Unsafe Kids- What can I do? Help!

Polola0628

Active member
Hello everyone, I posted this on another forum as well, so if you've read this bear with me :) please. Here goes..

First of all, let me give you a tiny bit of background on the situation my husband was recently in a car wreck, and our car was totaled. So no car for us. I do not drive. DD has playgroup three times a week, M,W,&F. Usually, we are driven in an '02 Ford Explorer (no lower anchors, just belts). DD is RFing behind the passenger seat (the center lap belt doesn't work well with our seat).

Two to three other children usually accompany us..
--DD is 21mos, around 30lbs, 15" torso, around 36" tall, RFing in a Complete Air.
--Girl Cousin is 19mos, around 25lbs, much shorter than DD.
--Boy Cousin#1 is 14mos, around 30lbs, and way shorter than DD.
--Boy Cousin #2 who occasionally rides is 4 years old, maybe 44" tall and I'd say 40lbs, not sure though.

Here is the seating arrangement. I realize that it is hazardous.
DDs RFing Complete Air is behind the passenger. Boy Cousin #1- Maxi Cosi Priori (my car seat, actually, lent to him because he'd otherwise be in someone's lap..) FFing center (not ideal but not my choice) Fine. As long as he's in a seat..anyways. Girl Cousin is in a Cosco Booster that has a harness, this is usually behind the driver, but sometimes on the passenger side in the 3rd row.
Boy cousin #2, when he comes along, is usually either without a seatbelt, or in a seatbelt but with the shoulder strap tucked behind him.

Here are my issues:
-I am not the driver of the car. She does not care, nor does anyone listen to me about the safety of their kids- obviously.
-All kids but my DD wear coats under their seats.
-No one but my DDs harness is tightned.
-I am 7 months pregnant and don't fit in the back seat to install the cosco booster for Girl Cousin, so her mom insists and doesn't care if it's snug. Even when it's in the 2nd row, she insists on installing it.
-I realized today, when removing her booster from the truck, that it is expired. She used it with her first DD, son, and this DD.
-Sometimes Girl Cousin's mom even puts her in her old infant seat, still attatched to the base, and just has the seatbelt go over it.
-Boy Cousin#1 is FFing at 14mos.
-Boy Cousin#2 is not in any kind of restraint and that is against the law not to mention UNSAFE!

There are probably hundreds of more things I can think of.. but anyways, what can I do?


ETA: Boy Cousin #1 is FFing in a MyRide65.. Which is installed wrong, which he is never buckled into correctly.

Boy Cousin #2 and Girl Cousin are siblings. Only Girl Cousin uses a car seat, the expired one. They also have an older sister, who is very petite and still needs a seat although mom lets her ride in the front seat w/o a seatbelt.

I don't want to explain to my daughter one day, if they ever got in an accident, that her best friends were hurt or worse ...
 
Last edited:
ADS

safeinthecar

Moderator - CPS Technician
Really, the only thing you can do in this situation, is to find a new way to get to play group, or a new play group within walking distance.

Letting your DD, even properly restrained ride in a vehicle with improperly or non restrained passengers puts her at risk of someone being ejected right into her.
 

babyherder

Well-known member
That's a tough situation. I know from experience how hard it is when everyone around you thinks you don't know what you're doing. My mother laughs at my efforts to keep my little bro and my babysitting kids safe in the car. I got two free boosters from the local police department and she rolled her eyes and shook her head like she thought I was insane. Good for you for insisting on keeping your DD safe!

At least your MIL respects your rules with your DD's seat. I would ask that everyone in the car with your DD is buckled because unrestrained passengers can become projectiles during a crash.

The only thing I can think of for the other children is to show your MIL and other relatives research, crash test videos, laws, or sad accident pics. Whatever you think will get through to them.
 

Polola0628

Active member
Thank you BOTH. I actually just realized that fact of someone being ejected into her. Playgroup is about a mile away but I guess I could use the walk ;)
 

PHaley

New member
Just thinking...with the people I've tried to convince (extended family & friends) the major theme to their madness has been :convenience ie its inconvenient to take 5 minutes to install a seat properly or its inconvenient to take big coats on an off or its inconvenient to make sure a "big kid" is buckled in a seatbelt :mad: Anyways if convenience is a biggie for them and you are expecting your sencond (congrats!) my suggestion would be to ask MIL if you can (get dh to help) install 6 seats to be left there so cousins parents don't have to be bothered with install/uninstall 3x/week. If you can afford it (maybe $300 for 4 seats:thumbsup:) there were some great sales posted recently for Recaro boosters and Safety 1st Avenues and I think at Target someone found a $105 Nautilus or the new Evenflo Generations. Otherwise I'd look into free seats in your area. I'd also be very kind (explain the science of why they need to be restrained so it doesn't get emotional and they dont get as defensive) yet very clear that you are more willing to stay home, take takis, walk than to put yourself and kiddos at risk in a vehicle with un or improperly restrained passengers PERIOD.

