OT: Discipline methods for a wild and crazy 2 year old?

[super_grape]

Do any of you BTDT Moms/Dads/Nannies have any advice
on where to go for discipline advice(books, etc.)?
I have a high maintenance 2.5 year old and I'm looking
for constructive, positive ways to keep her from sending
me to the looney bin, lol!
I've been looking online and now my head is spinning, there's
just so much info out there!
I realize that not having enuf structure and schedule
is working against us, she does however have a good sleeping schedule,
thank heaven she's a good sleeper!
So I know lack of sleep is not the issue and for the most part she eats well,
just the occasional toddler hunger strike:rolleyes: .
I'm considering putting her in a nursery school 1-2 days a week
which I think will help, she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES being with
other kids in this type of setting and the activity would be good for her.
Really, I just want to find a way to discipline her w/o making
her feel like she's being *bad*....she's having a bit of trouble
dealing with all the attention that the baby gets and some of the
acting out is also due to that. She gets too rough with the baby
and has now started hitting us.
Anyhow, sorry for rambling:o ...if anyone could point me in the right
direction, I would appreciate it sooooo much!

Thanks!
Holly

[scatterbunny]

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is an awesome book! ;)

I don't have any great advice, my wild one just turned 5 and is even more spirited, vocal, dramatic and high-needs than she was at 2. :rolleyes: We have a few methods that stay fairly consistent: counting to 3/giving three warnings, time-outs on the bottom stair in our kitchen (where she can see the timer), OR, if she is being too loud/crying/screaming during the timeout (when she knows it's supposed to be time for calming down and reflection) she gets the time-out in her room, with Mark or I usually there. We add time to the time-out (not always calling her attention to it) if she hasn't calmed down or if she won't apologize and at least try to articulate that she knows what she did, and knows that it was wrong (obviously some of these methods won't be effective for a 2.5yo).

Just in the past few weeks we've started taking away her privilege of playing with the neighbor kids (for one day) or taking away her video game time. We haven't had enough time to see if that will make a difference. Taking away her friend time seems to be the most effective method so far, she's a very social creature (needs people around/attention from people all the time) but gets overstimulated easily and then out-of-control. It's hard to find a good balance.

[papooses]

I can very much relate :o here's a list of my favorite books that have been really helpful for me & I continue to referrence them.... The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families -- (Stephen R. Covey, Sandra Merrill Covey ) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0307440850) Playful Parenting -- Lawrence J. Cohen (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0345442865) The Happiest Toddler on the Block : The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old -- (Harvey Karp MD, Paula Spencer) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0553381431) Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic -- (Mary Sheedy Kurcinka) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0060923288) Positive Discipline A-Z, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: From Toddlers to Teens, 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems -- (Jane Ed.D. Nelsen, Lynn Lott, H. Stephen Glenn) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0761514708) How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk -- (Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0380811960)

[super_grape]

Thanks you two!!!
That helps alot...and off to the book store tomorrow for us!

She's soooooo much like I was at her age, I should also look into doing something with her diet as well - the quality of her diet could be greatly improved.

Anyhow, thanks again!

Holly

[skaterbabscpst]

I'd also recommend Kids, Parents and Power Struggles (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060930438/ref=pd_sim_b_4/002-3621348-8905644?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155) by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

[scatterbunny]

That's definitely one I'll have to check out--Hayley is the princess of power struggles, LOL. I'm beginning to think in addition to ADHD she's got Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This child will argue with you about the color of the sky, just to be disagreeable. :( She will flat-out refuse to do what we ask, go out of her way to do the opposite of what we ask, and look us in the eye as she's doing it. It's always a challenge with her.

[skaterbabscpst]

That just sounds like spirited and strong-willed. CJ is ODD - trust me, if she was you'd know it. I wouldn't wish an ODD kid on anyone....

[scatterbunny]

I could go on, but don't have the heart to. Every single day with her is a huge struggle. Everything I've read lately on ODD fits her. I can't get any local MD to take my concerns of ADHD/SID/ODD seriously enough to give me a referral to a developmental ped or anyone else.

[papooses]

I haven't actually read it, but I have it sitting on my shelf waiting for me to have some free time to do so -- The Difficult Child (Stanley Turecki, Leslie Tonner) (http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-5545702-0686429?ie=UTF8&asin=0553344463) was recommended to me by Dr. Prescott (http://www.violence.de/prescott/cv.html) when I met with him once 2 summers ago....

[skaterbabscpst]

Then definately try Feingold - that's where we've seen the biggest improvement, with the ODD behaviours.

[Patriot201]

Rebekah,

In Richmond (Henrico County??), can CJ qualify for special ed services with a diagnosis of ODD? I only ask because I know that some jurisdictions will let kids with ODD qualify under an ED eligibility, while other classify ODD and CD together, which does not qualify for ED services.

