I left a note.. and now every one i mad at me

Babywearing Meghan · Nov 25, 2009

I came out of my house this morning to get The kids in the car to bring Julianna to school, and there was a car parked right dead in front of my house (like I had to jimmy around it to get out of my driveway) anyways Julianna goes "OMG mom look at that car seat installed sideways" I looked and sure enough there was a cosco scenera installed tipped sideways hanging there (like it was that loose)

I never leave notes, I mind my business normally but I felt like "heck they are practically on my property.. so I am leaving a note" I took one of those car seat books that I got for free.. and I left a note on the back saying nicely

"hey it looks like you could use a little help with your car seat install, contact me and I will give you the name of a great tech, or I can even show you how even though I am not a tech.. and gave them my email addy

Well Julianna told Keith on the phone before she got to school (she likes to call him on the way there) he called me a little while ago and he is all mad saying that they are going to stone our house now.. and why can't I just mind my business..I told my mom after getting off the phone with him, and she is on his side and thinks I was wrong to say something even if they were practically in my yard "cause it is still city property being on the road"

SO now I regret the note, I came home, car still in front of my house but note removed from windshield.. I bet they watched me do it.

Someone make me feel like less of an idiot.

thepeach80 · Nov 25, 2009

You're not an idiot, you care. Would you have just sat there and said nothing if someone was abusing their kid in your front yard? Probably not. Same premise IMO.

Babywearing Meghan · Nov 25, 2009

I was just outside, the book with my note are thrown on in the street and the car is gone.. oh well, sad people care so little about the safety of their children that they would throw life saving info in the street.. I just feel bad now.

thepote · Nov 25, 2009

You know - I think I would get defensive when being called out about something in my parenting that I thought was 'good enough' and had not done the research on. If someone said, for example, "hey it looks like you could use a little help with what you feed your children, contact me and I will give you the name of a great nutritionist, or I can even show you how even though I am not a nutritionist." I think I would throw their note on the street, too. BUT I would probably think about why they said that, and just maybe I might try to be better about it.

I don't think you did the wrong thing... maybe there are better ways to approach people with the info? I'm just thinking out loud.... I sure as heck don't know how to get through to people sometimes

Babywearing Meghan · Nov 25, 2009

thepote said:
You know - I think I would get defensive when being called out about something in my parenting that I thought was 'good enough' and had not done the research on. If someone said, for example, "hey it looks like you could use a little help with what you feed your children, contact me and I will give you the name of a great nutritionist, or I can even show you how even though I am not a nutritionist." I think I would throw their note on the street, too. BUT I would probably think about why they said that, and just maybe I might try to be better about it.

I don't think you did the wrong thing... maybe there are better ways to approach people with the info? I'm just thinking out loud.... I sure as heck don't know how to get through to people sometimes

I know.. I have been thinking over and over again about how I would react if I got a note before I knew better..I guess I would ignore it too but think to research it.. I know I made mistakes with Juliannas car seat when she was little, I wish someone had told me, though I might have felt mad too at first.

Oh well.. I never left a note before and I can't believe I even did..I really feel bad that so many people in my family are upset that I did it

I am like waiting for the note on my car now.. "ya know looks like you could use a little help with your weight, I know a great diet I could pass along to you" haha.. or the "looks like you could use a little help controling those wild kids of yours, I know a great supernanny person who can help you" haha

I asked for it. But I really honestly just was trying to help.

Pingbns · Nov 25, 2009

Your intentions were good, don't beat yourself up for that. People often take things how they want to take them, not as theyreally are. Instead of geting mad they should of wonder why you left that note, you saw something that was potentially life-threating what would peple do if a child had been next to a bottle of posion. It is not often about the seat it about pride, that person got embarassed, which often takes more presidents than the actual issue, which is sad.

snowbird25ca · Nov 25, 2009

If my dh told me that I'd tell him it was time to move to a new neighborhood if a neighbor was really going to "stone the house" for me trying to help.

Who cares if it was public property? It's not like it would be against the law if you felt like walking through a parking lot and leaving a note on the windshield of every vehicle that had obvious gross misuse of a carseat in it. Public property is public for a reason... it's not illegal to look side to side as you walk down the road.

Sorry that people are ticked off at you. Maybe as someone else mentioned it will plant a seed at least...

carseatcoach · Nov 25, 2009

There's another thread in here about "why do people get defensive when someone talks about carseats?"

This is why.

I have no doubt that everyone here wants to keep kids safe. But unless we advocate *effectively*, no one is going to listen to us. And worse, they'll be defensive and they won't want to listen to anyone else either.

No one wants to be told "looks like you could use a little help". No one wants to be told that pictures of her kids are painful to see.

If you want to help, first make sure that someone WANTS help. They may need it, but they won't accept it unless they're ready. If they're not ready today, maybe being gentle and kind will help them be ready another time. Introduce yourself. Explain your credentials. Ask them if they would be interested in talking about carseats.

