DS1 is bugging DS3 should i move the kids around?

ginny4

New member
in the van that is.

DS1 (10.5yo) call him T & DS3 (3.5yo) call him J sit in the 2nd row capt chairs. T BUGS the daylights out of his brother J by touching his head. i dont' know why. it somthing he does ALOT even outside the car. I continually have to tell him to stop cause poor J gets annoyed, cries & throws fists at his brother. i basically don't blame him for fighting back. it bothers me in the car cause when J cries out I KNOW his brother touched him. he even wakes him up like that & the lil guy becomes instantly cranky. makes for an unhappy ride....

i know T needs some discipline but seriously if i can find one instance that i don't have to continually discipline i'd be thrilled

so i'm considering moving T away from him. HOWEVER it would mean that T has a less safe position. i'd have to put him in the 3rd row w/out a NBB since a NBB puts the shoulder belt on his shoulder. he doesn't fit the monterey & honestly i shouldn't have to buy a frontier to make this work. PLus this change of positions is inevitable when DS2 (9.5yo) "P" will liekly outgrow the monterey himself in another 6months.

this is DS1 fit in the 3rd row a few months ago. the fit is OK i think but much better in the 2nd row with & w/out a NBB.
2009-9004.jpg


i REALLY REALLY REALLY need my J to be in the 2nd row. i'm a SAHM with him this school year & he comes with me often. i don't want to climb all the way in the back to get him in & out. it will ruin his napping & my back if i have to take him out of his seat back there.

so my question is it worth tossing T in the 3rd row & moving up one of the other kids to the 2nd row?. i'm hoping if i put my older 2 together 3rd row it would solve some of the turning around & leaning forward in the seats so they can talk/play.
 
ADS

Kat_Momof3

New member
what vehicle do you have (make/model)

Also... what seats (and which direction they face) do you have to work with??

I'm thinking the answer could be one of two things... 1. putting 3 kids across the third row (NOT the 10.5yr old... I hate that lapbelt fit on him.... also... does his backless booster have a beltpositioning clip?) 2. assuming T is not riding in a hbb in the 2nd row (since you only mentioned a NBB), you could simply take the booster off the seat, set it on the floor, and fold the captain's chair so you can access the third row and have your youngest two in the third row. These options would also leave you with your older kids able to pass things to the younger ones when needed.

I've totally been there... which is why my boys DO NOT sit in the same row and WILL not unless there is no other option (aka... a car... not a van or SUV)... brothers will fight... it is the nature of the beast... and disciplining sibling rivalry in a moving vehicle can be dangerous. I agree that prevention is the solution. (It is why my boys sit diagonally from each other... if they sit one behind the other, the problem is still there.)
 

bobandjess99

Senior Community Member
While I do understand not wanting to have to discipline constantly, it really is the job description. I know I'm sort of a "hardbutt" in this area, but I really would simply make the 10 year old STOP touching his brothers head. It's not hard, it's not difficult, it's not a complex rule to follow. There is no grey area, no ambiguous situation, no interpretation to be made.
DO. NOT. FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING IF HIS HAIR IS ON FIRE OR THERE IS A GIANT TARANTULA ON IT, TOUCH. YOUR. BROTHER'S. HEAD.
Period, end of story.
I believe that any neurotypical 10 year old, and even most mildly challenged/ADHD/Aspergers, etc 10 year olds should have no problems following such a hard and fast, simple, completely clear rule.
 

ginny4

New member
what vehicle do you have (make/model)

Also... what seats (and which direction they face) do you have to work with??

I'm thinking the answer could be one of two things... 1. putting 3 kids across the third row (NOT the 10.5yr old... I hate that lapbelt fit on him.... also... does his backless booster have a beltpositioning clip?) 2. assuming T is not riding in a hbb in the 2nd row (since you only mentioned a NBB), you could simply take the booster off the seat, set it on the floor, and fold the captain's chair so you can access the third row and have your youngest two in the third row. These options would also leave you with your older kids able to pass things to the younger ones when needed.

I've totally been there... which is why my boys DO NOT sit in the same row and WILL not unless there is no other option (aka... a car... not a van or SUV)... brothers will fight... it is the nature of the beast... and disciplining sibling rivalry in a moving vehicle can be dangerous. I agree that prevention is the solution. (It is why my boys sit diagonally from each other... if they sit one behind the other, the problem is still there.)

