Is it always pointless, or does it just seem that way?

flick37

New member
Do you ever wonder why you even say anything about the benefits of RF any more? Not one person that I have told about the benefits of RF or sent links to, etc, has kept their LO RF past the minimum. I really thought that I had convinced my one friend to do so...I had told her all about RF when she was pg, sent her all the links etc, only to find out that her 13 month old 22 lb LO is, sure enough, FF. Sometimes, I feel that I am banging my head against a brick wall and why bother any more! Sorry...just venting. :rolleyes:
 
ADS

soygurl

Active member
I got my brother and SIL to RF my 2nd nephew a few extra months (he was RF at 16 mo, but FF by 18mo). And I just convinced a co-worker to turn her *tiny* 16 mo back RF, but if she makes a fuss she'll go back forward. :( Other than that, it's been nothing but failures. I know, it's *realy* frustrating.
 

steph_s

New member
People are going to do what they want to do. In this busy society parents find it easier to give into their kids verses a little argument. This goes for rf children as well as how much tv they watch, what toys are appropriate, ect. It's easier for parents to turn their kids around so they can see them, it's easier to turn them instead of waiting 2 weeks with the child complaining about getting in the car (which every child goes through this at least once and I'm not convinced flipping them stops it, but some parents swear it does). Until the laws change to reflect safety, pediatricians regularly read their information from the AAP then nothing will change. You will always find parents who only do the bare minimum.

That said, keep passing out the links, keep speaking to them about it. Most of my friends children are ERF, but I do have one friend who refuses to flip her child around. He is 18lbs and 16m old. She says he's 1 so she flipped him. Even her pediatrician said it wasn't safe, but she says "I doubt the cops who pull me over will have scales in their car to weigh him, he's close enough" and changes the subject. All of us have told her that it's not safe! He rides rf in my car, in my other friends vehicle, grandma's car, ect. but not at home. Can't win them all!

When laws change it will change. I typically pass on erf links to expecting parents. My niece is pregnant now and we have been talking about car seat safety since she was 3 months pregnant. Her boyfriend thinks we are both nuts to the point where he went out and bought the baby a huge puffy winter coat. My niece took a pair of scissors to it when he refused to return it. She cut out anywhere the straps would touch which basically left the arms, legs and tiny scraps of fabric on the side and handed it back to him telling him "now you can use the coat for the baby since it's car seat safe". I've found talking to them while pregnant is better than when they have already flipped their child and made up their mind!
 

autumnlily

New member
I had a friend who lost the ERF battle with ME. Yes, 3 years ago - I flipped my 1 year old who had just hit 20 lbs. A part of me knew I should listen with open ears and hear her and the other part was desperate to get my kid to stop screaming (didn't work flipping her, but I didn't consider going back) AND my DH was all about having her FF.

BUT, by the time the twins came around, I had made up my mind to look into this idea of ERF and have been an enthusiast every since. Had it not been for my friend three years ago mentioning it in passing I may have never given it another thought.

In short, keeping talking! It might not make a difference for the baby you are recommending it for or it may. OR, it may make a difference for the next kid. And, if heaven forbid an accident does happen in your friends vehicle or someone they know... ERF will be on their mind on how to make their kid safer.

Right now... I'm in the booster vs harness battle with many of my oldest DD's friends parents. It irks me to no end to see her tiny friends barely meeting, if at all, booster seat size and now using them. :thumbsdown:
 

joolsplus3

Admin - CPS Technician
I just want to cry when I see people buying Summits and GN's for their 'just out of the infant seat' babies...I just say a prayer that they will use the top tether, which helps mitigate the risk of FF fairly well. Sometimes people surprise me by knowing RF longer is best, though, so you just never know when you'll get that thrill, it makes up for all the other times pretty well :)
 

Kaede's_Mom

New member
I still post links and say I am here if there are any questions and if I cant answer them I can send them in the right direction. But I have given up on acutaly talking to people about it, unless they are family or very close friends.

