Vent Can we talk about this again? DD being questioned and teased at school for riding in a booster.

mamabear

New member
She'll be 7 next month. She is 56lbs and 51" tall. She is actually one of the bigger kids in first grade. I'd say in the top 75% size wise at her school, for her grade. Heck, she's even bigger than some of the 2nd and 3rd graders!, but she's one of the only kids over Kindy age still in a booster. :(

Normally, this isn't a problem. She's never complained about being in a booster. Rather, she prefers it. Until today.

She is going home with a friend after school. I know the mom, she drives a new Jetta. She has 2 kids. a first grader and a 3rd grader. Neither are in boosters (So I knew she probably wouldn't offer or provide one for DD either). And her first grader is the size of my 4yo. I'm not kidding. But, (sigh), the CA law is 6 or 60lbs. So pretty much NO one over 6 uses one. I get the same response from parents all the time. "But they are 6, so they don't HAVE to". blah blah blah. It makes me so sad. Even another friend of mine who has her DD in my DD's class. They are without a car right now. I drive them home on occasion. Her DD is another small one. She rides HARNESSED in my DD2s Frontier in my car. Yes, she fits the harness setting for my 4yo. But in her mom's car, nope, nothing:rolleyes:

Anyway, back to today.

I decided to take the back off the TB, and just bring the bottom to school for DD to go home with this mom. She fits pretty well with no back, and I figured it transports the easiest and has the least margin for error. (even though my DD knows how to buckle herself). They are only going 8 blocks. I'm OK with it.

We get to school this morning. I'm carrying the TB bottom through the play yard to DD's classroom. Kids are playing everywhere. As we walk by tons of kids are stopped in their tracks staring and gawking at us. You would think I was was carrying a basket of dead kittens or something the way they were looking at us:rolleyes:

A friend approaches DD: "What is that??"
me: "A booster seat"
Friend 1: "Why?"
Me: "she's going home with a friend today"
Friend 1 just stares

we keep walking and get to her room, I can tell DD is getting embarrassed. I told her maybe that friend1 asked because she thought she was going on a field trip today or something. DD bought it.

Then more and more classmates arrive and we get all the comments "why do you have that?" "you still ride in a car seat??" "I don't need a carseat anymore!!"

It's coming from all directions.

DD was so good. She let it roll off her back.

I think it bothers ME more than anything. I feel like I'm embarrassing her. I know it's for her safety, but it still feels bad.

What am I supposed to say? "sorry kids, I just care about her more than your parents care about you??" I would never, but still.

Even worse. I came home and shared with DH how it was. He gets the car seat stuff, but compared it to like making her wear orthopedic shoes. She may need them, and it's better for her and will help her, but at the end of the day, she's still wearing orthopedic shoes:rolleyes::(

Thanks for listening to my vent. It was tough on me today.

I'd love to hear how others get through this:)
 
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ADS

Melanie

New member
Awww. That makes me sad. Not sad for you making her ride in a booster, sad for the other kid's comments. Unfortunately, it's just the way it is. My oldest is now 14. That many years ago there were NO other kids riding in boosters when she was in 1st and 2nd grade. She didn't like it. She thought I was overprotective-which wasn't helped at all when her dad let her ride without a booster and in the front seat (but that's a whole other vent). I remember when she started passing the 5-step in one car and not the other. She always wanted me to take her to school in the car with no booster.

It was just one of those things I didn't budge on. I tried to explain it was to keep her safe and that I didn't want anything bad to happen to her. I showed her when she'd be able to sit without a booster (legs bent over the edge, seatbelt not over her neck). When she'd ask about it I'd have her try and see if she fit yet.

DD2 is starting kindergarten next year. I'm hoping in the last 10 years parents have become more educated and she won't be the only one in a seat. She'll still be harnessed. From your post-it sound like I shouldn't get my hopes up.

For the future-could you put the booster in a bag or backpack? I wouldn't bring it across as hiding it. More like it's easier to carry that way.
 

mamabear

New member
DD2 is starting kindergarten next year. I'm hoping in the last 10 years parents have become more educated and she won't be the only one in a seat. She'll still be harnessed. From your post-it sound like I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Just to prepare you. My DD was the ONLY harnessed kindy kid in the whole school. At the end of the year filed trips, where some of the Kindy kids had turned 6 already, at least half of those that turned 6 stopped using boosters. Lets hope it will be better in your area.


For the future-could you put the booster in a bag or backpack? I wouldn't bring it across as hiding it. More like it's easier to carry that way.