2001 Grand Caravan. 2nd row is capt chairs (not movable to make a bench). its a 50/50 split in the 3rd row.
T 10.5yo in a cosco ambassador/high rise backless (no clip) ii dont find the clips to work anyway
P 9.5yo in Monterey. He is getting close to being too tall for it. he seems to follow his brother so in about 6months i believe he will have outgrown it
V 5.5yo in regent
J 3.5 yo in FPSVD FF

**in 6mo. there will def be some moving around again. P will outgrow the monterey. J will likely outgrow the FPSVD. pass down the regent to J & get V a booster.
**I need to avoid any buying of new seats. so if that means they stay where they are for now. then so be it. i can try to deal with the issues at hand.
3 across is a major issue in this car no doubt. i just can't do it with the seats i have & may i stress no new seats other than when V goes to a booster.

brothers do fight don't they. i know my older ones do too but they can be such great friends. they are currently diagonally. T turns around & P leans forward to chat/play. i thought maybe putting them next to each other would be good (for at least a lil while).

i had DS test the rear bench again. similar to the pic i think. the lap belt lays right on his hip bone. i thought was OK. the edge barely touches his thighs tho. i know its not a great fit but i thought that was an acceptable fit.:confused:
 
Last edited:

ginny4

New member
While I do understand not wanting to have to discipline constantly, it really is the job description. I know I'm sort of a "hardbutt" in this area, but I really would simply make the 10 year old STOP touching his brothers head. It's not hard, it's not difficult, it's not a complex rule to follow. There is no grey area, no ambiguous situation, no interpretation to be made.
DO. NOT. FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING IF HIS HAIR IS ON FIRE OR THERE IS A GIANT TARANTULA ON IT, TOUCH. YOUR. BROTHER'S. HEAD.
Period, end of story.
I believe that any neurotypical 10 year old, and even most mildly challenged/ADHD/Aspergers, etc 10 year olds should have no problems following such a hard and fast, simple, completely clear rule.

I KNOW I'M TRYING.....i REALLY AM. i was just trying to make it easier. that's all. i'm having several problems with my DS & we are working on it. i thought that having a break from it would ease some of the stress i'm feeling right now.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
2001 Grand Caravan. 2nd row is capt chairs (not movable to make a bench). its a 50/50 split in the 3rd row.
T 10.5yo in a cosco ambassador/high rise backless (no clip) ii dont find the clips to work anyway
P 9.5yo in Monterey. He is getting close to being too tall for it. he seems to follow his brother so in about 6months i believe he will have outgrown it
V 5.5yo in regent
J 3.5 yo in FPSVD FF

**in 6mo. there will def be some moving around again. P will outgrow the monterey. J will likely outgrow the FPSVD. pass down the regent to J & get V a booster.
**I need to avoid any buying of new seats. so if that means they stay where they are for now. then so be it. i can try to deal with the issues at hand.
3 across is a major issue in this car no doubt. i just can't do it with the seats i have & may i stress no new seats other than when V goes to a booster.

brothers do fight don't they. i know my older ones do too but they can be such great friends. they are currently diagonally. T turns around & P leans forward to chat/play. i thought maybe putting them next to each other would be good (for at least a lil while).

i had DS test the rear bench again. similar to the pic i think. the lap belt lays right on his hip bone. i thought was OK. the edge barely touches his thighs tho. i know its not a great fit but i thought that was an acceptable fit.:confused:

see, it looked to me like it was on his tummy... obviously being able to feel would make a difference.

And then... before I read the update, I'd been remembering my third row and how Damian was at 4'9" and remembering how the belt LOOKED, vs. how I could feel it was.

I say put him in the third row... make sure he passes the 5-step test, of course... but as long as he does, put him in the third row.

Heck, he's probably about done with boosters anyway... and moving the 2nd born to the 2nd row will give him more space for his monterey to grow in height (there's only so much room for it in the third row... it won't go all the way up for me... but I only have a regular Caravan, so that might be why... and of course I couldn't have fit a Monterey next to a Regent... a couple inches make a lot of difference)

Now, I WAS able to put a Marathon (same size and shell as your FPSVD) next to my Regent, but of course I'd prefer to have it tethered if possible.

So anyway, I'd just move him.

And no, not all kids that age (with or without Aspergers) can control the impulse... My oldest will be 10 in January and can't keep his feet and hands still.. he stays still in his seat, but he has to move his hands and feet constantly... it's why he sits behind an empty space or empty seat whenever possible... or at least someone who won't anger him... because his first response is to flail whenever he gets angry... Remember, when you know ONE kid with Aspergers, you know ONLY one kid with it.
 

ginny4

New member
it good to know that you think it might be at an OK fit in the rear. i'm just still hesitant cause he just fits so much better in the 2nd row. so anyway.....today being thanksgiving (i really have to get ready), travelling together i'm gonna try to keep them where they are for now hoping that his hands are off his brother. so we'll see.....if it becomes troublesome again then i'll move him. what makes it intreresting i can threaten the move to the 3rd row cause he doesn't want to be back there. perhaps that will help with his silly impulses he has. as far as i know T is neurologically "normal" tho he does seem to have some interesting behavior that blurts out at times.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
there are lots of kids who are normal who just have low impulse control or ONE tendancy that is just ready to make you claw your hair out.

