So upset

steph_s

New member
My niece just had her baby yesterday (5lbs 6oz 19in long) and while I was there I brought up her new infant carrier that I HATE but she bought it anyways. It has those stupid rear adjusters and they really stick! Anyways I thought she "got it" when it came to car seats. She asked me to put the base in her car since she was so hugely pregnant and asked me to show her how to install just the seat in the vehicle and how to use the locking clip, ect. We talked about ERF, how to tighten the straps, why coats are a no no, ect. car seat basics....

Well today I get up there and he's so tiny I wanted to make sure he actually fit in the seat. I couldn't get the straps tight enough so I told her she is going to have to use my keyfit for awhile until he gains a bit more weight and the straps are able to be tightened more. She tells me "it's ok once he's in his snow suit (as she motions towards the stupid thing hanging in the closet next to the bed) the straps will be tight right". :thumbsdown: I reminded her about the dangers of coats in the car, why they are a bad idea, blah blah. She informs me that "there is no way she is taking him outside without that snow suit on he will get too cold" I explained that blankets tucked around him would be better because he will feel like he's swaddled which newborns like and that those blankets will keep him warm and safe! Yeah she rolled her eyes at me and said "whatever". Then the baby's dad's family jumped down my throat because "that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard do you want to catch pneumonia". It was a HUGE mess and in the end I had 2 sets of grandparents, mom, dad, and a few cousins yelling at me about how "stupid" I am blah blah.

She was sooo angry with dad's family for buying this big bulky snow suit for the baby and about how unsafe it was. Now suddenly since the baby is there it's perfectly ok to have this snow suit because it isn't as bulky. Nevermind that it's thick enough and it won't fit the baby anyways because it's a 0-3 months size and he's barely fitting in preemie clothes!

What should I do?? I don't want him unsafe! My family already thinks I'm nuts about car seats and frankly it's getting VERY frustrating trying to keep all the kids safe. I see the seats installed wrong and I'll get into the cars and tighten them, adjust the straps, ect. but the next time I see them it's a mess again.
 
ADS

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
It's not your kid. All you can do is offer advice (and if they're hostile about it I'd add "when asked for it.") If they don't ask, or don't take your advice... It's their choice. Their kid, their choice, all you can do is do better for your own children/children under your direct care.
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
Nothing. Walk away. You've done the best you can. Implore them to make sure the seat is installed well and the harness is tight enough and maybe it'll do its job effectively. Otherwise just walk away.

Wendy
 

steph_s

New member
She insists on putting him in a seat that won't fit him and the straps are falling off his shoulders. She is a HORRIBLE driver (I can't stress this enough) and no one in my family will ride with her anywhere. The chances of her getting into an accident are about 100% within the first year of this kids life. I just look at his sweet little face and my heart sinks. I should tell her if she wants to come move back in with me then she has to toss the stupid snow suit in the garbage and use the car seat that fits him even if it isn't the "pretty green" color she likes. I just don't want her to think I don't support her and the baby considering what all has happened.

This is also a tad different than the typical situation of just random people's kid. I was asked when she first found out to adopt the baby. She didn't think she could handle it. I told her of course I would, but in the last 2 months with her finding a better job, getting a new car, the boyfriend digging his head out of his butt, with my help getting her back into college and providing a place for her to live if she chooses to keep the baby, she has realized that she can do it and now wants to keep him which is awesome!! I'm sort of bonded to this baby though because of the circumstances around it all. He feels like he is more mine than just "my nieces baby" ya know.
 

wendytthomas

Admin - CPST Instructor
Staff member
It's tough, and I get where you're coming from, but in the end you're going to piss your entire family off and have them ignore every word out of your mouth. Instead of burning all bridges do the best you can with what's in front of you, and when offered the opportunity in the future educate her. But otherwise just hope nothing happens and don't alienate yourself out of his life. When you see him tighten up his straps but don't say anything. Just kind of do it.

And then come here and vent because if you vent to your family you're going to piss them off. Come here. We get your frustration. And you're right. But nothing good will come of you telling them at this point. :(

Wendy
 

emandbri

Well-known member
Lots and lots of hugs. Do you think she would stay calm long enough for you to show her how loose the straps would be? When I did a presentation to the preschool teachers I took a doll in a coat, strapsd the doll in, explained how the air in the coat would compress and put the doll in the seat without the coat and they were horrified.

Will you be going to any dr. appointments with her? Maybe her dr will say something.
 

steph_s

New member
O yeah he will be at the doctors 3x per week until the hole in his heart closes. She had the same problem when she was born, but his we are hoping will correct itself. I planned on having the doctor talk to her about it, he's awesome with car seat safety!!!

She has seen the difference in a car seat with a coat and without one demonstrated by my 3yo and 5yo, but she doesn't believe this snow suit is "that thick" to affect anything. I'm just crossing my fingers that the snow suit is so big that she can't get him into it because his legs won't be long enough to reach into the leg holes like with the newborn outfit she tried to put on him this morning. Then once she gets here I can perhaps "hide" in a "safe spot" (so safe that I forget where I put it) that stupid snow suit!

I can't figure out if she doesn't want him cold in the car or if she didn't want to upset someone in the room who may have bought the snow suit for her?? She seemed to really "get it" before and it's like it just fell right out of her head!
 

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