Issue with "older generation"

I am wondering if anyone else gets backlash from their parents (or grandparents) about proper car seats usage. I didn't even tell my mother that I just spent $249 on the Britax Regent because she would flip, but I did inform her that she needs to dispose of my baby's old Cosco Touriva (the one with the shield - I don't know the date of manufacture but I'm certain THEY've had it more than 6yrs), plus my youngest is WAY too big for it. My kids are the only grandchildren. Even after, I know she will either donate it to her church or sell it at her annual garage sale.

I *suggested* she purchase a booster seat to replace it but unfortunately cannot offer to pay for it. (Plus they are financially very secure.) Her response was that for the 2-3x/ month that my kids are with her, they can either go without car seats or borrow my car.

I explained (again) that it's a state law that kids remain in car seats to 80 lbs, told her that auto accidents are #1 cause of death for people age 1-34, and that my 3-year-old is nowhere near ready to be without a car seat. Of course, it became a slightly heated argument. I have no other family in this country and need do sometimes her help, so I can't just say that she can't see the kids but safety stuff like this drives me nuts!

I think 1)they take it as an insult to their own parenting skills - "you never had a car seat and you survived" - and 2)are stuck in their ways. 3)She also thinks that I am "obsessive-compulsive" about health and safety. I mean, sure it's a pain in the neck, but you never know if and when an accident will happen! Obviously I would never let my kids in a car with anyone without a car seat, but what do others do/ say?

My parents and my dh parents are like that. I could have bought them carseats, but I didn't trust them to put them in correctly, so every time they have dd and they need to take her somewhere (less than 2 times a month) I just take the seat out of my car and install it in their car. Pain in the butt, but that way I know the seat is safe and installed right.

I have that issue with my in laws. They think I'm slightly neurotic, but now accept that they're not going to win. I just kept explaining that seatbelts are made for the average man, not a child. It did take a few years to get them to understand. They are just "old school". I have an extra TurboBooster for grandparents cars, but 9 times out of 10 it's the older boys going in their car anyway (in their Turbos). My mom likes my daughter's Regent. She has good taste! Keep insisting...you are right.

Granted I've never encountered the degree of resistance you're describing, nor do my kids ride with other relatives very often, but my family does view me as excessively concerned about CPS. I grew up when carseats were rare and not mandated by law. My parents actually were very insistent on having seatbelts in their vehicles back when they were only optional and used them religiously, and they did have some type of primitive carseat that I rode in as a toddler. But they still think I'm over the top.

With my family and in-laws, I tell them this: my kids, my rules, and the carseat laws must be obeyed even beyond the lousy minimum of carseats for kids under 4 in my state, or my kids do not ride in their vehicles, period. Their grandchildren's safety should be paramount and child safety has evolved and improved dramatically since I was a kid.

I don't want or expect them to buy the carseats because they would likely do the yard sale thing or have no clue what would be appropriate for my kid's age-wise and size wise. I use my own primary or spare carseats, depending on the circumstances, and install them myself in their car, and preferably buckle in my kids if I'm present to do so and show them each time how to do it. I try to make it as easy as possible for them basically.

Oh, and I install the seats myself too. It makes me feel better to know it's in correctly.

I guess I'm the exception here. I'm 57 and had several of those primitive carseats for my kids, now 28, 26, and 21. Now I have 2 grandkids, (5 and 1) and have bought every one of their car seats! I have 4 seats of my own for them. I over research everything!

But my husband is a different story. After all these seats, he still thought he could pick up DGD at daycare at 4 1/2 with just a seatbelt! (Don't worry, I nipped that in the bud!)

tjham - maybe you could have some great ideas for how the original poster could approach a grandparent!
OP - I liked the idea behind your sentence about insulting their parenting skills, only turn it around and make sure they know you are not doing that, how about this: "I'm in no way attacking the way you parented me, but there are many people driving around on the roads today that are on drugs or alcohol or just plain idiots (surely your mom will agree that people are dumber than ever before) and I need to know my dd is protected all the time. Yes, I'm a safety freak, I'm not going to insist my child plays every sport or insist my child becomes a genius or the next president, but I will make sure she is as safe and healthy as I can make her! Sorry, I know it can be an inconvenience, but if something terrible happened while she was in your care, I know it would break your heart!" That's about what I said to my family to get them to understand my stance on extended RF and harnessing my 3 year old who is "big enough" for a booster.

Not just the "older generation." My neighbors call me the "carseat police" to my face, and I'm not even a CPS. I just laugh off the label and stick to my guns. I guess the one neighbor thought it was funny that I untwisted the straps on her 5-pt/booster when I helped her moved her seats between vehicles. She never worries about that. And, I showed her how to make sure the car's seat belt was locked because it wasn't when I removed the seat. Oh, well.

melaniev said:

I think 1)they take it as an insult to their own parenting skills - "you never had a car seat and you survived"

Click to expand...

The statistics show the flaw in this one pretty easily. You were lucky to have survived, because a lot more kids your age didn't. Fatality rates based on vehicle miles traveled have dropped signifcantly since the early 70s. Even today, though the rates have leveled off, unrestrained and improperly restrained kids account for the majority of motor vehicle crash fatalities.

Also, deaths are just "the tip of the iceberg" ... thousands more kids suffer permanent brain damage or are paralyzed, etc. & survive to require bathing, dressing, eating, etc. assistance for their rest of their lives

It's preventable & the cost of an adequate seat does not even come close to the worth of a child's life

I never did win over many of my family members to the wonderful world of child passenger safety & most of them just smile-n-nod, then make snide remarks behind my back *SIGH*

I have a simple rule: they honor my parental decisions with FULL COOPERATION or they don't have unsupervised visits -- even when it means I almost missed my Spanish Final!

My daughter's life isn't worth trying to apease them or win their respect; it's a matter of life & death which has aboslutely nothing to do with their narrow view of what acceptable terms of child passenger safety *SIGH*