That is such a great idea!! I'm so sad I didn't get it sooner:(
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
I once heard an answer someone's kid gave her peers when they asked why she still rode in a "baby seat": "Because my mommy loves me, and doesn't want me to die." :whistle: I thought that would probably shut the shut-uppable kids up. (Some of them of course will bully for anything.)

My almost-6-year-old can explain to you why you need to be the right size for the belt you use, and that you can get hurt if you don't, and that boosters help make the belt the right size for kids who don't need a harness any more, and the harness is the right size seatbelt for kids who are too small for a booster. She's never been teased for it (and being homeschooled hopefully won't be) but if she was I have no doubt she'd look at them like they were idiots and tell them that she doesn't want to die.
 

Evolily

New member
That harmony backless booster- I think it's the "harmony literider"? It looks very backpack friendly (and it's very sleek & cheap- it looks like a "big kid booster", kwim?).
 
One thing I did this year (b/c I got so :mad: when I drove on field trips last year and heard kids - mostly boys - making snide remarks to kids who had boosters) was to send a note to DDs' teachers before their first field trip, telling about what I'd witnessed last year and how I thought it was important to remind the kids to be respectful of classmates who used boosters, as well as make parents aware of the "5 Step Test" - DD2's teacher condensed the info from my email and sent it to the other parents and also talked to the class about it:thumbsup:

But yeah, it's an uphill battle. I overheard a conversation between a few moms where one was happily saying "As of this weekend, I'm DONE with car seats!" (her youngest who was in Kindy was turning 6 that weekend):(. But I *did* get a few 'thank you' emails from a couple parents (one of whom said she was glad she could now tell her DD that she wasn't the only "strict" mom that made her 8YO use a booster)

And if you're curious, the letter went something like this:

Dear Ms. R:
Yes, I can drive if needed to the Nutcracker trip.
FYI there was one thing about the first grade field trips that I found a bit distressing - some of the students (mostly boys) who didn't use booster seats in the car were making teasing or negative comments to the kids who were still using boosters.
If possible, I'd appreciate if the students (and maybe parents) could be reminded before the field trip that being respectful to their classmates includes refraining from teasing those classmates who are still using boosters. These classmates are using boosters because their parents feel that it's an appropriate safety measure, not because they're in any way more 'babyish' than their booster-less counterparts.

And if it's not out of line, I'd really appreciate if a reference on appropriate booster usage such as the following could be either emailed to the parents or distributed in the Friday folders - I think that a lot of parents aren't aware of the safety risks of poorly-fitting seat belts on kids who meet the legal minimum (6 years or 60 lbs) for riding without a booster but who aren't yet tall enough for the lap and shoulder belts to fit them properly without a booster
http://carseatblog.com/?p=3966

And FYI, I bring extra boosters when I'm a field trip driver, and if one of my passengers doesn't fit the seat belt properly without a booster, I *will* ask that passenger to use the booster even if they don't use a booster in their own car.

OK, I'm off my soapbox for now :)
 

tiggercat

New member
That is just awful. And at that age it is ridiculous. Greg is probably the only 4th grader at his school still in a booster (he's on the young side, so just turned 9) and he hasn't gotten any comments yet. When we took some boys to the movies in our van and he rode in his booster in the back (the other kids were big enough to ride boosterless in the capt' chairs, thank goodness) and no one seemed to notice. They might have been a bit confused when I asked to see how their seatbelts fit ;)
 
What am I supposed to say? "sorry kids, I just care about her more than your parents care about you??" I would never, but still.
What I tell the kids who ride in my car for field trips is something along the lines of "if the lap belt's going across your tummy or the shoulder belt's scraping your neck, you need to use the booster". (Also I have a rule for Dd's and their peers that any kid passenger who sits in the 3rd row of our Highlander *has* to sit in the HBB's because the 3rd row doesn't have side curtain air bags - of course I'll revise that when they all pass the 5 step test but for now, that's the rule:p) So if you want to say something that's honest but not confrontational, you could just say something like "the seat belt in our car doesn't fit her right without a booster - if the lap belt goes across your tummy or the shoulder belt scrapes your neck, you could get badly hurt in an accident"
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
That's frustrating and makes me happy AJ goes to his school. Not that there are any great carseat using kids, but that they just have that level of respect for each other. AJ is the only kid probably ever to be harnessed on field trips (till next year when Evan goes to school there, lol) and no one has ever batted an eye. His little 'girlfriend' in his class just turned 6 this past summer and as soon as that happene, her booster disappeared as well. It's hearbreaking. Hugs to you!
 