LM4M · Nov 25, 2009

I would have done the same thing. Your heart was in the right place, just trying to help... you can't help it if they didn't listen :twocents:

tweetykl · Nov 25, 2009

I understand. I finally got the guts to talk to a family at daycare and got told in a very not so nice voice that she is a tech and to stay out of it.

My mom supported me and my dh told me off. I understand.

Heather86 · Nov 25, 2009

You did the right thing. You showed concern for someone's life. If that's not the reason most of us are here then what is ? I was under the impression it was for the lives of other's be it our children or another person or their children :twocents:

Or to get enablers lol

LuciaBella · Nov 25, 2009

Wow, what did they say? I'm sorry that happened to you!

Some people just don't know that you mean well and you are concerned about their child's safety. I totally can relate! I leave notes ALL THE TIME and just last week got a response-except it was a good one. A very nice dad who was so grateful I noticed he was using center latch.

You said the right thing, some people just get really defensive.

Kat_Momof3 · Nov 25, 2009

there is nothing wrong with putting something advertising information or services on a windshield... if there were, almost every church and business would have people arrested for doing so.

You didn't say "you're doing this and that wrong" you just left a booklet of carseat info (not that leaving a note saying what changes should be made is bad, either)

carseatcoach · Nov 25, 2009

Heather86 said:
You did the right thing. You showed concern for someone's life. If that's not the reason most of us are here then what is ? I was under the impression it was for the lives of other's be it our children or another person or their children :twocents:

Or to get enablers lol

Of course we're all concerned about children's lives. That's why I'm here, and more importantly, why I'm out there doing checks and staffing information tables and all that good stuff. It's not a question that we all want to keep kids safe. The question is, what's the best way to do that? It is my strong opinion (which is apparently a minority opinion, oh well) that being aggressive and/or self-righteous is going to turn off that parent so that parent won't be helped -- and worse, it may cause that parent to tell other parents to stay far away from crazy carseat people, so they won't be helped either.

Maedze · Nov 25, 2009

I agree with chickabiddy. While there may be the *occasional* positive result from putting notes on people's cars, there will be far more people who will be so turned off they will not seek advice in the future when they otherwise might have.

lovinwaves · Nov 25, 2009

First of all ((((HUGS)))))

You know....I bet they are thinking about that note, and maybe just maybe they will pull into a certified car seat check station when they see one

We can only hope, right?

Evolily · Nov 25, 2009

This is why I like my state (there is a number/website you can use, they send the parent out car seat info).

tanyaandallie · Nov 25, 2009

I'm not sure I agree that leaving a note is judgemental. I actually have a notepad, printed by our coalition that I keep in my car for just such cases. It has all of check stations on the back of it and the front has a few common misues items listed that you can check. Now, I'll admit I use it very sparingly b/c I don't think it's my place to go snooping in other people's cars. But, if the car next to me has something crazy then I'll leave one. But, has to be crazy and has to be right next to me. I left one at the zoo today. VERY old and expired OHS. I've left one for a ff infant seat.

I am sure that as with any issue there are mixed results. But, it does tell a parent what is up with their car seat and gives them tons of resources to look if they want to. If they don't, they trash it.

mamabear · Nov 25, 2009

Chickabiddy is right.

I used to be so gung ho on preaching every chance I got about car seats. It turned most people off.

NOW, when "car seat" topics come up, I don't really say much. There have been a few occasions where I offered to take someones kid after school (with my 6.5yo DD), and assured them I have an extra booster. 100% of the time I get the answer that they don't need a booster becasue their kid is over 6

, but I explain that MY DD is still in one, so I have them in the car. That usually opens up tho conversation about it. They end up asking about DD still riding in a booster, That's when I get to give all of my info.

I imagine it would go a lot differently if I was offering to drive their kid, told them I have a spare booster, and then when they tell me their kid is over 6, I start spouting car seat safety all over the place...I imagine they'd think I was a freak.

People don't like to get parenting advice. plain and simple.

Your heart was in the right place....don't beat yourself up.

If you simply MUST leave a note, like it's something you just can't let go... short ,sweet, and anonymous is better.
I left one once: "your carseat is barley installed it shouldn't be leaning to the side. It should be in tight enough with your seatbelt to depress your vehicle seat, it WILL fail in a crash the way you have it now. Please, for the sake of your child, fix it or take it to a tech at the firehouse to be properly installed"

The leaning and barely installed part was only one of many problems that car seat had that day...I just couldn't let it go.....I'm sort of direct and to the point by nature though.

I never looked back

. I hope it at least got them thinking...

Calideedle · Nov 25, 2009

I would do the same thing (though worded a bit different). You don't know if THEY were mad it may have helped them. Maybe they took the note inside to read what you left. I highly doubt if anyone here saw that they would just say "Oh well." and continue on their way.

I left a note.. and now every one i mad at me

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