when do you say something? when do you not?

rachelandtyke

Well-known member
Just curious as to when you say something when you see something wrong with carseat usage (outside of a check) IRL or online and when you don't say anything at all?
 
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ntrenary

Active member
I'm wondering the same thing. My friend just posted pics of her kids in the car on FB. She has 3 kids, ages 7, 5, & 15mo. The 2 oldest aren't in boosters at all, the 5yo has the shoulder belt behind his back, and the 15mo is FFing. I've sent her a lot of info on ERFing, before she had the youngest and thought she would keep her RFing. When I saw the pic I gave her props for the harness and chest clip on the 15mo's seat and said I will lecture her on the rest when I see her Fri. Then I directly sent her Joels story w/ the FFing vs RFing videos and put up the 5 step test link on my page.
Is there a video of just the FFing vs RFing crash test? I'm not sure she'll watch Joel's story because it's so long and the crash test is in the middle. I need something quick and easy to watch.
 

carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I think it depends both on the level of misuse and your relationship with the misuser.

Something that is very likely to make an otherwise survivable crash unsurvivable, like a 70# kid harnessed in the "20#-80#" Cosco combo seat? I'll speak up.

Something like aftermarket strap covers on an otherwise properly used seat? If I had the personality and the closeness that I'd be comfortable saying something like "I bet he'd stop fussing so much if you laid off the Diet Coke while you're nursing", then sure. Otherwise, I'd probably just let them know that I'm a CPST and happy to answer questions.
 

autumnlily

New member
I'm still learning when not to cross that line, or how to do it when needed.

I've done it twice on FB. Each time, I sent a private message to my friend, starting off with something about unsolicited parenting advice versus safety advice. One picture was with the straps below shoulder in FF seat and chest clip no where in sight and the other was very similar but also with a bulky coat & strap falling off shoulder.

I just stated that, when I saw a tech to turn my ODD around, the most eye-opening bit of knowledge was that the harness straps no longer came from below the shoulder in FF position and that I had to now have them 'at or above' and the tech mentioned it was a most common misuse. Now that I'm a tech... I say the same thing. I also commented on winter wear and how it affects the harness system. Both were very open to my email.

I have links to ERF and HWH and note that I'm a tech in my FB profile and on my email signatures. This is how I promote awareness. I don't email friends who aren't using best practice when at least they are using correct use. My friends know where I stand and know I'm very open and helpful with giving them info if they ask (and they do ask).
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
I really think it depends on the misuse..

and how well you know them.... along with how open they are for info.

start basic.... making sure each child is restrained at least the minimum...

if they aren't... definitely send a helpful email with info.

after that... ask before offering advice.
 

mommycat

Well-known member
It depends on misuse and situation for me. If it is friends, I am more likely to say something. For strangers at the mall, etc, if it is serious, I often feel I need to speak up for the child because I couldn't turn away knowing they were in serious danger (think <1yo FF, harness falling off shoulders, baby over top of infant carrier). For somewhat loose straps or something I have started to learn to bite my tongue unless I have the perfect opening. Whatever I say, I try to phrase it in a way that doesn't put the parent on the defensive. The "oh, I didn't know that either but now I do" or "it's hard to find a seat that will fit a tall/heavy/xyz kids but now there are these newer seats out...." etc.
 

mollymoo

New member
People are always asking me what seat should they get for their kids and why is my 18 month old still backwards.
I have a standard e-mail I send out with the benifits of ERF and seats that can help with that along with a link to this site.

I did give unsolicited advice to a stranger once who was buying some baby stuff from craigslist who had her newborn in the front seat in an expired infant seat forward facing.
 

mommy-medic

New member
I try to size up the situation first. In BRU, I sort of listen in to see what someone is looking for, or what selling points they like before speaking up. Often times I introduce myself and profession and ask if I can help them make an educated decision. If I spot misuse, I try to get a feel for the personality and mood of the parent before speaking up. I posted the other day about meeting the lady in the bank. I tried to bite my tongue but when I saw the harness coming off the splitter plate... I had to speak up. I try to be humble and just say "Is it ok if I help you fix this...?"
 

mommy2jasmine

New member
Only 2 times have I left a note. BUT, in my defense, the infant seat was installed all sorts of screwed up FORWARD facing. Using LATCH wrapped around the carriers handle, hooked onto the top tether...It was BAD, and so I felt like it was worth it to at least try.