About a year and a half ago I tried to help out a mom who had every aftemarket accessory on her infant seat. She listened and thanked me and asked more about ERF, seemed receptive even. On her daughters first birthday she bought her a HBB:eek: Not kidding! When I told her it was agenst the law she ignored me. Now she posts pics of her now tinny two year old with the sholder belt not in the gide and lap belt Over the arm rests:thumbsdown:

So it is true you cant save everyone, but as long as you are posting links and talking about it somone will read them and learn from them, and that to me is worth it to keep posting them.
 

ketchupqueen

CPST and ketchup snob
Staff member
I see it as a my responsibility/your responsibility issue.

It's the parents' responsibility to decide what their kid should ride in. If they make a blatantly wrong decision (1 yo in booster!) that's still their own responsibility, and there's nothing I can do to change the fact that it is theirs.

My responsibility, as a tech and just as a fellow human being who has access to better information to keep a child safe, is to politely make the information available to everyone I can when I can. Now, there are parents that it's a fight just to get their 1 yo harnessed-- ERF might turn them off. I have to carefully decide what information I want to emphasize. However, I find that most people where I live are fairly responsive to ERF, at least until 2. :)

But, once I've given the information, my responsibility is over. I can't agonize over the choices the parents make if they are not the one I would make, because the actual choice making is theirs, not mine. Never mine. My job is only to provide the best information, put it out there, say, "If you ever want/need more information, I can help you find it," point them to other resources. But the choice is not mine, no matter how much information they ask for, once I've told them all I know, they have to be the ones to decide.

However, if I didn't give that information, if I didn't put it out there, they don't have the information available to them, then I feel I have failed in my responsibility, I didn't give them the chance to make a better choice. They need to have the choice presented to them before they can make it. That's my job, and my only job.

Just my feelings on the subject. :) I had a mom at a check Saturday turn a 2 and 3 year old back RF! :)
 

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
Maybe without your advice to rf as long as possible, they wouldn't have even made it to age 1 rfing.
 
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snowbird25ca

Moderator - CPST Instructor
Nope, not always pointless. In fact, I had a couple that I expected to completely discard what I said and go buy a ff'ing only seat since that was what they'd initially plan to do, decide to buy a My Ride and keep her rf'ing to at least age 2. I know "expected" sounds bad, but I deal with a lot of customers and as I'm sure anybody who helps customers buy carseats can say, some customers come in with a clear intent and usually nothing you say will change their mind. This couple was definitely one of those couples when they stated their dd was 1 and 20lbs and needed to come out of her peg infant seat and move to the next stage. They'd looked online and found the Nautilus before coming to the store...

What a wonderful surprise when they decided to keep her rf'ing. :thumbsup:

So yeah, you might fail a hundred times, but maybe the 1 time you succeed will be that 1 time that really counts and saves a life. Beyond that, it's ultimately the parent's responsibility and there's only so much you can do...

Don't give up though. When you do have success it is all worth it. :thumbsup:
 

northernmommy

New member
people do listen. not all of them, but some do. I seem to recall meeting a really nice mom in a freezing cold parking lot to do a seat check over a year ago, and told her about ERF. I'm pretty sure she got it ;)

(but yeah, it's frustrating!)

I've found that people who seek ME out are usually far more receptive to the information than people I approach, you know?
 

thepeach80

Senior Community Member
I wish someone had told me about rfing before AJ was 27 mos old (when I turned him back rfing, lol)! Then again I couldn't use him as an example then of a child who ff for 16 mos before going back rfing w/ no problems. Evan is the same way. He ff at 4 and now wants to be rfing so I let him. :)

It's hard. I just saw our new baby in the family on Saturday, the one I worked hard to find an infant seat for b/c his was 5yrs expired. I went over proper strap use and not adding anything to the seat etc. He came in on Sat w/ loose straps and an aftermarket head support. :( It's so frustrating b/c no one in our family seems to care. I always think smugly if I was a pediatrician I'd bet they'd care what I had to say. Grrrr.

