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  1. #1
    Moderator - CPST Instructor snowbird25ca's Avatar
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    How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I have a friend who's about to have her 2nd baby. I sent her the links about staying rf'ing and all of that with her last baby, but she still turned him a couple weeks before his 1st b-day. Do you think it's worth sending the links again? I also have sent the same to her sister, and once again the kiddo was turned right at 1 yr old.

    I have had friends keep their kids rf'ing longer as a result of me talking to them, and I'm always happy about that. So I'm just wondering, how many people listen to you when you talk about keeping rf'ing? Do you ever feel like you're wasting your breath?
    Trudy - Canadian CPSAC certified CRST Instructor-Trainer and mommy to:
    Janeen - 17 yrs and learning to drive!
    Jillian - 11 yrs, 80'ish lbs, 5-stepping in each car. :O
    Jonas - 8yrs, 65lbs, Riding in an Oobr in each car.
    Both safely riding in either a 2007 Outlook or a 2015 Subaru Legacy depending on the day.


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  3. #2
    CPS Technician Victorious4's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Few people change their actions when they don't seek the advice for themselves -- this goes for pretty much everything.... If someone actively seeks advice then they actually do something with it; those who have it thrust upon them often refuse to listen, accept, and/or change. (We can lead a horse to water, but we can't make it drink).

    This isn't to say we should keep life saving advice to ourselves when it involves kids we love, though. But, even my own siblings who witnessed the same kids suffer permanent disabling injuries (both physically & cognitively) via my dad's O&P facility have outright refused to listen to my advice With them, even the law doesn't matter

    Then there are the people like my parents' employees who repeatedly ask for my advice & all research to go along with it, then choose to keep their large infant in the carrier seat long past it's limits then turn kiddo FF just shy of 12 months

    I don't take it personally because I know I'm a personable kinda gal & it's only in cyberspace that I ever get bossy/snotty If anything I'm called "too nice" IRL, but I have provided all these people with every bit of documented research possible & they just don't care enough to do the right thing.
    TIFF ~ doula & all hours childcare provider
    SCARLA: winter '02 . . . Jr. Roller Derby level III
    BEAR: spring '11 ... Recaro Sport + Clek Oobr
    RAHNE: summer '17 ... MicoMax30 + RadianRXT
    childcare: 0-7yrs... Contender + Frontier Clicktight
    {emergencies: Scenera Next, Highback, Topside}

  4. #3
    Moderator - CPST Instructor snowbird25ca's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    they just don't care enough to do the right thing.
    I guess this is what bothers me. These are people who I know care for their kids dearly, and yet, despite being given important info like this, don't care enough to research it or keep their kids rf'ing.

    I guess it just doesn't make sense to me how a parent can care about their kids, and yet not care (or not enough anyways,) to research more about something as important as car safety. Ignorance may be bliss - and when you know better, you do better. But to know that there is a better way and to refuse to do it - I just don't get it.

    But maybe I'm just too nice too... I've always just sent the links in a "I came across this and had no idea there was such a difference in safety" kind of way. But I guess who knows if they even bother to look at the links either.
    Trudy - Canadian CPSAC certified CRST Instructor-Trainer and mommy to:
    Janeen - 17 yrs and learning to drive!
    Jillian - 11 yrs, 80'ish lbs, 5-stepping in each car. :O
    Jonas - 8yrs, 65lbs, Riding in an Oobr in each car.
    Both safely riding in either a 2007 Outlook or a 2015 Subaru Legacy depending on the day.


  5. #4
    Senior Community Member
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by papooses View Post
    Few people change their actions when they don't seek the advice for themselves -- this goes for pretty much everything....
    Very well stated. I don't think my advice in this matter as a friend, parent or Tech has made much impact. But I keep giving it. I hope to lead by example and even if I convince someone to keep RFing for 2 more pounds or 3 more months I've done Something. And I try not to take it personally. My mom just told a story about holding me in her arms (baby-as-airbag-style) as an infant during a crash as I flew into the floor under the dash... maybe that's what's wrong with me.

    Well anyway my point is I hope all of my friends listen and if they don't I hope they're lucky. I guess I was....

