I caused a fight on Mother's Day about car seats

[amy919]

Ugh - I am so sick of my BIL and his complete disregard of car seat safety when it comes to his son. My nephew is tiny. He's 6 years old, weighs 42 pounds and is about 45 inches. He does not have a car seat, doesn't wear a seat belt and usually rides in the front seat of my BIL's quad cab pick up truck.

Yesterday morning, he called me and asked me if he could drop my nephew off. A friend of his passed away early Sunday morning and he wanted to go over to the hospital to be with the family. We were supposed to be at my MIL's house for breakfast at 9am. Of course, I said to drop off my nephew and we'd meet them at my MIL's later.

My husband was too lazy to take the CarGo out of his car, so I told him would have to drive my nephew over separately. My MIL's house is less than 5 minutes from my house, but I wasn't letting him in my car without a seat. My newphew was furious with me. He complained the whole time, but eventually got in the seat (it makes for a crappy booster - you guys are so right on that one! I hated it, but it was better than nothing).

When we got to my MIL's house, he was still mad and wouldn't talk to me. Someone asked him what was wrong and he started crying telling everyone that I treated him like a baby. I took him aside and explained to him that I wasn't being mean, but that I want him to be safe, etc. He told me that car seats are for babies. I told him that the law says you have to be 8 years old before you can get in a car without a car seat. This sunk in with him.

So my BIL, who admittedly had a horrible morning, gets there, we spend the morning with my MIL and everyone's getting ready to leave. My nephew doesn't want to get in his dad's truck. He tells my BIL that he's scared that he's going to go to jail. I NEVER said anything about anyone going to jail. He came up with that on his own. My BIL was pissed. He told me that there is no way he's buying a carseat, that my nephew is perfectly fine without one and never to put him in a seat again. I told him never to ask me to transport him again, then.

I feel bad for causing my BIL more grief at a time when he didn't need it, but that was not my intention. I feel bad about that part, but I don't feel bad at all about what I did. Then, my In-Laws have the nerve to tell me that I should just give up the "car seat crap" when it comes to my nephew because I just upset everyone.

I guess I just have to let it go and pray that he never gets into an accident.

Amy

[Laurenc0101]

Sorry to hear about your day! I too refuse to transport my younger nieces and nephews without seats. My in-laws don't even ask anymore. I have slacked up on my car-seat speeches, but I know it is horrible to have to sit back and watch. My BIL and SIL left my FIL and MIL's house yesterday buckled in the front seats, and their 4 children in the back of the van without any of them buckled. Some people just don't get it.

[Kellyr2]

I agree with you. I would refuse to transport him without a seat. If that means you can't transport him, then so be it. I always pull the, "well, if I get pulled over, then *I* am the one who would get a ticket on my record, so we'll do it my way in my car!" That and "if we had an accident and there were children improperly restrained, if they were injured or worse, *I* would be charged!" That way, at least I'm blaming it on the law, and if they want to continue to think the law is silly, then that's their problem. But I'm not doing something illegal for them, ya know?

[Loves2sing]

Not only are you going to get blamed by the law for having a child improperly restrained, but you just know that if you relented, and got into an accident, then the kid's parents would blame you as well. Stick to your guns. It sucks that he had a bad day, but some good could come from it. His son know wants a seat, and in light of the death of his friend that morning, maybe it will open his eyes to the mortality of humans. I hope you had a good mother's day besides all that!

[tchrgrrl]

I am sorry that your concern for your nephew's safety caused a family issue :( We had some car safety "moments" this weekend with my brother and his GF (who has her 40 lb 5 year old riding in the seatbelt, against CA law).

[papooses]

It sounds like you did great! What your BIL was going through is a totally separate issue & he needs to own his feelings on that -- if he's pissed because you followed the law & kept his child safe, that's *his* problem, not yours....

Not only would you have faced serious legal repurcussions, but imagine how everyone would feel if you chose not to use a seat that was sitting right there, knowing you have to by law & knowing that he would have (not could have) suffered serious permanent disabling injuries including brain damage, paralysis, etc. or internal bleeding or even death if someone else crashed in to you.

You made the right choice & the only one who deserves to feel bad about it is his dad :twocents:

FWIW, my mother & I had another argument about vehicle safety when she refused to use the IMMI Pet Buckle for her dog & then got mad that I simply wanted to drive Leila seperately @@ In the end she used the stupid thing, took Leila to play with cousins & I stayed home.

[skaterbabscpst]

You have my sympathy. I've been the mean auntie more than once for not allowing my sister's kids to come over because there was no way to safely transport them.

[JaRylan]

Aww, sorry to hear about the weekend. You could always tell him if he doesn't want to be breaking the law he could move to Saskatchewan since we have no booster law and you only have to be harnessed to 40lbs. Good for you for sticking to what you know is safest and legal. How come a 6 year old can "get it" and not an adult?

[keri1292]

My other problem with this is...I buckle up my children. If we would be in an accident, I don't want YOUR child flying around my car injuring, possibly killing MY properly restrained kids! Obviously, I have concern for their poor kids as well. But, my kids come first. I will not allow your bad choices to affect my family. It's bad enough to think of telling my children that their nephews are dead. It's not happening in my car.