WDYD When you see a bad seat situation?

mom2kk

New member
I am wondering what (if anything) others do when they see in person really bad car seat situations/choices of people unknown to you? The other day I parked next to a vehicle in a lot that had what appeared to be an early 90's car seat in it, and obviously currently used based on toys & other items. I never saw the driver, but it just made me cringe seeing such an old seat there and being used. But I wondered what, if anything, I could/would say should they have come out? I am not one to confront people on their parenting AT ALL, like ever, but this is a safety issue! I thought to myself if I could have them come outside I'd GIVE/trade them my Scenera right then and there just to get that old seat out of use!
Or, are there public info sheets I can print online and keep handy to hand out or put under wipers if the situation presents itself again?
Again, I'm talking about what I consider extreme violations, like age of seat, a small child w/o a seat, riding on adult's lap, etc.

Oh and I just thought of another example, what about when you see one for sale at a garage sale that is expired.
 
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carseatcoach

Carseat Crankypants
I would talk to the people at the garage sale.

If I could introduce myself and chat with the people with the bad seats, I'd try to see if I could work carseats into the conversation. Otherwise, nothing. I wouldn't want anyone leaving me pamphlets on things they didn't like about my parenting.
 

Mae

Well-known member
It usually just causes lots of drama and bitterness when you confront them. I've learned to just let it be, as much as it hurts, let it be.

I read a good comparison-- would you want a religious person hounding you on religious matters? No. It pushes them away from child safety even more. "Oh my goodness, this lady came up to me today at Target and she started talking about my car seat. So weird." And then they get put off. They may not want anything to do with car safety after somebody told them what they were doing wrong. It's something that people take way too personally, even if it is their child's life at risk. It would make them feel like they're failing at being a parent, so it's best to let it go. The majority of people don't care, they get defensive and angry. There are the slim few who actually appreciate the info. Key word there? The slim few.

It hurts, I know.
 

Kaede's_Mom

New member
Garage sales I politely ask the person running it if they knew it was expired, if they did Then I usually say something along the lines of well you should just pitch it in the trash instead. Ok, obviously in better/nicer words.

In other situations where I have no clue who the person is I leave it alone. I hate to, but it comes down to the fact that you don't know how they will take it or react to it. Add to that the fact that I am way too shy and hate confrontations.
 

armywife12

New member
I've written notes and left them on the vehicles but I have no idea if they paid any attention to what the note said. I've never seen one at a garage sale mainly because I don't really go to any but I'd talk to them about it probably. I have seen expired seats at a used baby store in my town and have brought it to their attention that the seat was expired or soon expiring
 

urchin_grey

New member
Eh... I don't say anything. I'm too afraid of confrontation, and if the use is THAT bad, then they probably don't care. Its just common sense that an ancient seat is not safe. However, if I see a parent in the carseat aisle, I'm more likely to offer up some info. If they are looking for a new seat, then they are probably trying. For instance, last week, I was at Target and I saw a mom looking at a Comfort Sport. I lightheartedly told her that she didn't want that seat and told her it wouldn't last long for her money. :cool: I told her what to look for in a good convertible and pointed out the My Ride and EFTA and even the Scenera as a good, cheap option. I even gave her just a bit of info on ERF'ing (her DS was 11mo). She was super appreciative of the advice and I gave her my email addy so that I could help her with the install once she decided on a seat. :)

There was another person I helped out in Walmart a while back, a grandmother. She had a Scenera in the cart and her granddaughter was sitting in it. Her shoulders were just about even (if not just over) the top slots so I approached her to see if the seat was for that little girl. Turned out the grandma had the little girl in a backless booster (she was 4yo and less than 30lbs) and grandma wanted to re-harness her but didn't know what to look for. So she was grateful to know that the seat she was going to get was already outgrown!