  6. #5
    Senior Community Member scatterbunny's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Hmmm. I think only two people so far have changed their practices after I gave them some unsolicited advice. I still keep trying, though.
    ~Jenny

    "When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." ~Abraham Joshua Hesche

  7. #6
    Carseat Crazy Jordynsmama's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I as well sent a friend with 3 girls...1.5(and small), almost 3 and 4.5, a bunch of info. She just bought a marathon for her youngest(has her ff) and I wrote to her telling her about turning the baby rf in it. But she didn't reply to my email and I am positive she really could care less. She has her almost 3 yr old in a booster(with a back) and I wrote that she should still be harnessed until 40 lbs even if the manual says 30 lbs, and she luckily just moved her oldest from a backless to a regular booster.
    But like I said b4, if they don't care they don't care. I too don't get how they claim to love their children but don't do what is obvious and in front of them to protect them. A lot of people have a mentality that nothing will happen. Also I don't think all people love their kids the same. That may seem harsh but in so many cases and with people I know, it so true and obvious. Car safety is just not a huge priority for this girl among other things. Needless to say I really am not that good of friends with her at this point bc her carelessness drives me insane. Not to mention I am a child development major in college I have issues with having friends with kids period if you can imagine. lol.
    But hey, I say it's worth it to send it again. If she seems annoyed tell her you just care a lot...thats not a crime.
    Jessica, mama to Jordyn (8) in a backless

    and Madisyn & Kingston (2 yrs) in Britax

  8. #7
    CPS Technician emandbri's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I would say most listen. I was on St. Louis message board before I moved and I got everyone to replace their shield seats!

    My brother and his wife are pretty bad, they turn their kids as soon as they are 20 lbs (granted that is at around 18 months) and put my neice in a booster at 33 lbs even though they have 2 marathons. I had stuff printed out to give them but chickened out, they know it is dangerous they don't care.

    Most of my friends listen, I have Jennifer (thepeach90) on omaha mom's group and with both of telling people things it sinks in more! lol Still I don't think any one there has kept a child rear-facing past 2 years.

    Emily tech and mom to Jacob 16, Daniel 13, Benjamin 9, Elizabeth 6. Child care provider to 4 other kiddos.

  9. #8
    Car-Seat.org Ambassador Patriot201's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I would say about half of the people I talk to change their ways when it comes to carseat/vehicle safety. Half is not good enough though. I will NOT stop trying until I am at a rate of 99%-100%

  10. #9
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I think we have to keep trying, even if it only influences that 1 in whatever amount, at least that is one child that is safer. IMHO though, until the laws are changed, many people are going to keep turning at one year of age, no matter what you say or do. After all, "if that is what is legal, it must be safe".


    Amie
    mommy to James, 4 yo, 32 lbs, 39 inches
    ff in a Britax Husky
    Last edited by jamesmommy; 02-06-2007 at 08:19 AM. Reason: improper spelling

  11. #10
    CPS Technician
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I've been involved with a large area mom's group (over 100+ families) for the last 3 or so years. Right after I joined I started doing yearly car seat talks. I have a nice PowerPoint presentation along w/ the rearfacing crash test videos.

    I am quite proud to say that as a whole the group listens to my advice VERY well...so well that I don't even have to answer questions online most times...the other moms do it for me .

    To be fair, my group is comprised of moms that are very AP/NFL and are used to researching their choice, whether it be medical, nutritional, child rearing or car seats. So it is quite natural for them to find a source of information that they believe in (me!) and rely on it.

    It is really quite refreshing to be part of a community of families that are receptive to other ideas/opinions and then use the information when it improves their lives.

    I'm actually gearing up to do another presentation next month. I have to TOTALLY revamp it since there have been lots of changes in the last 1.5yrs since I've last done a presentation!
    Christine
    CPST
    Mom to Bethany, 7.5yo - Monterey/Nautilus and Benjamin, 3yo - Regent/Nautilus