You could set it up:
2nd row: CA (DD1)/Priori(DD2)/Ave(BC1)
3rd row:Ave(GC1)/comboseat(BC2)/pink highback booster

One other thing, don't stress yourself, you and baby need peace and dd1 needs to feel your calm as well. Be ok with staying home or not riding with them if dd1 needs some interaction invite them or some friends over to play at your place, sounds like dd and the cousins are a playgroup in themselves lol and google totschool or other activity sites and just make it fun. You sound very wise despite your age and they are lucky to have you around :twocents: Good luck!
 

Polola0628

Active member
She has even asked me today to put my CA in the center (very tricky install and I just CAN'T at 7 months pregnant), because the passenger has no "leg room". I don't mind if the person sitting there has to move the seat back, lessening the recline of the seat, as long as DD is not in it. I don't mind adjusting that install before putting DD in the seat, it is super easy and takes no more than a minute of my time. Still though, her nerve just irks me. Nobody listens. Even the one woman with the MR65 who has her 14 month old FFing. Why the heck would she buy that seat? "ooh, because it's COOL!". I even asked her one day if she'd like to put it in the truck for her son's ride. She declined, because "only her 11 year old daughter knows how to install it into her truck and it is a pain". I was kind of trying to trick her into moving it for the day so that I could get it back in her truck for a correct install. Even FFing. Oh well. I tried.

The Explorer only seats 5 passengers in the rear seats. I have TWO of my seats in there already. I also have a Scenera that I keep trying to offer people- perfectly fine, but not my favorite seat. I can get a great install on it and it doesn't expire for many years. Brand new. Nobody wants it, so I just have it sitting there for emergencies. I've also got a SafeSeat and a SnugRide in the garage, with many years left on them.

I'm going to walk to playgroup from now on. Just bought a brand new stroller and it needs some miles on it :)
 
Last edited:

Joyofbirth

New member
I think this is a situation where they just refuse to be educated. It will only make you crazy. I would take the CA out of her car, so she knows you won't be riding with her. The walk will be great for you. Are there any moms in your playgroup that you could get a little closer to? If they knew you were getting rides, they would probably be willing to help out.
 

Jonah Baby

New member
The best situation is to simply walk.
This is not a safe situation for anyone, don't put yourself and your children into it.

Sadly, if they should get in an accident one day and BE hurt, it will reinforce the good, safe habits that you have been teaching to your children!
 

Jan06twinmom

New member
You already got lots of great advice and I think walking is a wonderful solution. You sound like very mature and smart mom!

Just another one to throw out there - could you arrange for a car seat check? If you could go with your MIL and the car seats to get them checked, then an "expert" would be able to point out different problems and how to correct them.

Melanie
 

Evolily

New member
I'm thinking walking or getting a ride from someone else is the best solution... unfortunately they are probably not going to listen to you. People can be stubbornly ignorant when it comes to child safety.
 

Polola0628

Active member
I could take the car for a check, they could check my installs and everything, and I think it is a wise idea. Even if I have 100% perfect rock solid installs and ditch the expired seat and put in our Scenera... it still doesn't help the fact that the other two mommas put their LOs in puffy coats and don't buckle them correctly.

When I was in the car, I would make a huge deal out of tightening DDs harness (I'd loosen it all the way so that it was more dramatic when tightening it), and I'd have her say "ALL SAFE!" and clap her hands when I was done. I only noticed the mom in back of me (with the expired cosco HBB) get nervous once and attempt to tighten, but it's not like she could because 1. her kid has probably never been tightned and pitched a fit, 2. the big puffy coat/vest wouldn't allow her to.

Nice walks are in my very near future :)

I should have brought up the mom of the 4yo and 18mo old's mentality.. she does not care, and basically "feels" like things are "in God's hands" and that God will take care of everything. So she's basically being ignorant and using religion as an excuse for not keeping her kids safe.

I am probably going to pass out flyers around our neighborhood with websites, phone numbers, and facts on them about Child passenger safety.. whenever the weather gets better!

I don't know. I feel terrible for those kids. I'm not going to put my daughter in harms way, so I'm just going to walk. It is a straight shot on the bus, so maybe during the cold winter I'll do that.
 
Last edited:

Car-Seat.Org Facebook Group

Forum statistics

Threads
219,656
Messages
2,196,898
Members
13,530
Latest member
onehitko860

You must read your carseat and vehicle owner’s manual and understand any relevant state laws. These are the rules you must follow to restrain your children safely. All opinions at Car-Seat.Org are those of the individual author for informational purposes only, and do not necessarily reflect any policy or position of Carseat Media LLC. Car-Seat.Org makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. If you are unsure about information provided to you, please visit a local certified technician. Before posting or using our website you must read and agree to our TERMS.

Graco is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Britax is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org! Nuna Baby is a Proud Sponsor of Car-Seat.Org!

Please  Support Car-Seat.Org  with your purchases of infant, convertible, combination and boosters seats from our premier sponsors above.
Shop travel systems, strollers and baby gear from Britax, Chicco, Clek, Combi, Evenflo, First Years, Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Nuna, Safety 1st, Diono & more! ©2001-2022 Carseat Media LLC

Top