ntrenary

Active member
I had the same thing happen to me when I drove for my 3rd grade DD's field trip a few months ago. I have 2 Regents in the car and made the smallest kid ride in the extra one. She was not happy. My DD didn't care, when the other kids asked why she still rode in a carseat she told them "because it's safer and thats what race car drivers use too" She's actually scared to move out of her Regent soon and sit in a regular seat belt.:(
 

brelza

Member
I had the same thing happen to me when I drove for my 3rd grade DD's field trip a few months ago. I have 2 Regents in the car and made the smallest kid ride in the extra one. She was not happy. My DD didn't care, when the other kids asked why she still rode in a carseat she told them "because it's safer and thats what race car drivers use too" She's actually scared to move out of her Regent soon and sit in a regular seat belt.:(

Anyone have suggestions on how to get kids over this? This weekend will be the 1st time we are trying my oldest 2 in no booster. Our 2 youngest will be in their regents. Anyhow, they don't want to give up their boosters/5pt seats. They ride in boosters in Grammy's car. They know they have always been safer in them. They know when I was in my car accident I got really hurt because my seat belt didn't fit me properly (but still saved me from going through the windshield).
 

mamabear

New member
Elaine, I love your letter to the teacher:thumbsup:
I'm driving on the next filed trip, and yep, I'm doing 3 across boosters;) I got flack from the kids even last year in Kindy about using boosters (I had a 6 yo or 2), but I did like you and said my seatbelts don't fit them well and they need a booster in my car. I just left it at that. I said a little piece about the lap belts being too high, and even pointed it out to them, They were OK with it after that, but I can only imagine what they went home and told their parents!!:p
 

babyherder

Well-known member
I have a nice rule in my car. Anyone who makes any negative comments/teasing about boosters or carseats earns themselves a trip in a booster. They don't know that they all won't fit in my boosters so usually the threat works wonders. And I would still put them in it for a trip in the driveway if they continued to tease.
 

Heather86

Member
I'm so sorry :( Kids can be really rude.

Connor was told he was a baby because I was loading him into a myride and the little girl who said it is almost 5 in a nbb. Connor looked at her and calmly said "My mommy wants me to see my 4th birthday" lol I may or may not have said that to him when he starts to whine about his seat :whistle:

I second the pp's idea about a bag or backpack and checking out the harmony boosters they do seem decent. I really hope things get easier for her :)
 

Kyras_Mama

New member
What am I supposed to say? "sorry kids, I just care about her more than your parents care about you??" I would never, but still.

So... I'd never say that either... but if it was my kid and she was actually bothered by it... (and yes I know this if awful) I'd probably tell her that and wouldn't punish her for repeating it... :whistle:
 
I have a nice rule in my car. Anyone who makes any negative comments/teasing about boosters or carseats earns themselves a trip in a booster. They don't know that they all won't fit in my boosters so usually the threat works wonders. And I would still put them in it for a trip in the driveway if they continued to tease.
On a similar note... on our most recent field trip, DD2 and her best friend were in the 3rd row in HBB's (Parkways) and two boys in their class were in the middle row and protested the LBB's I had there. Belt fit was marginal but ok w/o boosters so I let them ride with just the seat belts. Well on the way back the boys really wanted to sit in the 3rd row and I told them they had to sit in the boosters if they did, so they did. And when they started getting rowdy I told them if they didn't sit properly, I'd take a photo of them in the boosters:evil grin: (I had my camera on the front seat so I showed them that this WAS a credible threat;))
 

mamabear

New member
do 3 across boosters fit well in your car? PM me if you need to borrow my small RSTV to save yourself from scraped knuckles

It's NOT easy, or pretty. I have to pre-buckle the seatbelts, pull them way out and have the kids scoot under them. :eek:
It's still worth making them do it IMO:whistle:
This will be the first time using the Jane Indy. and I have TB's as spares which are pretty narrow. Last time I think I still had the Frontier in there. Thanks for the offer, I may need it!!!
 

Qarin

New member
Anyone who makes any negative comments/teasing about boosters or carseats earns themselves a trip in a booster.

I told them if they didn't sit properly, I'd take a photo of them in the boosters

I don't understand something- how does making using boosters or taking pictures of someone using a booster a threat decrease the disrespect of someone who uses a booster? It feels to me that you're just buying into the whole thing, that boosters are shameful, with these things as punishments/consequences.
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
I was thinking the same thing. It seems to me that those comments might increase, rather than decrease the booster stigma-- just stop the teasing (or make it more private) but seat the stigma even deeper. Remembering that these are kids who not only will have to make their own safety choices in the car soon, but someday are going to probably put their kids in cars-- I'd want to destigmatize boosters and car seats whenever possible, or at least not exacerbate the stigma. Kind of like how you don't just tell a kid a racial slur is a "bad word." You explain that it's hurtful and if possible why, you demystify it so the kid doesn't come out with it in private even more often.
 

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