  12. #11
    CPS Fanatic mominabigtruck's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I think the reason alot of people don't listen has to do with money. I have over $1000 worth of carseats and when I talk to people I know about css they assume that they also are going to have to go out and spend alot of money so that they're kids are "safe". Which is totally not true because there are lots of low cost options out there for people on a budget. I was really happy saturday when I talked to some people at bru about marathons and they really didn't want to spend that much, but then I gave them some websites with better prices and free shipping and they were more then happy to get one. Also we talked about extended rfing and harnessing. I think most people want to do the right thing, they're just worried they're going to have spend money, which I don't understand that either because like britney spears who's kids clothes cost more then their carseats. Oh well, I guess all you can do is keep putting the info out there and hoping people will start to get it eventually.
    If it seems like I'm not making sense, it's probably just my phone

  13. #12
    Senior Community Member Amaris's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Almost no one has listened to me. I think the big problem though is the peditricians telling people that it's ok to turn kids at 1 year old and 20lbs. It seems like a lot of people are thinking my kid's doctor just said it's ok so it must be and you really don't know what you are talking about. I even had by Dh's sister call me because her son was visiting us and I took the turbobooster apart and made him sit in a backless booster in my van. He is 11 years old but short and didn't pass the 5 step test in my van. He threw a nice fit but I told him you don't sit in it then you don't go anywhere!! She called me when he went home and wanted to know why I made him sit in a booster. After I explained why she told me that he always sits in the front seat with her and they've never had an accident so it wasn't a problem.



  14. #13
    CPS Technician
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Some listen, some don't. I have two sisters and both have booster-age kids. One wouldn't put her girls back in boosters when I sent out all the info to her. The other put her boys back in boosters the day after I told her, no questions asked! The same sister who didn't also wouldn't extended RF her ds that is younger than my dd. I tried.

    Only a couple of my friends have rear-faced longer than a year. The rest don't. I know they care about their kids---and they use their seats properly FF (at least when I'm around, lol!), but they are willing to take the risk, I guess. I don't get it, but as long as it's after 1 year and 20 pounds, I realize that it's their parental decision.
    Alicia, Mom & CPST
    Taylor, 7yo, 49lbs, Graco TB
    Sidney, 5yo, 47lbs, Graco TB
    : Stella, 2yo, 28lbs, RF Britax MA
    Lucy, 2-2-10, Chicco Keyfit 30

  15. #14
    Moderator - CPST Instructor snowbird25ca's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    Patriot mentioning how she tells anyone who will listen reminded me of a conversation I had in Zellers a few weeks back. I was looking at a booster (the compass,) and commented on the SIP to the lady and she was noticing how nice it was too, but then told me she needed a seat that was cheaper than the 3 in 1's that would rear face. So I pointed her to the Scenera and told her how it also had nice high slots and seat back so that she could keep her dd rf'ing as long as possible since that was the safest - not exactly those words.. hard to paraphrase a conversation into a few sentences.. But she seemed grateful and very receptive to keeping her dd rf'ing longer. And I felt pretty good about the conversation afterwards.

    So I guess I shouldn't feel totally frustrated because there are lots out there who care. And I know most of the moms in my local moms group have kept their kids rf'ing past a year. Although a lot of them own Marathons too and are annoyed at the current 48lb weight limit, so we might be a different bunch.
    Trudy - Canadian CPSAC certified CRST Instructor-Trainer and mommy to:
    Janeen - 17 yrs and learning to drive!
    Jillian - 11 yrs, 80'ish lbs, 5-stepping in each car. :O
    Jonas - 8yrs, 65lbs, Riding in an Oobr in each car.
    Both safely riding in either a 2007 Outlook or a 2015 Subaru Legacy depending on the day.


  16. #15
    Moderator - CPST Instructor griffinmom's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I think a lot of unsolicited advice goes unheard because most parents don't and don't want to understand crash dynamics. Most have zero idea of how violent a 30 mph crash is. No one wants to think about bad things happening to their kids and I think parents, subconsciously, block out any information about how serious a crash can be. I think a lot of parents operate under the assumption that doing something (wrt to carseats) is better than nothing and they just don't want to know more.

    One of my favorite illustrations is the time I pulled up next to a Mercedes station wagon and saw two marathons in the back seat. Here the parents had purchased a safe car and safe carseat. Then I saw the two little girls in the seats. The straps were so loose, they were barely touching the girls at any point on their bodies. The same parents who were willing to invest in a safe car and expensive seats had no clue that the straps were an integral part of the system.