I don't know if CJ receives services anyway, so you may not know about Henrico COunty's policies. I was just curious...

Thanks!

[Patriot201]

I like The Difficult Child and have used 1-2-3, Magic as well. Some kids respond really well to the "1-2-3, Magic" system.

[scatterbunny]

Feingold just seems so HARD. :(

I have been browsing a pretty cool site lately, it's an Australian site but still packed full of relevant information for Americans regarding food issues and how they correlate to behavior problems. If you scroll down past the sales pitch for the book(s) you'll get to blue boxes that are links discussing the different types of food additives that cause problems.

http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/

[skaterbabscpst]

Rebekah,

In Richmond (Henrico County??), can CJ qualify for special ed services with a diagnosis of ODD? I only ask because I know that some jurisdictions will let kids with ODD qualify under an ED eligibility, while other classify ODD and CD together, which does not qualify for ED services.

I don't know if CJ receives services anyway, so you may not know about Henrico COunty's policies. I was just curious...

Thanks!

He gets some services through the school district (his dx is ADHD/ODD), but we're actually in Chesterfield/Midlo. so I have no clue what Henrico does.

[skaterbabscpst]

Jenny, FG just seems hard. In reality it isn't. if you go ahead and order the matierials it gets really easy because they tell you exactly which brands are OK, and even include a guide for eating outl.

[scatterbunny]

Ballpark, how much does it cost to order what I need?

[Patriot201]

Aahh.. that makes sense! He also has a diagnosis of ADD.

I didn't mean to pry. I really do appreciate your honesty. I am a special ed teacher and was just wondering how other jurisdictions handle the touchy subject of ODD and CD.

Thanks again for your honesty! I am always curious about other jursidictions...

Thanks!

[skaterbabscpst]

Jenny, the total is $80, but they do have financial assistance available.

Patriot, for us we focus on the ADHD behaviours with his IEP because since we've been doing Feingold the ODD behaviours have all but dissapeared.

[scatterbunny]

Thanks. :) I'm pretty safe to assume I'd also need a good chunk of $$ to spend on grocery items when we start, right? I'm sure I'll be replacing most of what's in the house already.

[skaterbabscpst]

It depends on how much from-scratch cooking you do already. We decided to use up what was already in the pantry and replacing the unapproved brands with approved ones in the next shopping trip because honestly tossing everything and starting over simply was not an option.
It takes a little longer, because you have to work through any additives that are in the unapproved brans, though.

[scatterbunny]

I cook from scratch only about half the days of the week right now. I love cooking, though, so hopefully it won't be too hard for me to adapt. Convincing Mark will be the biggest hurdle. He complained the whole time I tried a diabetic diet to control my PCOS.

[skaterbabscpst]

Most common foods have FG-acceptable versions, including comvienence foods like chicken nuggets. Our biggest hurdle has been removing salicylates (mainly tomatoes), but after the 8 week intro period you can gradually add them back in.

[scatterbunny]

Aaaahhh yes, ketchup will be hard to remove from our household--but we'll do it. As long as I have a plan and menu to follow (and the funds to do it), I'll be able to follow the program.

[skaterbabscpst]

I think our groceyr bill went up about $30 or so a week, but at the same time that we started FG the boys started eating larger portions, so the increase isn't directly related, kwim?
D had a coronary when I mentioned how much more the kids are eating now. lol

[scatterbunny]

Hayley still goes through spurts with her eating. She'll eat like a horse (but still her picky few favorites) for a few days, then eat almost nothing for a few days. The past month I think she's lost weight because she hasn't been eating much at all. Nicer weather has kicked in and the neighborhood kids are out of school so she's in seventh heaven, outside all daylight hours, no time to eat, LOL.

[skaterbabscpst]

LOL I think here it's a matter of my little boys are turning into big boys.

[rescuedcat]

I like The Difficult Child and have used 1-2-3, Magic as well. Some kids respond really well to the "1-2-3, Magic" system.

I second 1-2-3 Magic. We've been using it with my very difficult 4.5 year old son for the past couple of weeks, and it's made a huge difference. I took him to see a psychologist a few weeks ago because I thought he might have ODD. The doctor actually thinks he has ADD but said he can't diagnose him with certainty until he's a little bit older.

[skaterbabscpst]

My biggest issue with 1-2-3 Magic is the assumption that if it doesn't work for your child that you're doing it wrong.

[scatterbunny]

Sallie--that's what I've been told, too. They won't diagnose ADD/ADHD until she's in school and displays the behaviors in both school and home (that's what they told me). I didn't like that, particularly because I'm considering homeschooling, so she'd be at HOME all the time.