Anyway, the point is, you can kinda just get that vibe from people. You can pretty much tell who wants to be helped and who wants you to MYOB. :whistle:
 

babygirlsmom1005

New member
Eh... I don't say anything. I'm too afraid of confrontation, and if the use is THAT bad, then they probably don't care. Its just common sense that an ancient seat is not safe. However, if I see a parent in the carseat aisle, I'm more likely to offer up some info. If they are looking for a new seat, then they are probably trying. For instance, last week, I was at Target and I saw a mom looking at a Comfort Sport. I lightheartedly told her that she didn't want that seat and told her it wouldn't last long for her money. :cool: I told her what to look for in a good convertible and pointed out the My Ride and EFTA and even the Scenera as a good, cheap option. I even gave her just a bit of info on ERF'ing (her DS was 11mo). She was super appreciative of the advice and I gave her my email addy so that I could help her with the install once she decided on a seat. :)

There was another person I helped out in Walmart a while back, a grandmother. She had a Scenera in the cart and her granddaughter was sitting in it. Her shoulders were just about even (if not just over) the top slots so I approached her to see if the seat was for that little girl. Turned out the grandma had the little girl in a backless booster (she was 4yo and less than 30lbs) and grandma wanted to re-harness her but didn't know what to look for. So she was grateful to know that the seat she was going to get was already outgrown!

Anyway, the point is, you can kinda just get that vibe from people. You can pretty much tell who wants to be helped and who wants you to MYOB. :whistle:

Yeah that, the bolded. The last time I helped someone with a seat (other than advice) was at a girl my DD goes to preschool with. I parked next to a car with a AOE laying in the seat with a seatbelt install :eek:. When the party was over, I happened to be walking out with the person who was driving the car - one of the little girls nanny. I was loading Marshall into his seat and heard her start to fuss about the dumb carseat won't stay on the vehicle seat and offered help, she took it. Showed her the LATCH, the top tether, etc...explained about where the straps should go, blah blah blah - she was thankful. She said her boss (the girls dad) just handed her the seat and said the belt goes through there and that was it. No manual was with the seat so she really had no idea not ever having messed with one before.

But for everyday person in a parking lot, I mind my own business. If someone looks confused in the carseat isle, I may strike up a conversation with them, depending a lot of my mood as well and how well my kids are acting.
 

ZephyrBlue

New member
I agree w/the pps who have said that it depends on the situation. I've helped a lot of people in the car seat aisle at BRU and Target, just got a vibe from them that they would be receptive. Other people, it's obvious that they aren't going to want to hear what I, as just another parent, have to say. With friends, it's a bit trickier, IMO, because you don't want to alienate a friend or make them feel defensive when you all of a sudden start challenging their parenting, kwim?

I did manage to convince a good friend to throw away the Century OHS seat (expired) that she was going to put her 3rd baby in FF at 1yr and 18lbs. She was a bit put off, I think, but I knew that I couldn't live with myself if that baby had been seriously injured or killed in that seat. I gave her our Foofy MA and convinced her to keep DD RF till 2 in it. She's still only 24lbs and FF now, but they just didn't want to keep her RF any longer and I didn't say anything other than RF was still much safer.

It's a fine line between helping people become better educated about child passenger safety and pissing people off with a know-it-all attitude.

ETA- I rarely go to garage sales, but when I do and encounter expired seats, I just buy 'em and destroy 'em.
 

leighi123

Active member
If I see a newborn in a bucket in a kids store, then sometimes I'll say something, usually about the 'belly clip' and depending on their response I might add that they need to tighten the straps/take strap covers off/etc. Thats usually people that look like a new mom with a tiny baby. Mom's with older kids seem to act like 'well the older kid was fine so whatever' kinda thing.

I donate stuff to a thrift store regularly which has a HUGE amount of stuff for sale, I always complain about their carseats and they go throw away the expired/nasty ones (I told them to toss any seat thats 5 or more yrs old, just to make sure they dont sell something thats going to expire in a couple months that someone will buy and use for years). They are pretty good, and I only have to remind them once every few months and they always listen and go look at the seat Im talking about etc.


But yeah most scary people in public, I dont say anything, I sometimes want to go up to people and yell at them though, but I restrain myself!

Friends/kids in ds's playgroup though I do tell off, they cant leave my house unless their carseat is perfect, I check every time they come over and I teach them how to fix it.
 

trippsmom

CPST Instructor
I guess it depends on the person. I don't know that I would approach someone in a parking lot about seats I saw in their car... To nosey.