I do know for a fact though I've helped several moms online keep their kids rfing! Several of them post here now. I gave a MOPS talk on Friday and I can only help I got across to some of those moms too.
 

zoecoltsmama

New member
Info from you guys all got me to ERF my son as long as I possibly can! it has been so discouraging looking for convertibles and telling the sales people my goal, they all say "oh like till 18 months?"
 

crstcrzy

New member
I know what you mean... I bang my head against the wall all the time when dealing with family, friends, hubby's co-workers... the list goes on and on
I have 2 kids, DS is 3, 38 lbs, ff Apex65/EFTA and DD is 13 mths (today actually!), 28 lbs (she's in the 95percentile), RF in a Scenera(2009, 35lb limit) and is getting a TF for Xmas.
DS rear faced until he was 2 and was too tall for his seat. He has a very mild heart condition, and my family feels that I "Shelter" him too much because of it. They told me that he would break his legs, he was unhappy, didn't like it, blah blah blah. You've all heard it before. Now at 38 lbs, he's still harnessed.
DNephew is 5 mths younger than DS, my sibling... against the law, and against my very insistent nagging, had him FF at EIGHT MONTHS OLD.... because they had a 2 dr car, and it was "too hard" to get him in. Now at 38 lbs, he's BOOSTER in a 2007 AOE (I know because I purchased it). My mother recently had my son in her car, and now he fights putting on the 5 pt harness.... he never did that before.... coincidence?
So.. back to the point.. Everyone is telling me "Oh DD needs to be FF. She'll break her legs, she'll enjoy the ride more, she'll see more and learn more from looking forward.. blah blah blah" (I tend to go to my happy place when they start talking :D )
Even though I've quoted all the stats, shown them crash dynamics, videos, the list goes on and on, my mother thinks that rear facing a baby is pointless because "You and your sister didn't die"
I sympathize with you *hugs*
 

flick37

New member
It is nice to hear your stories of the times you made a difference! I guess I just have to wait a bit longer for that time to come to me :rolleyes:

I discovered the benefits of RFing from another online forum when DD was still in her infant bucketseat, and I could not believe that the information was not "well-known". If I hadn't have seen those posts, I would have switched DD to FF at a year/22lbs. So, I naively thought that if other people actually KNEW this information, they would also keep their LOs RFing (very naive!!). I gathered links and sent them out, believing that when parents saw them they would automatically keep their children RFing (I mean, who wouldn't??). I kept DD RFing in her MA until the limit, but she was hitting 30lbs right around her 2nd bday, so I got her a TruFit to 35lbs. I didn't care if people thought I was crazy for keeping her RFing....I hoped that they would notice, but no-one ever asked me why DD was still RFing.
If I know someone is pregnant, I ask them if they want to know about carseats. When they say yes, then I tell them all the information about RFing, not using expired seats, being wary of used seats, proper installation, etc. They seem interested at the time, but still switch to FF at a year, or use old seats, borrowed seats without knowing the history, installing without reading a manual, loose installs, etc.

I am incredibly uptight when it comes to carseats...I get techs to check my installation (though, thanks to some very good instructions, I am confident with installing my TF both RF and FF :thumbsup: :D). I also installed DS's safeseat by myself, but it took me forever, and I had a local tech (who really isn't a strong pusher of ERFing...I told him I was considering getting the new Radians that go to 45lbs RF when they are available, and his response was he didn't think it was necessary...but... he is good at installs) to check it out for me, just to be safe.

I guess, when it comes down to it, I understand that we all have busy lives, but to me, my life isn't too busy as to not keep my children the safest possible in their car seats.

I will keep passing on information, and posting links on facebook, as I have been doing, and maybe, like your stories, one day it will have an impact on someone and make a difference :)
 

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