My oldest LOVES the third row... actually, all my kids do... so since he doesn't want to be there, making it the consequence (and be ready to stick to it... cause if he's like my kids, he'll definitely push it) should help.

Also, does he have a gameboy or any type of video game system he can use in the car on those longer trips? Is he able to read in the car (I still can't... I get sick) or have something to keep his hands busy?? (I'd go as far as to get him a Rubik's cube and see if he'll work on it)

I'm lucky in that I've been able to easily keep my two fighters apart... and when I do, my oldest is so quiet you forget he's back there a lot... my other boy is a total chatterbox and I keep having to remind him not to bug me too much when I'm driving... my daughter has that ability to "read" (she can't read but she'll make up her own story to go with pictures in a book) in the car... which keeps her quiet
 

ginny4

New member
well he did really good over thansgiving. i gave him a quick instructions of not touching his brother & they all fell asleep fast after starting the trek to MILs house. so it went well. i've only had to correct him once since so maybe that is good. perhaps its because whn i double checke dhis fit in the 3rd row & he told me he doesn't want to sit there i warned him that if he kept up with his touching issues then i will most certainly move him to the rear. i think he is trying very hard to be good. so that's good. i'm hopeful that his good behavior will continue.

oh yes he has a DS but sometimes forgets it. i also encourage reading as well. it helps curb it alil.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
I'm glad he did so well... I'd just bring the ds or some books or keep an activity book and pencil in the car for trips when he's more impulsive and energized.
 

steph_s

New member
If he is a forgetful child have you thought about pinning a sign to the side of your younger ds's seat that says "WARNING: touching me will get you in trouble" as a visual reminder? I'm also a BIG fan of rewarding good behavior. I personally would attach a sign to the younger one's seat as a visual reminder and then make a sticker chart for his good behavior in the car. If he doesn't touch his brother, turn around to talk to other brother then he gets a star. 15 stars gets him something special. Now something special could mean baking with mom, a movie from Blockbuster to watch, a new toy, staying up an extra 30 minutes past bedtime, ect.

I'd much rather correct a discipline problem than move my child to a slightly less safe seating position.

Your other option is to just move both the older children to the middle and put the younger 2 in the back. Yes this might disrupt the nap routine a little, but you could just remove the no back booster seat to the floor fold the seat and then have easy access to the rear seat. Eventually this is what is going to have to happen anyways since you don't want to buy new seats. Now if you want to buy new seats then you could try to find a no back booster seat that isn't as thick which would still put the lap belt over the lap but the shoulder belt won't be as far over. The thicker the seat the more it raises the child.
 

ginny4

New member
i was thinking of a behavior chart as well. great minds think alike.

guess what i just realized.....my DS had just reached over 100lbs. weighed twice on 2 scales & he is 100/102lbs so the NBB is no longer now. :eek:how in the world did that happen? he fits much better in the capt chair even without the booster so he'll stay in that position.

a visual reminder sounds like a great idea too! thanks!

i've attempted getting a shorter no back seat but have yet to know of one. i've asked for any suggestions in a thread some time ago with no success. i could still use one for P who will need one in a few months
 

steph_s

New member
If you do a visual reminder get one of those notebook sleeves that you can slide the paper in and out of and is plastic. A visual reminder will only work for so long and then he will get use to seeing the sign and sort of not see it anymore. You will need to put up a new sign to replace the one that use to work so he continues to remember. A green sign, a yellow one, a red one, move the words around, ect. just so he doesn't see it as part of the scenery so to speak and stops seeing it. It is sort of like me.. I know there is a big picture hanging over my grandmothers couch, it's been there for as long as I can remember, but for the life of me at the moment I can't remember what it's a picture of. It just sort of blends in now.
 

Kat_Momof3

New member
or make it silly... "Don't Disturb the BEAST upon penalty of DEATH" or something like that.

but obviously, I (and others) have been able to keep thinking on this... so we can hopefully prevent you having to put him back there before he wants to be or has to be for some other reason.

And you know, a reward can be something as small as pointing out that you got where HE wanted to go (when you're headed that way anyway) sooner/faster because he left his brother alone which let YOU concentrate on driving and because YOU didn't have to pull over to correct him. Also, I'd try to catch him when he's being nice to his brother (something I've had to do with my 2nd son and his little sister, as he wasn't being patient and they were almost at war most of the time for awhile because she worships him and wants to be with him)... some kids just feed off the praise, but also out of being acknowledged for being that grown up older child that they are.
 

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