I do talk to people in the carseat aisles. I am finding myself there more and more these days. :whistle:

Last night I managed to sell a lady on a Truefit and erfing her 26 month old son. She turned him around at 18m so I took the dive. She even asked me to help her get it in. I showed her to the best of my abilities... Oddly enouugh she was putting it in an '05 Explorer, mine is an '04. It was solid and her ds looked happy. I then gave her a name and info about scheduling a check w/ the cpsts at Children's.
 

soygurl

Active member
I almost NEVER say anything... but I did just tonight! Not sure what got into me, but when I was waking past a car in the parking lot I saw a *tiny* baby FF with the shoulder straps under her armpits. There was another child in a seat that I couldn't really see, and the mom was in the front seat, so I knocked on the window, and explained that I was sorry to bother her, but I'm a CPST, and her baby was really unsafe with the straps like that, and that she would be much safer RF. I happened to have a "Joel's Journey" flier with me so I just handed it to her with my CPST business card, told her to call me with any questions, and apologized again for intruding.

Like I said before, I almost never say anything... I used to, but got seriously yelled at once and that cured me! Like others, I will on occasion talk to someone who looks confused in the car seat aisle, and I've left the CPSafety.org shield booster pamphlet two different cars. If I see an unrestrained child in a moving car I usually call 911. At garage sales I usually just buy the seat and destroy it, but sometimes I'll talk to the person selling it first. I check expiration dates on the seats at the 2nd hand store that sells them, but they're usually pretty new (they only have infant seats).

I've gotten really good at reminding myself that I can't save the world, but clearly, there are exceptions. :rolleyes:
 

Callansmomma

CPS Technician
Nine times out of ten I will say something. My husband thinks that one day I will get shot. I try to preface it with something nice. Many times the parent(s) gets annoyed, but sometimes the parent is receptive. My big things are puffy coats and infants in carriers with after market products (Bundle Me, strap covers, etc).


If I don't say something I feel guilty. Christmas Eve at church I noticed a car seat that was improperly installed on my way out. The car was next to mine. I didn't know the parents. I wish I would have said something since we got into our cars at the same time.

Last week I did help a man at BRU decide on a HWH seat for his 3 yr old daughter. He really liked the Frontier best. I told him that BRU doesn't always have the best price and to check around, but that BRU will allow you to try the seat out in your car.

Everyone in my moms' group here knows I am a car seat Nazi. Just today a friend in the group told me that I was going to be angry with her. At first I wasn't sure why then she told me she flipped her 24 lb almost 1 yr old (two weeks shy) FF for their trip to TX so that she could see the DVD player. I sighed. I didn't yell. She told me too so I told her about the dangers of FF that early, not to mention that it is illegal. She said she wasn't going to tell me, but figured that some how it would get out and that I would know. She said is flipping her back.
 

soygurl

Active member
Please share? :whistle:

Oh, it wasn't terribly exciting... I just said something to a mom in a store about the belly clip and huge strap covers on her infant seat, and she flipped out. She started yelling at me about how I was crazy, and was trying to make her strangle her baby, and that the straps cut his neck, etc. :blah blah blah: It was just the intensity of her reaction that scared me off taking to parents. I'm not a huge fan of confrontation anyway, and I *really* don't like getting yelled at by strangers. Plus, a belly clip and strap covers are relatively minor issues (esp. since the straps appeared pretty snug), so I felt really stupid causing a big o' scene.

The funny thing is... I always would start car seat conversations with something about how cute their baby was or something along those lines (to butter them up), thinking that people would be more receptive, but it really didn't help that one time! In fact, it's been a while, but I *think* somewhere in her rant at me she said something about me being creepy for telling saying that her baby had pretty eyes (or whatever it was) and that maybe I was some sort of weirdo. :eek:

So, yeah... I don't say anything anymore unless it is a MAJOR error and/or I get a good vibe from them. :cool:
 

swtgi1982

New member
I do talk to people in the carseat aisles. I am finding myself there more and more these days. :whistle:

Same here. I will talk to people in the car seat isles who look lost or in need or advice. The other day I stopped and talked to a lady and her DH at BRU after the store employee left, who by the way tried to tell her that they could turn their 9 month old FF! :eek::eek::eek: Due to the fact he was to tall for his infant seat they had! :eek::eek::eek: I politely let the employee leave, as I have had run ins with her before and just did not want to argue with her in front of these parents! I felt it better they get correct info, then to see me bicker with the employee. (I did call back to the manager and let them know what she was telling customers was illegal!) I told the parents about the new recommendations to RF as long as possible, but at least til two. And they were very receptive. I told them to come here as well.
 

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