is the point at which you let it go. You've done your "job" and educated her. If she opts not to listen, further harping on her will not change her mind and will damage your relationship.

And you hope/pray that the child remains safe.
 

Shanora

Well-known member
I will causally mention things to people in passing conversation (Ie someone I know has their 13 month old 17.6 pound child FFing, and when I told her the Law in Alberta was 20 pounds to FF she, didn't respond just turned her back and walked away :jawdrop: )

I didn't both even attempting to try with her after that, cause she wouldn't have listened. However other people, I will pass along the info, and leave it at that. I figure if I can get them interested in protecting their children better the first time, its not worth my time or effort to keep after them.
 

Karen

New member
At first (as with most things that I get really "into") I tried to push my knowledge on people. It came off as condescending and rude. Now I am able to let other people's children be their business. I am here to consult with if anyone wants to, but I don't push it on people anymore. I know my kids are safe, and if that makes me fanatical, so be it. In your situation, her rude comments about you keeping your kids harnessed would make me way more upset than her choosing not to harness hers.
 

mhmom

New member
Sadly...you have to let it go...and be thankful it is not your child....my Stepdaughter was moved into NO carseat at 4 years old (which was legal, at the time) becuase her mom couldn't fit 3 carseats easily in her car...can you imagine our horror!!! she was tiny and would just move the shoulder strap behind her...after many, many discussions...we finally had to just deal with it. However...in our cars...she had a booster seat..until she turned 9...did she meet the 5 point test at that time? no...but we had battled long enough...she is almost 12 and I refuse to let her sit up front.

My niece was born at 3 pounds 2 ounces so she is still tiny...at 12 months and 17 pounds she was put into a Turbobooster...I told my MIL that it was unsafe and she said...dont worry about it....really??? and to top off my story...my MIL had a 5 point booster for my 3 YO and was sharing it for the baby...I gave up our Boulevard to make sure both girls are safe when riding with her...never at the same time. Some people will be grateful and some will not....
 

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