Just got new Radian XTSL, can't convince Daddy to use it RFing!!!

Hello!

My brand new Radian XTSL just arrived yesterday and I installed it RF outboard in the back of my 1995 Mercedes C220 with MUCH FUSS to get a solid install with a locking clip . But I got it in and I LOVE it and my 3 yr old likes being RFing again !!

Problem is that when her father picked her up this morning both him and his mother were being VERY difficult about installing it in their car RFing because, "Ohhh nooo, her legs would break like that...she is MUCH too tall. That is dangerous!!" I tried talking some sense into them but to no avail...very close-minded!

Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can strengthen my case so I can get my daughter RFing when she is with them!

Thanks!
Happy New Year!

See if they will watch this:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2DVfqFhseo"]YouTube- The Importance of Rear-Facing[/ame]

I wouldn't. IMHO the benefits of RFing are not worth the very high probability that they will uninstall the seat RFing and reinstall it FFing incorrectly. It's also not worth driving a wedge between you and her dad. And I am VERY pro-ERFing.

She's 3- yes, she should ideally be RFing, but honestly I would just install the seat FFing as that is also completely acceptable at her age. Maybe suggest to dad that he get something like the Graco Nautilus for his car so you don't have to uninstall and reinstall the radian every time?

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Can you say, "she is staying RF until you can provide me with research and proof that it's not safe for her to be this way. Until that point, she will remain RF as I have done the research showing that she is safer this way."

If you have family members like CelticLabyrinth mentioned that would switch out the car seat and install it FF against your wishes, I think there are greater problems here and personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my child with them ever. Folks like that are the same folks who would pick up a no-back booster way to soon and put your child in it without your knowledge because it's easier and the same folks who'd let your child ride in a seat belt for just one trip because it was more convenient in some circumstance. So, hopefully your family isn't like this!

In a shared-custody situation this can be very tricky. As CelticLabyrinth posted, is there a danger that they will just switch it, and do so incorrectly? Or do they leave the seat installation to you?

ketchupqueen said:

In a shared-custody situation this can be very tricky.

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Oh, I did not know that mom and dad were not together. Yes, this would change things since if dad is the type of person to switch a seat without mom's approval, it's not like mom has the choice to keep her child from travelling with dad. Sorry, I wasn't aware this was this was the case, just thought dad had the 2nd family vehicle and grandma had yet another vehicle.

This is exactly the issue I am wrestling with in sending DFS home with his parents.

His father is very inexperienced and has spent most of DFS's life in jail. He has never changed a diaper. He has no education, and a drug problem. Hopefully his mom will be helping him out.

He does love DFS, and is the better of the two parents, but he has NO parenting skills. He is at least a nice guy, even if he is a felon.

DFS will probably go home some time this spring. He will be over one year and over 20 pounds.

Do I teach them how to install the seat I am giving them (FPSVD) RFing, and then assume they will figure it out FFing? Do I teach them FFing knowing that it is not the safest, but at least knowing that they know how to install it correctly? I'm afraid that I will teach them RFing, and then they will take it him, flip it around since he's over the 1 year 20 pounds rule, and do it wrong. Obviously, in the limited time I have with him, I will try to educate him. But I'm still nervous which way to teach him knowing that when his friends tell him he should be flipped that he will flip it and not install it right. I will also be sending a magnet of the local seat check with him, so hopefully he can call them too.

TechnoGranola said:

Can you say, "she is staying RF until you can provide me with research and proof that it's not safe for her to be this way. Until that point, she will remain RF as I have done the research showing that she is safer this way."

I like that! A version of that is usable :thumbsup:!

If you have family members like CelticLabyrinth mentioned that would switch out the car seat and install it FF against your wishes, I think there are greater problems here and personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my child with them ever. Folks like that are the same folks who would pick up a no-back booster way to soon and put your child in it without your knowledge because it's easier and the same folks who'd let your child ride in a seat belt for just one trip because it was more convenient in some circumstance. So, hopefully your family isn't like this!

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Yes, it is a shared custody situation but they are definitely not that sneaky and unreasonable. If they don't agree with keeping her RF they would just not install it RFing to begin with. They would never install it RFing and change it later and then switch it back before they dropped her off. Also, if by some stretch that did happen, my daughter would tell me. Her dad would also never install a car seat incorrectly, he is really good with that...he was the car seat install pro before we split.

He usually trusts my car seat decisions except in this case. I am just trying to gather really compelling reasons why RF is better.

You could try Joel's video. I think grandpa did a fabulous job with it
Darn, can't copy and paste the link...please someone

CelticLabyrinth said:

I wouldn't. IMHO the benefits of RFing are not worth the very high probability that they will uninstall the seat RFing and reinstall it FFing incorrectly. It's also not worth driving a wedge between you and her dad. And I am VERY pro-ERFing.

She's 3- yes, she should ideally be RFing, but honestly I would just install the seat FFing as that is also completely acceptable at her age. Maybe suggest to dad that he get something like the Graco Nautilus for his car so you don't have to uninstall and reinstall the radian every time?

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Click to expand...

I agree completely. FFing at 3 is not a hill I'd choose to die on, and it's not something I'd fuss about in a custody situation.

I also agree that him getting a seat he will use properly is the best way to go.

How often does he have her? Shouldn't he have his own seat? It seems silly to reinstall a seat each time he picks her up and drops her off. I have a stepdaughter and we have 2 seats (one for my car and one for dh's car). Her mom also has 2 seats (one for her car and one for her bf's car).

I don't think it would be feasible for us to share a seat with the mom. That would just be a big pain.

In this case, I think maybe you should talk to your ex when his mom isn't around. Print out all the brochures on ERF and give a hard copy to him. They are floating around on this site somewhere.

Unless he has her on a very limited basis, he really should have his own seat. I agree it's not really worth the fight to insist on keeping her rf in his car. However, if he doesn't get his own seat and you have to install it each time he picks her up, then I would definitely install it rearfacing!