    I really think some people think that if you don't know what happens in a crash, then a crash won't happen to you.
    Emily
    CPS Tech and Instructor

  17. #16
    CPS Technician Splash's Avatar
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    My boss' wife thinks car seats and seat belts CAUSE car crashes. Needless to say, they don't listen to me. Wonder of wonders, though, is that their kids are FINALLY in boosters at least (3 and 4, but been out of seats since about 2 years old).
    My SIL doesn't listen, doesn't care. I *thought* she cared after rolling her truck a month or so ago and seriously injuring herself (her son was fine), but she went back to not caring pretty quickly.

    However online, there are a lot of carers. I've got so many emails from people asking about seats, RF, when to move to a booster, how to install, what to buy... and they all listen. I post something on my blog about it, and people ask me exactly what to do somethimes!

    So, real life, no dice. Internet, big time.

    Although I have one friend IRL who does everything exactly like I tell her to. And this is a person with 3 kids (5, 3, 2) who works FOUR jobs (two FT, two PT) AND goes to school PT and *barely* makes ends meet. By the end of the month, she's at the food bank to get food for them. But if her kids need a seat, she gets it. She saved for MONTHS to buy an Apex for her oldest, and a Bolero for her middle child. She is very careful about installing them right, making sure they're tight, etc. She left her youngest rear facing until almost two years old (he got too big) and tells everyone she knows to listen to me. She's the person who would LOVE to be able to buy really nice seats for her kids, but is so thankful to have the ones that she has. And she uses them correctly, so her kids are very safe.

  18. #17
    Carseat Crazy
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    This is a huge issue for me. Last night I was actually crying to DH about how no one takes me seriously when it comes to car seats. I was a teenage mum (15 yo) so I think a lot of people look at me as if I dont know anything, which is not at all true. The worst is when the relatives blow you off. I have an aunt who DD is 8 yo but only 50". Shes not in a booster, I told her that my Livy is in one because shes under 4'9". She came back with "my car has airbags, side airbags, etc..shes fine" I had no confidence to tell her "Its her SEAT BELT that will injury or kill her." DH says I have to grow some b*lls, and that the proff is in pudding "there kids will die, and our wont" My SIL is the best when it comes too CS safety, my sister finally put her 7 yo back in a booster after I sent her the Disney booster seat PSA video (and I had too promise her I'll get my DDs on a better sleep schedule like hers ) I dont consider myself paraniod because what were preeching is the truth that will happen. Paranoid would be not driving at all. I just hate how they all think I'm crazy! Can wait till I become a CPS Tech so then I will be CERTIFIED Crazy!

  19. #18
    Carseat Crazy
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    The aunt I was refering too also wont take my advice seriously because then she would be the ONLY one in her circle that would put DD back in a booster, and she most likely doesn't want to be embaressed in her circle, or not "go with the flow" My DD just had a girl scout sleep over, out of the 13 girls, ages 8-9, Livy was the only one in booster. She got picked on but she had her "I'm not gonna die and you will" speech ready, thick skin like her dad . They were even putting girls in front seats! Cripes ! Not one too me seriously.

  20. #19
    Carseat Crazy
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    There's also some "weird funk" going on between DD teacher and I because I told her to extend RF her 5 month old (his is currently RF, but she wants to FF him because hes almost 20 lbs). I also gave her this website. We have a conference in 2 days, this will be lovely I'm worried she may look at DD differently now because her Mum tried explaining about extended RF. Sorry so many posts, but this is my biggest issue for many years now!
    Last edited by Colleen; 02-06-2007 at 04:21 PM.

  21. #20
    Carseat Crazy
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    Re: How often do friends/family listen to you?

    I guess I'm pretty lucky...many of the people I talk to seem to listen to what I have to say! But I guess I'm pretty confident about myself when I speak about children and car seats (IMHO).

    Just this week end I was speaking with several parents at a birthday party my youngest was attending and removed a cuddle bag and rethreaded the harness on a Primo Viaggio (boy are they narrow through the shoulders!) before I left.

    I guess for me saying nothing is not an option...I couldn't live with myself if I could have said something to make a situation better.

    As I've said before...what parents choose to do with the information is up to them, sharing that information is up to me

    Belinda

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