As far as friends and family, I'm a little forward, but sympathetic. I explain to them that I understand how hard it is to do things right, when there is misuse everywhere you look. Then I go on to tell them what's wrong, why, and what could happen. If they are friends of friends, I tell the friends to tell them, or ask them if they could ask them if I can help them.
 

Anne

New member
If I just see someone out doing something wrong and we're just passing, I don't say anything. I haven't seen anything absolutely horrid yet, so maybe I will if I see something bad enough. I don't know, I'm pretty shy.

If I'm walking through the car seat aisle at wal mart, target, bru... and see someone looking at car seats, then I'll introduce myself and just let them know they can ask me if they have questions. Most people take me up on that offer.

For family, I find a way to casually bring it up. I try not to do so the minute I see the misuse, though. I tend to get passionate about it and that can come off wrong. I've found it's better to wait and think through exactly what the misuse is, how serious it is and the reasons why something should be changed. Then I find a way to bring it up later when I can calmly approach it. If they are receptive, I pursue it, if they aren't, I let it go.

I haven't yet had to make the decision when it's an acquaintance I don't see regularly, such as a FB friend. So I can't say for sure what I would do. Maybe make a general posting of car seat safety, or post a link. Or make a note just talking about that issue and tag all my friends with kids. Something indirect so as not to instantly offend. Might depend on who it was, though. There are some I might directly message. Only private, though, I'd never comment on the picture. Calling them out publicly is much more likely to get a defensive response.
 

ntrenary

Active member
I normally wouldn't say anything, but the girl on FB is one of my closest friends (BFFs in HS) and she knows I'm a car seat freak so she wouldn't take it personally. If I saw a stranger doing something wrong I would never say anything, I hate coming off as a know it all. If I were a tech I might, because I think people would take me more seriously than just some random crazy lady telling them what to do. So right now I reserve my judgement for close friends and family, and even then I think I do it tactfully. I tell them once and if they don't correct whatever it is I leave it alone. No sense beating a dead horse. I would just feel awful if I didn't say something and something terrible happened. Sadly, a lot of the info I give is stuff that's not really available and people have to go looking for it. At least this way I know they have the info they need and can do what they want with it. KWIM.
 

DahliaRW

New member
For people I don't know well, I'd just want to see the minimums met (rf to a year, in a harness until 4/40, booster until 5 step test, no seat misuse).

People I know well is a case by case basis. For example, I knew a mom whose 18mo was in a shield carseat ffing. Probably expired. I didn't know if she'd be interested in rfing, so I didn't focus on that but rather how the shields were not all that safe, it might be expired, and gave her info on seats that last a long while and are economical. Now he's in a safe seat at least.
 

Cattitude

New member
I gauge each situation individually. I intervened at Buy Buy Baby the other day. The sales guy was trying to sell this clueless couple a Britax Advocate. I caught the woman's eye and shook my head. So she asked me what seat is good as a parent :p.

I started to tell her about the RN, CA, and My Ride when the sales guy interrupted me with "Britax goes up to 65 lbs". So I started to explain, he debated, then said "well I'll just let you talk" :D. He was annoyed! But I was able to get the correct info to the parents to be. I didn't bash Britax at all, even told them I had a Blvd. I just told them there were better, higher RF weight seats out there. I also briefly explained about ERF. Oh and I gave them this site to come check out too! They were very appreciative and I was glad to help.

But I've also seen situations where I've gotten the sense that my input would not be welcome.
Like when I left the store, a mom next to me had 2 young girls FF, sigh. At least the seats looked ok.
 

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